Fic: Technicolor Blues 1/2
Title: Technicolor Blues
Pairing(s): Ohno/Sho
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Word count: 10,426
Summary: AU: Ohno doesn’t believe in love, but Sho does.
Author's Notes: Finally I conquered laziness and posted this. For Vanessa and Gati ♥
*
Some things are not meant to make sense, and some things are certainly not meant to be questioned either. And sometimes the things that aren’t supposed to make sense fall into the category of things that shouldn’t be questioned.
The thing is that Sho has known Ohno for years and Ohno still doesn’t make sense at all. Sho has known Ohno since elementary school; then they saw each other through high school and then college. Sho has watched Ohno follow his dreams of dance and art and is so, so proud of him.
The thing is that Ohno also works in a bar, a bar Sho has frequented as long as Ohno has worked there, and well, Sho is in love with Ohno.
Sho is in love with Ohno, who in the sparse morning light and bright daylight paints thousands of colors across paper, walls and canvases and adds just that little bit more to what Sho thinks could very easily turn into grey places of life. Ohno listens to Sho as he makes blank spaces come to life under his fingers, his pen or his brush, and he might not answer you with words, and Sho is desperately in love with him.
Sho is also in love with the Ohno who looks a mixture between approachable and coy in the darkened space behind the counter of the bar; he mixes drinks of all kinds, of brilliant colors and dangerous tastes that’ll send the blood alcohol level skyrocketing.
That Ohno listens to the woes of the guests of the bar, is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, a buddy to help celebrate a promotion or a divorce, and the darkness provides a perfect semi-privacy that allows everyone to pretend no one remembers.
That Ohno isn’t much different from the one Sho sees in living daylight when all comes down to it.
Except the Ohno hiding behind the counter pretends.
And Sho wants to make him stop pretending and believe instead.
* * *
“Vodka, pure,” a voice grouses and Ohno nods, lips quirked, but he only fills the glass less than half with vodka and then fills the rest with water. He slides the glass over the counter and a hand takes it to go bottoms up in a flash.
“Thinnest vodka I’ve ever tasted,” the man says and Ohno shrugs.
“New brand.”
The man nods and after another one, Ohno calls a cab to take the man home.
“Satoshi-kun,” Sho says, sitting down and waving the smoke from the man beside him away from his face. “How are you?”
Ohno smiles as he mixes a dangerous blue drink Sho hasn’t seen before. “Good, good, slow night,” he says and adds when he sees Sho’s curious eyes, “Suicide. I made it up yesterday.”
When Ohno slides the drink to him, Sho eyes it with some trepidation, because the last time Ohno made him taste a new drink, his head hit the table three minutes later in a drunken slumber. Ohno is, judging by his grin, also thinking of that event and he smiles disarmingly.
“Nothing dangerous, just a new flavor. Just taste it.”
“Suicide,” Sho says, doubtful and skeptic, and he picks the drink up and swirls it experimentally around in the glass. He tries a mouthful and coughs violently before croaking, “creative.”
Ohno looks smug, and then his ears perk up as another customer orders a drink. While Ohno is busy, Sho takes a deep breath and ventures another tentative sip and he manages not to spit out flames. The sharp tang of raw alcohol burns down his throat and he resists the urge to grip at it.
He looks up from the life threatening liquid to see that Ohno’s attention has returned, and Ohno is watching him with amusement before taking the drink from him and giving him a beer instead.
“On the house,” Ohno says and Sho’s heart flutters involuntarily when the older man smiles briefly.
Thankful, Sho nurses his beer and they’re silent for several moments as Ohno clears some glasses away. Sho just watches him, watches how Ohno’s nimble fingers work.
“How was work today?”
“Fine,” Sho shrugs, because it’s the truth. It’s numbers, budgets, calculators - Sho likes it, but it seems dull in comparison to the colors Ohno is surrounded with daily.
“And Kokubun-san wasn’t on your case?”
Sho chuckles. “No, not today.”
Ohno nods and smiles as he wipes off the counter. The night is just about to end, the guests filtering out slowly - helped or on their own. Ohno makes two more calls for cabs, dodges a wet kiss to his cheek and offers a hug instead, and he laughs when the drunkard doesn’t want to let go again. He laughs when Sho pries the hands off him and helps him back behind the counter.
“Sho-kun,” he says and says nothing else, but Sho doesn’t mind that, because he knows that gratitude comes in many forms.
“I’m driving you home,” Sho states and Ohno looks pleased but says, “if it’s not any trouble.”
Sho assures him that it’s not and insists, and Ohno accepts, of course he does, because that’s their routine on every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. The bar closes down and Ohno waves to the rest, walks just a step behind Sho to the car and slips into the passenger seat.
When Sho drops Ohno off, words of caution and I’ll see you on Friday over and done, he lets his head rest on the steering wheel, still seeing Ohno’s grateful smile flashing on the back of his eyelids.
* * *
Sunday’s sun arrives with merciless light and Sho’s head is pounding. Hung over, he thinks that he better check up on Ohno, but he only gets as far as to the living room before he stops and then thinks oh, okay, I can go back to bed, because Ohno is snoring on the couch, sleeping like a log. He sets a glass of water on the table along with two aspirin for Ohno to take when he wakes up, even though he’s not sure how much Ohno drank yesterday. If any.
Better safe than sorry, though.
He shuffles back to bed.
* * *
“Nino,” Sho says and plops down next to the smaller man.
“Sho-chaaaaan,” Nino drawls and pauses his game briefly. “What?”
Sho sighs and Nino rolls his eyes, starting his game again. The silence is easy and comfortable and lasts for several minutes while Nino pummels the boss to oblivion.
“Why did it turn purple and where did the red go?”
Nino’s mouth is parted slightly in concentration and he swears loudly when he takes a hit. He pauses, narrowing his eyes as he turns to Sho. “Because I killed the red part.”
Then he makes a loud hush noise and Sho sits back, duly chastised, and he watches and listens while Nino smashes buttons. The purple monster on the screen retaliates with k.o’ing one of Nino’s characters and Nino makes a guttural noise before he kills it.
He smiles widely and he turns to Sho again, Sho, who is staring at him with horror painted across his face.
“You’re so scary,” Sho says with emphasis and Nino leers and continues from the result screen.
“Were you planning on telling me something that requires my full attention or can I continue this?”
“Just continue,” Sho says, because maybe it’s better if Nino’s attention is divided, but Sho appreciates that Nino actually asked. Not that Sho doubts that Nino would have continued playing regardless.
Nino nods and continues, and Sho watches again. Nino’s spiky-haired character tumbles through a haunted mansion and pokes a coffin.
