Facebook Me
A challenge for tsnrarepairfest
Title: Facebook Me
Pairing(s): Girl!Mark/Cameron, Girl!Mark/Tyler, Cameron/Girl!Mark/Tyler
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warnings: None
Word count: 4,740
Summary: No one is stupid enough to meet the girl or guy(s) of their dreams at Wal-Mart at 3am. Sometimes though fate is a real ironic bitch.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the idea of the story is behind the fictional movie the social network which just happens to involve people with names that are real but are not actually accurately covered by this fictional representation and its owner is mostly the studio, aaron sorkins, and david fincher.
Note: So there was this old prompt from the kinkmeme I wanted to try but never did, I took the idea of the pairing from that. The story- well honestly I get a little weird sometimes about writing TSN because of its not so fictional origins. That being said, Erica is entirely false character and Rooney Mara also played Lisbeth which loosely reminds me of Jesse Eisenberg's fictional computing superiority complex so I decided in my head to remove this more from reality write genderswap with Mark being based on a combination of Mark/Erica/Lisbeth with my own dumbed down writing style.
PS I've never shopped at Walmart and not beta read due to time issues.
----
The truth is the worst time of day to meet someone or anyone really is after midnight. Anyone that shops after ten o’clock gives you the opinion that they’re either stupid or desperate.
Naturally shopping at midnight is something of a tradition among all lazy computer geeks everywhere.
Facebook Status December 22nd, 2012 @ 4:13am
1. Everyone looks like douche that shops in the early morning regardless of profession, intelligence, or beauty.
There was something to be said for shopping at a Walmart around three o’clock in the morning.
One- Privacy.
Two- There’s just you and the worker’s
Three- No lines to check-out
The only negative was being the only short female white person in the store. Typically that tended to draw some attention. Intellectually, not always the brightest move. The truth universally given out by retail employees everywhere is all the odd people come out after ten:
People looking to torture their babies with a late night shopping run
People with long term memory problems that forget they got married on this day x amount of years ago
Absent parents forgetting their kids birthday is coming up
The nurse/doctor/gas station attendant on their way to work
The mentally ill or homeless person looking to avoid going back on the street
The weird guy that just decides it’s a good time to shop
… And in the valley, a computer programmer just getting off a twenty-four hour coding binge
At least in that regard, Mark fit in. Twenty some-odd programmer looking to get some saturated fat in after a twenty-four hour coding binge. Only somewhat ironic, Mark tended to look like a homeless person anyway so maybe one of those other cliches fit the bill too.
Though the vomit stain on the bottom of the hoodie was Dustin’s not Mark’s. Someone had to tried to blend a series of party beverages to see if tasted well as a smoothie. Like drinking a lethal cocktail of nastiness the entire contents of his stomach were forcefully removed via projectile fifteen seconds later.
Otherwise, she might have passed for a lazy rich white chick. Because honestly The North Face was expensive and she was wearing a gold and diamond necklace with the letter ‘F’ engraved the centre.
Rules aside though, sometimes there was the random workaholic out and about with no clue about this nightly ritual for the few odd ducks and sad retail employees.
Insert the arrival of Mark’s next morning Facebook post.
Mark had just finished browsing the candy aisle, grabbed some chocolate, some jelly beans, and a lolli made a sharp turn into the dog food section (god knows starving the dog would be absolutely heartless) when she saw two identical bodies looking lost in the aisle.
Normally, this was part where she would make sharp turn back to where she came from (customer assistance was for losers and gossipers), fleeing subtly in the other direction. Besides the unofficial rule of all midnight shopping was avoid other customers. It was evening, weirdoes were loose- and god knows it was easier to rip off someone at night than during the day.
Less people to hear you scream and all of that good stuff.
However, her dog really needed to eat preferably when she got home… so maybe it was just better to continue and ignore.
If Mark was lucky, they would be too tired and too boneheaded to know who she was and even less likely to ask her for help.
No, such luck.
The first one spotted her and his bright eyes blew up excitedly.
“Hi, we’re a little lost, maybe you can help us?” the first clone asked.
Mark studied them, two identical twins, late 20’s maybe early 30’s, tall, extremely bulging muscles… in Armani suits- so not geeks or the people that dealt with geeks. Lawyers maybe. One with a green and one with a red, fit well but not tailored probably something they owned for awhile.
Possibly high paid salesmen. Besides if they worked with geeks they would at least be wearing Tom Ford suits. More modern, less ancient rich white man.
Used so not so rich that clothes were newly bought and never worn again. Sadly Sean did shit like that all the time. Mark had two weeks worth of clothes that were rinsed, reused, and recycled- since 1998 when she started high school.
Chances are they never had been to a Walmart before.
Mark decided to play obtuse, “Like with directions…?” she asked making a show of twirling her red curls.
The second clone snorted at her Heathers attempt.
The first ones smile dimmed a little, as if he had been hopeful of her intelligence. Mark was actually surprised.
“Okay fine,” she started cutting off his response, “What aisle were you looking for?”
His smile widened, “Uh my brother and I are looking for some help actually. None of the employees seem to be on the floor- and we could use some ideas about what to get. See there’s breakfast meeting at work tomorrow for our clients and our assistant was on vacation. So we offered to get the spread ourselves but we have no idea what should even be on the menu…”
“So asking a girl seems like a great idea to you, huh?” Mark retorted, “The closest I get to cooking is buying pre-packaged lunches from the grocery store.”
The second snickered.
The first one rubbed his neck like he was stressed by her rudeness, the second just rolled his eyes but wore a slight smile of amusement.
“My brother is a bitch and meant to say is ‘we’re incompetent because we don’t eat breakfast, bail us out’?”
Obviously the second one was either a mind reader or particularly good with body language because he seemed to be able to read Mark without a problem. The first one either was slow or was used to spineless women that caved the second he batted his blue eyes.
