This or the Volcano
Title: This or the Volcano
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters/Pairing: Lorne/Parrish
Rating: PG
Word Count: 569
Summary: A conversation between Lorne and Parrish on the occasion of an AMTDI incident
Content Notes: Might, possibly, by some standards be construed as DubCon, if you consider F*** or Die to be DubCon.
Notes: Hurt Comfort Fill: Forced Marriage
Cotton Candy fill: Consummating the marriage
Notes for slashing_lorne: 12 Days of Lorne
And for the two twitterbugs that planted the bunny: clwilson2006 & squidgiepdx
“Evan, this is not how I imagined this going when I imagined my wedding day.”
“Me either, let me undo the buttons.”
“This is not romantic, not at all romantic in any way.”
“We’ll do romantic another time. We’ll do candles and friends and poetry and Teyla singing and cake and slow dancing. I promise, David. We’ll have a real wedding.”
“But they’re watching!”
“Don’t whine, roll with it. Better this than the volcano, right?”
“You hands are shaking.”
“Public sex is not exactly my thing. I’ve got some performance anxiety. You’re wearing Spongebob boxers?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Spongebob.”
“I didn’t say there was. I just never knew you liked Spongebob. I took you for a Simpsons guy.”
“I like lots of cartoons. I have Mickey boxers too. Hey, they’re staring at us. Did you understand any of the ceremony? It all sounded like gibberish to me.”
“I think the shaman presiding over it was only slightly higher than a kite. David, why are you folding our clothes?”
“Because I’m nervous, and when I’m nervous, I clean. Look, my hands are shaking too. I guess we’re moving now. Hey watch where you stick that thing, Gruesome! Are they all going to watch us?”
“I have no idea. The translators only seem to be catching every other word. I think we’ve fallen in with a bunch of stoners, to be honest.”
“Perverted stoners with sharp spears and a penchant for exhibitionism. I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
“Would you rather be Mrs Lorne or Mrs Hairy Angry Chieftain?”
“Point. I wish I had kept my mouth shut about the virgin thing.”
“So do I, David, so do I. Damn it, I think everyone in the village is here to see this.”
“The garland is making my nose itch. Did I have to be the bride?”
“It’s your virginity being offered, so yeah, pretty sure. You know, I’ve read a lot of reports about teams being forced into situations like this. I never thought I’d be one of them.”
“Is this even legal? I mean, will the SGC recognize the marriage?”
“There’s a form to have it annulled. Enough people have been through it that they have a policy and procedure for it.”
“Hey, stop pushing!”
“I think he wants you to bend over the stone table thing there. Damn, there’s a lot of people here.”
“I’m going! I’m going! Wait a minute, let me kiss my husband, you impatient barbarian.”
“I’m sorry about this, David.”
“I’m just annoyed about the audience, actually. This should be a lot more private.”
“Well, keep being annoyed, it seems to be keeping you from freaking out.”
“Could I get a blanket or something? This rock is cold! I am not putting my naked body on that bare rock, I’ll catch my death.”
“They’re going to throw you into the volcano anyway if you keep yelling at them, David.”
“They will not. I’m the first virgin they’ve seen in years. Hey, you don’t want to fill out that form when we get back, do you, Evan? The annulment form?”
“I don’t if you don’t.”
“Well, I don’t. Now, let’s get on with this thing. I’m as ready as I’m gonna be.”
“I kinda love you, David Parrish.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I married you, flyboy. Now let’s make with the consummating and get the heck out of here, I have a real wedding to plan.”
The End
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Characters/Pairing: Lorne/Parrish
Rating: PG
Word Count: 569
Summary: A conversation between Lorne and Parrish on the occasion of an AMTDI incident
Content Notes: Might, possibly, by some standards be construed as DubCon, if you consider F*** or Die to be DubCon.
Notes: Hurt Comfort Fill: Forced Marriage
Cotton Candy fill: Consummating the marriage
Notes for slashing_lorne: 12 Days of Lorne
And for the two twitterbugs that planted the bunny: clwilson2006 & squidgiepdx
“Evan, this is not how I imagined this going when I imagined my wedding day.”
“Me either, let me undo the buttons.”
“This is not romantic, not at all romantic in any way.”
“We’ll do romantic another time. We’ll do candles and friends and poetry and Teyla singing and cake and slow dancing. I promise, David. We’ll have a real wedding.”
“But they’re watching!”
“Don’t whine, roll with it. Better this than the volcano, right?”
“You hands are shaking.”
“Public sex is not exactly my thing. I’ve got some performance anxiety. You’re wearing Spongebob boxers?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Spongebob.”
“I didn’t say there was. I just never knew you liked Spongebob. I took you for a Simpsons guy.”
“I like lots of cartoons. I have Mickey boxers too. Hey, they’re staring at us. Did you understand any of the ceremony? It all sounded like gibberish to me.”
“I think the shaman presiding over it was only slightly higher than a kite. David, why are you folding our clothes?”
“Because I’m nervous, and when I’m nervous, I clean. Look, my hands are shaking too. I guess we’re moving now. Hey watch where you stick that thing, Gruesome! Are they all going to watch us?”
“I have no idea. The translators only seem to be catching every other word. I think we’ve fallen in with a bunch of stoners, to be honest.”
“Perverted stoners with sharp spears and a penchant for exhibitionism. I can’t believe we’re doing this.”
“Would you rather be Mrs Lorne or Mrs Hairy Angry Chieftain?”
“Point. I wish I had kept my mouth shut about the virgin thing.”
“So do I, David, so do I. Damn it, I think everyone in the village is here to see this.”
“The garland is making my nose itch. Did I have to be the bride?”
“It’s your virginity being offered, so yeah, pretty sure. You know, I’ve read a lot of reports about teams being forced into situations like this. I never thought I’d be one of them.”
“Is this even legal? I mean, will the SGC recognize the marriage?”
“There’s a form to have it annulled. Enough people have been through it that they have a policy and procedure for it.”
“Hey, stop pushing!”
“I think he wants you to bend over the stone table thing there. Damn, there’s a lot of people here.”
“I’m going! I’m going! Wait a minute, let me kiss my husband, you impatient barbarian.”
“I’m sorry about this, David.”
“I’m just annoyed about the audience, actually. This should be a lot more private.”
“Well, keep being annoyed, it seems to be keeping you from freaking out.”
“Could I get a blanket or something? This rock is cold! I am not putting my naked body on that bare rock, I’ll catch my death.”
“They’re going to throw you into the volcano anyway if you keep yelling at them, David.”
“They will not. I’m the first virgin they’ve seen in years. Hey, you don’t want to fill out that form when we get back, do you, Evan? The annulment form?”
“I don’t if you don’t.”
“Well, I don’t. Now, let’s get on with this thing. I’m as ready as I’m gonna be.”
“I kinda love you, David Parrish.”
“Yeah, I know. That’s why I married you, flyboy. Now let’s make with the consummating and get the heck out of here, I have a real wedding to plan.”
The End