“Satoshi-kun,” Sho breaks the silence, glancing briefly at Nino and then back at the screen.
“I’m Nino,” Nino says with a grin.
“Do you think Satoshi-kun could love you?” Sho continues, still staring stiffly at the screen.
Nino doesn’t blink, but he only answers after a few beats. “He does, in his own way.”
Sho frowns and Nino looks at him quickly before turning back to the game.
“He doesn’t know it, yet,” Nino says, “and I’m not going to tell him. That’d fuck him up.”
“As if he isn’t already,” Sho mutters, crossing his arms.
“He’s not fucked up,” Nino returns, “just…really skeptic.”
“Skeptic,” Sho repeats, trying the word, tasting it. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“Sounds better than ‘cynical bastard,’” Nino shrugs and groans when he runs into a random encounter on the screen.
Sho furrows his brows. “He’s not a cynical bastard.”
Nino shrugs again. “You started it.”
He mulls it over for a while. “Still.”
Nino snorts and they sit in silence for another few minutes until Sho breaks it again.
“Do you think he could love me?”
Nino is silent for such a long time that Sho wonders if he’s ignoring him, but then he says, “He already does, in his own way.”
“But?” Sho presses.
Pausing the game, Nino twists on the couch to face Sho. “Just not the way you want him to.”
* * *
Ohno is talking to Aiba, and sometimes when those two talk, Sho thinks that Ohno might be in love. But he tells himself that he knows better.
It’s not that he minds that it could be Aiba (it’s certainly preferable to other possibilities) and it’s not that he thinks that Aiba and Ohno wouldn’t be good together (because Sho is convinced that if two people on the opposite ends of the characteristics scale could be great together and just click, then it would be those two), it’s just that Sho knows that Ohno doesn’t allow himself to believe in love.
Sho has never thought of himself as particularly romantic, but he certainly has thought about family and settling down and just that it might be really nice to have someone to come home to, someone to not pretend and be on guard around.
Sho likes to believe that he could be that for Ohno, but Ohno doesn’t and won’t believe, so Sho knows he has his work cut out for him. Sho doesn’t mind, but some days it’s harder than others.
* * *
Some days, Sho thinks that Ohno makes some pretty damn bad choices, and when Sho arrives at the bar on Wednesday night in time to see Ohno flirting with a girl, he can’t help but sigh. Ohno might not believe in love, but he certainly has no qualms with the concept of love for a night.
Ohno is a sexual person, Jun had explained to him once. Just because he doesn’t believe in the fairytale of happy endings and The One, he still has needs like any other healthy male in his mid twenties.
To be entirely honest, Sho himself hasn’t worked out that aspect thoroughly yet, because while he thinks that Ohno is sexy and wonderful, he still thinks it’ll be awkward when they get that far (Sho doesn’t allow himself the thought of imminent failure, so he keeps thinking of whens instead of ifs. It makes everything a bit easier.)
Seeing Ohno flirt makes Sho uncomfortable but also reassured, because as long as Ohno changes bed partners like others change underwear, it means that he hasn’t set out to settle down. That is a reassuring thought, though Nino says he’s delusional.
Sho bites his tongue, because if he doesn’t, he might end up saying embarrassing stuff in retaliation.
* * *
“I really, really like Captain,” Aiba announces one night when Jun has succeeded in getting all of them together for dinner.
“Surprise,” Nino says and knocks his shoulder into Ohno’s, while Ohno just smiles at Aiba before resuming his meal.
Jun rolls his eyes and tells them all to eat up because he doesn’t want to eat leftovers tomorrow.
“No, really,” Aiba says and points his chopsticks at Sho. “Sho-chan, you know what I mean, right?”
Sho knows, of course he does, because doesn’t everyone fall a little bit in love with Ohno? Sho doesn’t know if it’s because everyone knows that they can’t actually get Ohno, or if it’s because Ohno is who he is, but inevitably, everybody falls in love, if just a bit. Sho is inclined to believe the latter.
“Captain is likeable,” Sho concedes casually and shrugs, but he can feel Jun’s eyes on his head.
“Delusional,” Nino scoffs and Jun tells him to stop saying that word (“just because it’s your new favorite doesn’t mean we all want to hear it.”) and Ohno calmly continues eating.
Aiba is not deterred, apparently, so when they have moved to the living room and has stopped harassing Jun about Jun’s audition in a few days, he starts again from where they are cramped on the couch.
“Oh-chan, would you have sex with one of us?”
Collective groans are the immediate response to that question, but it seems that Ohno is actually thinking about it.
“Why not?” He responds after a few moments, shrugging. “I mean. Yeah. Maybe. If it felt right.”
Nino inches closer to Ohno and how that is possible, Sho doesn’t know, because they’re already sitting so close that personal space is a city in Russia. But Nino does get closer and he purrs, letting his hand slide up Ohno thigh until Ohno laughs, and Nino tickles him mercilessly.
Some days, Sho thinks that Nino will be the one to make Ohno believe, because Ohno responds to Nino in a way Sho has never seen before.
Nino entered Ohno’s life on a Monday night on pure luck. Nino had had a date arranged that night and the guy never showed up (or was it a girl? Sho never remembers) and he had decided that the bartender would provide an excellent listener for the time being. Ohno never works Mondays, but he’d taken a shift that night for some reason, and Sho is happy that he had, because Nino has worked wonders for Ohno.
Nino has a certain way and in no time, he’d wormed himself into Ohno’s life, and Sho’s in extension, and Sho likes that, because with Nino came Aiba and Aiba is sunlight on gloomy days that never seem to end.
While Ohno responds to Aiba in extraordinary ways, he does so because no one can help but react to Aiba and his bright and blinding smile and presence; Ohno still responds to Nino in an entirely different way. Nino is the only one who effectively teases Ohno (because the others feel bad when they do) and it’s not that Ohno likes being the butt of the jokes as much as he doesn’t mind it when it’s Nino. Sho has a feeling that it’d be true for all of them, but Ohno is just like that.
Nino’s tongue is sharp and his mind even sharper, but his words lose sting and acid when aimed at Ohno and Ohno in turn never expects anything from Nino.
It’s that simple acceptance of each other’s quirks that makes Sho wonder, and sometimes also fear, that Nino will be the lucky one. But again, Sho thinks that Nino is also preferable to the other possibilities in the world, because it’s not like Ohno lacks admirers and offers.
In all actuality, Sho would prefer it to be Nino if it had to be anyone but himself, because if he had to lose to someone, it should be to the one that Ohno has connected the easiest with. However tricky and complicated Nino can appear, Ohno still sees him and connects him to ease and comfort, so Sho wouldn’t object.