She nodded her head in concession and lead them in the right direction, “Lucky for you my ex-boyfriend was a master at charming the pants off investors over breakfast and lunch meetings. Croissants are the way to go. My-ex swore they were breakfast champion of the boardroom. They look expensive-- classy but are universally loved on their simplistic taste and ability to work go with anything. Bagels are cheap substitute, some sliced fruit, and some orange juice should set the scene accordingly,” Mark lectured.
Mark might not have appreciated Eduardo’s method of holding a meeting but she knew he was a master at it. For everything wrong he did for Facebook, one of the better things he did was keep their angel investors happy.
“What about danishes? Or Cereal?” The second one asked curiously.
“Milk dribbles and good danish at a Walmart?” she challenged.
“Point taken.”
“Late night at work?” the first one asked casually.
Mark shrugged, “No more than usual.”
He studied her for a second, taking in her attire and his slightly glimpse into her personality. Not the making of a doctor or a nurse. Not someone that has unconventional work schedule, as someone that likes to work late.
A dedicated professional but not exactly dressed for it either, so probably one of those valley geeks.
“You work with computers,” Cameron guessed.
Mark’s lip quirked but she did not bother to respond. Either Time Magazine was something they avoided and from the looks of it both appeared to be the type that read probably daily. Or they just frankly never cared about the internet.
“Have a Facebook?” Mark asked casually as they grabbed the foods she suggested. Then she dragged them off to the cut produce section.
“Who doesn’t? I mean we do but rarely do have time to use it,” Cameron remarked with a rueful smile.
“He checks it on his phone in-between meetings,” Tyler interjected, “I use mine for business not pleasure.”
Mark shrugged, at least they were customers even if they were not fanatics. She could totally have sex with a casual user. Not that such an idea was on her mind but she had to admit two giants that looked like poster boys for Tommy Hilfiger and his racist empire would be appealing thing to have.
Though unlike those cute twin porn things, she doubted two rich boys would be so interested in a threesome- incest contrary to popular belief was not something most hot twins dabbled in. Or it was just plain insulting, the idea of twins sharing a partner.
Almost as bad as twins dating twins. Not quite but close.
“I’ll add you if you want. Get you some followers…” probably an understatement if she ran Twitter, their accounts would be exploding within twenty-four hours. However, with their privacy settings it could be as little as a hundred and as much as maybe a couple thousand.
Tyler snorted but nodded.
“Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss,” Cameron told her while introducing them at the same time.
She handed them the fruit that best looked edible and fresh.
“You can call me Mark.”
“Mark? Just Mark?”
“Mark or Madonna whichever you prefer.”
“Well Mark with no last name thanks for the help. Can we help get your stuff to your car?” Cameron asked pushing her cart for her while Tyler got theirs.
Mark might have been offended but honestly if some dude offers to do your dirty work… saved her the trouble of pushing the stupid cart. Usually she just ended up running over her own foot anyway. Or running into people. Or that time Dustin knocked over an entire display which ended in them owning a lifetime supply of salsa dip (that they in turn gave away to the employees at Facebook).
“No.”
Cameron look like he wanted to make more small chat, but Tyler clasped a hand on his back.
“Okay well thanks for your help. We obviously owe you. Message us on Facebook about how we might return the favor,” he added hastily before tugging his brother towards the next available register.
Mark half waved and then rolled her eyes. At least the second one had the sense to drop it and run.
--
2. Before asking a chick out, it might sense to make sure she’s not rich and famous- like Madonna.
They had purchased their items and made their way to the parking lot.
“What was with the quick retreat?” Cameron snipped slightly jerking his shoulder loose of his brother’s harsh grip.
“You were losing her with your kindness,” Tyler insisted.
It was obviously from the moment they spotted the girl that Cameron was interested. She was not their usual type. That was to say, she was more dressed down and less refined than either man was used to.
Cameron typically liked Harvard educated beauties with business savvy and a pleasant demeanor. Tyler into- basically the girls with the porn star body (and a brain was optional).
Mark- whatever kind of name that was obviously the more socially awkward geek with an attitude problem. Far out of the realm they were used to. Tyler did not want Cameron blowing his chance by using his typical nice guy routine.
Cameron scowled but had to agree that Tyler was right, his charm had mostly failed them. Tyler had saved the short evening with his wit and criticism.
That said, it was not a complete failure, she had asked for their Facebook accounts and Cameron knew they were attractive even to someone like Mark. There was still a chance for success if he changed the game plan a little.
Not that he had intended to meet a beautiful sexy woman at Walmart in the early hours but it had happened. Unexpected and a treat it turned out to be despite the rough edges Mark displayed.
“What was I supposed to do?” Cameron challenged his brother.
“Be like me apparently,” Tyler remarked amused, “Or treat her as you would me.”
Of course, Cameron would find the female version of Tyler to be attractive. Oh the irony. All this time looking for true love and it turned out the douche bag just needed to meet Tyler’s attitude problem in a different package.
“Was it me or was her hoodie stained with puke?” Tyler replied trying to picture her appearance from earlier.
Cameron shrugged, “No idea I was more fixated by the diamond and gold pendant on her necklace. It was real, probably around a thousand dollars or so. The diamond complemented her eyes well.”
Tyler blinked, “She had a necklace on?”
“Had the letter F in the center. Like one of those necklaces people wear on their kids with their names on it.”
Tyler shot him a harsh look, “A hobo tomboy dressed young mother, Cameron? Not exactly the wisest idea you’ve ever had. Clearly she’s got a kid if you’re right about the stain.”
That truthfully should have made Cameron think twice but honestly it was almost like fate that even ran across her. Smart, good with computers- back in their Harvard Connection days it would have paid off to have that leaning off their arm.
They mature men now, plenty of women their ages had kids that were divorced or just available. It was fine, sure their dad might get a little pissed. His olympian Harvard educated master degree Connecticut bred boy running off with some Californian engineer with a kid and probably no education to speak of.
He would get over it.
Tyler sighed, “The worst part, she’s not really that attractive.”
