Fic: Only Acting (Supernatural RPF)
Title: Only Acting
Author: rirren
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Jared, Jensen
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (small mentions of Jared/female fluffer and Jensen/female fluffer)
Word Count: ~7,700
Genre: crack, smut, angst, non-au
Content Notes: dubcon, blackmail, public sex, light humiliation
Summary: Jared and Jensen are faced with the greatest challenge of their acting careers, something that could break their friendship forever: acting out Sam and Dean's first time on screen.
Written for this SPN Kink Meme prompt.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters herein are based on real people, but the words and events are completely made up. They are not intended to be mistaken for fact, and no libel is intended.
Author's Note: For the purpose of this fanfic neither Jared nor Jensen are dating anyone at this time. The views expressed by the characters here are not necessarily endorsed by the author (use a condom, guys!). Also, big thanks to walking-tornado for an awesome betaing job!
This fic is also on AO3.
:::
"What the fuck."
Jensen stared at the script in his hand, unable to believe what he was looking at. He leafed through it, all the way to the end and then back again, just to make sure he hadn't misunderstood.
"What. The. Fuck."
"Hey, Jen." Jared swung himself into the chair next to him, tilting his sports drink up and taking a sip from it at the same time.
"Have you seen this fucking thing?" Jensen demanded, waving the offending script under Jared's nose.
Jared scrunched his face a little and his eyes darted to the side. "Oh. Yeah, that. It's just a stupid joke, someone playing a prank."
"Well, I'm sick of it. I'm gonna talk to Eric."
He got up, leaving Jared behind, and marched over to the other side of the set, where Eric was in deep conversation with one of the lighting technicians. Eric looked up at Jensen's approach and smiled; Jensen gave back a tight grimace.
"All right," he said, throwing the script down on the top of the little folding table. "This is really funny but we need the actual script."
Eric frowned and the technician curiously reached over to pick up the script. Jensen snatched it back quickly, his cheeks coloring.
"That is the script," said Eric.
"That is not-there is no way-" Jensen stuttered before finally saying, "Look, can we talk in private?"
"Sure," said Eric, looking concerned, and he turned to lead the way to his office.
Jensen collapsed in the chair when they got there, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. Eric took a seat across from him and folded his hands on the desk.
"Now, is there a problem with the script?"
Jensen immediately let out a bark of laughter, unable to control himself. "Is there a problem? Yes. Yes, obviously there is a problem. This is-this is a joke, you can't be serious, right?"
"Jensen, I don't hand out joke scripts. Why is this script a problem?"
"Because you can't show explicit incest on prime time television!"
The air in the room rang with the echo of Jensen's shout. Eric leaned back in his chair, face clearing in understanding. "No, of course not. This episode will be shown in a later time slot."
Jensen gaped for a few seconds, unable to speak. "That-that is not the issue here. Sam and Dean would not do this. And consensual gay incest? Even HBO wouldn't broadcast that shit!"
"I've been leading up to this for 5 seasons." Eric looked vaguely puzzled by Jensen's reaction. "This is where I've always envisioned Sam and Dean ending up."
"The show is about their brotherly relationship!" Jensen exploded, throwing the script at the wall. "Not Sam and Dean fucking! That's what you've always said!"
Eric avoided his gaze, looking a little shifty. "Well, I didn't mention it per se, but I've always had it as the planned ending in the back of my mind."
"This is fucking ridiculous. I'm not doing it."
"You're legally obligated to finish season 5 and you've already signed the contract for season 6," said Eric, his voice turning steely.
"Fucking Jared on-screen was not part of my fucking contract. I'm done."
Jensen turned and left the room. Eric stood up and was yelling something at him and Jensen started running, his mind a blur, and he didn't stop until he reached his trailer. He slammed the door shut, collapsed on the floor, and buried his face in his hands.
He sat there for several minutes until he became aware of knocking. He lifted his head, feeling dazed with anger and disbelief, and tried to focus.
"Jen? Jensen? … Are you okay?"
Jensen stood up and opened the door, bracing himself against the wall and staring blankly at Jared.
"Jesus, you look terrible, what the hell happened?"
Jensen shrugged and turned away, moving further into the trailer and slumping onto the couch. Jared followed and sat down next to him, face creased with concern.
"It's not a joke script. He actually expects us to do this." Jensen's voice started rising in anger and his hands dug into the fabric of the couch. "Fucking Wincest for the series finale. He's gone fucking insane."
Jared's eyes widened. "Seriously? But it doesn't even make sense."
"I know!" Jensen stood up and paced the confines of the trailer. "But Eric says he had this planned from the beginning. It was his vision or some shit."
"But Jen-" Jared's voice lowered and he leaned forward. "The script-it was pretty explicit, like, actual sex … he can't expect us to-"
"He was pretty clear that that was the real script." Jensen shook his head. "It doesn't fucking matter anyway. I quit."
Jared stood up now, looking alarmed. "Wait, what about the show? I can't carry it on my own. You can't just leave me-"
"What do you expect me to do! I don't want to leave but I'm not-I can't" Jensen's voice cut out and he brought his thumb to his lips, biting down hard on the knuckle, trying to control himself.
Jared muttered, "God, Jen," and then Jensen was wrapped in his arms. Jensen buried his face in Jared's shoulder. Jared rubbed his hands down Jensen's back several times and said, "Look, I'll talk to Eric and our lawyers. I'm sure we can come to some sort of compromise on the Wincest, maybe just a kiss or something. They don't need to show explicit sex for that."
:::
Jensen's lawyer leafed through the contract, tutting and letting out little exhales through his nose. Jared's lawyer was sitting beside him, rubbing her forehead and frowning.
"Well, they've got you both tied up pretty tight," Jensen's lawyer said finally.
"No way," said Jared, leaning forward in his chair. "There's no way this isn't a breach of contract. I mean, it's pornography."
"Normally, I'd say so, but with the way these contracts have been written, Section 6, clause 44b could definitely be interpreted to mean pornography is part of your contract."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Jensen buried his head in his hands, nails digging into his scalp.
"You agree with him?" Jared demanded, turning to his lawyer.
She nodded soberly, a hint of sympathy in her eyes. "If you don't go through with this it will be a breach of contract. And, I hate to say this, but he has strong grounds to sue you for every cent you've got."
:::
Jared and Jensen's next step was to talk Eric out of it. But Eric was adamant and could not be moved on his creative decision, no matter how passionately they argued. Finally Jensen said in despair, "But it's porn!"
Eric just looked back at them blankly and said, "Yes. I'm going back to my roots. Did you know I got my start in the adult film industry?"
Caught unaware, Jared and Jensen fell into a stunned silence.
"But you can't just completely change the genre of the show," Jared tried. "Can't we do it how we've done all the other sex scenes, you know, with cut-aways and strategically placed sheets?"
Eric considered that. "Yes, we could. We could do that. But the network doesn't want to. They're looking to break into the adult film industry market, make extra porn episodes for all their popular shows. And they've chosen Supernatural to test the market!"
"Wha-?"
"Of course, with my background it's hardly surprising they chose Supernatural. But anyway, this is an honor! You're the trailblazers for an entirely new TV format!"
There was no arguing with Eric after that, so convinced was he that this was a good thing for the show. In the end it came down to two choices: leave the show or go through with it.
They talked about it late one night, sitting in Jared's trailer.
"I don't want to leave the show like this, leave Sam and Dean's story untold," said Jared, wringing his hands. "But you shouldn't have to do this … we'll tell Eric tomorrow we're quitting."
Jensen let out a sigh and leaned over, scrubbing his hands through his hair. "We can't do that without breaking our contracts," he said in frustration. "No … you're right. We can't let the fans down, can't leave the show without a proper ending. Let's just get through this."
"You're sure?" said Jared, concern in his voice. He reached over and grabbed Jensen's hand, cradling it in his much larger ones.
"Yeah," said Jensen, staring down at their hands before looking up to meet Jared's eyes. "I mean, it's just acting ... right?"
:::
In the several days before filming, both Jared and Jensen had to be tested for every type of STD there was. They were both fine with that until they realized they weren't going to be using condoms during the shoot. When they raised this concern, Eric dismissed it.
"You think Sam and Dean would want a condom getting in the way of their first time together? No, I'm show-runner, I know these things."
Jensen gave up, unable to muster any interest in fighting Eric on another decision. As long as they were both clean it didn't make any difference whether they were using condoms or not. It was still sex, either way.
In the run-up to filming they ran the lines together several times. The script was ridiculous, in Jensen's opinion, and jarred so much with his view of Dean's character that he struggled to make the lines believable. Several times he found himself thinking of just walking away, but breaking his contract would ruin his career. He couldn't risk it.
"Dean, whatever you want, I'll give it to you."
They were in final rehearsal. Jared cradled Jensen's face. Jensen clung to Jared passionately, or at least he tried to.
"Please, Sammy, fuck me," said Jensen between gritted teeth.
Eric clicked his tongue at Jensen's pained delivery. "No, no, no! You need to put more feeling into it. This is Dean's last night with Sam and he's finally letting his brother know what he needs. You need to let that vulnerability show."
Jensen clenched his hands before giving up and whirling around. "Why does Sam have to be the dominant one, huh? Dean's the older brother: he would be the one taking control here!"
"Didn't you pay attention to Sam and Dean's previous sex scenes?" Eric countered. "Look at how forceful and dominant Sam was with Madison, and how tender Dean was with Anna."
"But that doesn't mean he bottoms!"
"Um, I don't mind doing it the other way around," Jared spoke up, looking over at Eric and fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. Jensen felt his face flush hot at the suggestion.
"No!" Eric shouted, smacking his hand against the arm of his chair and half-rising out of it. "Dean bottoming is integral to the plot!"
