The Greens v2.0 - Generation 5.3
Previously: Sutherland got his LTW, plus there was a Barrett and there were birthdays and Sutherland continued his spiral into alcoholism.
Let us begin this episode with a glitch.
Jennifer: Why isn't this working? Where the fuck did my plunger go and where's my other arm?
Also a bit of pimp walking.
Mouse: *sigh* I taught him how to walk like that.
And, finally, Jennifer ripping out her husband's undead intestines.
Sutherland: This is actually a really uncomfortable position, you know?
Jennifer: You're already dead so what can it hurt? Shut up and kiss me while I contemplate grabbing your ass with my arm already empaling you.
Foxy: OH THE HORROR. THE HORROR!
...he doesn't like his heir painting.
STOP THAT, YOU HUSSIES.
Oh, for the love of God. D:
Sutherland: Hmm? What? Sorry. Busy wimping out on suicide and drinking away my sorrows.
Feh. So! For something cuter, let's go with some synchro-sleeping.
Followed by the mirror effect!
...and Fiddler scaring the piss out of Chi.
And so begins what I like to refer to as the Night of Horror.
Why you ask?
...
Well, you see...
Jennifer: There is a strange light surrounding my husband. *++nature*
Sutherland: What is that strange light I see in that galaxy?
Sutherland: THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO MEET MY REAL MOTHER.
Jennifer: Oh hey. Is my husband getting abducted?
NOT THE PROPER REACTION TO CURRENT EVENTS, GUYS.
Mulligan: ...well, this kind of sucks.
Lynch: *++friends* Huh, what?
Mulligan: My dad was just abducted by aliens, Lynch.
Lynch: Does this mean you have to stop petting me?
Mulligan: No?
Lynch: Then what do I care?
Fiddler: OOGABOOGA!
Jennifer: HOHSHIT!
Saffron: Ah! Bladder control!
Mouse: Should we start stocking up on Depends?
Fiddler: MWAAAHAHAHA!
Mulligan: OH MY GOD!
BATHROOM SMUSTLE!
Saffron: ...sigh.
Fiddler: MY BED.
Foxy: Quit yer bitchin'.
Jennifer: *Fiddler*
Fiddler: BOO!
Mulligan: AH JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN!
WELCOME BACK. I HATE YOU A LITTLE RIGHT NOW.
Sutherland: *SPLAT*
Sutherland: Oh, my tenders.
Sutherland: And they're still behind me, aren't they?
MEANWHILE.
...... *headdesk*
Maia: You lousy, rotten son of a bitch!
Jennifer: *++friends*
Chi: ...this can't be good.
Mulligan: *plays fetch*
And a whole new brand of drama begins.
Fiddler: I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU LOT YET!
Sutherland: GODDAMNIT, GREAT-GRANDPA. HASN'T MY NIGHT BEEN BAD ENOUGH ALREADY?
Obviously not.
Man, at least someone in this household is still happy.
Barrett: Daddy?
Sutherland: Not now, Daddy's painting.
Barrett: But Daddy--
Sutherland: But nothing. I take out my frustration here or on you. Take your pick.
Barrett: ...I'll go bug Mommy.
...well, how else did you expect her to soothe her troubled soul?
Besides. One of her mortal enemies is already at the bar.
Sutherland: BLARGH. ...nngh, I wanna be at the bar.
Sutherland: *POP* WHAT THE SHIT?!
Jennifer: Oh, honey, you're so hot when you're pregnant.
Foxy: *discusses with Mulligan the similarities between babies and puppies*
Foxy: *returns to the bar* Well, my nephew's not drinking it.
A bit more liquid courage later...
Foxy: Eheheheh. So, uh, hee, what would you say if, ahaha, I said I was, heh, sorry?
Maia: AHAHAHEEHEEHEE! I'd say you were shit out of luck now shut up, I still hate you.
Sutherland: I'm still a sexy vampire. *hiss*
Jennifer: Honey, you are still a sexy vampire. Mmmmhmm.
Sutherland: HOHSHIT, TOO MUCH PRESSURE ON BLADDER.
Foxy and Lynch: *saw nothing*
Sutherland: *passes out*
Damn, that is one tough cheeseburger.
Moving on, it's time for the little one's birthday.
Barrett: *explodes kibble one last time*
Barrett: WHEE! I'M ASCENDING TO HEAVEN!
Jennifer: ...this is really uncomfortable.
Anyway, here we have him, our chubby, little, noseless Barrett.
And because I just want it to be over already... >_>
Meet Roach.
Brown hair and same parent as his second-cousin, Pillsbury.
Maia: You worthless hobag! How dare you want to get into bed with your own husband! You don't deserve him!
GODDAMNIT. ARE YOU TWO HAPPY NOW. YOU FINALLY TRAUMATIZED ONE OF THE CHILDREN.
Butcher: Life as I know it is over! My family is falling apart! *shoves fingers into face*
Jennifer: Look here, you old hag. How dare you make my son cry like a little girl?
Twins: *get high*
Sutherland: *wimps out on suicide once again and returns to his booze*
Butcher: *joins the twins* Ehee, I feel like we live on a sitcom.
Roach: I feel like I live on the floor. ...oh wait. That's because I do.
Even the dogs have started fighting again.
And now, to end this update, I hope you aren't expecting anything joyous to improve the mood.
Foxy: I feel funny.
Roach: Goddamnit, stop dying while I'm trying to sleep. *Foxy*
Death: ALL RIGHT, BUDDY. LET'S GO. WE GOT BOOZE AND BABES AWAITING YOUR ARRIVAL.
Foxy: But I've got booze and babes right here.
Harry: *empties the stanky toddler potty*
Household: *completely fails to notice anything amiss*
Goodbye, Foxy.
You were unwanted and then you were wanted and then you were a terrible human being.
We'll miss you, old fart.
...
Really, we will.
Next time: Birthdays, death and drama, because we need some more.