Sho isn’t really sure he’d object to anyone, really, since he just wants Ohno to believe, and if someone along the way manages to persuade and convince Ohno to let go and give it a chance, Sho wouldn’t protest. Too much, at least, and not directly to Ohno’s face.
He has a feeling that Jun will beat him up, though, if he let go that quickly.
Jun, Sho feels, is one of those people you can’t really remember exactly how they ended up in your life, but you can’t really picture your life without them in it, either. Sho knows that Ohno knows him from before (before what, Sho isn’t sure of) and that one day, Jun was just a permanent and anchoring existence in their lives, a voice of reason when Sho feels like jumping off at the deep end.
Ohno has that kind of magnetism to him, some sort of gravitational pull that makes everyone orbit around him. He singlehandedly brought them all together by just being there, and that’s no small feat considering that they practically have nothing in common.
Ohno is desperately trying to breathe through his laughter as Nino still tickles him, and Sho smiles, knowing he looks wistful but not caring at all.
Some things are worth it.
* * *
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Ohno asks, startling Sho, because Sho hadn’t known that Ohno was aware that he even was in the room.
Earlier, when Sho had slipped into the light attic that made up Ohno’s workspace for his colors, Ohno had been engrossed in a spray painting that filled up most the back wall, and Sho had been sure that Ohno hadn’t known.
But then again, Ohno tends to surprise Sho the moments he least expects it.
Sho coughs to clear his throat, but his voice comes out rough. “Not feeling too good.”
Ohno’s tone is neither reproaching nor applauding when he states, “But you’re here.”
Sho half shrugs and half nods, because he doesn’t know why he’s here and not home in bed, but maybe it’s that gravitational pull at work again. He knows that if it had been anyone else, they’d have sent him home again, under warm blankets and with a cup of tea for the sore throat, but Ohno just sets down his spray can and wipes his hands in his pants, wipes his face and the result is a faint mix of blue and red across his forehead.
Sho doesn’t think he’ll ever be entirely comfortable with the way Ohno’s eyes are so intense when they look at him like that, but Sho takes what he can get, so he just smiles when Ohno steps closer.
“You can nap on my couch,” Ohno says and looks up at him.
Sho looks down, past Ohno’s face and down to the floor. He doesn’t really know why he came here, but a nap sounds absolutely fantastic to his ears. He follows Ohno down the stairs, down into Ohno’s apartment.
If Sho didn’t know Ohno, he’d wonder how Ohno managed to keep an apartment and attic - both fairly large for one person, with the salary of working four nights in a bar and with spending so much on materials for his art, but Sho does know Ohno, and therefore he knows the sketchy details of some uncle or another who knows someone, who knows someone, who in turn knows someone else, and that someone else owed Ohno’s uncle something.
That ‘something’ has worked as Ohno’s base for four years and will function as that for as long as Ohno wants to keep it.
It’s a good thing that Ohno’s apartment is fairly large, though, because all of them crash there from time to time, sometimes several at a time, and when Sho looks at the kitchen, he can see the remnants of a breakfast for two. Unless Ohno has suddenly started using that much for himself, which is quite frankly highly unlikely since Ohno wouldn’t bother at all if it wasn’t for Jun being on his case about it (“Germs!”) all the time.
“Nino just left,” Ohno says as if he’s read Sho’s mind. When Sho looks at the clock on the wall, he grins a bit, because Ohno saying ‘just left’ probably means several hours ago, depending on how long Ohno has been in the attic. “You just missed him.”
By the looks of the backpack leaning against one of the chairs, it seems that Nino will return at some point soon, and again, Sho somehow doubts that Nino left any time even remotely recent.
Ohno yawns and gestures vaguely at the couch, and even as Sho sits down, he can’t help it.
“Tired?”
Ohno yawns massively and smiles lazily. “Up all night.”
Sho nods, because Ohno has most likely been up painting since he doesn’t have work on Mondays. “You should sleep, too.”
Looking decidedly interested in that idea, Ohno pats his pocket before he turns back and heads back up to the attic, and Sho knows that Ohno has forgotten his phone. When Ohno gets back down, he’s talking to someone and he ends the conversation with a “not today, sorry,” before he hangs up.
“I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?”
Ohno shakes his head, a faint smile on his lips. He walks over to the door leading to the bedroom. He turns and grins at Sho. Sho tells himself not to be ridiculously happy at that, because they all cuddle with Ohno, but it’s still nice, and it allows Sho to be close; almost as close as he wants.
Almost.
* * *
What Sho appreciates the most about Jun is that Jun might come across as vain and self-interested, and really, Jun is all that, but at least he doesn’t pretend not to be. Jun is who he is, and besides the fact that his face and body are his job, he’s actually very selfless if given the chance.
So Sho knows that when Jun opens his mouth, it’s to speak his mind, and it won’t be sugarcoated. Jun does what he thinks is best for his friends, and that is hearing the truth from someone who’s known for being brutally honest, but who means well. The truth is inevitable and Sho knows it, so when Jun one day tells him that it’s painfully obvious, Sho only shrugs.
What can he do?
“Passion for something doesn’t make it easier to deal with, but it makes it easier to face,” Jun says and also says that he should just go for it.
And Sho just might.
* * *
For someone who has known each other for so long as they have, Sho thinks that it’s a bit of a wonder that Ohno hasn’t noticed. Ohno is unusually observant and looks out for all of them, but even though Sho is amazed; he’s not surprised, because Ohno is always last in his own heart.
Why it is so, Sho isn’t entirely sure, but he recalls endless failures of trying to convince Ohno that love isn’t all that bad. Ohno, however, is as stubborn as the spitfire of a woman who birthed him, and it’s not that he doesn’t want to listen; it’s just that he simply doesn’t. He doesn’t tune out on purpose, but it’s as if his ears just selectively switch off when Sho starts up his arguments.
Sho is convinced that Ohno hears the words, and he wishes that Ohno somehow collects them somewhere instead of just throwing them out. Sho has no way of knowing, but wishful thinking is a good way of keeping optimism.
Because Ohno doesn’t believe, yet, Sho believes enough for the both of them.
* * *
On a Thursday morning, Sho rushes to Ohno’s apartment before work, because he’d been to dinner with his parents last night and couldn’t pick Ohno up and drive him home as he usually does.
Ohno is a big boy and can fend for himself, Sho knows that, but Sho likes order and punctuality, and picking up Ohno when the bar has closed has been the norm for as long as Ohno has worked there.
When Ohno’s apartment is locked, Sho frowns, since the apartment is practically never locked, and especially not if Ohno is home. Which means that Ohno isn’t, right now. Ohno is an early riser and the thought of him still sleeping is disconcerting.
But Sho wants to keep believing that Ohno is sleeping.