Jensen clenched his teeth to stop the 'fuck you' from coming out. He glanced at Jared, who stared back at him helplessly.
"Now try it again," said Eric, settling back into his chair.
:::
Jensen paced his corner of the set. He brought his fingers up to his mouth to chew on the nails before letting them drop. No, he'd stopped that habit-couldn't slide back now. Anyway, what was he worrying about? It was only acting, he'd played characters completely different from himself before. He'd played an insane serial killer just recently, so incestuous brothers should be no problem. Yeah, sure, no problem.
"Jensen, you need to go in." It was one of the runners, standing there waiting, a clipboard in hand.
Jensen let all the air out from his lungs in one breath and then held it for a second. His heartbeat felt a little slower. He nodded and strode over to the bedroom set that was meant to be the spare room at Bobby's. Jared was already there, wearing a T-shirt and soft sweatpants. Jensen sat on his bed and picked up the prop gun and the cloth, waiting till they were counted in and then starting to clean the gun gently.
"Dean ... tomorrow, if this thing goes our way … you know I'm not coming back."1
Jensen kept his eyes fixed on the gun and scrubbed a little harder. "Yeah, I'm aware."2
"So you got to promise me something."2
Jensen looked up now. Jared was standing across the room, a serious look on his face. Jensen raised his eyebrows. "Okay. Yeah, anything."2
"You gotta promise not to try and bring me back."2
"What? No, I didn't sign up for that!" Jared tried to interrupt and Jensen carried on, his voice getting louder. "Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. You want me just to sit by and do nothing?"2
He stood up, throwing the gun onto the bed. Jared shook his head and said, "Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky."2
"No, no, no. You can't expect me to sit back and let you rot!"1
"You don't have a choice,"2 said Jared gently.
"I can't leave you there on your own," said Jensen, putting as much desperation into his voice as possible.
Jared stepped forward and grabbed Jensen's hand. "I'm sorry, Dean. But you have to.1 Please. Promise me?"
Jensen held back and said in a tight voice, "Sammy … I-okay, for you, I promise."
Jared squeezed his hand before letting go and Jensen sank down onto the bed, body limp. He felt the bed shift as Jared sat down next to him. "What am I gonna do without you?" Jensen asked helplessly.
Jared moved awkwardly and Jensen spoke up. "Well, if this is our last night … I need to tell you something." There was a pause as Jensen tried to look like he was gathering his courage. "I-I love you, Sam."
"...I love you too, Dean. Was that it? I already kno-"
"No," Jensen growled and then reached over, cupping Jared's face, and pressed their lips together. Jared's lips were soft and parted automatically under his. He held the position while he counted two seconds, reflecting on how weird it was to be kissing his male best friend, before he pulled away.
"Sorry," said Jensen, looking away and making his voice gruffer and deeper than usual. "I know you probably hate me now. But I had to tell you."
"Dean, wait-" Jared moved, grabbing Jensen by the back of the head and bringing him in for another, more desperate kiss. Jensen opened his mouth slightly and let Jared's tongue in, remembering Eric's insistence on a 'proper French kiss', and he gripped Jared's T-shirt, bringing their bodies in closer.
When they broke apart Jensen was gasping as if he was overwhelmed, which wasn't hard to act. Jared was a really good kisser. He clung to Jared, staring into his eyes.
"I want, I want-"
"Dean, whatever you want, I'll give it to you," Jared whispered.
"Please, Sammy, fuck me."
The moment stretched out. Jensen thought he'd gotten the delivery right. He didn't have much to do now except stare at Jared as Jared's eyes widened and tenderness washed over his face. Jensen just had to hold that pleading look on his face and wait, wait for it...
"God, Dean," breathed Jared, and he leaned forward to capture Jensen's lips in a soft kiss.
"...Aaand, cut!" came Eric's yell from across the set. Jensen pulled away quickly, giving Jared a tight-lipped smile that was probably more of a grimace. "Yesss, this is perfect," said Eric, squeezing his hands together and looking gleeful. "All the subtext, all the hints, finally building to this: Canon Wincest!"
"Okay, guys," called out the floor manager. "Break for 20 minutes. Well done."
Jared stood up and stretched, and Jensen followed him. They took their break sitting over by the snack area. Jared tried to make conversation but Jensen could barely concentrate enough to hear Jared's words. He stared down at his feet, and his vision blurred as his eyes unfocused.
Jared had started whispering with one of the camera operators. "I don't get why all you guys are okay with this," he hissed.
"Well, I did think the Wincest was a little unbelievable at first but I've gone back and re-watched some of the episodes and, yeah, I can see the signs leading towards it."
"Not that! I'm talking about me and Jensen having to fuck on camera."
"Oh, right. Well, it's a bold move but I think it could pay off for the show. And honestly, you guys spend so much time together we all figured you'd be okay with this."
"We're not-! Are you suggesting-? We get enough of that from SPN Gossip, we're just friends!"
Jensen tuned out completely at this point. Soon the only thought going through his head was: In 20 minutes your co-star is going to fuck you. In 10 minutes Jared Padalecki is going to fuck you. In 5 minutes your best friend is going to fuck you.
"We're on again! Jared, Jensen!"
"C'mon, Jen." Jared touched his elbow gently and they walked over to the bedroom set while Jensen tried to shake himself out of the fugue he'd fallen into. He needed to become his character. He was Dean Winchester, and he was in love with his brother. He snorted. God, what the hell was the matter with Eric, writing this crap?
The makeup crew grabbed him when they were close enough and pulled him away from Jared. One of them patted some top-up foundation on his face and the other carefully fixed his hair.
"All done!" said the makeup artist, smiling at him. Jensen looked across to see Jared had just finished being fussed over too. Jared gave him a weak smile but he had that cornered, deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes. Jensen could relate.
"Okay, boys," said Eric, coming over and crouching down next to the bed where Jared and Jensen had just sat down. "You already know the score, kissing, handjob, break to get Jensen prepared, and then Jared will fuck you. Just keep in the mindset of the characters and it'll all go great."
He patted Jensen on the shoulder and left, leaving Jensen and Jared staring at each other. Jensen broke out of the daze first, grabbed onto Jared's shirt, and pulled him closer. They waited a few seconds, frozen in that position, until they were given the go ahead.
"God, Dean," breathed Jared and he kissed Jensen, his lips soft and gentle.
Jensen clung on as Jared moved down, sucking kisses on his neck and collarbone. He kept his eyes shut in what he imagined looked like ecstasy but really Jensen just wanted to pretend there was no-one watching him; that it was just him and Jared. It was strange, being kissed by his friend, but it was also nice, because being kissed generally was.
All too soon Jared's hand brushed against the top of his jeans, in a sign that they were moving on. Jensen opened his eyes and let Jared push him down until he was lying on his back. Jared whispered "Dean, let me..." and slipped his hand in.
Jensen threw his head back at the tentative touch, at the feeling of Jared's large hand grasping him, and gasped, "Sammy!" Jared smiled and started to move his hand up and down, slowly jacking him to hardness.
Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, writhing on the pillow. He'd questioned Eric about this bit, saying it was too passive and Eric had responded that it was in character for Dean to behave like this with his brother. He was glad now that he didn't have to be active for this bit, that he could close his eyes and not have to see the crew and the cameras watching him. Lying here, he could almost divorce the teasing touches and sensations from the situation they were in. Almost.
Finally, Jensen opened his eyes and pushed Jared's hand away. He was quicker now, acting desperate, pulling his jeans and boxers off and reaching for Jared, pulling him into a bruising kiss. Jared was a little unresponsive but Jensen could easily make up for that on his end. He pulled away and brushed Jared's soft hair back from his face.
"Sammy, let me," he pleaded.
His hand drifted down and cupped Jared firmly through his jeans before he pulled the zipper down slowly, taking his time. He slid his hands into Jared's boxers and pulled out his cock, having a moment of stunned realization that he was touching his best friend like this. This was the first time he'd seen another man's cock this close up. It was still soft but a good size, maybe slightly bigger than Jensen's. God, he hoped Jared was a shower and not a grower, otherwise he didn't know how Jared was going to fit inside him.
Jensen twisted his hand and brushed his thumb over the head. Jared made a small sound and grabbed Jensen by the shoulder, his head bowed. Jensen slowly jacked his hand, watching Jared closely, but Jared wouldn't look up at him: his eyes squeezed shut and his hair fell forward, obscuring his expression.
It could have been an intimate moment; the way Jared was leaning over him made it easy to pretend that it was just the two of them, but Jensen couldn't forget about the cameras. Eric and the crew were all watching him jerk off his friend. And then they were going to watch them have sex.
Jensen's breath started to come a little faster. His hand was moving but his body felt like it was on autopilot. He didn't think he could do this. He'd just have to quit. And find the footage and destroy it. There was no way he could do this, he couldn't, he couldn't...
"Cut!" There was a sudden shout. Jensen jerked and pulled away, looking wildly over at Eric. "Jared, do we have a problem here?" questioned Eric, frustrated.
Jensen looked over at his friend and then down to where his hand encircled Jared's cock, surprised to see that, yes, Jared was still soft. He'd been so out of it he hadn't even noticed. Jared's face was flushed with embarrassment and he was avoiding Jensen's stare.
"Get the fluffer over here!" yelled Eric and Jared flinched, hunching over slightly.
"Wait!" Jensen pulled on his jeans quickly, leaving the fly open around his erection, and zipped up Jared's at the same time. "Just give us a second here. I need to talk to Jared."
He grabbed Jared and pulled him over to a corner of the set. "Hey, Jared, hey, you okay?" he asked, patting his friend over.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Jen," said Jared lowly, his voice rough.
"What are you-?" asked Jensen in surprise before realizing what Jared was talking about. "Hey, I don't care about that, of course I don't."
