original fiction: elective

[robot_sky]

elective
{PG-13, original fiction, 512 words: general.}
Doctor’s voices are always kind, but their hands are always cold. Lessons it seems no one has learned from.

Comments

[lovegoododdity]

Oh wow, that was lovely. Brought tears to my eyes. I liked how you used the second person; I think that worked very well. And the last line was beautiful.

[robot_sky]

Thank-you! I'm a second person addict ♥

[ex_bide447]

I really liked this. It was interesting how it's suggested that the main character is pregnant, yet you never quite write/say the words; they sort of speak for themselves.

The last few paragraphs were very hooking for me. Overall, I loved it. ;) ♥

[robot_sky]

Thank-you ♥

As you say that, I realise that the abortion scene could be read like a very quiet birthing scene. Yay ambiguity!

[operatingroom]

D:

Sadness aside, you've got a way with words, bb.

[gelishan]

I find it interesting how the fiction I've read on this topic never directly uses the words 'pregnant' or 'abortion' (see: Hills Like White Elephants, Ben Folds' Brick).

Question-- are you interested in concrit for this? If not, I am happy to leave it be. But I work for an organization that provides these services and some little things in here I can't imagine happening this way.

...and in case you're wondering where I came from, I read some of your fic on merlinxarthur and really enjoyed it and snuck over here to see if you'd written more.

[robot_sky]

Aha, no shoot - I don't know that much about it anyway which is why it's so vague. I pieced together bits from what I've heard from people who've had abortions recently, and even older bits from decades ago.

[gelishan]

That's kind of been my experience-- either people've had one themselves so they're telling a deeply personal story without any basis for comparison, or someone who hasn't had one is trying to tell the story but no one really wants to talk about it so they have to piece together ideas from a variety of sources.

So just to make sure I'm reading right, you did NOT want concrit?

[robot_sky]

No, concrit is fine and welcome :)

[hystericalhyena]

I really liked this.

Let's take it from the top.

The first line - for some reason, it made me think it's about a man. A swearing woman, so scandalous. But the whole apologizing thing - I was set on abuse and then HIV.

Second part; aaah, the thing about sisters. I miss mine, she was always like that - epic cakes that I could never taste. Maybe she thought it'd get fat. Sisters care like that, don't they. The last part, Your head is completely blank and you don’t know what to do, or who to tell; you dress almost mechanically, and are out the door in minutes- and by ten in the evening you’re staring at the surface of your vodka and orange, and for some reason, you just can’t cry is just amazing ♥ I can somehow imagine how she felt, and still, I can't remember any time I felt so myself