Cameron starred at him, “But you also liked her- mainly her attitude problem.”
Tyler nodded ruefully.
--
And so their encounter was put off hold for the day. Cameron had either been dropped on his head as a child or his tastes had matured that even liked this girl. Tyler sadly knew he found her to amusing and thus by extension hot. Anyone that mouthy probably was killer in bed.
But they had work.
The meeting lasted two hours, she was right the simplistic beauty and healthy food choices worked well with their clients. The investors left happy and Tyler was ready to congratulate themselves on a job well done by going home early and letting the voicemail take over the office until tomorrow.
Cameron was scrolling his phone.
“I got a friend request on Facebook.”
Tyler rolled his eyes, “Because that’s news.”
“No,” Cameron snapped slightly, “But the user might be.”
Before Tyler could ask, Cameron thrusted his iPhone in Tyler’s face- the message read, ‘will you accept Mark Zuckerberg’s friend request?’
“Shit”
--
3. Like Romeo, Juliet, and Romeo squared… or more accurately, like a teenage drama ala The Vampire Diaries without the vampires and the mass murder.
Dustin snorted looking at the two Facebook pages in front of him.
“Only you would find two Harvard grads that do business with Google,” Dustin informed her pulling his screen into her view.
Mark rolled her eyes.
“It would figure. Two upscale twins from Connecticut probably with a rich daddy and tons of expensive private school education interested in business and computers but clueless about who they associate with at Walmart,” Dustin continued on as if Mark had verbally replied.
Mark refused to give in and answer him. It would fuel the fire.
“And hey look they were in the Pork! Rivals with Eduardo. Wait for it, wait for it… look who they’re friends with Divya! Your old friend from Harvard,” Dustin sneered.
That made Mark jerk her head up in surprise. She slid behind him, quickly scanning as much as their profile settings allowed.
“Damn it, they’re friends with that Harvard Connection jackass.”
The one she dated for like a second and then threw her drink at him when he accused her of being a heartless bitch obsessed with computers and incapable of real human emotion.
Mark was ready to kick herself, that’s why no woman should ever go out to the store in morning. Who knew what terrible fate awaited them. Meeting two hot brothers that might as well be a plague on her House.
She should probably make sure they secretly weren’t her fathers or something. Just in case she found herself being born from one of their heads or maybe she ignored a Oracle’s warning or possibly she should do a background check to make sure they did not share classes together.
That would only be the cherry on top.
…. Of course… there was always Facesmash.
Oh hell.
“…Hey Dustin? Remember Facesmash…”
Dustin nodded dumbly.
“I think they might have been there the night I lost my cool with Divya.”
He broke out laughing, “I am so calling Chris.”
--
Mark Zuckerberg, are you fucking serious Winklevoss?!
Divya’s Facebook status December 23rd 2012 @ 6:45pm
3. The Rainbow Connection is an absolute lie. It’s more of a mud pie
Cameron buried his face in his hands once they got home. Mark Zuckerberg. Because apparently the only female Mark on the planet could be that Mark. She must own a monopoly on the name.
It must be trademarked and Cameron must be a douche.
“You would think with a name like Mark, it would be obvious.”
“She can’t be only female Mark on the planet,” Cameron retorted.
Tyler shook his head, “Well at least she doesn’t have an actual kid. Just a virtual one worth billions of dollars.”
“At least dad won’t kick my ass if I decide I like her.”
“He’ll throw you a party if you can get a ring on her finger,” Tyler agreed.
“You might have better luck,” Cameron pointed out. He was the one with the extensive crush but Tyler was the one that scored to first base that night.
“So do you want to tell Divya or do I?” Tyler replied gleefully deciding to ignore Cameron’s observation.
They were brothers, civilized adults, and as Cameron used to love to say gentlemen of Harvard. They did not get into immature fights over a girl.
No, they just held it in until something snapped or Mark made up her mind. Until then there was this wonderful irony that they hit on Divya’s short term ex-girlfriend and the one who burned their idea to make Harvard Connection.
The entire reason they had no business now was because of her. The same time, because they had no business now they had sold their financial advice website to Google and they were now getting investors from all over the valley.
Silver lining and all that- Divya was going to be pissed.
Why doesn’t this damn website have a dislike button?
Divya’s Facebook status December 23rd 2012 @ 6:53pm
Have you lost your mind, Tyler?
DM to Tyler December 23rd 2012 @ 7:01pm
Tyler chuckled.
--
So, if I wanted to sleep and/or let myself be asked by a Winklevoss twin… would you be horrified?
DM to Eduardo December 23rd 2012 @ 3:30pm
Are you insane? One word, Divya.
DM to Mark December 23rd 2012 @ 3:31pm
“We’re all adults, right?” Mark asked Dustin.
“I did just throw up on your hoodie three nights ago after we played beer pong.”
“Point taken. Though it was because of the cocktail you made.”
“What cocktail?!”
“Add blackout drunk to that list of immaturity too,” Mark retorted.
Dustin paused, “No seriously what cocktail? I was totally wasted by dinner.”
Mark shot him a glared and toyed with her ponytail, “You also ruined my Alexander McQueen heels.”
“You really gonna miss those?”
“I’m a woman, you bet your ass I’m going to miss them.”
“I’ll buy the entire store collection for you,” Dustin replied pulling out his cell phone, “Someone get a number of the local store that sells Alexander McQueen. Then find my gold credit card.”
Mark made no move to tell Dustin she had actually been wearing her cheap sandals but hey it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it.
-
4. What’s the worst that can happen?
January 5th 2013:
It’s decided to wait after the holidays. Mark messaged Cameron to get an invite to dinner.
Wanna invite me over for dinner after the holidays? You two are buying dinner but I’ll pay for breakfast
DM to Cameron, December 24th 2013
Sure, she was Jewish and it was a meaningless holiday to her but the important thing was to everyone at Facebook so the least she could was work in their stead.
Like Jewish people need to be off Christmas.