Jared shook his head and bit his lip., "I'm messing it up," he said, "and I-I want to make it good for you but-I don't know ... I think I'm about to lose it."
"You're not the only one freaking out here," said Jensen. "I was about to have a panic attack before Eric interrupted."
"You-really?"
"Of course," said Jensen emphatically, and he dropped his voice to continue. "It's a shitty situation and we got everyone watching us and filming-"
Jared's eyes widened and he started breathing noticeably faster. Jensen stopped talking, berating himself. "But that doesn't matter," he said firmly. "You just-just ignore it, okay?" He grabbed Jared by the shoulders. "Focus on me and nothing else. None of the rest is important."
"But I-Jen, I don't want to hurt you-"
Jensen's breath caught slightly as he was reminded of the situation, that Jared was going to be fucking him. "That's not-don't worry about that," he said, trying to reassure himself as much as Jared. "You're not going to hurt me. I trust you."
Jared still looked worried so Jensen pulled him into a hug. "Just breathe with me for a while. Close your eyes and focus on me."
Jared turned his face into Jensen's neck and Jensen felt the hot puffs of air and his chest rising and falling as he breathed together with him. He could do this. It was only Jared, his best friend. He could think of no-one better at his side to go through something this hellish. Jensen stroked Jared's back, feeling oddly better that he had someone else to comfort and that he wasn't the only one freaking out about this.
His eyes drifted over to the set and he saw Eric make an impatient gesture at his watch.
"Okay," said Jensen, giving Jared one last pat on his back before pulling away. "The fluffer needs to take care of you now, but when we get back in there just remember: concentrate on me. Ignore everyone else. I'll take care of you and you take care of me."
Jared gave him a tiny smile and nodded, looking a little reassured.
Eric waved Jared over to the other side of the set, where a slight red-headed woman walked up to Jared and smiled at him. She said something to him and then kneeled down in front of him, unzipping him and pulling his cock out. Jensen looked away just before she took it into her mouth, and his skin flushed an uncomfortable red at having inadvertently been staring.
He walked over to the set, pretending he couldn't see what was going on a few feet away from him. He pulled off his jeans, wincing as the material brushed against his erection, and sat on the bed while he was waiting. Actually, it was a good thing he was still hard; he really didn't want to stand there getting a blowjob while Jared was watching. He let his mind drift off while he slowly stroked himself to keep himself hard. He thought about that hot sound technician and the tight sweater she wore a few weeks ago, about a gorgeous pair of legs he'd seen walking past the set, about Jared's grin as he fell into Jensen's arms, both of them laughing themselves into hysterics that one night in his trailer-
Jensen's eyes flew open. What? Was he seriously jerking himself off while thinking of Jared? Maybe it was good for getting into Dean's mindset but, this was his friend. Besides, he was straight. 100% sure.
The bed dipped suddenly as Jared sat down, looking even more disheveled than before. "You ready?" he asked, shuffling around until he was sitting in between Jensen's spread legs.
"Sure!" said Jensen quickly, paranoid that somehow his train of thought might be showing on his face.
He leaned forward and grasped Jared's hard cock, giving the velvety skin a stroke before starting to jack it. Jared kissed him softly, once, twice, muttering "God, Dean."
Jensen helped Jared pull off his clothes, all the while keeping the kiss going, and then let his head roll to the side as Jared moved down and starting sucking at his neck. He bit his lip at the sensation. That had always been a really sensitive area for him. He didn't know whether he wanted Jared to stop or keep going.
Jared's hands moved down to his hips, softly dancing across his cock and then moving lower, between his legs and behind his balls, applying just the slightest amount of pressure. Jensen flinched-he couldn't help it.
"Let me, Dean," Jared whispered in his ear. "Please, I need you."
Jensen nodded, pressing a kiss to the side of Jared's mouth. This was it.
Jared eased him down slowly, pushing his leg back by the knee, exposing him. Jensen flushed underneath the makeup. On the outside he appeared eager and willing, he hoped, but on the inside he was barely keeping from panicking at the thought that the cameras, the set crew and Jared were all watching him. His first time doing anything like this just had to be on camera, didn't it? God, why hadn't he had a casual hookup with a guy before this or practiced with Jared in private? Something to ease him into it, so he wouldn't be so terrified.
"Have you done this before?" asked Jared, and he circled his finger, wet with lube, around Jensen's hole.
"I've picked up some guys before," Jensen grunted. "Always thought of you when I was doing it, though."
Jared smiled and said, "Relax." Hot breaths and kisses lead him down Jensen's body before he took Jensen's cock into his warm, beautiful mouth.
Jensen had tensed up but somehow, when Jared told him to, he relaxed. His body became putty, and he closed his eyes and groaned at the shivers of pleasure as Jared sucked him. He felt a finger push into him but it was only a minor distraction. He looked down, breath coming shakily, at Jared, at his mouth moving up and down on his cock, at his face creased in an adorable frown of concentration as he moved his finger inside of Jensen, stretching him bit by bit.
Jared's gaze snapped up, meeting Jensen's eyes, and Jensen's breath hitched as a shock of connection went through him. Jared kept his eyes steady on him and then he added a second finger. Jensen felt the burn this time but Jared distracted him, licking his cock and pressing wet kisses to his inner thighs and belly.
"I always thought about this," said Jared lowly, speaking into Jensen's stomach as he rocked against the bed. "But I didn't think you felt the same ... Dean. You're so beautiful."
"Sammy," cried Jensen. The sensation of Jared's fingers sliding wetly in and out, stretching him, was actually starting to feel good. He'd never done this before but it felt so good, he couldn't believe it-
"Cut!"
Jensen tilted his head to look at Eric and the crew. He'd actually forgotten for a second that they were there. Jared huffed in annoyance, the motion of his hips stopping completely.
"You were really getting into it and that's great," said Eric, waving over the fluffer. "But we need to get Jensen prepped now."
Jared sat up abruptly and Jensen noticed his cheeks were flushed red. "I'll just-I'll just, yeah," he said, before he ran to the other bed, curled his legs up to his chest and sat facing away, like he was sulking or hiding.
Jensen propped himself up on his elbows, nonplussed at Jared's behavior. He was quickly distracted by the fluffer, the same woman who had attended to Jared before, appearing at his side like she'd come out of nowhere.
"Just lay back and relax and we'll be done in a flash," she said.
Jensen laid his head back down, closing his eyes and wincing as he felt her fingers probe his entrance and push in. She went up to three fingers, stretching him in a perfunctory and professional manner. Jensen found himself wishing it was over already. She had just added her pinkie finger, thrusting in and out steadily when she said, "Okay, you're ready now. Oh, wait a second, looks like you've gone a bit soft. Let me just-"
And then Jensen's cock was engulfed in warmth, the fluffer sucking hard and swirling her tongue around expertly. Jensen bit down on his fist, shocked at how quickly his cock went from half soft to rock hard. A second later the warmth was gone. He opened his eyes and she was standing up, a bright smile on her face.
"All done!" she said and left. "Jared do you want me to-?" Jensen heard her say as she walked away. "Oh, never mind, looks like you're fine."
Jensen lay there, still feeling a little shell-shocked, before Jared came into view. He got onto the bed and pushed Jensen's left leg back, giving Jensen a careful look. "You ready?" he asked, two of his fingers slipping easily into Jensen's hole.
"Yeah," muttered Jensen. Sure, he was ready. Sex with his best friend, who was also a guy. Easy-peasy.
"Action!" came the call.
Jared's fingers starting moving in and out. "I'm gonna fuck you now," he said, his voice low and seductive.
Jensen rocked his hips up desperately. "Please, Sammy. Need you in me," he moaned.
And then Jared was pushing both his legs up, folding Jensen and leaning down on him. Jensen felt Jared's cock come to rest against his hole and then slowly, slowly push in. He couldn't help it, his eyes squeezed shut automatically at the stretch as the head pushed inside. There wasn't any pain (the fluffer had done her job well), but the burn and the strange feeling of opening up was almost more than he could bear.
"Cut!" Eric shouted. Jensen opened his eyes as he felt Jared pull out, and his breath came shallowly as he tried not panic. "Jensen, you need to look like you're enjoying it!" Eric continued. He sounded pretty pissed now, actually. "This is the culmination of Sam and Dean's love for each other, all Dean has ever wanted from his brother, so you need to show that love when Jared fucks you!"
"Jesus," Jared muttered and then yelled, "We get it! Just give us a sec." He pulled Jensen up a little, giving him an awkward hug. He rubbed his hands up and down Jensen's back, stroking him reassuringly. Jensen hugged back tightly, burying his face in Jared's chest. "Look, Jen, I know this sucks," said Jared quietly into his ear. "Just look at me when we do it. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? You're my best friend, you're safe with me."
Jensen pulled back, getting a good look at his friend's face. Jared's lips quirked up a bit, his expression open and accepting. "Okay," breathed Jensen.
Jared nodded. "Good. You just keep your eyes on me the whole time, yeah? I'll look after you." And then he looked over at Eric, giving a twitch of his head to signal they were ready to go.
Jared got in close, and his body took up all of Jensen's vision as he spread Jensen's legs up and over his shoulders. His cock brushed against Jensen's rim and he stroked Jensen's hair. Jensen kept his eyes on Jared, an unwavering stare that was returned, as Jared pushed in. There was a little resistance at the beginning but Jensen bore down, relaxing his whole body, and then the head pushed past the ring of muscle before, in one steady movement, it slid slowly all the way in. Jensen clutched Jared's hand, eyes wide as he struggled to comprehend that Jared was inside him.
He couldn't hide, there was nowhere to go. Jared was deep inside him, this long, hot length filling him up, closer than anyone had ever been. Jensen clenched involuntarily and Jared groaned, eyes fluttering shut for a second. It felt as if Jared was splitting him open, but there was no pain, nothing except the sensation that he was full, that he had always been empty before and never realized it.
