Far Side of the Sun
Far Side of the Sun
Chapter Five
Author: RiaStarStruck
Rating: R
Pairing: VAM
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one ...except my slave, say hello slave.
Summary: Ville was hiding within the safe confines of a hotel room he wasn’t paying for and his world was consumed by the album. Bam was trying to find the friendship they used to have, that spark that was so absent from their friendship now.
This is the story of Bam’s visit to LA during the recording of Screamworks.
Authors note: so, chapter five, would you believe it. Read if you want my POV on what really happened in LA during the recording of Screamworks, and Bam’s portrait tattoo of Ville with of course slash goggled on -but really, is there any other way to view the boys? Please read and comment, it’s nice to know my stuffs being read.
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four,
NEW Chapter Five
Chapter Five
A few days slipped by in the same routine of the previous, a carefully crafted monotony which suited Ville well, he avoided crowds, people and places he had to be, and he could almost see himself sinking back into the careful rhythm he'd perfected earlier in the album -if only Bam would let him. Instead he dragged him all around the city on idle whims insisting on taking him to lunch like a mother hen clucking over how thin he was.
Bam was talking, a blur of noise that mingled with the sounds of the other patrons, and Ville found himself frowning down at his salad when Bam returned to a topic he so often embarked on lately, it was stupid and immature for him to get so upset by it but he couldn’t stop himself.
“Jussi says there’s this new bar opened up in Helsinki, gonna take us there when I’m over for the sex festival. Gonna be fucking nuts, Jussi dared Dunn to a contest when he was over here for Dead Girls, so Dunn’s planning on...”
“You fucked him yet?” Ville concentrated on picking apart his salad, he'd lost his appetite somewhere between the first and second mouthful. Bam's voice stopped abruptly and Ville resisted the urge to look up and see if he'd disapeared.
“Who?” Ville did look up now, hiding a smile as Bam's fork hovered between his mouth and his meal before dropping slowly to his plate.
“Jussi.” Bam's brow furrowed and he blinked rapidly as though trying to place the name.
“The fuck Ville?” Ville didn't really understand why he was doing this, pushing to hear something he didn't want to know. But he pushed on regardless, throwing down his fork and leaning back so he could study Bam.
“Oh come on Bam. He’s your new Besty, your new Drinking buddy. And I know better than most how you get when you’re drunk.” Bam looked confused and lost and there was a growing sense of horror about his face as what Ville said began sinking in. Ville fiddled with his fork, concentrating on pushing the remaining food around on his plate as he waited for Bam's answer; it would either break him a little more and destroy all the memories he'd piled up over the years or it would -what? Prove something? Make him feel special? He just had to know, as though knowing would somehow fix somethIng inside him. “So have you?” he prompted when Bam remained silent.
“Have I what?” Ville felt his anger spark bright and hot and he wondered if Bam was being purpously thick.
“Have you fucked Jussi?" he spat, keeping his voice calm but he knew his frustration was showing. "He’s your type: drunk, Finnish, in a band.” and there were the proverbial claws. Bam looked completely lost, either at Ville's cruelty or the line of questioning Ville didn't know.
“No, I haven’t fucked him, and I’m not going to.” Bam hissed, leaning across the table so those around them wouldn't hear. Ville felt the anger inside him die down leaving a lightness somewhere in his chest. He felt muscles relaxing in his neck and he breathed easier then he had in what felt like months. But he still had to know more, had to know if the attractive drummer had caught Bam's eye.
“Because of Missy?” he began picking his salad apart again, Bam rested his fisted hands on the tabletop.
“Because I’m not gay!” his voice came out louder then he intended and Ville watched with a smirk as his gaze darted around the lunchtime crowd.
“Okay.” Ville lifted a piece of lettace to his mouth, eying it absently before setting it back down on his plate with a sigh.
“You don’t believe me.” Bam almost sounded hurt. It was strange to be back on a level of comfort with each other where Ville could ask these questions without fear of Bam never coming back, strange but nice. But it was also dangerous; he didn't know where his curiosity would lead him didn’t know if he really wanted to follow it down the path, didn’t really want to know what lay in wait for him at the end of it.
Ever since Bam's minor meltdown and even more so since his midnight swim things had been settling between them, the brick wall which seemed to have been built between them when neither one had been looking now crumbling slowly away. It was exhilarating in a way -Ville hadn't expected to spend time just being them ever again.
“Sure I do.” he stretched his legs out under the table and watched Bam through lowered lashes.
"Good." he murmured as a waitress came to collect their plates, hesitating before picking up Ville's mutilated salad. Bam watched her go bottom lip pinched between teeth and a wary look in his eyes. “Have we ever...?” the words were quite and sounded stifled by the forced nonchalance, Ville finally looked at him head on.
