Well last night was fucking awful. Ended up in tears all night. I am just sick to fucking death of being used and walked over by everybody. I went out with Ni and she just abandoned me all night to kiss some random guy. Then some fat ugly guy was trying to dance with me all night and I was just not interested at all. I'm not shallow, but I'm not ( Read more... )

So I feel fucking awful. Paul and his girlfriend Wendy keep calling me none stop and sending me really nasty messages and I'm just fucking fed up of it. Paul knows all my insecurities about myself, my family, our sex life, and our relationship, and he has told Wendy about all these things and now they're using my insecurities as a way to hurt me. ( Read more... )

Yesterday I decided to start taking citalopram again because I do think that I have kinda hit another rock bottom, and I just don't want to feel anything anymore. However today I have decided not to take it. Mainly because I forgot how it gives me insomnia and I hate feeling like a zombie because I can't get my usual 12 hours sleep. I'm gonna go to ( Read more... )

Well yesterday I found out that Paul has in fact been seeing somebody, and has been for about 3/4 months. Which is the longest he's been with somebody since me, so I guess it must be serious. What I don't understand yet again though, is why a few weeks ago he was seeing me all the time, and told me that he wanted to give it another go again? I mean ( Read more... )

Saw Paul today. Had a quick drink. Arge I miss him.

I went out last night and had an ok time I guess. Although I did get upset cos once when I was walking to the bar some random said "ewww" and pretended tp throw up when he looked at me. So yea, that made me sad. I'm also disappointed in my weight loss. I'm still not where I want to be and it's driving me crazy. I just want to be slim again dammit.

Well I had a bit of a cry last night. Basically I have been on Roaccutane twice now. The first time I was on it, my skin got perfect, but a few months after finishing, the acne came back. Now I went back on it for a second time, again, my skin got perfect, but now, six months after finishing, my acne is coming back. And it SUCKS MAJOR. I don't know ( Read more... )

Well it was my 22nd birthday yesterday. Was OK I guess. I went out into town with some of my friends and had a nice enough so yea whatever. I was sad though, because I thought Paul might have at least sent me a text or something to say happy birthday, seen as how we're supposed to be "friends" now. But he didn't. It was weird. This was my first ( Read more... )

A man from British Gas just came round the house. I was sitting in my living room talking to him, and he asked me whether I'm ill. I'm not. He told me I looked really really sick. Thanks a lot. Again, now I know the truth. I'm fucking ugly as hell.

Gah. Why does he insist on calling me every night? Seriously, every single night since we broke up he has called me, and we have spoken for like half an hour. And the way he talks to me... I try to tell him that he can't talk to me like that because he's not my boyfriend anymore, but he still does it. Which just fucking confuses me. I suppose I ( Read more... )