He uses the key he’d been given the day Ohno moved in, because you never know, Ohno had said. Sho rarely uses the key, seeing as Ohno is always home when Sho visits, so it feels weird letting himself in like this. Nevertheless, Sho wants to see for himself that Ohno isn’t home, because then Sho can start trying to figure out why and where.
The apartment is silent, the stairs only creaking when he steps on the middle of the third to last, and he winces because the sound is loud.
Ohno is home, Sho realizes when he nearly trips over a shoe just inside, so Ohno has obviously managed to get home by himself. Sho manages to stay up until he nearly trips again, and he chuckles to himself, not even bothering to look down at the other offending shoe.
But when has looked through both kitchen and living room and seeing the door to the bathroom is open and empty, he cautiously knocks on the bedroom door and cracks it open, just a bit, and he’s entirely unprepared for the sight of a very feminine set of legs tangled with Ohno’s, just visible in the sparse light coming in from the doorway.
Sho backs out, swallowing against the nausea and backtracks all the way down to his car.
* * *
It’s somehow okay when Sho sees Ohno on Friday night.
Ohno is his usual amiable self, approachable and capable of making you drunk if you’re not careful. Sho slips into his usual seat, gets the usual beer from a smiling Ohno, and that’s when he notices that Nino is actually sitting next to him.
“Observant,” Nino says, sipping at his blue drink. Sho nearly gags at the sight, because he’ll swear that Nino is drinking Suicide willingly.
Sho grunts. Isn’t it legal to be a bit slow on the uptake on some days?
Beside him, Nino snorts and takes another sip of the drink as if it’s a harmless beer.
“Isn’t that-”
“Suicide,” Nino says, looking too smug to Sho’s liking.
“What’s suicide?” Aiba asks with a loud voice as he slinks in between the two of them. Under protests Nino scoots a seat over so Aiba can sit down, and Aiba positively beams at Ohno.
“Oh-chan~” he grins and Ohno’s eyes are dancing when he mixes something that ends up looking neon green. The color alone makes Sho’s stomach rebel.
“So,” Aiba continues, holding his drink possessively between his hands. “What’s suicide?”
“You,” Nino says casually, not looking at Aiba, who pouts spectacularly.
“Seriously guys, what were you talking about? Oh-chan, they’re mean!”
Ohno looks up briefly from where he’s rummaging through a cabinet under the counter, and he looks sympathetic. “They were badmouthing you, Aiba-chan.”
Sho guffaws when Aiba levels him a pair of eyes that looks very, very hurt. Nino is looking down into his drink, probably to keep from laughing.
Sho is saved from saying anything by Jun’s arrival. Sho frowns a bit; all of them gathered at the same time is unusual in itself because they never have the same time off, but all of them gathered in the bar? That has only happened once before, and that was when Ohno got the job.
“Ohno-kun,” Jun says and plops down on a seat. Before Sho can see which bottles Ohno grabs, a purple drink is sliding over to Jun.
“Why does Mattsun get an umbrella in his drink and I don’t?” Aiba asks, honestly confused.
“Because,” Ohno says, “it’s a time for celebration.”
Sho and Nino exchange a look while Aiba just asks, “Why?”
Ohno looks smug and a little proud when he tilts his head in Jun’s direction, and now that Sho is looking directly at him, he can see that Jun is smiling.
“Jun-kun?”
Jun smiles even wider. “Remember that movie I auditioned for a few weeks ago?”
They are all silent until Aiba lets out a squeal and scrambles off his chair, knocking into Nino on the way, and he throws himself at Jun, who catches him and laughs. Sho laughs with him, Nino is trying to peel Aiba off of Jun so the poor guy can breathe, and Ohno… When Sho looks over at Ohno, he finds that he can’t look away. Ohno is leaning back against the wall behind him, lips not quite drawn into a smile and eyes alight when watching his friends.
Nino succeeds in pulling Aiba off and as Aiba leans back, he knocks into Sho, and Sho jerks away from his vision of what could be.
He toasts with them all, toasts to Jun, and even when Jun reveals that he’ll be in Korea for the next month and a half, and really, it might be closer to two, they can’t bring themselves to be sad, because this is what Jun has been working up to his entire life.
“We’re here when you get home,” Ohno says softly when they clink their glasses with swirling colors inside. “Do your best.”
Jun is glowing in that way that you do when you have people believing in you, and he nods, ducking his head. This shy Matsumoto Jun is endearing and appeals to Ohno, Sho can see that with his eyes closed, but Sho is comfortable with knowing that, because even if Jun was interested in Ohno like that, he simply wouldn’t.
Sho raises his glass to Jun, knowing that his sanity might leave for a month and a half, maybe two.
They stay in the bar until it closes, Nino and Aiba waiting outside and with Sho loitering in the doorway as he watches Jun help Ohno with stacking the chairs. He doesn’t know why his heart aches when he watches Jun say something to Ohno in passing; something that makes Ohno pause for a moment before he resumes his work.
It just does.
He ignores the way Jun walks with his arm slung over Ohno’s shoulder when they walk down to their respective cars, and when Ohno hugs Jun farewell and whispers something, Sho’s grip tighten on the wheel.
Because he’s not jealous, so why does he feel this sting?
* * *
Jun leaves almost three weeks later and they all see him off at the airport.
“Have faith,” Jun whispers as he hugs Sho fiercely. Just before Jun disappears, he throws one last look at Sho that sends Sho’s mind reeling, because he just doesn’t know why anymore.
* * *
It takes Sho some time to notice that something is different. And after that, it takes even longer for him to figure out what it is. At first, he’s not sure if he’s just seeing things or if he’s just being paranoid, or if it’s something entirely else, but Sho just feels that something is off.
When he punches numbers in on the calculator, he runs through his routines, but nothing is different. Everything is as it has been for years.
So what is it?
* * *
It’s actually Nino that makes him realize what it is that has changed in his life.
It’s Ohno.
“He’s much calmer,” Nino says one day over lunch, which he somehow got Sho to promise to pay for.
Sho snorts. “If he gets much calmer, he’ll be sleeping.”
Nino throws him a look that suggests that he’s not amused, and Sho looks down.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem different to me.”
“He paints a lot these days, doesn’t he,” Nino then says and manages to make it sound like a statement rather than a question, and Sho has no doubt that that was Nino’s intention. “I mean, he’s not even going out.”
“He works in a bar,” Sho says, hacking away at his rice, “he doesn’t exactly need to go out.”
Nino makes an impatient noise at the back of his throat, but Sho still doesn’t understand where this is going. “Sho-chan, you’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”
Sho feels slightly hysterical.
