I DON'T NORMALLY WRITE FIC, CAN YOU TELL?
[08:10] [Hellboy] (In an alternative universe, where they didn't care very much about Hellboy? I bet they made him into the nanny of a pyrotechnic.)
[08:10] [Radu^Barvon] XDDDDDD
[08:11] [Yumapplikethewind] Hellboy/The Incredibles crossover?
[08:11] [Radu^Barvon] ...HAHAHAHA
[08:12] [Hellboy] ...quite possibly
[08:12] [Hellboy] ...he's Bob's old bud
[08:12] [Hellboy] down on hard times
[08:12] [Yumapplikethewind] ...I want to see that now.
[08:13] [Hellboy] and doesn't know he's back in the business
[08:13] [Yumapplikethewind] XD
[08:13] [Hellboy] until SHENANAGINS
It had been a shock to see the Bureau disassembled like that. Though they had, years ago, stopped being an governmental entity, the BPRD had cultivated enough ties that almost everybody thought that they could survive the attention of the rounds of laws going onto the books. But as it turned out, even quasi-legality was not enough for this new world order. Though the entire Bureau had been offered various jobs throughout the Federal level, many of them were desk jobs, especially for the Freak Squad. "We can't have you guys attracting any notice, you know," the tired, graying, bureaucrat who was in charge of the transfer explained. There had been many of them that had descended on the headquarters like a swarm of suit-cut locusts, and Hellboy had forgotten the name of this one already. "And the way some of you guys look? Well, that'd just be the icing on the cake. There's no keeping a low profile if we sent you guys out into the field. So that's the final offer: take the job or retire."
Hellboy stood, throwing the folder containing the offer back. "It's been, what, fifty years in the field? Now's a good a time as ever to quit. Relax a little. Maybe get a tan, you know?"
The bureaucrat sighed, and pulled out an even bigger folder. "Of course, sir. Now, if you'll just sign off here, here and initial here..."
Four solid hours of paperwork later, Hellboy's left hand had distorted into a cramped, claw-like shape, but as he shook the gray man's hand, Hellboy barely noticed the pain. A week later, having said goodbye to everyone , Hellboy was on a night bus to the city.
~
The next ten or so years really didn't register much to Hellboy. They were...quiet. Abe and Kate had gone to Kate's old university together, Abe to get his degree, and Kate to being a researcher and a professor, albeit of history, again. Abe eventually became a fairly popular professor of oceanography, publishing very little, but teaching the joys of his world to many. He smiled a lot at Christmastime, when Hellboy, Liz and Rodger visited. Liz had started her own detective agency, specializing in runaway children, with an low solve rate that was hampered by the times she helped the kids to go into foster care to escape abuse. But she laughed now, and Hellboy counted that as more precious then anything else that these laws had brought. Rodger took a few years to settle down, but after going from construction ("too boring"), to mining ("too dark"), he managed to end up in childcare, something that he seemed fairly happy about.
Hellboy wasn't doing much himself, so it wasn't like he was in a position to judge. After a year of going round to the bars, he started driving up to the lake a lot, and just fishing, or maybe hiking, when the weather was good. He stayed in his tiny house and did repairs or read when he wasn't inclined to go out. Though he could afford a house in an more upscale part of the city, he chose to live in SoMa, where, as he put it, "not a lot of the neighbors have time to stare, you know?" He didn't vista around much with his old friends, being a kind of distinct kind of guy, and knowing that they didn't need that small favor, but he was always good for a phone call, and made sure they all knew it. After all, it wasn't like any chance for working for the government was coming back up soon, and he knew it, even with the rumored resurgence of Mister Incredible. Bob was just working out now, and the family was on Prozac, or something. Besides, vigilantism was only going to get you locked up somewhere. Hellboy liked feeling useful without the threat of jail time.
That's how it stood when Hellboy picked up the phone at 2 pm on a Wednesday afternoon.