Jensen gave a tentative buck of his hips, testing it out, and gasped at the shock of arousal that traveled through him at the movement. Jared grunted and gave an almost involuntary thrust back.
And suddenly, it was perfect. It was Jared with him, and all Jensen wanted was for him to move.
"Move, move, please, Sam," he begged, rocking upwards.
Jared bent down, stretching the muscles in Jensen's legs to their limits, and kissed him open-mouthed, with tongue. He pulled his cock out half way before slamming it back in. Jensen's body jerked back and he clenched his hands around Jared's arm, digging in his fingernails. Jared pulled away and started fucking in and out with long, steady thrusts, each movement stroking and building up the curls of pleasure inside.
Jensen stared up at Jared, and their eyes locked together. Jared's hair was loose around his face, and his expression was controlled but it flickered each time he thrust in, like he was close to losing it but would not allow himself to. He didn't let up on the pace, taking his time, until Jensen was writhing and begging for it.
"Fuck me, god dammit!" he demanded. "I'm not gonna break."
Jared smirked at him and reared back, his big hands pushing down on Jensen's thighs, and he started pounding in, his cock fucking Jensen so good. Jensen kept letting out little noises and moans; he was being loud, but he couldn't stop them escaping.
"Dean, Dean, fuck," Jared gasped, his hips moving furiously now. "I love you, I love you so much."
Jensen's cock slapped against his stomach. He was getting close, needing no more stimulation than the feeling of Jared hitting his prostate every time.
"Sammy," Jensen cried and that was it. He came, cock spurting out between them and hips rocking desperately, squeezing the last moments of pleasure from the feel of Jared's long, beautiful length fucking into him.
Jared cried out as Jensen's channel contracted around him and he fell forward, thrusting in as far as he could before he came deep inside. And at that moment, Jensen heard him breathe in his ear, "Jen."
Jared's hips kept rocking through the aftermath before finally they stilled, and Jared's weight rested completely on Jensen. Jensen panted as the soft haze of satisfaction set in, trying to comprehend Jared's words, and wondering if he'd maybe misheard him. Jared shifted, his soft cock slipping out, and fell onto his back next to Jensen, chest rising and falling like he'd just run a mile. Jensen let his legs fall back down, wincing at the ache in his muscles.
"And cut!" Eric shouted. "Magnificent, sublime, epoch-defining. Except you, Jared, sounded like you said a different name at the end. Don't worry though, we can edit that out in post-production."
:::
"Have you read the latest article in Rolling Stone?" asked Jared. He pulled out a magazine from his bag and pushed it across the coffee shop table towards him. "It looks like the final episode was a big success. They're, uh ... they're saying it's the defining TV moment of this generation."
Jensen pushed away the magazine before he could see the cover and grabbed his coffee, taking a sip like he could hide behind it. He stared over at the paintings of coffee cups and twee inspirational sayings decorating the walls, his silence deliberate.
It had been two months since they'd finished filming the finale. Since then, the atmosphere between him and Jared had been beyond awkward. Jensen had been trying to act as normal as possible but Jared had barely been able to look at Jensen without his face turning bright red. The crew hadn't seemed to notice, throwing a party to celebrate on the last day, toasting them, congratulating them, and exclaiming fervently that it had been amazing seeing the love between Sam and Dean finally shown onscreen.
During the three-month break Jensen and Jared had gone back to live with their families, but they still saw each other every couple of weeks. Jared had been making a noticeable effort each time they met up but he seemed weirdly nervous, stuttering and blushing at random times. Even the joking around and the pranks he still played on Jensen had a different feel: he wasn't doing it just for fun anymore, he seemed to be testing Jensen, like he was waiting for a particular response.
Jensen was having difficulty accepting any touches or hugs from Jared anymore-his body unable to forget the more intimate touches and his mind unable to forget what Jared had whispered to him. Jared wilted each time Jensen shied away from him, and his continued advances of friendship grew more cautious and timid. Jensen felt bad whenever Jared made that crushed look but he couldn't suppress his body's automatic reactions.
Jared looked like he was regretting bringing the subject up at all, nervously rubbing the surface of the table, but he bravely tried to carry on. "It wasn't as bad as you think," he said. "They edited it down to a five-minute segment. It was-it was really tasteful, I heard."
"It's still five minutes of us fucking," Jensen said bluntly.
Jared winced. "Yeah..."
An awkward silence descended on them. Jensen looked down into the dark swirl of his coffee and then risked a glance up. Jared was staring down at the table, worrying away at his bottom lip. He looked pretty crushed. Jensen returned his gaze to his coffee cup, hands stroking the warm ceramic. They both sat there, in silence, neither one looking at the other, and Jensen was struck by the difference a few months made. People would never guess these were the same two men who had been utterly comfortable with each other and the closest of friends. If it carried on like this, they might never regain that closeness. They would just drift apart slowly, hanging out less and less until they separated completely. Jensen could let it happen. It would be easier to forget what had happened between them, sure, but he realized, now, he didn't want that. He didn't want to lose one of the best friends he'd ever had.
"So I heard your cousin got married?"
Jared looked up at Jensen's pretty lame attempt at a conversation starter. His eyes were cautiously hopeful and a crooked smile broke over his face. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, you-you wanna see the photos? I got them on my iPad here."
It worked. Somewhat. They both kept the conversation going and gradually Jensen started to relax, started to remember why he'd become friends with Jared in the first place.
They dragged out lunch as much as possible and when it was time to part Jensen found he didn't actually want to leave yet. He suggested meeting back in a couple of hours and going to a bar. Jared almost fell over himself agreeing.
And that was how they'd ended up here, with Jensen holding up his friend as he tried to get him upstairs to Jared's room in the hotel. Jared hadn't stopped drinking the entire time they were at the bar, gulping down his drinks as he laughed a little too loudly, like he didn't want to screw this up. Finally Jensen had called an early halt to their night out, worried Jared was going to give himself alcohol poisoning.
Jared's feet slipped as Jensen rounded the corner of the corridor, and he laughed as he grabbed onto Jensen to stop his fall. Jensen hoisted him up and pulled Jared's hand away from where it clutched his belt. He reached the door and rifled in Jared's pockets for the key card. Jared leaned heavily on him and laughed, a low, breathy sound, the puffs of air on Jensen's neck making his skin prickle into goose bumps.
"Jen, wha-what're you doin'?" Jared giggled.
Jensen finally found the keycard in Jared's jeans pocket and swiped it through the card reader, in a hurry to get in and get Jared off him. Jared clung to him like a limpet as Jensen lugged him to the bed and tried to push him onto it. Jared didn't let go, nuzzling his face in Jensen's neck. Jensen froze. Then there was a kiss being pressed to his skin and he was bringing his hand up in a panic, pushing and trying to keep Jared from moving in closer, from kissing him on the mouth.
"Jen, I can't stop thinking about it, I want you-"
Jared's lips touched Jensen's and in an instance all those horrifying memories of being exposed, of being watched, rushed into his head. Jensen shoved him back and Jared fell onto the bed, crying out as his elbow collided with the steel bars of the headboard. Jensen's chest heaved as he tried to grasp what had just happened. Jared cradled his arm to his chest, bowed his head, and started crying softly.
"Jesus, you big idiot," exhaled Jensen. "Sober up. I'll be back in the morning."
:::
Jared was all wide apologetic eyes when Jensen came round to the hotel room the next morning. "Jensen, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was-"
"Save it," said Jensen curtly. "Are you really gonna tell me you didn't know what you were doing, or that it was a mistake?"
Jared opened his mouth once before closing it. His eyes dropped. "No."
"So why did you do it?"
Jared didn't say anything for a second, and his hands twisted the bottom of his sweatshirt. "I can't stop thinking about it," he said quietly. "I feel so bad, but I enjoyed it, some part of me did. And then I started to ... feel things towards you. I know it's terrible." His words rushed out here. "I'm gonna-I'll repress it better, and if you can forget it, I still want to be friends-"
"Stop." Jared froze. "That whole thing," said Jensen. "It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I wish I'd never done it, that I'd just quit." Jared's face crumpled. "But … you were the only good thing about it."
Jared was staring at him, completely still, like he'd stopped breathing.
"I've been thinking about you too," Jensen admitted. "I don't know if we can make it work but I want to try, try and make some good experiences together."
Jared reached over hesitantly, giving Jensen time to pull back if he wanted, and gently took Jensen's hand in his. "I want to try too," he said softly. "Can I … Can I kiss you?"
Jensen paused for a moment as he considered that. He nodded. Jared stepped forward, his eyes flicking over Jensen's face, gauging his expression, and then he cradled Jensen's face in one hand and softly kissed him, like Jensen was an incredibly precious thing he didn't want to break. He pulled away and Jensen slowly opened his eyes.
"Was that okay?"
And it was. It had felt weird at first but that had faded away into a soft rush of happiness. He knew he wasn't ready to dive into anything physical, but he also knew that Jared would wait for him, that he would want to take it slow too.
He smiled and squeezed Jared's hand before bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "Yeah."
:::
1Modified dialogue from:
Kripke, E. & Gerwitz, E. (Writer) & Boyum, S. (Director). (2010). Swan Song [Television series episode]. In T. P. Aronauer (Producer), Supernatural. Chicago: The CW Television Network.
2Dialogue from:
Kripke, E. & Gerwitz, E. (Writer) & Boyum, S. (Director). (2010). Swan Song [Television series episode]. In T. P. Aronauer (Producer), Supernatural. Chicago: The CW Television Network.