Making it known she would pay for breakfast implied the rest. Hopefully Cameron showed Tyler. This was going to suck if she only got her chance at one of them.
-
Jan 5th:
“She wants both of us to buy her dinner,” Cameron pointed out getting ready by putting on a suit.
He hoped she liked middle of the road Italian food.
“So she can decide which of us she wants to fuck or because she’s hoping we’ll both do it?” Tyler demanded refusing the suit for a pair of jeans and a plain Chaps shirt.
Cameron looked at him, “Does it matter?”
“I’m not making out with you like some low budget porn film.”
“Who said we had to?” Cameron interjected, “We can just take turns.”
Tyler paused… so long as this didn’t turn into dating that was not a bad idea. They would get their cake.
A little awkward but it’s not like neither had seen each other naked before. Honestly he wanted to believe that this was coming out of nowhere. However, if Tyler had met a set of twin girls that wanted his ass- he would have pulled the same shit.
Clearly Mark and him worked on the same wave length. Two for one without turning into some perverted three way marriage. He could deal with that. Cameron liked her, Tyler wanted her. It was a win-win scenario.
She obviously just wanted them for their bodies… and probably to get back at Divya on some level. Tyler was okay with that. They were best friends but sometimes he was a little bit snotty.
-
Jan 5th:
“Okay so which is Stefan and which is Damon?” Dustin asked pausing the stream on their TV screen.
“Tyler is definitely Damon,” Mark informed him, “I could listen to him talk all day barring any stupid remarks.”
“So the other is saintly Stefan?”
“I wouldn’t say saintly. He was in a final club,” Mark added, “Close enough I guess. Also, stop watching Twilight plus, it’s creepy. You’re a man.”
Dustin put his hand over his heart, “You wound me! My love of VD is only second to JP.”
“Dinosaur nerd.”
“And proud,” Dustin proclaimed holding up his toy T-Rex from Toy Story, “Besides you half watch too.”
“I’m not a man.”
“You’re also not that much of a girl.”
Mark’s eyebrow rose, “Are you saying you are?”
“I would make an awesome girl,” Dustin decided after a minute of thinking about it, “I would be the best lesbian ever. I would make Ellen jealous. I could be like Brienne of Tarth only more feminine.”
Getting up, Mark threw a pillow at Dustin’s face, “Loser.”
“Maybe… but hey at least I didn’t proposition twins like they were porn stars.”
Mark flipped him off slamming the door on the way out.
--
That’s when Mark showed up to their house in a slit dress that her sister had gave her, mismatched heels curtsey of Dustin’s purchase of 57 pairs of heels from Saks Fifth Avenue in New York, and a trench coat to cover it.
The twin in the suit (obviously Cameron) answered the door, “Mark. You know we could have picked you up.”
“I prefer my own car,” she remarked stepping in and taking a quick glance around.
Their week and a half of getting to know each other had helped their cases. Mark had considered sex and that was about it. Until she actually got to know them some, turns out they were not as plastic as she first assumed they would be.
Even if they had a bad choice of friends… and wanted to create Harvard Connection. There had been some mockery and some brief accusing words from Tyler in her direction but they had talked it out.
Tyler had the personality that Mark typically looked for in a guy. Cameron was more datable though if that meant anything. The kind she could take home to her parents and introduce to Facebook executives and not be embarrassed.
It was kind of tragic that they were in business with the enemy. Or that she wasn’t better girlfriend and/or sex appeal material. Chances are they only agreed to this because she was Mark Zuckerberg. They might have had a moment of surprise the next morning after their meet and in the middle of the night any girl out shopping alone that’s not half crazy probably seems like a good catch.
But with morning comes clarity and sanity. Except when you meet a billionaire in Walmart. She had no illusion this was about her money not her, Mark would be okay with sex. She was vain and self-absored- confident. Powerful. She was okay with being used because she would use them right back if need be.
Part of staying in control through this ordeal though would be to drive herself and leave of her own accord. Preferably right after breakfast but in case of a emergency the second they fell asleep.
-
5, There is maybe something to that saying don’t judge a book by its cover. Or you know what they say about those who assume. Or one of those other bullshit proverbs.
Dinner was nice, surprisingly it worked out well for the intended parties. Cameron looked hot but not so dressed up that he stood out. Some other patrons were in suits as well (but not nearly as pricey ones, Cameron noted). Tyler was not the only customer in jeans- and Mark did not stand out entirely.
However, half the restaurant did ask for her autograph or said Facebook Me.
Like it was normal.
Three glasses of wine after dessert, Mark was ready to get the chase.
“Look, I know I have no right to assume or even ask this. I’m not entitled just because I’m a billionaire. I just prefer to have a good time. That said, I would like to invite you to a non-disclosed motel where one of you or both of you can screw my brains out. Tyler, you’re not a half bad guy. Cameron, we’re different but somehow I’m still friends with Chris Hughes, I think you would both make the cut. I realize however you might not want to. I’m willing to see where this goes,” Mark said after a minute.
Thank god for wine, she was less socially awkward and less bitchy after a few glasses. Too bad she hadn’t been loaded on this that time she went out with Divya.
Cameron looked over to this brother, the moment of truth. They had more or less assumed that there was where Mark was leading them. Cameron was a little surprised it was not as entitled as he thought it would be. Shockingly to him, she did realize that it was kind of shallow and selfish of her to ask that of them.
Mature.
At the same time, clearly they had not become separate entities to her yet beyond their personalities. Truthfully, even their own parents tended to think of them as a unit. Why they would expect a girl they’ve technically known only two weeks to feel differently would be unrealistic of them at best.
Where this could lead to however might be the complication. Legally if they were got as far as marriage, there could be only one.
It would be weird if it did lead to marriage because who wants to tell their kids the time, their mother screwed their uncle?
But chances are they wouldn’t make it past this night or maybe a night in the not so distant future. And whose to say you had to grow up at 30?
Tyler finally broke the silence while Cameron broke the eye contact, “Let’s just go back to our place… Cameron has a really comfortable bed.”