* * *
This way onto part 2~
Pairing(s): Ohno/Sho
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Word count: 10,426
Summary: AU: Ohno doesn’t believe in love, but Sho does.
Author's Notes: Finally I conquered laziness and posted this. For Vanessa and Gati ♥
*
Some things are not meant to make sense, and some things are certainly not meant to be questioned either. And sometimes the things that aren’t supposed to make sense fall into the category of things that shouldn’t be questioned.
The thing is that Sho has known Ohno for years and Ohno still doesn’t make sense at all. Sho has known Ohno since elementary school; then they saw each other through high school and then college. Sho has watched Ohno follow his dreams of dance and art and is so, so proud of him.
The thing is that Ohno also works in a bar, a bar Sho has frequented as long as Ohno has worked there, and well, Sho is in love with Ohno.
Sho is in love with Ohno, who in the sparse morning light and bright daylight paints thousands of colors across paper, walls and canvases and adds just that little bit more to what Sho thinks could very easily turn into grey places of life. Ohno listens to Sho as he makes blank spaces come to life under his fingers, his pen or his brush, and he might not answer you with words, and Sho is desperately in love with him.
Sho is also in love with the Ohno who looks a mixture between approachable and coy in the darkened space behind the counter of the bar; he mixes drinks of all kinds, of brilliant colors and dangerous tastes that’ll send the blood alcohol level skyrocketing.
That Ohno listens to the woes of the guests of the bar, is a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, a buddy to help celebrate a promotion or a divorce, and the darkness provides a perfect semi-privacy that allows everyone to pretend no one remembers.
That Ohno isn’t much different from the one Sho sees in living daylight when all comes down to it.
Except the Ohno hiding behind the counter pretends.
And Sho wants to make him stop pretending and believe instead.
* * *
“Vodka, pure,” a voice grouses and Ohno nods, lips quirked, but he only fills the glass less than half with vodka and then fills the rest with water. He slides the glass over the counter and a hand takes it to go bottoms up in a flash.
“Thinnest vodka I’ve ever tasted,” the man says and Ohno shrugs.
“New brand.”
The man nods and after another one, Ohno calls a cab to take the man home.
“Satoshi-kun,” Sho says, sitting down and waving the smoke from the man beside him away from his face. “How are you?”
Ohno smiles as he mixes a dangerous blue drink Sho hasn’t seen before. “Good, good, slow night,” he says and adds when he sees Sho’s curious eyes, “Suicide. I made it up yesterday.”
When Ohno slides the drink to him, Sho eyes it with some trepidation, because the last time Ohno made him taste a new drink, his head hit the table three minutes later in a drunken slumber. Ohno is, judging by his grin, also thinking of that event and he smiles disarmingly.
“Nothing dangerous, just a new flavor. Just taste it.”
“Suicide,” Sho says, doubtful and skeptic, and he picks the drink up and swirls it experimentally around in the glass. He tries a mouthful and coughs violently before croaking, “creative.”
Ohno looks smug, and then his ears perk up as another customer orders a drink. While Ohno is busy, Sho takes a deep breath and ventures another tentative sip and he manages not to spit out flames. The sharp tang of raw alcohol burns down his throat and he resists the urge to grip at it.
He looks up from the life threatening liquid to see that Ohno’s attention has returned, and Ohno is watching him with amusement before taking the drink from him and giving him a beer instead.
“On the house,” Ohno says and Sho’s heart flutters involuntarily when the older man smiles briefly.
Thankful, Sho nurses his beer and they’re silent for several moments as Ohno clears some glasses away. Sho just watches him, watches how Ohno’s nimble fingers work.
“How was work today?”
“Fine,” Sho shrugs, because it’s the truth. It’s numbers, budgets, calculators - Sho likes it, but it seems dull in comparison to the colors Ohno is surrounded with daily.
“And Kokubun-san wasn’t on your case?”
Sho chuckles. “No, not today.”
Ohno nods and smiles as he wipes off the counter. The night is just about to end, the guests filtering out slowly - helped or on their own. Ohno makes two more calls for cabs, dodges a wet kiss to his cheek and offers a hug instead, and he laughs when the drunkard doesn’t want to let go again. He laughs when Sho pries the hands off him and helps him back behind the counter.
“Sho-kun,” he says and says nothing else, but Sho doesn’t mind that, because he knows that gratitude comes in many forms.
“I’m driving you home,” Sho states and Ohno looks pleased but says, “if it’s not any trouble.”
Sho assures him that it’s not and insists, and Ohno accepts, of course he does, because that’s their routine on every Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday. The bar closes down and Ohno waves to the rest, walks just a step behind Sho to the car and slips into the passenger seat.
When Sho drops Ohno off, words of caution and I’ll see you on Friday over and done, he lets his head rest on the steering wheel, still seeing Ohno’s grateful smile flashing on the back of his eyelids.
* * *
Sunday’s sun arrives with merciless light and Sho’s head is pounding. Hung over, he thinks that he better check up on Ohno, but he only gets as far as to the living room before he stops and then thinks oh, okay, I can go back to bed, because Ohno is snoring on the couch, sleeping like a log. He sets a glass of water on the table along with two aspirin for Ohno to take when he wakes up, even though he’s not sure how much Ohno drank yesterday. If any.
Better safe than sorry, though.
He shuffles back to bed.
* * *
“Nino,” Sho says and plops down next to the smaller man.
“Sho-chaaaaan,” Nino drawls and pauses his game briefly. “What?”
Sho sighs and Nino rolls his eyes, starting his game again. The silence is easy and comfortable and lasts for several minutes while Nino pummels the boss to oblivion.
“Why did it turn purple and where did the red go?”
Nino’s mouth is parted slightly in concentration and he swears loudly when he takes a hit. He pauses, narrowing his eyes as he turns to Sho. “Because I killed the red part.”
Then he makes a loud hush noise and Sho sits back, duly chastised, and he watches and listens while Nino smashes buttons. The purple monster on the screen retaliates with k.o’ing one of Nino’s characters and Nino makes a guttural noise before he kills it.
He smiles widely and he turns to Sho again, Sho, who is staring at him with horror painted across his face.
“You’re so scary,” Sho says with emphasis and Nino leers and continues from the result screen.
“Were you planning on telling me something that requires my full attention or can I continue this?”
“Just continue,” Sho says, because maybe it’s better if Nino’s attention is divided, but Sho appreciates that Nino actually asked. Not that Sho doubts that Nino would have continued playing regardless.
Nino nods and continues, and Sho watches again. Nino’s spiky-haired character tumbles through a haunted mansion and pokes a coffin.
“Satoshi-kun,” Sho breaks the silence, glancing briefly at Nino and then back at the screen.
“I’m Nino,” Nino says with a grin.