Author: rirren
Fandom: Supernatural RPF
Rating: NC-17
Characters: Jared, Jensen
Pairing: Jared/Jensen (small mentions of Jared/female fluffer and Jensen/female fluffer)
Word Count: ~7,700
Genre: crack, smut, angst, non-au
Content Notes: dubcon, blackmail, public sex, light humiliation
Summary: Jared and Jensen are faced with the greatest challenge of their acting careers, something that could break their friendship forever: acting out Sam and Dean's first time on screen.
Written for this SPN Kink Meme prompt.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. The characters herein are based on real people, but the words and events are completely made up. They are not intended to be mistaken for fact, and no libel is intended.
Author's Note: For the purpose of this fanfic neither Jared nor Jensen are dating anyone at this time. The views expressed by the characters here are not necessarily endorsed by the author (use a condom, guys!). Also, big thanks to walking-tornado for an awesome betaing job!
This fic is also on AO3.
:::
"What the fuck."
Jensen stared at the script in his hand, unable to believe what he was looking at. He leafed through it, all the way to the end and then back again, just to make sure he hadn't misunderstood.
"What. The. Fuck."
"Hey, Jen." Jared swung himself into the chair next to him, tilting his sports drink up and taking a sip from it at the same time.
"Have you seen this fucking thing?" Jensen demanded, waving the offending script under Jared's nose.
Jared scrunched his face a little and his eyes darted to the side. "Oh. Yeah, that. It's just a stupid joke, someone playing a prank."
"Well, I'm sick of it. I'm gonna talk to Eric."
He got up, leaving Jared behind, and marched over to the other side of the set, where Eric was in deep conversation with one of the lighting technicians. Eric looked up at Jensen's approach and smiled; Jensen gave back a tight grimace.
"All right," he said, throwing the script down on the top of the little folding table. "This is really funny but we need the actual script."
Eric frowned and the technician curiously reached over to pick up the script. Jensen snatched it back quickly, his cheeks coloring.
"That is the script," said Eric.
"That is not-there is no way-" Jensen stuttered before finally saying, "Look, can we talk in private?"
"Sure," said Eric, looking concerned, and he turned to lead the way to his office.
Jensen collapsed in the chair when they got there, and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. Eric took a seat across from him and folded his hands on the desk.
"Now, is there a problem with the script?"
Jensen immediately let out a bark of laughter, unable to control himself. "Is there a problem? Yes. Yes, obviously there is a problem. This is-this is a joke, you can't be serious, right?"
"Jensen, I don't hand out joke scripts. Why is this script a problem?"
"Because you can't show explicit incest on prime time television!"
The air in the room rang with the echo of Jensen's shout. Eric leaned back in his chair, face clearing in understanding. "No, of course not. This episode will be shown in a later time slot."
Jensen gaped for a few seconds, unable to speak. "That-that is not the issue here. Sam and Dean would not do this. And consensual gay incest? Even HBO wouldn't broadcast that shit!"
"I've been leading up to this for 5 seasons." Eric looked vaguely puzzled by Jensen's reaction. "This is where I've always envisioned Sam and Dean ending up."
"The show is about their brotherly relationship!" Jensen exploded, throwing the script at the wall. "Not Sam and Dean fucking! That's what you've always said!"
Eric avoided his gaze, looking a little shifty. "Well, I didn't mention it per se, but I've always had it as the planned ending in the back of my mind."
"This is fucking ridiculous. I'm not doing it."
"You're legally obligated to finish season 5 and you've already signed the contract for season 6," said Eric, his voice turning steely.
"Fucking Jared on-screen was not part of my fucking contract. I'm done."
Jensen turned and left the room. Eric stood up and was yelling something at him and Jensen started running, his mind a blur, and he didn't stop until he reached his trailer. He slammed the door shut, collapsed on the floor, and buried his face in his hands.
He sat there for several minutes until he became aware of knocking. He lifted his head, feeling dazed with anger and disbelief, and tried to focus.
"Jen? Jensen? … Are you okay?"
Jensen stood up and opened the door, bracing himself against the wall and staring blankly at Jared.
"Jesus, you look terrible, what the hell happened?"
Jensen shrugged and turned away, moving further into the trailer and slumping onto the couch. Jared followed and sat down next to him, face creased with concern.
"It's not a joke script. He actually expects us to do this." Jensen's voice started rising in anger and his hands dug into the fabric of the couch. "Fucking Wincest for the series finale. He's gone fucking insane."
Jared's eyes widened. "Seriously? But it doesn't even make sense."
"I know!" Jensen stood up and paced the confines of the trailer. "But Eric says he had this planned from the beginning. It was his vision or some shit."
"But Jen-" Jared's voice lowered and he leaned forward. "The script-it was pretty explicit, like, actual sex … he can't expect us to-"
"He was pretty clear that that was the real script." Jensen shook his head. "It doesn't fucking matter anyway. I quit."
Jared stood up now, looking alarmed. "Wait, what about the show? I can't carry it on my own. You can't just leave me-"
"What do you expect me to do! I don't want to leave but I'm not-I can't" Jensen's voice cut out and he brought his thumb to his lips, biting down hard on the knuckle, trying to control himself.
Jared muttered, "God, Jen," and then Jensen was wrapped in his arms. Jensen buried his face in Jared's shoulder. Jared rubbed his hands down Jensen's back several times and said, "Look, I'll talk to Eric and our lawyers. I'm sure we can come to some sort of compromise on the Wincest, maybe just a kiss or something. They don't need to show explicit sex for that."
:::
Jensen's lawyer leafed through the contract, tutting and letting out little exhales through his nose. Jared's lawyer was sitting beside him, rubbing her forehead and frowning.
"Well, they've got you both tied up pretty tight," Jensen's lawyer said finally.
"No way," said Jared, leaning forward in his chair. "There's no way this isn't a breach of contract. I mean, it's pornography."
"Normally, I'd say so, but with the way these contracts have been written, Section 6, clause 44b could definitely be interpreted to mean pornography is part of your contract."
"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Jensen buried his head in his hands, nails digging into his scalp.
"You agree with him?" Jared demanded, turning to his lawyer.
She nodded soberly, a hint of sympathy in her eyes. "If you don't go through with this it will be a breach of contract. And, I hate to say this, but he has strong grounds to sue you for every cent you've got."
:::
Jared and Jensen's next step was to talk Eric out of it. But Eric was adamant and could not be moved on his creative decision, no matter how passionately they argued. Finally Jensen said in despair, "But it's porn!"
Eric just looked back at them blankly and said, "Yes. I'm going back to my roots. Did you know I got my start in the adult film industry?"
Caught unaware, Jared and Jensen fell into a stunned silence.
"But you can't just completely change the genre of the show," Jared tried. "Can't we do it how we've done all the other sex scenes, you know, with cut-aways and strategically placed sheets?"
Eric considered that. "Yes, we could. We could do that. But the network doesn't want to. They're looking to break into the adult film industry market, make extra porn episodes for all their popular shows. And they've chosen Supernatural to test the market!"
"Wha-?"
"Of course, with my background it's hardly surprising they chose Supernatural. But anyway, this is an honor! You're the trailblazers for an entirely new TV format!"
There was no arguing with Eric after that, so convinced was he that this was a good thing for the show. In the end it came down to two choices: leave the show or go through with it.
They talked about it late one night, sitting in Jared's trailer.
"I don't want to leave the show like this, leave Sam and Dean's story untold," said Jared, wringing his hands. "But you shouldn't have to do this … we'll tell Eric tomorrow we're quitting."
Jensen let out a sigh and leaned over, scrubbing his hands through his hair. "We can't do that without breaking our contracts," he said in frustration. "No … you're right. We can't let the fans down, can't leave the show without a proper ending. Let's just get through this."
"You're sure?" said Jared, concern in his voice. He reached over and grabbed Jensen's hand, cradling it in his much larger ones.
"Yeah," said Jensen, staring down at their hands before looking up to meet Jared's eyes. "I mean, it's just acting ... right?"
:::
In the several days before filming, both Jared and Jensen had to be tested for every type of STD there was. They were both fine with that until they realized they weren't going to be using condoms during the shoot. When they raised this concern, Eric dismissed it.
"You think Sam and Dean would want a condom getting in the way of their first time together? No, I'm show-runner, I know these things."
Jensen gave up, unable to muster any interest in fighting Eric on another decision. As long as they were both clean it didn't make any difference whether they were using condoms or not. It was still sex, either way.
In the run-up to filming they ran the lines together several times. The script was ridiculous, in Jensen's opinion, and jarred so much with his view of Dean's character that he struggled to make the lines believable. Several times he found himself thinking of just walking away, but breaking his contract would ruin his career. He couldn't risk it.
"Dean, whatever you want, I'll give it to you."
They were in final rehearsal. Jared cradled Jensen's face. Jensen clung to Jared passionately, or at least he tried to.
"Please, Sammy, fuck me," said Jensen between gritted teeth.
Eric clicked his tongue at Jensen's pained delivery. "No, no, no! You need to put more feeling into it. This is Dean's last night with Sam and he's finally letting his brother know what he needs. You need to let that vulnerability show."
Jensen clenched his hands before giving up and whirling around. "Why does Sam have to be the dominant one, huh? Dean's the older brother: he would be the one taking control here!"
"Didn't you pay attention to Sam and Dean's previous sex scenes?" Eric countered. "Look at how forceful and dominant Sam was with Madison, and how tender Dean was with Anna."
"But that doesn't mean he bottoms!"
"Um, I don't mind doing it the other way around," Jared spoke up, looking over at Eric and fiddling with the bottom of his shirt. Jensen felt his face flush hot at the suggestion.
"No!" Eric shouted, smacking his hand against the arm of his chair and half-rising out of it. "Dean bottoming is integral to the plot!"
Jensen clenched his teeth to stop the 'fuck you' from coming out. He glanced at Jared, who stared back at him helplessly.
"Now try it again," said Eric, settling back into his chair.