~
After a harried drive through the city and it's outskirts, Hellboy pulled up at Bob and Helen's front door. They had moved in nearby a year or more ago, but Hellboy hadn't had the time to stop by yet. It looked fairly normal. Hellboy grunted as he got out of the jeep, tugging the hood of his sweatshirt up. Though he had an hologram projector, he preferred to use it as little as possible. It itched and had a regular tendency to break down. But he knew better then to show up in broad daylight with no sort of disguise for his features, lest their neighbors gossiped. At least it was kind of overcast. He waked briskly up to the door and rang the bell. A quick set of loud thumping noises emerged, faster then expected yet still breathing normally enough. "My mom said you better come in before the neighbors start calling the papers, mister." Hellboy nodded briefly before quickly stepping inside. He'd had the tabloids after him a few times after the laws went into place, and he really didn't want to see another reporter again after the last round of restraining orders.
Inside, Helen was frantically packing two duffel bags. "Hi there! It's been such a long time, but I can't believe this came up. No one was expecting Billy to go to state. And now, I have to make sure he's ready! He's going to take the place of someone on his team. And I can bring Violet, but, you know..." She shrugged as she turned her head to the back of the house and shouted," KIDS! Come out and say hello to the babysitter and bring out your little brother, please?" After a few minutes of what Hellboy was beginning to think was purely gratuitous thumping and loud noises, a slim girl approached, bearing a wriggling two-year old. He took one look at Hellboy and started crying, loudly. As the girl squeaked in dismay and stared to hurriedly rock the baby, Hellboy sighed.
~
A few hours later, the baby--Jack-- had finally stopped crying and everyone had left. Hellboy put him into a highchair and did his best to ignore him as he walked around the kitchen burning some toast and juicing fresh oranges for a bit of a snack. Finally, he assembled a cut up piece of toast and a sipper cup of orange juice. "There. Now be a good kid and just eat quietly, okay?" Hellboy muttered as he stepped back. Jack giggled and picked up the sip cup and started banging it, with an unholy glee. Hellboy sighed and reached out to take the cup back, only to find it was a few inches from where it should be.
Hellboy blinked at the baby as it slowly floated upwards. "Uh?"
A few minutes later, he reflected, he really shouldn't have been so surprised when the kid caught on fire when he tried to touch him.
[08:10] [Radu^Barvon] XDDDDDD
[08:11] [Yumapplikethewind] Hellboy/The Incredibles crossover?
[08:11] [Radu^Barvon] ...HAHAHAHA
[08:12] [Hellboy] ...quite possibly
[08:12] [Hellboy] ...he's Bob's old bud
[08:12] [Hellboy] down on hard times
[08:12] [Yumapplikethewind] ...I want to see that now.
[08:13] [Hellboy] and doesn't know he's back in the business
[08:13] [Yumapplikethewind] XD
[08:13] [Hellboy] until SHENANAGINS
It had been a shock to see the Bureau disassembled like that. Though they had, years ago, stopped being an governmental entity, the BPRD had cultivated enough ties that almost everybody thought that they could survive the attention of the rounds of laws going onto the books. But as it turned out, even quasi-legality was not enough for this new world order. Though the entire Bureau had been offered various jobs throughout the Federal level, many of them were desk jobs, especially for the Freak Squad. "We can't have you guys attracting any notice, you know," the tired, graying, bureaucrat who was in charge of the transfer explained. There had been many of them that had descended on the headquarters like a swarm of suit-cut locusts, and Hellboy had forgotten the name of this one already. "And the way some of you guys look? Well, that'd just be the icing on the cake. There's no keeping a low profile if we sent you guys out into the field. So that's the final offer: take the job or retire."
Hellboy stood, throwing the folder containing the offer back. "It's been, what, fifty years in the field? Now's a good a time as ever to quit. Relax a little. Maybe get a tan, you know?"
The bureaucrat sighed, and pulled out an even bigger folder. "Of course, sir. Now, if you'll just sign off here, here and initial here..."
Four solid hours of paperwork later, Hellboy's left hand had distorted into a cramped, claw-like shape, but as he shook the gray man's hand, Hellboy barely noticed the pain. A week later, having said goodbye to everyone , Hellboy was on a night bus to the city.
