(Untitled)

[rockabillyhoney]

I want to feel again. *sigh* I want to rake my teeth across the tendons of a neck attached to a thrown-back head, complete with a face twisted by the sensations. Eyes closed, lip bitten. I want to leave hickeys that we'll both pretend to be worried about after the fact. Before that, though, I want to find you sitting on some warm curb out in front

Comments

[starrdancer418]

who would this someone that you are speaking of be? and why are you defeated? and why cant you feel? *miss you* *kisses*

'Everything was beautiful. Nothing hurt.'

[rockabillyhoney]

No one specificly has defeated me. I just miss the feeling of being completely, overwhelmingly attracted to someone. Passion. Not just going thru the motions so to speak. After all of the bullshit mistakes ive made and stupid decisions in the past i just feel like i cant get close to people again. No one wants to take the time to get to know the real me. And when i do find people willing to, i cant open up to them. I dont know why. And at the same time i know exactly why. I keep telling myself i cant open up to someone new. Tell yourself enough times that you are dumb and you believe it. Tell yourself you cant do something and eventually you stop trying. It took me forever to understand what i did to charlie and why. I broke up with him not cause i wanted graham, but because charlie was getting too close. In high school i had no idea who i was, and it scared me to think that someone else could know more about me than myself. I didnt want to get attached to someone just for them to find out that deep down im a fake. A