(Untitled)

[rkdavies]

[Private to Lavender]

I'm not actually sure where to send an owl for you, but I wanted to say I'm sorry about your friend. I don't know if you kept up with Parvati anymore, but I remember how close you two were.

If you need anything. As always.

Comments

Private

[lavender_x]

We didn't stay in touch...but I think that just makes this harder. I don't even know how to react to this, besides crying my eyes out.

How did this even happen?

I could have been walking those streets alone if you weren't with me...

Switch

[lavender_x]

Lavender was not going to risk having this conversion through their journals. They had gone way too far to blow up at each other so soon. She pulled on a new sweater, grabbed her bag, and headed to the floo.

In just a few minutes she was standing in a livingroom she had never been in before.

"Roger, I'm waving my white flag. I stand down from any aggressive wording I may have send," she called out.

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

Roger sighed when he heard her. It was suddenly this double-edged sword. While he wanted to see Lavender more than just about anything, he didn't want to go rounds about things he felt expected to apologize for that he couldn't actually do anything about.

Still, yet, seeing Lavender was better than the awkward. He came in from the hall gave her a small, apologetic smile. "Me, too. Because I was probably about to get awful. Thank for coming by."

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

Lavender gave him a sheepish smile, pretending to wave an imaginary flag. It was time to grow up and face this.

"I'm sorry. I was never mad at you. I was just taken off guard but it went well and it's over now," she told him quickly, probably speaking way too fast. "That was going to be the hardest part....right?"

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

Chuckling softly, Roger shook his head. Then he nodded toward the leather sofa he had situated to take up the back wall.

"It was. I mean, I wouldn't have thought right now but," he shrugged. "Honestly? Probably not. It depends how often you see her, I guess."

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

"It's whatever you want. It was too soon...but it just happened," she explained, remembering how off guard she was. One minute Lavender was getting her caffeine fix and the there was Lily....calling out to her by name.

"I'm not trying to..." Lavender searched for the words but they fell flat. If she said she wasn't trying to fix things, she'd be lying. "I just want..."

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

Taking a moment, Roger watched her struggle over words and hated himself for not knowing her well enough now to be able to finish her sentences the way he once had.

"I don't mind if you see her. I just need to know what to tell her. Because if she recognized you she's going to ask." And Roger hated few things more than lying to his daughter who was still young enough to be so trusting of her parents. "And I honestly don't know what that is. It's... early."

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

Lavender nodding, understanding. She had spent year wondering what it would have been like if she never left. But those moments were lost and she had to focus on moving forward.

"I know. We need more time," she told him. But Lavender also felt like she was tired of waiting. Enough time had passed.

"But I'm sticking around, Roger. I'm even going flat hunting after the two week tour." Lavender looked up at him, a hopeful look in her eyes.

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

Reaching out before he could stop himself, Roger tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and gave her a genuine but tight smile.

"I meant it when I said I want you back in my life. You're here and ... I'm not going to hate myself because I don't try. So I want to." Everyone from Mandy to Maeve to Eddie to Alex would probably call him foolish and he didn't mind. He'd take the heartbreak if he had to, as long as he got to have Lavender for a little while to see if they could still be as good as they'd once been.

But there was Lily to think about and Roger was trying to spare her as much disappointment as he could for as long as possible. "But there's Lily to think about. And ... I'm more careful about who I let into her life than into mine."

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

Lavender nodded. None of this sounded very promising to her. After all, how would they try anything if he didn't want her to be around Lily.

"I don't have the best track record...I know," she said, her eyes looking anywhere but at Roger. Raking her fingers through her hair, Lavender rocked back and forth on her heels.

"I fucked up. I really did and I'm sorry. I missed out on so much." Her voice caught briefly before she composed herself. Between running into Lily and the news about Parvti, she was surprised she wasn't a blubbering mess.

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

"It's not even about that," Roger shook his head. "I'm not still mad. I think I got over being pissed at you the minute I realized Maeve took Lily and did the same thing." Granted, those two events had practically overlapped, but it was true.

Roger sighed and rubbed at his eyes. "What are we doing? What do you want to do? In concise, easy to understand terms. That's what I need to know."

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

Taking a deep breath, Lavender realized how much Roger had been through. Of course Alex and Marlow had kept her updated, but at the time she was too wrapped up in her own heartbreak.

"Roger, I want to be with you," she told him firmly. Her voice was steady and sure again. "I want to make...whatever this is...work."

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

"Then I say let's try it. We're older now. And we know ourselves better." Not to mention anything about the ways they had changed, but he thought that was too obvious to bring up.

"Just... I have to be careful with who and how I introduce them to Lily. And... you have to be okay with her." Roger did everything within his power to keep from sounding accusatory because he didn't want to push things on her. "Are you? Or do you think you could be?"

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

"I'm not going to tell you it might not be hard for me," she started, reaching for Roger's hands. Lavender met his gaze and smiled. "But she's your daughter and she's lovely...I can be okay with this."

Maybe it was the news of losing Parvati. It could have been the way they had bumped into each other at the reunion. Or even how no other guy had ever made her heart flutter like this. Roger was worth the fight.

Lavender gave his hands a final squeeze before reaching for her purse. She pulled out a small box and held it out for him. Inside contained a ticket stub to every game he had ever played.

"Here...take it," she told him, looking at him hopefully.

Re: Switch

[rkdavies]

It was the best thing she could have said. Roger wasn't delusional enough to ask her to be perfectly fine with Roger having a daughter when they'd been on such thin ice with each other back then, but if she was willing to try, he had eliminated every single reason he had to even attempt talking himself out of this.

Not that he was trying very hard.

Roger let her pull her hands away, though he mostly just wanted to pull her back. He took the box, giving her a look of pure confusion and furrowed eyebrows. Then he opened it.

Ticket after ticket was piled in the box, some more faded with age than others. The dates all lined up and the teams changed right at the times he traded from one team to another, moving up to better and better teams.

Roger dropped the stubs he was holding back into the box and looked up at her, shocked and maybe a little hopeful. "Did you... go to all of these?"

Re: Switch

[lavender_x]

Lavender watched him intently, anxious for his reaction. And when he looked back up at her, a small smile graced her lips.

"When I was eleven, I promised you I'd never miss a game," she told him, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

No matter where she had been in the world, Lavender made sure to make it to the stadium with just enough time to make it to her seat before the whistle blew. But she always went alone.

"I told myself I'd just go until you got big...and then," Lavender took a deep breath, "I realized when I was in the stands, watching you, it was like stepping back in time. It kept me going somehow."