Title: Facebook Me
Pairing(s): Girl!Mark/Cameron, Girl!Mark/Tyler, Cameron/Girl!Mark/Tyler
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warnings: None
Word count: 4,740
Summary: No one is stupid enough to meet the girl or guy(s) of their dreams at Wal-Mart at 3am. Sometimes though fate is a real ironic bitch.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, the idea of the story is behind the fictional movie the social network which just happens to involve people with names that are real but are not actually accurately covered by this fictional representation and its owner is mostly the studio, aaron sorkins, and david fincher.
Note: So there was this old prompt from the kinkmeme I wanted to try but never did, I took the idea of the pairing from that. The story- well honestly I get a little weird sometimes about writing TSN because of its not so fictional origins. That being said, Erica is entirely false character and Rooney Mara also played Lisbeth which loosely reminds me of Jesse Eisenberg's fictional computing superiority complex so I decided in my head to remove this more from reality write genderswap with Mark being based on a combination of Mark/Erica/Lisbeth with my own dumbed down writing style.
PS I've never shopped at Walmart and not beta read due to time issues.
----
The truth is the worst time of day to meet someone or anyone really is after midnight. Anyone that shops after ten o’clock gives you the opinion that they’re either stupid or desperate.
Naturally shopping at midnight is something of a tradition among all lazy computer geeks everywhere.
Facebook Status December 22nd, 2012 @ 4:13am
1. Everyone looks like douche that shops in the early morning regardless of profession, intelligence, or beauty.
There was something to be said for shopping at a Walmart around three o’clock in the morning.
One- Privacy.
Two- There’s just you and the worker’s
Three- No lines to check-out
The only negative was being the only short female white person in the store. Typically that tended to draw some attention. Intellectually, not always the brightest move. The truth universally given out by retail employees everywhere is all the odd people come out after ten:
People looking to torture their babies with a late night shopping run
People with long term memory problems that forget they got married on this day x amount of years ago
Absent parents forgetting their kids birthday is coming up
The nurse/doctor/gas station attendant on their way to work
The mentally ill or homeless person looking to avoid going back on the street
The weird guy that just decides it’s a good time to shop
… And in the valley, a computer programmer just getting off a twenty-four hour coding binge
At least in that regard, Mark fit in. Twenty some-odd programmer looking to get some saturated fat in after a twenty-four hour coding binge. Only somewhat ironic, Mark tended to look like a homeless person anyway so maybe one of those other cliches fit the bill too.
Though the vomit stain on the bottom of the hoodie was Dustin’s not Mark’s. Someone had to tried to blend a series of party beverages to see if tasted well as a smoothie. Like drinking a lethal cocktail of nastiness the entire contents of his stomach were forcefully removed via projectile fifteen seconds later.
Otherwise, she might have passed for a lazy rich white chick. Because honestly The North Face was expensive and she was wearing a gold and diamond necklace with the letter ‘F’ engraved the centre.
Rules aside though, sometimes there was the random workaholic out and about with no clue about this nightly ritual for the few odd ducks and sad retail employees.
Insert the arrival of Mark’s next morning Facebook post.
Mark had just finished browsing the candy aisle, grabbed some chocolate, some jelly beans, and a lolli made a sharp turn into the dog food section (god knows starving the dog would be absolutely heartless) when she saw two identical bodies looking lost in the aisle.
Normally, this was part where she would make sharp turn back to where she came from (customer assistance was for losers and gossipers), fleeing subtly in the other direction. Besides the unofficial rule of all midnight shopping was avoid other customers. It was evening, weirdoes were loose- and god knows it was easier to rip off someone at night than during the day.
Less people to hear you scream and all of that good stuff.
However, her dog really needed to eat preferably when she got home… so maybe it was just better to continue and ignore.
If Mark was lucky, they would be too tired and too boneheaded to know who she was and even less likely to ask her for help.
No, such luck.
The first one spotted her and his bright eyes blew up excitedly.
“Hi, we’re a little lost, maybe you can help us?” the first clone asked.
Mark studied them, two identical twins, late 20’s maybe early 30’s, tall, extremely bulging muscles… in Armani suits- so not geeks or the people that dealt with geeks. Lawyers maybe. One with a green and one with a red, fit well but not tailored probably something they owned for awhile.
Possibly high paid salesmen. Besides if they worked with geeks they would at least be wearing Tom Ford suits. More modern, less ancient rich white man.
Used so not so rich that clothes were newly bought and never worn again. Sadly Sean did shit like that all the time. Mark had two weeks worth of clothes that were rinsed, reused, and recycled- since 1998 when she started high school.
Chances are they never had been to a Walmart before.
Mark decided to play obtuse, “Like with directions…?” she asked making a show of twirling her red curls.
The second clone snorted at her Heathers attempt.
The first ones smile dimmed a little, as if he had been hopeful of her intelligence. Mark was actually surprised.
“Okay fine,” she started cutting off his response, “What aisle were you looking for?”
His smile widened, “Uh my brother and I are looking for some help actually. None of the employees seem to be on the floor- and we could use some ideas about what to get. See there’s breakfast meeting at work tomorrow for our clients and our assistant was on vacation. So we offered to get the spread ourselves but we have no idea what should even be on the menu…”
“So asking a girl seems like a great idea to you, huh?” Mark retorted, “The closest I get to cooking is buying pre-packaged lunches from the grocery store.”
The second snickered.
The first one rubbed his neck like he was stressed by her rudeness, the second just rolled his eyes but wore a slight smile of amusement.
“My brother is a bitch and meant to say is ‘we’re incompetent because we don’t eat breakfast, bail us out’?”
Obviously the second one was either a mind reader or particularly good with body language because he seemed to be able to read Mark without a problem. The first one either was slow or was used to spineless women that caved the second he batted his blue eyes.