“Do you think Satoshi-kun could love you?” Sho continues, still staring stiffly at the screen.
Nino doesn’t blink, but he only answers after a few beats. “He does, in his own way.”
Sho frowns and Nino looks at him quickly before turning back to the game.
“He doesn’t know it, yet,” Nino says, “and I’m not going to tell him. That’d fuck him up.”
“As if he isn’t already,” Sho mutters, crossing his arms.
“He’s not fucked up,” Nino returns, “just…really skeptic.”
“Skeptic,” Sho repeats, trying the word, tasting it. “That’s one way of putting it.”
“Sounds better than ‘cynical bastard,’” Nino shrugs and groans when he runs into a random encounter on the screen.
Sho furrows his brows. “He’s not a cynical bastard.”
Nino shrugs again. “You started it.”
He mulls it over for a while. “Still.”
Nino snorts and they sit in silence for another few minutes until Sho breaks it again.
“Do you think he could love me?”
Nino is silent for such a long time that Sho wonders if he’s ignoring him, but then he says, “He already does, in his own way.”
“But?” Sho presses.
Pausing the game, Nino twists on the couch to face Sho. “Just not the way you want him to.”
* * *
Ohno is talking to Aiba, and sometimes when those two talk, Sho thinks that Ohno might be in love. But he tells himself that he knows better.
It’s not that he minds that it could be Aiba (it’s certainly preferable to other possibilities) and it’s not that he thinks that Aiba and Ohno wouldn’t be good together (because Sho is convinced that if two people on the opposite ends of the characteristics scale could be great together and just click, then it would be those two), it’s just that Sho knows that Ohno doesn’t allow himself to believe in love.
Sho has never thought of himself as particularly romantic, but he certainly has thought about family and settling down and just that it might be really nice to have someone to come home to, someone to not pretend and be on guard around.
Sho likes to believe that he could be that for Ohno, but Ohno doesn’t and won’t believe, so Sho knows he has his work cut out for him. Sho doesn’t mind, but some days it’s harder than others.
* * *
Some days, Sho thinks that Ohno makes some pretty damn bad choices, and when Sho arrives at the bar on Wednesday night in time to see Ohno flirting with a girl, he can’t help but sigh. Ohno might not believe in love, but he certainly has no qualms with the concept of love for a night.
Ohno is a sexual person, Jun had explained to him once. Just because he doesn’t believe in the fairytale of happy endings and The One, he still has needs like any other healthy male in his mid twenties.
To be entirely honest, Sho himself hasn’t worked out that aspect thoroughly yet, because while he thinks that Ohno is sexy and wonderful, he still thinks it’ll be awkward when they get that far (Sho doesn’t allow himself the thought of imminent failure, so he keeps thinking of whens instead of ifs. It makes everything a bit easier.)
Seeing Ohno flirt makes Sho uncomfortable but also reassured, because as long as Ohno changes bed partners like others change underwear, it means that he hasn’t set out to settle down. That is a reassuring thought, though Nino says he’s delusional.
Sho bites his tongue, because if he doesn’t, he might end up saying embarrassing stuff in retaliation.
* * *
“I really, really like Captain,” Aiba announces one night when Jun has succeeded in getting all of them together for dinner.
“Surprise,” Nino says and knocks his shoulder into Ohno’s, while Ohno just smiles at Aiba before resuming his meal.
Jun rolls his eyes and tells them all to eat up because he doesn’t want to eat leftovers tomorrow.
“No, really,” Aiba says and points his chopsticks at Sho. “Sho-chan, you know what I mean, right?”
Sho knows, of course he does, because doesn’t everyone fall a little bit in love with Ohno? Sho doesn’t know if it’s because everyone knows that they can’t actually get Ohno, or if it’s because Ohno is who he is, but inevitably, everybody falls in love, if just a bit. Sho is inclined to believe the latter.
“Captain is likeable,” Sho concedes casually and shrugs, but he can feel Jun’s eyes on his head.
“Delusional,” Nino scoffs and Jun tells him to stop saying that word (“just because it’s your new favorite doesn’t mean we all want to hear it.”) and Ohno calmly continues eating.
Aiba is not deterred, apparently, so when they have moved to the living room and has stopped harassing Jun about Jun’s audition in a few days, he starts again from where they are cramped on the couch.
“Oh-chan, would you have sex with one of us?”
Collective groans are the immediate response to that question, but it seems that Ohno is actually thinking about it.
“Why not?” He responds after a few moments, shrugging. “I mean. Yeah. Maybe. If it felt right.”
Nino inches closer to Ohno and how that is possible, Sho doesn’t know, because they’re already sitting so close that personal space is a city in Russia. But Nino does get closer and he purrs, letting his hand slide up Ohno thigh until Ohno laughs, and Nino tickles him mercilessly.
Some days, Sho thinks that Nino will be the one to make Ohno believe, because Ohno responds to Nino in a way Sho has never seen before.
Nino entered Ohno’s life on a Monday night on pure luck. Nino had had a date arranged that night and the guy never showed up (or was it a girl? Sho never remembers) and he had decided that the bartender would provide an excellent listener for the time being. Ohno never works Mondays, but he’d taken a shift that night for some reason, and Sho is happy that he had, because Nino has worked wonders for Ohno.
Nino has a certain way and in no time, he’d wormed himself into Ohno’s life, and Sho’s in extension, and Sho likes that, because with Nino came Aiba and Aiba is sunlight on gloomy days that never seem to end.
While Ohno responds to Aiba in extraordinary ways, he does so because no one can help but react to Aiba and his bright and blinding smile and presence; Ohno still responds to Nino in an entirely different way. Nino is the only one who effectively teases Ohno (because the others feel bad when they do) and it’s not that Ohno likes being the butt of the jokes as much as he doesn’t mind it when it’s Nino. Sho has a feeling that it’d be true for all of them, but Ohno is just like that.
Nino’s tongue is sharp and his mind even sharper, but his words lose sting and acid when aimed at Ohno and Ohno in turn never expects anything from Nino.
It’s that simple acceptance of each other’s quirks that makes Sho wonder, and sometimes also fear, that Nino will be the lucky one. But again, Sho thinks that Nino is also preferable to the other possibilities in the world, because it’s not like Ohno lacks admirers and offers.
In all actuality, Sho would prefer it to be Nino if it had to be anyone but himself, because if he had to lose to someone, it should be to the one that Ohno has connected the easiest with. However tricky and complicated Nino can appear, Ohno still sees him and connects him to ease and comfort, so Sho wouldn’t object.
Sho isn’t really sure he’d object to anyone, really, since he just wants Ohno to believe, and if someone along the way manages to persuade and convince Ohno to let go and give it a chance, Sho wouldn’t protest. Too much, at least, and not directly to Ohno’s face.
