Thirty-two Relationships with the Kurosakis
Title: Thirty-two Relationships with the Kurosakis
Pairings: many
Rating: PG
Warning: somewhat cracky.
Summary: Isshin still thinks he's done a good job.
Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach or anything affiliated with it
One. It was during the middle of the Shinigami’s Winter War when Yuzu had her first date. He had no idea why floating tablecloths and mysteriously moving signs kept appearing in front of him.
Two. Ikkaku knew that Isshin and Ichigo were needed in the war- that being, neither could afford to be sent to prison for murder.
Three. Yuzu had three dates from the Urahara Shoten. One from Jinta and the other two from Ururu.
Four. Ichigo and Karin knew about the date with Jinta and were sworn on their mother’s grave that they would not interrupt the dinner or do anything to otherwise compromise it. It was entirely a coincidence that Chizuru saw them kissing and protected Yuzu in the name of sisterhood.
Five. It was only Isshin who knew about her dates with Ururu at a small tea parlor in the Rukongai. He only hoped his daughter wasn’t developing a Lolita complex.
Six. In an act of teenage rebellion, Yuzu went on a long date with Ichigo’s friend Uyru. They spend the entire weekend in the human world at a sewing and crafts convention. Isshin in pissed on principle, Karin is ready to kill the dork for not being responsible.
Seven. Only Ichigo is somewhat relieved that she went for Uryu instead of Keigo or Ikkaku- he only admits this after Uryu sews himself up to stop the bleeding just enough to get to a hospital.
Eight. Karin was ready to get a restraining order against Yuzu second girlfriend- Chizuru herself. Thankfully the would-be relationship ends before gossip can reach the Shinigami. Tatsuki provides the ‘soft reminder’ that Yuzu is both a minor, barely into puberty, and has deranged psychos as relatives. Then she reminds Chizuru of Yuzu’s father.
Nine. In a fit of boredom Yuzu goes on a courtship meeting with a lesser nobleman’s nephew’s son, with all the flavor of real one. He expected a dainty flower. He forgot what his great-great uncle Jushiro told him about the Kurosakis.
Ten. Isshin and Ichigo worry when Yuzu takes an interest in cats. Karin remains confused about this one.
One. Karin has had fewer and far less curious dates then Yuzu but for the most part they were long lasting.
Two. Her first boyfriend is a completely human boy who can barely stand to come near her own spirit pressure let alone her family’s. His name was Mikami.
Three. During Karakura’s movement to the Rukongai, Karin went out with Mikami for seven months. Their relationship ended when he began wondering about the town’s odd isolation and began reading old myths about other worldly phenomena.
Four. Karin would just like to make it perfectly clear that she and Jinta never dated, nor will they ever date.
Five. They also agreed to ignore the night they sat by the river and he cried about losing Yuzu. Karin might have hugged him.
Six. Although not a relationship, Karin’s longest crush to date has been on Chad. Only Ichigo knows this. It is one of the few ‘what if?’ he wonders.
Seven. The first time she met Toshiro Hitsugaya she had no idea what to call him. She’s heard him screaming to enough people to call him Captain, but the white jacket was on the busty women behind him, who giggled through their entire conversation. It was the only noise heard.
Eight. After three off duty visits and two snow cones they finally exchanged names. The hollow that tried to attack them coincidently heard them too.
Nine. Karin decided that she actually liked Toshiro after he let her hit his fifth seat for calling her a freak show. She decided that she came very close to actually loving him when he tells Ichigo that yes he is dating her. If nothing else, he certainly earned her respect- it takes a lot for him to deal with his fellow captains( Jushio and Shunsui) decorating his office in little pink hearts and flower petals.
Ten. She is both insanely happy and morbidly scared when she finds out that Isshin used to be the Tenth Division captain. And for the same reason too. It gives the word “replacement” a whole new set meanings.
One. Ichigo had no idea how he would explain his first girlfriend to his family. He knew that they expected either Rukia( Isshin), Orihime( Yuzu), or Tatsuki (Karin). Instead he came home with a scared arrancar.
Two. Isshin comments how her near constant frown matches his scowl. Yuzu is a little afraid since he mask looks like a western devil’s horns. Karin just gapes at her- she has a bigger bust then Orihime.
Three. The Kurosaki children watched their father during dinner since he seemed to be both very excited for Ichigo and horribly insulting. Only the goat could tell a young...thing that human souls were not for dinner but she could spend the night.