She nodded her head in concession and lead them in the right direction, “Lucky for you my ex-boyfriend was a master at charming the pants off investors over breakfast and lunch meetings. Croissants are the way to go. My-ex swore they were breakfast champion of the boardroom. They look expensive-- classy but are universally loved on their simplistic taste and ability to work go with anything. Bagels are cheap substitute, some sliced fruit, and some orange juice should set the scene accordingly,” Mark lectured.
Mark might not have appreciated Eduardo’s method of holding a meeting but she knew he was a master at it. For everything wrong he did for Facebook, one of the better things he did was keep their angel investors happy.
“What about danishes? Or Cereal?” The second one asked curiously.
“Milk dribbles and good danish at a Walmart?” she challenged.
“Point taken.”
“Late night at work?” the first one asked casually.
Mark shrugged, “No more than usual.”
He studied her for a second, taking in her attire and his slightly glimpse into her personality. Not the making of a doctor or a nurse. Not someone that has unconventional work schedule, as someone that likes to work late.
A dedicated professional but not exactly dressed for it either, so probably one of those valley geeks.
“You work with computers,” Cameron guessed.
Mark’s lip quirked but she did not bother to respond. Either Time Magazine was something they avoided and from the looks of it both appeared to be the type that read probably daily. Or they just frankly never cared about the internet.
“Have a Facebook?” Mark asked casually as they grabbed the foods she suggested. Then she dragged them off to the cut produce section.
“Who doesn’t? I mean we do but rarely do have time to use it,” Cameron remarked with a rueful smile.
“He checks it on his phone in-between meetings,” Tyler interjected, “I use mine for business not pleasure.”
Mark shrugged, at least they were customers even if they were not fanatics. She could totally have sex with a casual user. Not that such an idea was on her mind but she had to admit two giants that looked like poster boys for Tommy Hilfiger and his racist empire would be appealing thing to have.
Though unlike those cute twin porn things, she doubted two rich boys would be so interested in a threesome- incest contrary to popular belief was not something most hot twins dabbled in. Or it was just plain insulting, the idea of twins sharing a partner.
Almost as bad as twins dating twins. Not quite but close.
“I’ll add you if you want. Get you some followers…” probably an understatement if she ran Twitter, their accounts would be exploding within twenty-four hours. However, with their privacy settings it could be as little as a hundred and as much as maybe a couple thousand.
Tyler snorted but nodded.
“Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss,” Cameron told her while introducing them at the same time.
She handed them the fruit that best looked edible and fresh.
“You can call me Mark.”
“Mark? Just Mark?”
“Mark or Madonna whichever you prefer.”
“Well Mark with no last name thanks for the help. Can we help get your stuff to your car?” Cameron asked pushing her cart for her while Tyler got theirs.
Mark might have been offended but honestly if some dude offers to do your dirty work… saved her the trouble of pushing the stupid cart. Usually she just ended up running over her own foot anyway. Or running into people. Or that time Dustin knocked over an entire display which ended in them owning a lifetime supply of salsa dip (that they in turn gave away to the employees at Facebook).
“No.”
Cameron look like he wanted to make more small chat, but Tyler clasped a hand on his back.
“Okay well thanks for your help. We obviously owe you. Message us on Facebook about how we might return the favor,” he added hastily before tugging his brother towards the next available register.
Mark half waved and then rolled her eyes. At least the second one had the sense to drop it and run.
--
2. Before asking a chick out, it might sense to make sure she’s not rich and famous- like Madonna.
They had purchased their items and made their way to the parking lot.
“What was with the quick retreat?” Cameron snipped slightly jerking his shoulder loose of his brother’s harsh grip.
“You were losing her with your kindness,” Tyler insisted.
It was obviously from the moment they spotted the girl that Cameron was interested. She was not their usual type. That was to say, she was more dressed down and less refined than either man was used to.
Cameron typically liked Harvard educated beauties with business savvy and a pleasant demeanor. Tyler into- basically the girls with the porn star body (and a brain was optional).
Mark- whatever kind of name that was obviously the more socially awkward geek with an attitude problem. Far out of the realm they were used to. Tyler did not want Cameron blowing his chance by using his typical nice guy routine.
Cameron scowled but had to agree that Tyler was right, his charm had mostly failed them. Tyler had saved the short evening with his wit and criticism.
That said, it was not a complete failure, she had asked for their Facebook accounts and Cameron knew they were attractive even to someone like Mark. There was still a chance for success if he changed the game plan a little.
Not that he had intended to meet a beautiful sexy woman at Walmart in the early hours but it had happened. Unexpected and a treat it turned out to be despite the rough edges Mark displayed.
“What was I supposed to do?” Cameron challenged his brother.
“Be like me apparently,” Tyler remarked amused, “Or treat her as you would me.”
Of course, Cameron would find the female version of Tyler to be attractive. Oh the irony. All this time looking for true love and it turned out the douche bag just needed to meet Tyler’s attitude problem in a different package.
“Was it me or was her hoodie stained with puke?” Tyler replied trying to picture her appearance from earlier.
Cameron shrugged, “No idea I was more fixated by the diamond and gold pendant on her necklace. It was real, probably around a thousand dollars or so. The diamond complemented her eyes well.”
Tyler blinked, “She had a necklace on?”
“Had the letter F in the center. Like one of those necklaces people wear on their kids with their names on it.”
Tyler shot him a harsh look, “A hobo tomboy dressed young mother, Cameron? Not exactly the wisest idea you’ve ever had. Clearly she’s got a kid if you’re right about the stain.”
That truthfully should have made Cameron think twice but honestly it was almost like fate that even ran across her. Smart, good with computers- back in their Harvard Connection days it would have paid off to have that leaning off their arm.
They mature men now, plenty of women their ages had kids that were divorced or just available. It was fine, sure their dad might get a little pissed. His olympian Harvard educated master degree Connecticut bred boy running off with some Californian engineer with a kid and probably no education to speak of.
He would get over it.
Tyler sighed, “The worst part, she’s not really that attractive.”
Cameron starred at him, “But you also liked her- mainly her attitude problem.”