:::
Jensen paced his corner of the set. He brought his fingers up to his mouth to chew on the nails before letting them drop. No, he'd stopped that habit-couldn't slide back now. Anyway, what was he worrying about? It was only acting, he'd played characters completely different from himself before. He'd played an insane serial killer just recently, so incestuous brothers should be no problem. Yeah, sure, no problem.
"Jensen, you need to go in." It was one of the runners, standing there waiting, a clipboard in hand.
Jensen let all the air out from his lungs in one breath and then held it for a second. His heartbeat felt a little slower. He nodded and strode over to the bedroom set that was meant to be the spare room at Bobby's. Jared was already there, wearing a T-shirt and soft sweatpants. Jensen sat on his bed and picked up the prop gun and the cloth, waiting till they were counted in and then starting to clean the gun gently.
"Dean ... tomorrow, if this thing goes our way … you know I'm not coming back."1
Jensen kept his eyes fixed on the gun and scrubbed a little harder. "Yeah, I'm aware."2
"So you got to promise me something."2
Jensen looked up now. Jared was standing across the room, a serious look on his face. Jensen raised his eyebrows. "Okay. Yeah, anything."2
"You gotta promise not to try and bring me back."2
"What? No, I didn't sign up for that!" Jared tried to interrupt and Jensen carried on, his voice getting louder. "Your Hell is gonna make my tour look like Graceland. You want me just to sit by and do nothing?"2
He stood up, throwing the gun onto the bed. Jared shook his head and said, "Once the Cage is shut, you can't go poking at it, Dean. It's too risky."2
"No, no, no. You can't expect me to sit back and let you rot!"1
"You don't have a choice,"2 said Jared gently.
"I can't leave you there on your own," said Jensen, putting as much desperation into his voice as possible.
Jared stepped forward and grabbed Jensen's hand. "I'm sorry, Dean. But you have to.1 Please. Promise me?"
Jensen held back and said in a tight voice, "Sammy … I-okay, for you, I promise."
Jared squeezed his hand before letting go and Jensen sank down onto the bed, body limp. He felt the bed shift as Jared sat down next to him. "What am I gonna do without you?" Jensen asked helplessly.
Jared moved awkwardly and Jensen spoke up. "Well, if this is our last night … I need to tell you something." There was a pause as Jensen tried to look like he was gathering his courage. "I-I love you, Sam."
"...I love you too, Dean. Was that it? I already kno-"
"No," Jensen growled and then reached over, cupping Jared's face, and pressed their lips together. Jared's lips were soft and parted automatically under his. He held the position while he counted two seconds, reflecting on how weird it was to be kissing his male best friend, before he pulled away.
"Sorry," said Jensen, looking away and making his voice gruffer and deeper than usual. "I know you probably hate me now. But I had to tell you."
"Dean, wait-" Jared moved, grabbing Jensen by the back of the head and bringing him in for another, more desperate kiss. Jensen opened his mouth slightly and let Jared's tongue in, remembering Eric's insistence on a 'proper French kiss', and he gripped Jared's T-shirt, bringing their bodies in closer.
When they broke apart Jensen was gasping as if he was overwhelmed, which wasn't hard to act. Jared was a really good kisser. He clung to Jared, staring into his eyes.
"I want, I want-"
"Dean, whatever you want, I'll give it to you," Jared whispered.
"Please, Sammy, fuck me."
The moment stretched out. Jensen thought he'd gotten the delivery right. He didn't have much to do now except stare at Jared as Jared's eyes widened and tenderness washed over his face. Jensen just had to hold that pleading look on his face and wait, wait for it...
"God, Dean," breathed Jared, and he leaned forward to capture Jensen's lips in a soft kiss.
"...Aaand, cut!" came Eric's yell from across the set. Jensen pulled away quickly, giving Jared a tight-lipped smile that was probably more of a grimace. "Yesss, this is perfect," said Eric, squeezing his hands together and looking gleeful. "All the subtext, all the hints, finally building to this: Canon Wincest!"
"Okay, guys," called out the floor manager. "Break for 20 minutes. Well done."
Jared stood up and stretched, and Jensen followed him. They took their break sitting over by the snack area. Jared tried to make conversation but Jensen could barely concentrate enough to hear Jared's words. He stared down at his feet, and his vision blurred as his eyes unfocused.
Jared had started whispering with one of the camera operators. "I don't get why all you guys are okay with this," he hissed.
"Well, I did think the Wincest was a little unbelievable at first but I've gone back and re-watched some of the episodes and, yeah, I can see the signs leading towards it."
"Not that! I'm talking about me and Jensen having to fuck on camera."
"Oh, right. Well, it's a bold move but I think it could pay off for the show. And honestly, you guys spend so much time together we all figured you'd be okay with this."
"We're not-! Are you suggesting-? We get enough of that from SPN Gossip, we're just friends!"
Jensen tuned out completely at this point. Soon the only thought going through his head was: In 20 minutes your co-star is going to fuck you. In 10 minutes Jared Padalecki is going to fuck you. In 5 minutes your best friend is going to fuck you.
"We're on again! Jared, Jensen!"
"C'mon, Jen." Jared touched his elbow gently and they walked over to the bedroom set while Jensen tried to shake himself out of the fugue he'd fallen into. He needed to become his character. He was Dean Winchester, and he was in love with his brother. He snorted. God, what the hell was the matter with Eric, writing this crap?
The makeup crew grabbed him when they were close enough and pulled him away from Jared. One of them patted some top-up foundation on his face and the other carefully fixed his hair.
"All done!" said the makeup artist, smiling at him. Jensen looked across to see Jared had just finished being fussed over too. Jared gave him a weak smile but he had that cornered, deer-in-the-headlights look in his eyes. Jensen could relate.
"Okay, boys," said Eric, coming over and crouching down next to the bed where Jared and Jensen had just sat down. "You already know the score, kissing, handjob, break to get Jensen prepared, and then Jared will fuck you. Just keep in the mindset of the characters and it'll all go great."
He patted Jensen on the shoulder and left, leaving Jensen and Jared staring at each other. Jensen broke out of the daze first, grabbed onto Jared's shirt, and pulled him closer. They waited a few seconds, frozen in that position, until they were given the go ahead.
"God, Dean," breathed Jared and he kissed Jensen, his lips soft and gentle.
Jensen clung on as Jared moved down, sucking kisses on his neck and collarbone. He kept his eyes shut in what he imagined looked like ecstasy but really Jensen just wanted to pretend there was no-one watching him; that it was just him and Jared. It was strange, being kissed by his friend, but it was also nice, because being kissed generally was.
All too soon Jared's hand brushed against the top of his jeans, in a sign that they were moving on. Jensen opened his eyes and let Jared push him down until he was lying on his back. Jared whispered "Dean, let me..." and slipped his hand in.
Jensen threw his head back at the tentative touch, at the feeling of Jared's large hand grasping him, and gasped, "Sammy!" Jared smiled and started to move his hand up and down, slowly jacking him to hardness.
Jensen squeezed his eyes shut, writhing on the pillow. He'd questioned Eric about this bit, saying it was too passive and Eric had responded that it was in character for Dean to behave like this with his brother. He was glad now that he didn't have to be active for this bit, that he could close his eyes and not have to see the crew and the cameras watching him. Lying here, he could almost divorce the teasing touches and sensations from the situation they were in. Almost.
Finally, Jensen opened his eyes and pushed Jared's hand away. He was quicker now, acting desperate, pulling his jeans and boxers off and reaching for Jared, pulling him into a bruising kiss. Jared was a little unresponsive but Jensen could easily make up for that on his end. He pulled away and brushed Jared's soft hair back from his face.
"Sammy, let me," he pleaded.
His hand drifted down and cupped Jared firmly through his jeans before he pulled the zipper down slowly, taking his time. He slid his hands into Jared's boxers and pulled out his cock, having a moment of stunned realization that he was touching his best friend like this. This was the first time he'd seen another man's cock this close up. It was still soft but a good size, maybe slightly bigger than Jensen's. God, he hoped Jared was a shower and not a grower, otherwise he didn't know how Jared was going to fit inside him.
Jensen twisted his hand and brushed his thumb over the head. Jared made a small sound and grabbed Jensen by the shoulder, his head bowed. Jensen slowly jacked his hand, watching Jared closely, but Jared wouldn't look up at him: his eyes squeezed shut and his hair fell forward, obscuring his expression.
It could have been an intimate moment; the way Jared was leaning over him made it easy to pretend that it was just the two of them, but Jensen couldn't forget about the cameras. Eric and the crew were all watching him jerk off his friend. And then they were going to watch them have sex.
Jensen's breath started to come a little faster. His hand was moving but his body felt like it was on autopilot. He didn't think he could do this. He'd just have to quit. And find the footage and destroy it. There was no way he could do this, he couldn't, he couldn't...
"Cut!" There was a sudden shout. Jensen jerked and pulled away, looking wildly over at Eric. "Jared, do we have a problem here?" questioned Eric, frustrated.
Jensen looked over at his friend and then down to where his hand encircled Jared's cock, surprised to see that, yes, Jared was still soft. He'd been so out of it he hadn't even noticed. Jared's face was flushed with embarrassment and he was avoiding Jensen's stare.
"Get the fluffer over here!" yelled Eric and Jared flinched, hunching over slightly.
"Wait!" Jensen pulled on his jeans quickly, leaving the fly open around his erection, and zipped up Jared's at the same time. "Just give us a second here. I need to talk to Jared."
He grabbed Jared and pulled him over to a corner of the set. "Hey, Jared, hey, you okay?" he asked, patting his friend over.
"I'm-I'm sorry, Jen," said Jared lowly, his voice rough.
"What are you-?" asked Jensen in surprise before realizing what Jared was talking about. "Hey, I don't care about that, of course I don't."