He has a feeling that Jun will beat him up, though, if he let go that quickly.
Jun, Sho feels, is one of those people you can’t really remember exactly how they ended up in your life, but you can’t really picture your life without them in it, either. Sho knows that Ohno knows him from before (before what, Sho isn’t sure of) and that one day, Jun was just a permanent and anchoring existence in their lives, a voice of reason when Sho feels like jumping off at the deep end.
Ohno has that kind of magnetism to him, some sort of gravitational pull that makes everyone orbit around him. He singlehandedly brought them all together by just being there, and that’s no small feat considering that they practically have nothing in common.
Ohno is desperately trying to breathe through his laughter as Nino still tickles him, and Sho smiles, knowing he looks wistful but not caring at all.
Some things are worth it.
* * *
“Shouldn’t you be at work?” Ohno asks, startling Sho, because Sho hadn’t known that Ohno was aware that he even was in the room.
Earlier, when Sho had slipped into the light attic that made up Ohno’s workspace for his colors, Ohno had been engrossed in a spray painting that filled up most the back wall, and Sho had been sure that Ohno hadn’t known.
But then again, Ohno tends to surprise Sho the moments he least expects it.
Sho coughs to clear his throat, but his voice comes out rough. “Not feeling too good.”
Ohno’s tone is neither reproaching nor applauding when he states, “But you’re here.”
Sho half shrugs and half nods, because he doesn’t know why he’s here and not home in bed, but maybe it’s that gravitational pull at work again. He knows that if it had been anyone else, they’d have sent him home again, under warm blankets and with a cup of tea for the sore throat, but Ohno just sets down his spray can and wipes his hands in his pants, wipes his face and the result is a faint mix of blue and red across his forehead.
Sho doesn’t think he’ll ever be entirely comfortable with the way Ohno’s eyes are so intense when they look at him like that, but Sho takes what he can get, so he just smiles when Ohno steps closer.
“You can nap on my couch,” Ohno says and looks up at him.
Sho looks down, past Ohno’s face and down to the floor. He doesn’t really know why he came here, but a nap sounds absolutely fantastic to his ears. He follows Ohno down the stairs, down into Ohno’s apartment.
If Sho didn’t know Ohno, he’d wonder how Ohno managed to keep an apartment and attic - both fairly large for one person, with the salary of working four nights in a bar and with spending so much on materials for his art, but Sho does know Ohno, and therefore he knows the sketchy details of some uncle or another who knows someone, who knows someone, who in turn knows someone else, and that someone else owed Ohno’s uncle something.
That ‘something’ has worked as Ohno’s base for four years and will function as that for as long as Ohno wants to keep it.
It’s a good thing that Ohno’s apartment is fairly large, though, because all of them crash there from time to time, sometimes several at a time, and when Sho looks at the kitchen, he can see the remnants of a breakfast for two. Unless Ohno has suddenly started using that much for himself, which is quite frankly highly unlikely since Ohno wouldn’t bother at all if it wasn’t for Jun being on his case about it (“Germs!”) all the time.
“Nino just left,” Ohno says as if he’s read Sho’s mind. When Sho looks at the clock on the wall, he grins a bit, because Ohno saying ‘just left’ probably means several hours ago, depending on how long Ohno has been in the attic. “You just missed him.”
By the looks of the backpack leaning against one of the chairs, it seems that Nino will return at some point soon, and again, Sho somehow doubts that Nino left any time even remotely recent.
Ohno yawns and gestures vaguely at the couch, and even as Sho sits down, he can’t help it.
“Tired?”
Ohno yawns massively and smiles lazily. “Up all night.”
Sho nods, because Ohno has most likely been up painting since he doesn’t have work on Mondays. “You should sleep, too.”
Looking decidedly interested in that idea, Ohno pats his pocket before he turns back and heads back up to the attic, and Sho knows that Ohno has forgotten his phone. When Ohno gets back down, he’s talking to someone and he ends the conversation with a “not today, sorry,” before he hangs up.
“I’m not keeping you from anything, am I?”
Ohno shakes his head, a faint smile on his lips. He walks over to the door leading to the bedroom. He turns and grins at Sho. Sho tells himself not to be ridiculously happy at that, because they all cuddle with Ohno, but it’s still nice, and it allows Sho to be close; almost as close as he wants.
Almost.
* * *
What Sho appreciates the most about Jun is that Jun might come across as vain and self-interested, and really, Jun is all that, but at least he doesn’t pretend not to be. Jun is who he is, and besides the fact that his face and body are his job, he’s actually very selfless if given the chance.
So Sho knows that when Jun opens his mouth, it’s to speak his mind, and it won’t be sugarcoated. Jun does what he thinks is best for his friends, and that is hearing the truth from someone who’s known for being brutally honest, but who means well. The truth is inevitable and Sho knows it, so when Jun one day tells him that it’s painfully obvious, Sho only shrugs.
What can he do?
“Passion for something doesn’t make it easier to deal with, but it makes it easier to face,” Jun says and also says that he should just go for it.
And Sho just might.
* * *
For someone who has known each other for so long as they have, Sho thinks that it’s a bit of a wonder that Ohno hasn’t noticed. Ohno is unusually observant and looks out for all of them, but even though Sho is amazed; he’s not surprised, because Ohno is always last in his own heart.
Why it is so, Sho isn’t entirely sure, but he recalls endless failures of trying to convince Ohno that love isn’t all that bad. Ohno, however, is as stubborn as the spitfire of a woman who birthed him, and it’s not that he doesn’t want to listen; it’s just that he simply doesn’t. He doesn’t tune out on purpose, but it’s as if his ears just selectively switch off when Sho starts up his arguments.
Sho is convinced that Ohno hears the words, and he wishes that Ohno somehow collects them somewhere instead of just throwing them out. Sho has no way of knowing, but wishful thinking is a good way of keeping optimism.
Because Ohno doesn’t believe, yet, Sho believes enough for the both of them.
* * *
On a Thursday morning, Sho rushes to Ohno’s apartment before work, because he’d been to dinner with his parents last night and couldn’t pick Ohno up and drive him home as he usually does.
Ohno is a big boy and can fend for himself, Sho knows that, but Sho likes order and punctuality, and picking up Ohno when the bar has closed has been the norm for as long as Ohno has worked there.
When Ohno’s apartment is locked, Sho frowns, since the apartment is practically never locked, and especially not if Ohno is home. Which means that Ohno isn’t, right now. Ohno is an early riser and the thought of him still sleeping is disconcerting.
But Sho wants to keep believing that Ohno is sleeping.