“Shouldn’t you know that answer?” he watched Bam flounder for a moment, feeling a sadness replace the lightness of moments earlier. He guessed his stockpiled memories of lingering kisses and shy touches was his alone, he'd always known really but it still hurt to have it confirmed. So he muttered the truth pretending like it didn’t hurt to voice the thoughts "No Bam, we've been close a few times, but no." he stood up and began making his way through the maze of tables, leaving the crisp coolness of the restraint and into the heat of the mid-afternoon; heading slowly back to the sanctuary of the studio, shying away from the crowds of people who glow under the harsh rays of the LA susn. As he walked past the window he glanced in and saw Bam sitting at the table, staring down at the table top, his head rested on one fisted hand as though deep in thought.
~*~
Bam had sat in the restaurant for a while after Ville left, finally leaving when the waitress pointedly asked if he was going to order anything else. Ville's questions buzzed around his head, a sound like an insect piercing though the noise of the crowded streets. He couldn't shake the dejected look which had flashed across Ville's face from his mind. It played again and again through his mind. Him fucking up again, him failing to keep Ville happy it played out on repeat before his eyes like a live action play for his punishment alone. All Bam wanted was to keep Ville happy, and that used to be so easy, some brewskies or a bottle of Jack, and then the world was there's for the taking, back then they didn't need anyone else, time had slipped by between them carried away by the laughter that used to be so easy to produce.
He leant against the roof of the car and let the hot metal prickle across his skin painfully the sweat on his arms gluing him to the overheated metal. He knew what Ville had been getting at back there, knew he just wanted to know if Bam treated Jussi like he'd always treated Ville. That hurt, Bam had always been devoted to Ville, and the thought that Ville didn't recognise that made him angry and sad and confused. He leant his head on his arms and closed his eyes smelling sweat and dirt and the smell of the heated streets mixing together as the sun beat down on his nape. He silently kicked himself over asking that final question, he spent so much time playing the idiot it shouldn't be a surprise when he fully embodied the part. He'd panicked, there was no other word for it, Ville was looking at him so closely and he swore he could feel each and every one of the diners leaning closer to listen in. momentarily the headlines had flashed before his eyes, the drama and the satire he wasn’t strong enough to take the bullshit that would get heaped on him if people ever found out. So it was easier to play dumb, and Ville should have played along with him, he always had before.
With a fleeting glare to the staring passersby he opened the door with a flurish and closed himself in with a slam the noise of the outside abruptly shut off. He drove into the crowded roads with no clear idea where he was headed until he found himself parked out the back of LA Ink.
There was music playing through the studio, Bam nodded at Kats wave and busied himself looking at the pictures on the wall. He stood before the stereo and flicked through the CDs absently, there wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before; he had duplicates of most of them in his own collection back home an some of them he wrote off entirely as crap. He paused when he came across Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights. He traced the outline of Ville’s face letting his finger tips trailing over the blur of his curls and the elegant shape of his tilted body. The cigarette held away from him and Bam could imagine the elegant flick of his wrist that Bam had seen more times than he could count.
“Hey Bam.” He jumped sightly and fumbled the CD cover guiltily as he glanced over his shoulder at Kat’s beaming smile. He smiled back and let himself relax into his usual slouch. “You on the market for some new ink, or just to see me?” she fluttered her long black lashes and Bam’s smile became real.
“Little of both.” He blinked surprised at his own reply. Kat cocked her head and smirked at him flicking her head towards the back room and he followed her silently.
Kat was easy, there was no fuss to her, no mind games or control issues. Bam relaxed into his chair as he watched her talk. She flicked her hair from her face and waved her hands as she spoke and Bam let his mind slow and some of his restlessness ease. Being around Kat was just so easy. In another world Bam could see himself wanting Kat, wanting more and pursuing something else. But he knew in his heart he didn’t want more with her, didn’t need sex or intimacy. He only wished he could have the same comfort he felt with her in his married life, contentment with what there was.
“So what am I going to be doing to you?” Bam studied her for a second before shifting his focus to the assorted trinkets which filled the space.
The CD cover made a plastic clacking sound when he placed it on the table top, it sounded loud in Bam’s ears despite the music which came in through the closed door, ignoring her as he made a sweep down the length of his wrist above his heart and encompassing the clear space which remained. She studied the cover for a moment and Bam observed her face as she frowned delicately, he watched the stars peek through the strands of hair and pretended he wasn't holding his breath. She nodded once and shifted to meet Bam’s eyes. She watched him closely for a moment and Bam swallowed, pretending that he was cool and cocky, that he knew exactly what he was doing and not acting on impulse despite the rightness he felt along with the tingle of something in his gut. She watched him for a second more before nodding once again and smiling wildly. Bam wished he loved her; it would have been so easy to.
An hour later and Bam was leaning back in his chair, the buzz of the gun started up over Kats voice and he braced himself for the first prick of pain and forced himself to relax. The first second of contact made him draw in a breath through his teeth but then it was nothing but the familiar burn across his arm, warm and sharp and everything he always loved about it familiar like a hundred other times, the low buzz helping to lull him even as it chased all thoughts from his mind and replaced it with the unnatural sound.