Jared shook his head and bit his lip., "I'm messing it up," he said, "and I-I want to make it good for you but-I don't know ... I think I'm about to lose it."
"You're not the only one freaking out here," said Jensen. "I was about to have a panic attack before Eric interrupted."
"You-really?"
"Of course," said Jensen emphatically, and he dropped his voice to continue. "It's a shitty situation and we got everyone watching us and filming-"
Jared's eyes widened and he started breathing noticeably faster. Jensen stopped talking, berating himself. "But that doesn't matter," he said firmly. "You just-just ignore it, okay?" He grabbed Jared by the shoulders. "Focus on me and nothing else. None of the rest is important."
"But I-Jen, I don't want to hurt you-"
Jensen's breath caught slightly as he was reminded of the situation, that Jared was going to be fucking him. "That's not-don't worry about that," he said, trying to reassure himself as much as Jared. "You're not going to hurt me. I trust you."
Jared still looked worried so Jensen pulled him into a hug. "Just breathe with me for a while. Close your eyes and focus on me."
Jared turned his face into Jensen's neck and Jensen felt the hot puffs of air and his chest rising and falling as he breathed together with him. He could do this. It was only Jared, his best friend. He could think of no-one better at his side to go through something this hellish. Jensen stroked Jared's back, feeling oddly better that he had someone else to comfort and that he wasn't the only one freaking out about this.
His eyes drifted over to the set and he saw Eric make an impatient gesture at his watch.
"Okay," said Jensen, giving Jared one last pat on his back before pulling away. "The fluffer needs to take care of you now, but when we get back in there just remember: concentrate on me. Ignore everyone else. I'll take care of you and you take care of me."
Jared gave him a tiny smile and nodded, looking a little reassured.
Eric waved Jared over to the other side of the set, where a slight red-headed woman walked up to Jared and smiled at him. She said something to him and then kneeled down in front of him, unzipping him and pulling his cock out. Jensen looked away just before she took it into her mouth, and his skin flushed an uncomfortable red at having inadvertently been staring.
He walked over to the set, pretending he couldn't see what was going on a few feet away from him. He pulled off his jeans, wincing as the material brushed against his erection, and sat on the bed while he was waiting. Actually, it was a good thing he was still hard; he really didn't want to stand there getting a blowjob while Jared was watching. He let his mind drift off while he slowly stroked himself to keep himself hard. He thought about that hot sound technician and the tight sweater she wore a few weeks ago, about a gorgeous pair of legs he'd seen walking past the set, about Jared's grin as he fell into Jensen's arms, both of them laughing themselves into hysterics that one night in his trailer-
Jensen's eyes flew open. What? Was he seriously jerking himself off while thinking of Jared? Maybe it was good for getting into Dean's mindset but, this was his friend. Besides, he was straight. 100% sure.
The bed dipped suddenly as Jared sat down, looking even more disheveled than before. "You ready?" he asked, shuffling around until he was sitting in between Jensen's spread legs.
"Sure!" said Jensen quickly, paranoid that somehow his train of thought might be showing on his face.
He leaned forward and grasped Jared's hard cock, giving the velvety skin a stroke before starting to jack it. Jared kissed him softly, once, twice, muttering "God, Dean."
Jensen helped Jared pull off his clothes, all the while keeping the kiss going, and then let his head roll to the side as Jared moved down and starting sucking at his neck. He bit his lip at the sensation. That had always been a really sensitive area for him. He didn't know whether he wanted Jared to stop or keep going.
Jared's hands moved down to his hips, softly dancing across his cock and then moving lower, between his legs and behind his balls, applying just the slightest amount of pressure. Jensen flinched-he couldn't help it.
"Let me, Dean," Jared whispered in his ear. "Please, I need you."
Jensen nodded, pressing a kiss to the side of Jared's mouth. This was it.
Jared eased him down slowly, pushing his leg back by the knee, exposing him. Jensen flushed underneath the makeup. On the outside he appeared eager and willing, he hoped, but on the inside he was barely keeping from panicking at the thought that the cameras, the set crew and Jared were all watching him. His first time doing anything like this just had to be on camera, didn't it? God, why hadn't he had a casual hookup with a guy before this or practiced with Jared in private? Something to ease him into it, so he wouldn't be so terrified.
"Have you done this before?" asked Jared, and he circled his finger, wet with lube, around Jensen's hole.
"I've picked up some guys before," Jensen grunted. "Always thought of you when I was doing it, though."
Jared smiled and said, "Relax." Hot breaths and kisses lead him down Jensen's body before he took Jensen's cock into his warm, beautiful mouth.
Jensen had tensed up but somehow, when Jared told him to, he relaxed. His body became putty, and he closed his eyes and groaned at the shivers of pleasure as Jared sucked him. He felt a finger push into him but it was only a minor distraction. He looked down, breath coming shakily, at Jared, at his mouth moving up and down on his cock, at his face creased in an adorable frown of concentration as he moved his finger inside of Jensen, stretching him bit by bit.
Jared's gaze snapped up, meeting Jensen's eyes, and Jensen's breath hitched as a shock of connection went through him. Jared kept his eyes steady on him and then he added a second finger. Jensen felt the burn this time but Jared distracted him, licking his cock and pressing wet kisses to his inner thighs and belly.
"I always thought about this," said Jared lowly, speaking into Jensen's stomach as he rocked against the bed. "But I didn't think you felt the same ... Dean. You're so beautiful."
"Sammy," cried Jensen. The sensation of Jared's fingers sliding wetly in and out, stretching him, was actually starting to feel good. He'd never done this before but it felt so good, he couldn't believe it-
"Cut!"
Jensen tilted his head to look at Eric and the crew. He'd actually forgotten for a second that they were there. Jared huffed in annoyance, the motion of his hips stopping completely.
"You were really getting into it and that's great," said Eric, waving over the fluffer. "But we need to get Jensen prepped now."
Jared sat up abruptly and Jensen noticed his cheeks were flushed red. "I'll just-I'll just, yeah," he said, before he ran to the other bed, curled his legs up to his chest and sat facing away, like he was sulking or hiding.
Jensen propped himself up on his elbows, nonplussed at Jared's behavior. He was quickly distracted by the fluffer, the same woman who had attended to Jared before, appearing at his side like she'd come out of nowhere.
"Just lay back and relax and we'll be done in a flash," she said.
Jensen laid his head back down, closing his eyes and wincing as he felt her fingers probe his entrance and push in. She went up to three fingers, stretching him in a perfunctory and professional manner. Jensen found himself wishing it was over already. She had just added her pinkie finger, thrusting in and out steadily when she said, "Okay, you're ready now. Oh, wait a second, looks like you've gone a bit soft. Let me just-"
And then Jensen's cock was engulfed in warmth, the fluffer sucking hard and swirling her tongue around expertly. Jensen bit down on his fist, shocked at how quickly his cock went from half soft to rock hard. A second later the warmth was gone. He opened his eyes and she was standing up, a bright smile on her face.
"All done!" she said and left. "Jared do you want me to-?" Jensen heard her say as she walked away. "Oh, never mind, looks like you're fine."
Jensen lay there, still feeling a little shell-shocked, before Jared came into view. He got onto the bed and pushed Jensen's left leg back, giving Jensen a careful look. "You ready?" he asked, two of his fingers slipping easily into Jensen's hole.
"Yeah," muttered Jensen. Sure, he was ready. Sex with his best friend, who was also a guy. Easy-peasy.
"Action!" came the call.
Jared's fingers starting moving in and out. "I'm gonna fuck you now," he said, his voice low and seductive.
Jensen rocked his hips up desperately. "Please, Sammy. Need you in me," he moaned.
And then Jared was pushing both his legs up, folding Jensen and leaning down on him. Jensen felt Jared's cock come to rest against his hole and then slowly, slowly push in. He couldn't help it, his eyes squeezed shut automatically at the stretch as the head pushed inside. There wasn't any pain (the fluffer had done her job well), but the burn and the strange feeling of opening up was almost more than he could bear.
"Cut!" Eric shouted. Jensen opened his eyes as he felt Jared pull out, and his breath came shallowly as he tried not panic. "Jensen, you need to look like you're enjoying it!" Eric continued. He sounded pretty pissed now, actually. "This is the culmination of Sam and Dean's love for each other, all Dean has ever wanted from his brother, so you need to show that love when Jared fucks you!"
"Jesus," Jared muttered and then yelled, "We get it! Just give us a sec." He pulled Jensen up a little, giving him an awkward hug. He rubbed his hands up and down Jensen's back, stroking him reassuringly. Jensen hugged back tightly, burying his face in Jared's chest. "Look, Jen, I know this sucks," said Jared quietly into his ear. "Just look at me when we do it. I'm not gonna hurt you, okay? You're my best friend, you're safe with me."
Jensen pulled back, getting a good look at his friend's face. Jared's lips quirked up a bit, his expression open and accepting. "Okay," breathed Jensen.
Jared nodded. "Good. You just keep your eyes on me the whole time, yeah? I'll look after you." And then he looked over at Eric, giving a twitch of his head to signal they were ready to go.
Jared got in close, and his body took up all of Jensen's vision as he spread Jensen's legs up and over his shoulders. His cock brushed against Jensen's rim and he stroked Jensen's hair. Jensen kept his eyes on Jared, an unwavering stare that was returned, as Jared pushed in. There was a little resistance at the beginning but Jensen bore down, relaxing his whole body, and then the head pushed past the ring of muscle before, in one steady movement, it slid slowly all the way in. Jensen clutched Jared's hand, eyes wide as he struggled to comprehend that Jared was inside him.