He uses the key he’d been given the day Ohno moved in, because you never know, Ohno had said. Sho rarely uses the key, seeing as Ohno is always home when Sho visits, so it feels weird letting himself in like this. Nevertheless, Sho wants to see for himself that Ohno isn’t home, because then Sho can start trying to figure out why and where.
The apartment is silent, the stairs only creaking when he steps on the middle of the third to last, and he winces because the sound is loud.
Ohno is home, Sho realizes when he nearly trips over a shoe just inside, so Ohno has obviously managed to get home by himself. Sho manages to stay up until he nearly trips again, and he chuckles to himself, not even bothering to look down at the other offending shoe.
But when has looked through both kitchen and living room and seeing the door to the bathroom is open and empty, he cautiously knocks on the bedroom door and cracks it open, just a bit, and he’s entirely unprepared for the sight of a very feminine set of legs tangled with Ohno’s, just visible in the sparse light coming in from the doorway.
Sho backs out, swallowing against the nausea and backtracks all the way down to his car.
* * *
It’s somehow okay when Sho sees Ohno on Friday night.
Ohno is his usual amiable self, approachable and capable of making you drunk if you’re not careful. Sho slips into his usual seat, gets the usual beer from a smiling Ohno, and that’s when he notices that Nino is actually sitting next to him.
“Observant,” Nino says, sipping at his blue drink. Sho nearly gags at the sight, because he’ll swear that Nino is drinking Suicide willingly.
Sho grunts. Isn’t it legal to be a bit slow on the uptake on some days?
Beside him, Nino snorts and takes another sip of the drink as if it’s a harmless beer.
“Isn’t that-”
“Suicide,” Nino says, looking too smug to Sho’s liking.
“What’s suicide?” Aiba asks with a loud voice as he slinks in between the two of them. Under protests Nino scoots a seat over so Aiba can sit down, and Aiba positively beams at Ohno.
“Oh-chan~” he grins and Ohno’s eyes are dancing when he mixes something that ends up looking neon green. The color alone makes Sho’s stomach rebel.
“So,” Aiba continues, holding his drink possessively between his hands. “What’s suicide?”
“You,” Nino says casually, not looking at Aiba, who pouts spectacularly.
“Seriously guys, what were you talking about? Oh-chan, they’re mean!”
Ohno looks up briefly from where he’s rummaging through a cabinet under the counter, and he looks sympathetic. “They were badmouthing you, Aiba-chan.”
Sho guffaws when Aiba levels him a pair of eyes that looks very, very hurt. Nino is looking down into his drink, probably to keep from laughing.
Sho is saved from saying anything by Jun’s arrival. Sho frowns a bit; all of them gathered at the same time is unusual in itself because they never have the same time off, but all of them gathered in the bar? That has only happened once before, and that was when Ohno got the job.
“Ohno-kun,” Jun says and plops down on a seat. Before Sho can see which bottles Ohno grabs, a purple drink is sliding over to Jun.
“Why does Mattsun get an umbrella in his drink and I don’t?” Aiba asks, honestly confused.
“Because,” Ohno says, “it’s a time for celebration.”
Sho and Nino exchange a look while Aiba just asks, “Why?”
Ohno looks smug and a little proud when he tilts his head in Jun’s direction, and now that Sho is looking directly at him, he can see that Jun is smiling.
“Jun-kun?”
Jun smiles even wider. “Remember that movie I auditioned for a few weeks ago?”
They are all silent until Aiba lets out a squeal and scrambles off his chair, knocking into Nino on the way, and he throws himself at Jun, who catches him and laughs. Sho laughs with him, Nino is trying to peel Aiba off of Jun so the poor guy can breathe, and Ohno… When Sho looks over at Ohno, he finds that he can’t look away. Ohno is leaning back against the wall behind him, lips not quite drawn into a smile and eyes alight when watching his friends.
Nino succeeds in pulling Aiba off and as Aiba leans back, he knocks into Sho, and Sho jerks away from his vision of what could be.
He toasts with them all, toasts to Jun, and even when Jun reveals that he’ll be in Korea for the next month and a half, and really, it might be closer to two, they can’t bring themselves to be sad, because this is what Jun has been working up to his entire life.
“We’re here when you get home,” Ohno says softly when they clink their glasses with swirling colors inside. “Do your best.”
Jun is glowing in that way that you do when you have people believing in you, and he nods, ducking his head. This shy Matsumoto Jun is endearing and appeals to Ohno, Sho can see that with his eyes closed, but Sho is comfortable with knowing that, because even if Jun was interested in Ohno like that, he simply wouldn’t.
Sho raises his glass to Jun, knowing that his sanity might leave for a month and a half, maybe two.
They stay in the bar until it closes, Nino and Aiba waiting outside and with Sho loitering in the doorway as he watches Jun help Ohno with stacking the chairs. He doesn’t know why his heart aches when he watches Jun say something to Ohno in passing; something that makes Ohno pause for a moment before he resumes his work.
It just does.
He ignores the way Jun walks with his arm slung over Ohno’s shoulder when they walk down to their respective cars, and when Ohno hugs Jun farewell and whispers something, Sho’s grip tighten on the wheel.
Because he’s not jealous, so why does he feel this sting?
* * *
Jun leaves almost three weeks later and they all see him off at the airport.
“Have faith,” Jun whispers as he hugs Sho fiercely. Just before Jun disappears, he throws one last look at Sho that sends Sho’s mind reeling, because he just doesn’t know why anymore.
* * *
It takes Sho some time to notice that something is different. And after that, it takes even longer for him to figure out what it is. At first, he’s not sure if he’s just seeing things or if he’s just being paranoid, or if it’s something entirely else, but Sho just feels that something is off.
When he punches numbers in on the calculator, he runs through his routines, but nothing is different. Everything is as it has been for years.
So what is it?
* * *
It’s actually Nino that makes him realize what it is that has changed in his life.
It’s Ohno.
“He’s much calmer,” Nino says one day over lunch, which he somehow got Sho to promise to pay for.
Sho snorts. “If he gets much calmer, he’ll be sleeping.”
Nino throws him a look that suggests that he’s not amused, and Sho looks down.
“I don’t know. He doesn’t seem different to me.”
“He paints a lot these days, doesn’t he,” Nino then says and manages to make it sound like a statement rather than a question, and Sho has no doubt that that was Nino’s intention. “I mean, he’s not even going out.”
“He works in a bar,” Sho says, hacking away at his rice, “he doesn’t exactly need to go out.”
Nino makes an impatient noise at the back of his throat, but Sho still doesn’t understand where this is going. “Sho-chan, you’re smart, you’ll figure it out.”
Sho feels slightly hysterical.
* * *
This way onto part 2~