Four. Neliel approached Ichigo’s sisters differently. With Yuzu she accompanied on grocery trips and went for the high shelved items. With Karin she just made a promise to not leave him alone.
Five. Ichigo is bit selfishly happy about Nel being the former third Espada. She has enough life in her to fight for it.
Six. Unlike Rukia who invited herself into Ichigo’s closet, Nel asked for it. Other families might have imagine it a little rushed for their eighteen year old son to have his girlfriend living in the same space as him, but it certainly lightened the household. Only Ichigo’s shinigami friends felt awkward at seeing women’s clothes in their friends room.
Seven. In a private talk between Isshin and Neliel, he asks her why she’s still interested in his son, especially after his half hearted attempts to get her away. She smiles and simply tells him she’s a masochist and Ichigo understands that. Father and son went three weeks without making eye contact.
Eight. Neliel knows that her bestial Adjuchas form was like a desert goat and still feels some of the insticts she wishes away. Ichigo is happy because someone hates the rain just as much as him.
Nine. For a few minutes before their first kiss, Ichigo wonders how his friends will react to them. He hears Shirosaki and realizes he’s damned anyway so he may as well enjoy this.
Ten. Ichigo hopes that Nel never runs out of abusive names to call him. It makes her fit in with his family even more.
One. Isshin decided that he raised his children well. A concerned neighbor decides that Isshin has ruined his children’s lives. His son’s beau verbally abuses him, the dark one is with a boy who scowls as much as her brother, and the youngest seems to be a nymphomaniac. Isshin still thinks he’s done a fine job.
Two. Kon has no idea about what to do. Ichigo’s girlfriend frightens him and he’s too scared of Yuzu to go near hers. In an act Hara-kiri he throws himself into a paper shredder to spend a few weeks with Uryu and Orihime- oh sweet blessed Orihime.
AN: Well, what fun would it be without other people’s reactions? And Jushiro will die if Toshiro ever finds out about the mental nicknames. Kinda after the Winter War, and Isshin is reinstated.
--
One. Ikkaku felt her knew how to deal with overly chipper little girls. (Un)fortunately Yachiru never had a crush on him, nor did she have an older brother and twin sister who did not feel he was good enough for her. He’s still too afraid to tell if he agrees or disagrees.
Two. If he knew that her attraction started when he protected (harassed) her first date, he might have let Yumichika handle it. He was glad he didn’t. Or maybe it wouldn’t have mattered cause not a year later Ichigo was demanding his help in finding her in the human world.
Three. Toshiro had no clue on how to deal with Yuzu. She wasn’t like her brother or her sister in the aspects that he knew best. He supposed she learned manners for the sake of having them. Still, that doesn’t excuse her when Shiro-chan pops into conversation. He still doesn’t know where the hell Toto-chan came from.
Four. It was an bright sunshiny day when he got to know her best. It was killing both of them that neither Karin, Ichigo, or their dad had come home yet. He admitted he trusted her and left his soul pager there while he went on patrol-she’d tell him what happened. They worry like that.
Five. Kenpachi loves it when Yuzu visits Ikkaku in the 11th barracks. It confuses his men to all fuck when they see a real girly girl bugging up to the 3rd seat and confusion breeds fights.
Six. The second reason Kenpachi lets Yuzu have free run of the place is simple- Ichigo will come looking for her. She’s the perfect bait.
Seven. Unohana is a little upset when the little Kurosaki doesn’t become a Shinigami like the rest fo her family. Undoubtably she would have placed in her own medical division for caring for others.
Eight. Unahana rethinks that when Ikkaku is in critical condition from a fight and her fourth seat calls him a brainless oaf. Apparently, shinigami or no, she was still a Kurosaki and her fourth seat soon took the bed next to the brainless oaf.
Nine. Yachiru loves the whole damn Kurosaki family. Goat-baka gives her candy, Ka-chan spars with her, Ichi is Ken-chan’s best friend, and bento-chan makes the best food for everyone.
Ten. Bento-chan also makes it easy to make fun of baldy. His blush makes him looks like a cherry!
--
One. Tatsuki, for all the sap it was, knew that Karin and the Hitsugaya were truly in love. He was scowling at all the people who passed and she looked content in that. Apparently they took turns harassing the poor fools who walked in front of them.