He couldn't hide, there was nowhere to go. Jared was deep inside him, this long, hot length filling him up, closer than anyone had ever been. Jensen clenched involuntarily and Jared groaned, eyes fluttering shut for a second. It felt as if Jared was splitting him open, but there was no pain, nothing except the sensation that he was full, that he had always been empty before and never realized it.
Jensen gave a tentative buck of his hips, testing it out, and gasped at the shock of arousal that traveled through him at the movement. Jared grunted and gave an almost involuntary thrust back.
And suddenly, it was perfect. It was Jared with him, and all Jensen wanted was for him to move.
"Move, move, please, Sam," he begged, rocking upwards.
Jared bent down, stretching the muscles in Jensen's legs to their limits, and kissed him open-mouthed, with tongue. He pulled his cock out half way before slamming it back in. Jensen's body jerked back and he clenched his hands around Jared's arm, digging in his fingernails. Jared pulled away and started fucking in and out with long, steady thrusts, each movement stroking and building up the curls of pleasure inside.
Jensen stared up at Jared, and their eyes locked together. Jared's hair was loose around his face, and his expression was controlled but it flickered each time he thrust in, like he was close to losing it but would not allow himself to. He didn't let up on the pace, taking his time, until Jensen was writhing and begging for it.
"Fuck me, god dammit!" he demanded. "I'm not gonna break."
Jared smirked at him and reared back, his big hands pushing down on Jensen's thighs, and he started pounding in, his cock fucking Jensen so good. Jensen kept letting out little noises and moans; he was being loud, but he couldn't stop them escaping.
"Dean, Dean, fuck," Jared gasped, his hips moving furiously now. "I love you, I love you so much."
Jensen's cock slapped against his stomach. He was getting close, needing no more stimulation than the feeling of Jared hitting his prostate every time.
"Sammy," Jensen cried and that was it. He came, cock spurting out between them and hips rocking desperately, squeezing the last moments of pleasure from the feel of Jared's long, beautiful length fucking into him.
Jared cried out as Jensen's channel contracted around him and he fell forward, thrusting in as far as he could before he came deep inside. And at that moment, Jensen heard him breathe in his ear, "Jen."
Jared's hips kept rocking through the aftermath before finally they stilled, and Jared's weight rested completely on Jensen. Jensen panted as the soft haze of satisfaction set in, trying to comprehend Jared's words, and wondering if he'd maybe misheard him. Jared shifted, his soft cock slipping out, and fell onto his back next to Jensen, chest rising and falling like he'd just run a mile. Jensen let his legs fall back down, wincing at the ache in his muscles.
"And cut!" Eric shouted. "Magnificent, sublime, epoch-defining. Except you, Jared, sounded like you said a different name at the end. Don't worry though, we can edit that out in post-production."
:::
"Have you read the latest article in Rolling Stone?" asked Jared. He pulled out a magazine from his bag and pushed it across the coffee shop table towards him. "It looks like the final episode was a big success. They're, uh ... they're saying it's the defining TV moment of this generation."
Jensen pushed away the magazine before he could see the cover and grabbed his coffee, taking a sip like he could hide behind it. He stared over at the paintings of coffee cups and twee inspirational sayings decorating the walls, his silence deliberate.
It had been two months since they'd finished filming the finale. Since then, the atmosphere between him and Jared had been beyond awkward. Jensen had been trying to act as normal as possible but Jared had barely been able to look at Jensen without his face turning bright red. The crew hadn't seemed to notice, throwing a party to celebrate on the last day, toasting them, congratulating them, and exclaiming fervently that it had been amazing seeing the love between Sam and Dean finally shown onscreen.
During the three-month break Jensen and Jared had gone back to live with their families, but they still saw each other every couple of weeks. Jared had been making a noticeable effort each time they met up but he seemed weirdly nervous, stuttering and blushing at random times. Even the joking around and the pranks he still played on Jensen had a different feel: he wasn't doing it just for fun anymore, he seemed to be testing Jensen, like he was waiting for a particular response.
Jensen was having difficulty accepting any touches or hugs from Jared anymore-his body unable to forget the more intimate touches and his mind unable to forget what Jared had whispered to him. Jared wilted each time Jensen shied away from him, and his continued advances of friendship grew more cautious and timid. Jensen felt bad whenever Jared made that crushed look but he couldn't suppress his body's automatic reactions.
Jared looked like he was regretting bringing the subject up at all, nervously rubbing the surface of the table, but he bravely tried to carry on. "It wasn't as bad as you think," he said. "They edited it down to a five-minute segment. It was-it was really tasteful, I heard."
"It's still five minutes of us fucking," Jensen said bluntly.
Jared winced. "Yeah..."
An awkward silence descended on them. Jensen looked down into the dark swirl of his coffee and then risked a glance up. Jared was staring down at the table, worrying away at his bottom lip. He looked pretty crushed. Jensen returned his gaze to his coffee cup, hands stroking the warm ceramic. They both sat there, in silence, neither one looking at the other, and Jensen was struck by the difference a few months made. People would never guess these were the same two men who had been utterly comfortable with each other and the closest of friends. If it carried on like this, they might never regain that closeness. They would just drift apart slowly, hanging out less and less until they separated completely. Jensen could let it happen. It would be easier to forget what had happened between them, sure, but he realized, now, he didn't want that. He didn't want to lose one of the best friends he'd ever had.
"So I heard your cousin got married?"
Jared looked up at Jensen's pretty lame attempt at a conversation starter. His eyes were cautiously hopeful and a crooked smile broke over his face. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, you-you wanna see the photos? I got them on my iPad here."
It worked. Somewhat. They both kept the conversation going and gradually Jensen started to relax, started to remember why he'd become friends with Jared in the first place.
They dragged out lunch as much as possible and when it was time to part Jensen found he didn't actually want to leave yet. He suggested meeting back in a couple of hours and going to a bar. Jared almost fell over himself agreeing.
And that was how they'd ended up here, with Jensen holding up his friend as he tried to get him upstairs to Jared's room in the hotel. Jared hadn't stopped drinking the entire time they were at the bar, gulping down his drinks as he laughed a little too loudly, like he didn't want to screw this up. Finally Jensen had called an early halt to their night out, worried Jared was going to give himself alcohol poisoning.
Jared's feet slipped as Jensen rounded the corner of the corridor, and he laughed as he grabbed onto Jensen to stop his fall. Jensen hoisted him up and pulled Jared's hand away from where it clutched his belt. He reached the door and rifled in Jared's pockets for the key card. Jared leaned heavily on him and laughed, a low, breathy sound, the puffs of air on Jensen's neck making his skin prickle into goose bumps.
"Jen, wha-what're you doin'?" Jared giggled.
Jensen finally found the keycard in Jared's jeans pocket and swiped it through the card reader, in a hurry to get in and get Jared off him. Jared clung to him like a limpet as Jensen lugged him to the bed and tried to push him onto it. Jared didn't let go, nuzzling his face in Jensen's neck. Jensen froze. Then there was a kiss being pressed to his skin and he was bringing his hand up in a panic, pushing and trying to keep Jared from moving in closer, from kissing him on the mouth.
"Jen, I can't stop thinking about it, I want you-"
Jared's lips touched Jensen's and in an instance all those horrifying memories of being exposed, of being watched, rushed into his head. Jensen shoved him back and Jared fell onto the bed, crying out as his elbow collided with the steel bars of the headboard. Jensen's chest heaved as he tried to grasp what had just happened. Jared cradled his arm to his chest, bowed his head, and started crying softly.
"Jesus, you big idiot," exhaled Jensen. "Sober up. I'll be back in the morning."
:::
Jared was all wide apologetic eyes when Jensen came round to the hotel room the next morning. "Jensen, I am so sorry. I don't know what I was-"
"Save it," said Jensen curtly. "Are you really gonna tell me you didn't know what you were doing, or that it was a mistake?"
Jared opened his mouth once before closing it. His eyes dropped. "No."
"So why did you do it?"
Jared didn't say anything for a second, and his hands twisted the bottom of his sweatshirt. "I can't stop thinking about it," he said quietly. "I feel so bad, but I enjoyed it, some part of me did. And then I started to ... feel things towards you. I know it's terrible." His words rushed out here. "I'm gonna-I'll repress it better, and if you can forget it, I still want to be friends-"
"Stop." Jared froze. "That whole thing," said Jensen. "It was the most humiliating experience of my life. I wish I'd never done it, that I'd just quit." Jared's face crumpled. "But … you were the only good thing about it."
Jared was staring at him, completely still, like he'd stopped breathing.
"I've been thinking about you too," Jensen admitted. "I don't know if we can make it work but I want to try, try and make some good experiences together."
Jared reached over hesitantly, giving Jensen time to pull back if he wanted, and gently took Jensen's hand in his. "I want to try too," he said softly. "Can I … Can I kiss you?"
Jensen paused for a moment as he considered that. He nodded. Jared stepped forward, his eyes flicking over Jensen's face, gauging his expression, and then he cradled Jensen's face in one hand and softly kissed him, like Jensen was an incredibly precious thing he didn't want to break. He pulled away and Jensen slowly opened his eyes.
"Was that okay?"
And it was. It had felt weird at first but that had faded away into a soft rush of happiness. He knew he wasn't ready to dive into anything physical, but he also knew that Jared would wait for him, that he would want to take it slow too.
He smiled and squeezed Jared's hand before bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "Yeah."
:::
1Modified dialogue from:
Kripke, E. & Gerwitz, E. (Writer) & Boyum, S. (Director). (2010). Swan Song [Television series episode]. In T. P. Aronauer (Producer), Supernatural. Chicago: The CW Television Network.
2Dialogue from:
Kripke, E. & Gerwitz, E. (Writer) & Boyum, S. (Director). (2010). Swan Song [Television series episode]. In T. P. Aronauer (Producer), Supernatural. Chicago: The CW Television Network.