~
The next ten or so years really didn't register much to Hellboy. They were...quiet. Abe and Kate had gone to Kate's old university together, Abe to get his degree, and Kate to being a researcher and a professor, albeit of history, again. Abe eventually became a fairly popular professor of oceanography, publishing very little, but teaching the joys of his world to many. He smiled a lot at Christmastime, when Hellboy, Liz and Rodger visited. Liz had started her own detective agency, specializing in runaway children, with an low solve rate that was hampered by the times she helped the kids to go into foster care to escape abuse. But she laughed now, and Hellboy counted that as more precious then anything else that these laws had brought. Rodger took a few years to settle down, but after going from construction ("too boring"), to mining ("too dark"), he managed to end up in childcare, something that he seemed fairly happy about.
Hellboy wasn't doing much himself, so it wasn't like he was in a position to judge. After a year of going round to the bars, he started driving up to the lake a lot, and just fishing, or maybe hiking, when the weather was good. He stayed in his tiny house and did repairs or read when he wasn't inclined to go out. Though he could afford a house in an more upscale part of the city, he chose to live in SoMa, where, as he put it, "not a lot of the neighbors have time to stare, you know?" He didn't vista around much with his old friends, being a kind of distinct kind of guy, and knowing that they didn't need that small favor, but he was always good for a phone call, and made sure they all knew it. After all, it wasn't like any chance for working for the government was coming back up soon, and he knew it, even with the rumored resurgence of Mister Incredible. Bob was just working out now, and the family was on Prozac, or something. Besides, vigilantism was only going to get you locked up somewhere. Hellboy liked feeling useful without the threat of jail time.
That's how it stood when Hellboy picked up the phone at 2 pm on a Wednesday afternoon.
~
After a harried drive through the city and it's outskirts, Hellboy pulled up at Bob and Helen's front door. They had moved in nearby a year or more ago, but Hellboy hadn't had the time to stop by yet. It looked fairly normal. Hellboy grunted as he got out of the jeep, tugging the hood of his sweatshirt up. Though he had an hologram projector, he preferred to use it as little as possible. It itched and had a regular tendency to break down. But he knew better then to show up in broad daylight with no sort of disguise for his features, lest their neighbors gossiped. At least it was kind of overcast. He waked briskly up to the door and rang the bell. A quick set of loud thumping noises emerged, faster then expected yet still breathing normally enough. "My mom said you better come in before the neighbors start calling the papers, mister." Hellboy nodded briefly before quickly stepping inside. He'd had the tabloids after him a few times after the laws went into place, and he really didn't want to see another reporter again after the last round of restraining orders.
Inside, Helen was frantically packing two duffel bags. "Hi there! It's been such a long time, but I can't believe this came up. No one was expecting Billy to go to state. And now, I have to make sure he's ready! He's going to take the place of someone on his team. And I can bring Violet, but, you know..." She shrugged as she turned her head to the back of the house and shouted," KIDS! Come out and say hello to the babysitter and bring out your little brother, please?" After a few minutes of what Hellboy was beginning to think was purely gratuitous thumping and loud noises, a slim girl approached, bearing a wriggling two-year old. He took one look at Hellboy and started crying, loudly. As the girl squeaked in dismay and stared to hurriedly rock the baby, Hellboy sighed.
~
A few hours later, the baby--Jack-- had finally stopped crying and everyone had left. Hellboy put him into a highchair and did his best to ignore him as he walked around the kitchen burning some toast and juicing fresh oranges for a bit of a snack. Finally, he assembled a cut up piece of toast and a sipper cup of orange juice. "There. Now be a good kid and just eat quietly, okay?" Hellboy muttered as he stepped back. Jack giggled and picked up the sip cup and started banging it, with an unholy glee. Hellboy sighed and reached out to take the cup back, only to find it was a few inches from where it should be.
Hellboy blinked at the baby as it slowly floated upwards. "Uh?"
A few minutes later, he reflected, he really shouldn't have been so surprised when the kid caught on fire when he tried to touch him.