First post!

[sewnonheart]

For this week's theme (Red), I decided to write a Team Magma fanfic.

Prompt: Lunch
Rating: PG for mild language, but there's quite a bit of it.
Warnings: The above and bashing of various food by Tabitha.
Author's Notes: The moral of this story is: be thankful for what you have and don't ever, ever let Brody decide what's for lunch.

Comments

[nekusagi]

Amusing. Poor Tabitha.

[sewnonheart]

Thanks!

Yep.

[blackjackrocket]

Ohhhhh sweet lord, I've heard of that cheese before.

And of course Brodie would wipe his mouth on a napkin rather than his sleeve--he can't have anything happen to his wardrobe, given that he's a master of disguise! And also he needs to bring in durians, but those don't have maggots in them.

Also, welcome to R100! I hope to see more of your stuff in the future!

[sewnonheart]

Oh, those are good!
Their appearance, though, is something, ah, special...
I remember being frightened as a kid that it was going to BLAST those thorns at me, so I hid behind my parent's legs while it lay there on the ground, looking as menacing as a fruit can look (I didn't believe it was a fruit at first, just a bizzare cactus).

I've been reading for a while, simply not posting. Thank you for the welcoming! I might post more in the future.

[blackjackrocket]

Hahahaha. We were goaded into eating durian by a friend of my mom's. "Oh, it's so good! You need to try some!"

So we took a bite and it was like tasting death.

[sewnonheart]

-giggles-

You can only go one way or the other with those things, you either love 'em, or hate 'em. Very, very, very strong.

[lavelventine]

D: As fitting my Thai Pride I think it's my duty to defend durians!

I'd say "welcome" too, but that would imply that I'm not a newbie here. ^^"

Hah! I laughed! Especially when someone yelled that a maggot leapt out! <333 I love a good sense of humor!

Good use of rhetoric and connotation but there are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes.

[sewnonheart]

Durians are good!

S'alright, welcomes are great.

Thanks~! Glad it made you laugh!

Aha, I tried my best, even proofread it a couple of times. ^^;
Care to help pointing them out?

[lavelventine]

I quite annotating after the first few. ^^"

Oh wow, this is the first time someone here asked me to correct their grammar! *Thrilled* There's nothing to compare to the quiet peace of chopping out grammatical and punctuation mistakes...

guarded laboratory, SO it should...
(adequately is used incorrectly)
and make HIS OR HER escape long before anyone (single-to-plural error)
anyone even HAD the chance (tense)
True, THE TEAM'S record of crime certainly (subject error)
for anyone to find out (Who is "they?" Define object) spent most
I couldn't blame them; they hadn't had a proper meal
he had been cheated, AND order him to return
dignity I had left WHILE (or AND) trying to calmly stepPING backwards
in a display of TEAMWORK
THEY united, and moving as one large circle, they simultaneously
He paused, then, just as he broke off
he did all but cover the virgin ears ((Strangely "all but" means "to do." So did he cover its "ears" or not?))

[sewnonheart]

W-wow, that's a lot!

Funny, I'm surprised I didn't catch the first four or so on my own. ^^;

Say, are you sure about this correction though?
dignity I had left WHILE (or AND) trying to calmly stepPING backwards

And trying to calmly stepping backwards? That sounds like the broken English spoken by the girls in my school when they're forced to make a sentence. (These would be the girls who are actually trying to learn, rather than the girls who glance over the page, announce that English is far too hard, and give up on it. xD;)

Is it correct?

As for the rest, corrected! Thank you very much and I hope you didn't go through much trouble for my sake!