Two. Another reason was that Karin was not by any means a daddy’s girl. She was a brother’s girl. When Tatsuki was first introduced to him his scowl, disdain, and unflaunted power were the first things she noticed. Her second coherent thought was, Oh shit. It’s a mini Ichi. Now, even more bleached out with some radioactive softener. It was definitely the cuddles brand though. He looked squishable.
Three. Keigo, if he said so himself, was one of Ichigo’s closest friends. So of course he had to check out his sister’s boyfriends. The little punk snorted at him! The next thing he saw the ground.
Four. Okay. So the family’s fucking crazy. He got that. Their dad is a shinigami, got that too. But did they all have to be necrophiliacs?!
Five. At one o’clock Jushiro had to go to little Shiro’s office. There was a disturbance in the snowy force (Yes, there was a snowy force. Shunsui’s just jealous that he can’t feel it.) And he was due for a candy bag. In said office of the munchkin, he saw Little Shiro and a girl-not-Rangiku. Blindly after a few minutes of yelling that he didn’t want sweets, Little Shiro calmly ate one after the girl told him to just eat the damn thing and thank the old guy.
Six. In a daze he had yet to figure out who the girl was. His informant on all things Toshiro, Shunsui, told him is was Kurosaki’s little sister. And apparently she liked candy. Nothing but good can come from this. Nothing.
Seven. Rangiku always did her paperwork at some point. The one and only time she had ever done her Capatain’s was on his first real, really real date with Karin. Even miles away she could practically feel how happy he was. So, she covered for him when his paper work was late. Didn’t mean she didn’t tease him about it though.
Eight. She also feels Karin is good enough for him- she’s secure with herself. Not too many girls would appreciate their boyfriends being around herself most of the time.
Nine. Momo knows that she is labeled as the barely functional 5th division lieutenant. Despite that, she wonders when she lost to a little human girl and when they even competed-she can’t seem to find start.
Ten. Karin doesn’t let her in his office after meetings about the traitor captains. She says he has he on reasons, and she should just worry about hers. Toshiro doesn’t apologize for her either.
--
One. Yoruichi practically skipped to th Kurosaki Clinic when she heard Ichigo had a girlfriend, a busty one if sources were right. To her disappointment what greeted her was a large turtleneck sweater and comfortable looking pants. Trust him to find the conservative one.
Two. She rethinks that when she gives them a ‘toy’ as a good luck present. The green haired girl smirks while Ichigo blushes and mutter about already having one. She likes this one!
Three. Kisuke was the lucky guy to comfort Isshin about his son’s girlfriend. And smack him silly to get back and support his son.
Four. Maybe it was the years as a mad scientist, but he can’t really see what was wrong. They cared more about each other then most normal people did- and Isshin had better figure out soon that his son wasn’t normal.
Five. Its been six months since Aizen died and six months since Renji spoke to Ichigo. He’s willing to admit that Vizards aren’t truly hallows, but Neliel is one. She deserves to be back in the desert of hell, not making other people as negative as she was.
Six. After seven months Renji is ordered to tell Ichigo that he’s being offered the position as 5th captain. He ignores Neliel’s invite in and tea.
Seven. Orihime cried when the two got together but got over it. Ichigo’s been trying to get rain to stop but she loves the constant downpour.
Eight. She doesn’t question whether or not Nel is capable of love. She’s seen it since their first trip to Hueco Mundo and knows that arrancar are cursed with hearts too. That why the top six Espada as still alive- they couldn’t ignore that human part of them.
Nine. When Rukia mentions in passing ‘Ichigo’s Wife’ he wondered when that happened. Rukia said it was just a small gathering. A day later he meets the new Kurosaki and can’t peel his eyes from her head.
Ten. Its with great amusement when he sends his lieutenant to tell Ichigo his honor. He wonders if this was why Gin was always smiling. Seeing everybody’s reaction when ‘it hit the fan’ would be worth all the trouble. And there would be trouble. Its Kurosaki after all.
--
One. Yamamoto decides that the Fifth Division Captain job is cursed. Shinji became a Vizard and Aizen betrayed the entire society. Young Ichigo married an arrancar, killed himself, and moved to Hueco Mundo. Somehow, people still see him on weekends.
Two. Now that all of his children were in (questionable) relationships, Isshin decided it was high time for him to get some tail again. The Soul Society almost dreads who he picks- the kids got their taste from somewhere.