Alone
Title: Alone
Spoilers: 1x12, 1x13
Rating: PG-13 (for language, I guess)
Word count: 681
Warnings: angst
Copyright: BBC & TigerAspect own, I just want to play in their universe
Characters: Robin, Robin/Marian (implied)
Summary: a lost scene ficlet set during 1x13 immediately before the scene where Robin lashes out at Much. My second & slightly longer attempt to get into Robin’s head.
>->------------>>
I know you will find me here.
That’s what I want, isn’t it? What other reason would I have to be here? I could have gone to a hundred other places… but I came here, to the hill overlooking my home.
Robin rubbed calloused palms against his reddened eyes, wondering how everything had gone so horribly wrong. A breeze caught the tall grass. The afternoon sun shone brightly overhead, but it did nothing to illuminate the dark places in his mind.
You, of all people, know me better than anyone. You will find me here in our favorite spot, ‘the finest spot in all England’ we used to say. And I know that.
The young archer watched the villagers hustle about making preparations for the wedding and a tear slid down his cheek. Marian would wed Gisborne on the morrow. His stomach churned while his mind raced, numb with utter despair and disbelief.
This cannot be… There is nothing left in Locksley for me. Nothing without Marian.
I know what you will say. Do not tell me that I must let Marian go. My soul is not complete without hers. There is no air... he paused, struggling for a breath, no ground, nor trees, no sunshine or rain if she is not part of my life. She consumes me. I remember every touch, every smile, every look. Her eyes. Her face. Will I have nothing more than memories? I will never hold her again, feel her flesh against mine. I will never touch her again nor ever come to know the intimacy that should have been ours! The yearning I have will be a desperate ache in my soul for the rest of my days. What is there without the only woman I have ever loved?
When I thought she was dead at the cave, I prayed to God -- let the soldiers’ arrows find my heart. It was already broken...
Robin swiped at the salty wetness on his face.
Oh God, Much. I want you to find me. I want you here…
Clenching his fist, Robin took a long deep breath that rattled in his chest. He bit the flesh on his trembling hand until his mouth tasted of copper.
It’s all about you, Robin. Perhaps it is, he thought, reflecting on words that Marian had accused him of. I am a selfish bastard, Much. I hurt. I’ll make you hurt, too. I need someone to feel as miserable as I do.
But it’s not just about me, I swear! If I don’t push you away, I will only drag you down. Forget me, old friend. Don't think of me because it will only bring you pain. I want you to hate me!
My own life is over… I cannot stay here. How can I, knowing that Marian, the woman I love, is at Locksley... in my home… in his arms… in my bed… with that bastard!
Tears filled Robin’s green eyes again, but behind the tears his anger began to consume all rational thought. He choked back sobs. Bitterness filled his soul as the word ‘bastard’ taunted his mind unceasingly and crushed every ounce of compassion he once felt for anyone or anything.
Deaf ears will meet your words of comfort, Much. I will lash out at you. I cannot stop the harsh and ugly words that will stab your heart as painfully as any arrow, words that no man should tolerate nor hear in a lifetime. You have loved me unconditionally all these years. I do not deserve that love. I have to push you away. I must push you away, and it will tear me apart as much as losing Marian to that bastard.
The outlaw wiped the tears from his eyes, rested his arms across his knees, and lowered his head. He closed his eyes to shut out the pain then looked up as he heard the sound of his friend coming down the hill. I knew you would find me here.
Please, Much... don't make me hurt you.
“I knew you'd be here.”
THE END
Spoilers: 1x12, 1x13
Rating: PG-13 (for language, I guess)
Word count: 681
Warnings: angst
Copyright: BBC & TigerAspect own, I just want to play in their universe
Characters: Robin, Robin/Marian (implied)
Summary: a lost scene ficlet set during 1x13 immediately before the scene where Robin lashes out at Much. My second & slightly longer attempt to get into Robin’s head.
>->------------>>
I know you will find me here.
That’s what I want, isn’t it? What other reason would I have to be here? I could have gone to a hundred other places… but I came here, to the hill overlooking my home.
Robin rubbed calloused palms against his reddened eyes, wondering how everything had gone so horribly wrong. A breeze caught the tall grass. The afternoon sun shone brightly overhead, but it did nothing to illuminate the dark places in his mind.
You, of all people, know me better than anyone. You will find me here in our favorite spot, ‘the finest spot in all England’ we used to say. And I know that.
The young archer watched the villagers hustle about making preparations for the wedding and a tear slid down his cheek. Marian would wed Gisborne on the morrow. His stomach churned while his mind raced, numb with utter despair and disbelief.
This cannot be… There is nothing left in Locksley for me. Nothing without Marian.
I know what you will say. Do not tell me that I must let Marian go. My soul is not complete without hers. There is no air... he paused, struggling for a breath, no ground, nor trees, no sunshine or rain if she is not part of my life. She consumes me. I remember every touch, every smile, every look. Her eyes. Her face. Will I have nothing more than memories? I will never hold her again, feel her flesh against mine. I will never touch her again nor ever come to know the intimacy that should have been ours! The yearning I have will be a desperate ache in my soul for the rest of my days. What is there without the only woman I have ever loved?
When I thought she was dead at the cave, I prayed to God -- let the soldiers’ arrows find my heart. It was already broken...
Robin swiped at the salty wetness on his face.
Oh God, Much. I want you to find me. I want you here…
Clenching his fist, Robin took a long deep breath that rattled in his chest. He bit the flesh on his trembling hand until his mouth tasted of copper.
It’s all about you, Robin. Perhaps it is, he thought, reflecting on words that Marian had accused him of. I am a selfish bastard, Much. I hurt. I’ll make you hurt, too. I need someone to feel as miserable as I do.
But it’s not just about me, I swear! If I don’t push you away, I will only drag you down. Forget me, old friend. Don't think of me because it will only bring you pain. I want you to hate me!
My own life is over… I cannot stay here. How can I, knowing that Marian, the woman I love, is at Locksley... in my home… in his arms… in my bed… with that bastard!
Tears filled Robin’s green eyes again, but behind the tears his anger began to consume all rational thought. He choked back sobs. Bitterness filled his soul as the word ‘bastard’ taunted his mind unceasingly and crushed every ounce of compassion he once felt for anyone or anything.
Deaf ears will meet your words of comfort, Much. I will lash out at you. I cannot stop the harsh and ugly words that will stab your heart as painfully as any arrow, words that no man should tolerate nor hear in a lifetime. You have loved me unconditionally all these years. I do not deserve that love. I have to push you away. I must push you away, and it will tear me apart as much as losing Marian to that bastard.
The outlaw wiped the tears from his eyes, rested his arms across his knees, and lowered his head. He closed his eyes to shut out the pain then looked up as he heard the sound of his friend coming down the hill. I knew you would find me here.
Please, Much... don't make me hurt you.
“I knew you'd be here.”
THE END