Tyler nodded ruefully.
--
And so their encounter was put off hold for the day. Cameron had either been dropped on his head as a child or his tastes had matured that even liked this girl. Tyler sadly knew he found her to amusing and thus by extension hot. Anyone that mouthy probably was killer in bed.
But they had work.
The meeting lasted two hours, she was right the simplistic beauty and healthy food choices worked well with their clients. The investors left happy and Tyler was ready to congratulate themselves on a job well done by going home early and letting the voicemail take over the office until tomorrow.
Cameron was scrolling his phone.
“I got a friend request on Facebook.”
Tyler rolled his eyes, “Because that’s news.”
“No,” Cameron snapped slightly, “But the user might be.”
Before Tyler could ask, Cameron thrusted his iPhone in Tyler’s face- the message read, ‘will you accept Mark Zuckerberg’s friend request?’
“Shit”
--
3. Like Romeo, Juliet, and Romeo squared… or more accurately, like a teenage drama ala The Vampire Diaries without the vampires and the mass murder.
Dustin snorted looking at the two Facebook pages in front of him.
“Only you would find two Harvard grads that do business with Google,” Dustin informed her pulling his screen into her view.
Mark rolled her eyes.
“It would figure. Two upscale twins from Connecticut probably with a rich daddy and tons of expensive private school education interested in business and computers but clueless about who they associate with at Walmart,” Dustin continued on as if Mark had verbally replied.
Mark refused to give in and answer him. It would fuel the fire.
“And hey look they were in the Pork! Rivals with Eduardo. Wait for it, wait for it… look who they’re friends with Divya! Your old friend from Harvard,” Dustin sneered.
That made Mark jerk her head up in surprise. She slid behind him, quickly scanning as much as their profile settings allowed.
“Damn it, they’re friends with that Harvard Connection jackass.”
The one she dated for like a second and then threw her drink at him when he accused her of being a heartless bitch obsessed with computers and incapable of real human emotion.
Mark was ready to kick herself, that’s why no woman should ever go out to the store in morning. Who knew what terrible fate awaited them. Meeting two hot brothers that might as well be a plague on her House.
She should probably make sure they secretly weren’t her fathers or something. Just in case she found herself being born from one of their heads or maybe she ignored a Oracle’s warning or possibly she should do a background check to make sure they did not share classes together.
That would only be the cherry on top.
…. Of course… there was always Facesmash.
Oh hell.
“…Hey Dustin? Remember Facesmash…”
Dustin nodded dumbly.
“I think they might have been there the night I lost my cool with Divya.”
He broke out laughing, “I am so calling Chris.”
--
Mark Zuckerberg, are you fucking serious Winklevoss?!
Divya’s Facebook status December 23rd 2012 @ 6:45pm
3. The Rainbow Connection is an absolute lie. It’s more of a mud pie
Cameron buried his face in his hands once they got home. Mark Zuckerberg. Because apparently the only female Mark on the planet could be that Mark. She must own a monopoly on the name.
It must be trademarked and Cameron must be a douche.
“You would think with a name like Mark, it would be obvious.”
“She can’t be only female Mark on the planet,” Cameron retorted.
Tyler shook his head, “Well at least she doesn’t have an actual kid. Just a virtual one worth billions of dollars.”
“At least dad won’t kick my ass if I decide I like her.”
“He’ll throw you a party if you can get a ring on her finger,” Tyler agreed.
“You might have better luck,” Cameron pointed out. He was the one with the extensive crush but Tyler was the one that scored to first base that night.
“So do you want to tell Divya or do I?” Tyler replied gleefully deciding to ignore Cameron’s observation.
They were brothers, civilized adults, and as Cameron used to love to say gentlemen of Harvard. They did not get into immature fights over a girl.
No, they just held it in until something snapped or Mark made up her mind. Until then there was this wonderful irony that they hit on Divya’s short term ex-girlfriend and the one who burned their idea to make Harvard Connection.
The entire reason they had no business now was because of her. The same time, because they had no business now they had sold their financial advice website to Google and they were now getting investors from all over the valley.
Silver lining and all that- Divya was going to be pissed.
Why doesn’t this damn website have a dislike button?
Divya’s Facebook status December 23rd 2012 @ 6:53pm
Have you lost your mind, Tyler?
DM to Tyler December 23rd 2012 @ 7:01pm
Tyler chuckled.
--
So, if I wanted to sleep and/or let myself be asked by a Winklevoss twin… would you be horrified?
DM to Eduardo December 23rd 2012 @ 3:30pm
Are you insane? One word, Divya.
DM to Mark December 23rd 2012 @ 3:31pm
“We’re all adults, right?” Mark asked Dustin.
“I did just throw up on your hoodie three nights ago after we played beer pong.”
“Point taken. Though it was because of the cocktail you made.”
“What cocktail?!”
“Add blackout drunk to that list of immaturity too,” Mark retorted.
Dustin paused, “No seriously what cocktail? I was totally wasted by dinner.”
Mark shot him a glared and toyed with her ponytail, “You also ruined my Alexander McQueen heels.”
“You really gonna miss those?”
“I’m a woman, you bet your ass I’m going to miss them.”
“I’ll buy the entire store collection for you,” Dustin replied pulling out his cell phone, “Someone get a number of the local store that sells Alexander McQueen. Then find my gold credit card.”
Mark made no move to tell Dustin she had actually been wearing her cheap sandals but hey it wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it.
-
4. What’s the worst that can happen?
January 5th 2013:
It’s decided to wait after the holidays. Mark messaged Cameron to get an invite to dinner.
Wanna invite me over for dinner after the holidays? You two are buying dinner but I’ll pay for breakfast
DM to Cameron, December 24th 2013
Sure, she was Jewish and it was a meaningless holiday to her but the important thing was to everyone at Facebook so the least she could was work in their stead.
Like Jewish people need to be off Christmas.
Making it known she would pay for breakfast implied the rest. Hopefully Cameron showed Tyler. This was going to suck if she only got her chance at one of them.
-
Jan 5th:
“She wants both of us to buy her dinner,” Cameron pointed out getting ready by putting on a suit.
He hoped she liked middle of the road Italian food.
“So she can decide which of us she wants to fuck or because she’s hoping we’ll both do it?” Tyler demanded refusing the suit for a pair of jeans and a plain Chaps shirt.
Cameron looked at him, “Does it matter?”
“I’m not making out with you like some low budget porn film.”
“Who said we had to?” Cameron interjected, “We can just take turns.”
Tyler paused… so long as this didn’t turn into dating that was not a bad idea. They would get their cake.
A little awkward but it’s not like neither had seen each other naked before. Honestly he wanted to believe that this was coming out of nowhere. However, if Tyler had met a set of twin girls that wanted his ass- he would have pulled the same shit.
Clearly Mark and him worked on the same wave length. Two for one without turning into some perverted three way marriage. He could deal with that. Cameron liked her, Tyler wanted her. It was a win-win scenario.
She obviously just wanted them for their bodies… and probably to get back at Divya on some level. Tyler was okay with that. They were best friends but sometimes he was a little bit snotty.
-
Jan 5th:
“Okay so which is Stefan and which is Damon?” Dustin asked pausing the stream on their TV screen.
“Tyler is definitely Damon,” Mark informed him, “I could listen to him talk all day barring any stupid remarks.”
“So the other is saintly Stefan?”
“I wouldn’t say saintly. He was in a final club,” Mark added, “Close enough I guess. Also, stop watching Twilight plus, it’s creepy. You’re a man.”
Dustin put his hand over his heart, “You wound me! My love of VD is only second to JP.”
“Dinosaur nerd.”
“And proud,” Dustin proclaimed holding up his toy T-Rex from Toy Story, “Besides you half watch too.”
“I’m not a man.”
“You’re also not that much of a girl.”
Mark’s eyebrow rose, “Are you saying you are?”
“I would make an awesome girl,” Dustin decided after a minute of thinking about it, “I would be the best lesbian ever. I would make Ellen jealous. I could be like Brienne of Tarth only more feminine.”
Getting up, Mark threw a pillow at Dustin’s face, “Loser.”
“Maybe… but hey at least I didn’t proposition twins like they were porn stars.”
Mark flipped him off slamming the door on the way out.
--
That’s when Mark showed up to their house in a slit dress that her sister had gave her, mismatched heels curtsey of Dustin’s purchase of 57 pairs of heels from Saks Fifth Avenue in New York, and a trench coat to cover it.
The twin in the suit (obviously Cameron) answered the door, “Mark. You know we could have picked you up.”
“I prefer my own car,” she remarked stepping in and taking a quick glance around.
Their week and a half of getting to know each other had helped their cases. Mark had considered sex and that was about it. Until she actually got to know them some, turns out they were not as plastic as she first assumed they would be.
Even if they had a bad choice of friends… and wanted to create Harvard Connection. There had been some mockery and some brief accusing words from Tyler in her direction but they had talked it out.
Tyler had the personality that Mark typically looked for in a guy. Cameron was more datable though if that meant anything. The kind she could take home to her parents and introduce to Facebook executives and not be embarrassed.
It was kind of tragic that they were in business with the enemy. Or that she wasn’t better girlfriend and/or sex appeal material. Chances are they only agreed to this because she was Mark Zuckerberg. They might have had a moment of surprise the next morning after their meet and in the middle of the night any girl out shopping alone that’s not half crazy probably seems like a good catch.
But with morning comes clarity and sanity. Except when you meet a billionaire in Walmart. She had no illusion this was about her money not her, Mark would be okay with sex. She was vain and self-absored- confident. Powerful. She was okay with being used because she would use them right back if need be.
Part of staying in control through this ordeal though would be to drive herself and leave of her own accord. Preferably right after breakfast but in case of a emergency the second they fell asleep.
-
5, There is maybe something to that saying don’t judge a book by its cover. Or you know what they say about those who assume. Or one of those other bullshit proverbs.
Dinner was nice, surprisingly it worked out well for the intended parties. Cameron looked hot but not so dressed up that he stood out. Some other patrons were in suits as well (but not nearly as pricey ones, Cameron noted). Tyler was not the only customer in jeans- and Mark did not stand out entirely.
However, half the restaurant did ask for her autograph or said Facebook Me.
Like it was normal.
Three glasses of wine after dessert, Mark was ready to get the chase.
“Look, I know I have no right to assume or even ask this. I’m not entitled just because I’m a billionaire. I just prefer to have a good time. That said, I would like to invite you to a non-disclosed motel where one of you or both of you can screw my brains out. Tyler, you’re not a half bad guy. Cameron, we’re different but somehow I’m still friends with Chris Hughes, I think you would both make the cut. I realize however you might not want to. I’m willing to see where this goes,” Mark said after a minute.
Thank god for wine, she was less socially awkward and less bitchy after a few glasses. Too bad she hadn’t been loaded on this that time she went out with Divya.
Cameron looked over to this brother, the moment of truth. They had more or less assumed that there was where Mark was leading them. Cameron was a little surprised it was not as entitled as he thought it would be. Shockingly to him, she did realize that it was kind of shallow and selfish of her to ask that of them.
Mature.
At the same time, clearly they had not become separate entities to her yet beyond their personalities. Truthfully, even their own parents tended to think of them as a unit. Why they would expect a girl they’ve technically known only two weeks to feel differently would be unrealistic of them at best.
Where this could lead to however might be the complication. Legally if they were got as far as marriage, there could be only one.
It would be weird if it did lead to marriage because who wants to tell their kids the time, their mother screwed their uncle?
But chances are they wouldn’t make it past this night or maybe a night in the not so distant future. And whose to say you had to grow up at 30?
Tyler finally broke the silence while Cameron broke the eye contact, “Let’s just go back to our place… Cameron has a really comfortable bed.”