Kats voice drifted off as she concentrated on the task at hand occasionally murmuring a question but really she focused solely on the job she was so good at. Bam licked his lips as the heat on his arm increased, he envisioned it blooming across his arm, Ville’s face seeping through his skin, burning into his flesh. The buzz filled his ears and droned in the back of his mind. He imagined Ville how he’d always seen him, beautiful and powerful. Moving with his music like it was a part of him, pale elegance and the ever present feeling of comfort and familiarity.
Sometime later the cool wipe across his skin soothed him even as it brought him out of his stupor, he didn’t look down as Kat cleaned his arm off, instead he focused straight ahead, breathing deep and even until Kat turned away to clean her space, then he allowed himself his first look.
It was puffy and red, glistening with the soothing cleanser and Bam new this was his favourite tattoo. Kat had captured that perfect curl of his body, the elegant tilt of his head and the effortless flick of his wrist. Bam smiled and stood up, stretching as he grinned at Kat. He knew it wasn’t a mistake, despite the impulsive move. As he glanced down at it again he knew it was perfect.
Chapter Six
A/N chapter five down! just a few more to go. excited? i am. please comment, they bring me such joy.
Love and Vam for all!
Chapter Five
Author: RiaStarStruck
Rating: R
Pairing: VAM
Disclaimer: I own nothing and no one ...except my slave, say hello slave.
Summary: Ville was hiding within the safe confines of a hotel room he wasn’t paying for and his world was consumed by the album. Bam was trying to find the friendship they used to have, that spark that was so absent from their friendship now.
This is the story of Bam’s visit to LA during the recording of Screamworks.
Authors note: so, chapter five, would you believe it. Read if you want my POV on what really happened in LA during the recording of Screamworks, and Bam’s portrait tattoo of Ville with of course slash goggled on -but really, is there any other way to view the boys? Please read and comment, it’s nice to know my stuffs being read.
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four,
NEW Chapter Five
Chapter Five
A few days slipped by in the same routine of the previous, a carefully crafted monotony which suited Ville well, he avoided crowds, people and places he had to be, and he could almost see himself sinking back into the careful rhythm he'd perfected earlier in the album -if only Bam would let him. Instead he dragged him all around the city on idle whims insisting on taking him to lunch like a mother hen clucking over how thin he was.
Bam was talking, a blur of noise that mingled with the sounds of the other patrons, and Ville found himself frowning down at his salad when Bam returned to a topic he so often embarked on lately, it was stupid and immature for him to get so upset by it but he couldn’t stop himself.
“Jussi says there’s this new bar opened up in Helsinki, gonna take us there when I’m over for the sex festival. Gonna be fucking nuts, Jussi dared Dunn to a contest when he was over here for Dead Girls, so Dunn’s planning on...”
“You fucked him yet?” Ville concentrated on picking apart his salad, he'd lost his appetite somewhere between the first and second mouthful. Bam's voice stopped abruptly and Ville resisted the urge to look up and see if he'd disapeared.
“Who?” Ville did look up now, hiding a smile as Bam's fork hovered between his mouth and his meal before dropping slowly to his plate.
“Jussi.” Bam's brow furrowed and he blinked rapidly as though trying to place the name.
“The fuck Ville?” Ville didn't really understand why he was doing this, pushing to hear something he didn't want to know. But he pushed on regardless, throwing down his fork and leaning back so he could study Bam.
“Oh come on Bam. He’s your new Besty, your new Drinking buddy. And I know better than most how you get when you’re drunk.” Bam looked confused and lost and there was a growing sense of horror about his face as what Ville said began sinking in. Ville fiddled with his fork, concentrating on pushing the remaining food around on his plate as he waited for Bam's answer; it would either break him a little more and destroy all the memories he'd piled up over the years or it would -what? Prove something? Make him feel special? He just had to know, as though knowing would somehow fix somethIng inside him. “So have you?” he prompted when Bam remained silent.
“Have I what?” Ville felt his anger spark bright and hot and he wondered if Bam was being purpously thick.
“Have you fucked Jussi?" he spat, keeping his voice calm but he knew his frustration was showing. "He’s your type: drunk, Finnish, in a band.” and there were the proverbial claws. Bam looked completely lost, either at Ville's cruelty or the line of questioning Ville didn't know.
“No, I haven’t fucked him, and I’m not going to.” Bam hissed, leaning across the table so those around them wouldn't hear. Ville felt the anger inside him die down leaving a lightness somewhere in his chest. He felt muscles relaxing in his neck and he breathed easier then he had in what felt like months. But he still had to know more, had to know if the attractive drummer had caught Bam's eye.
“Because of Missy?” he began picking his salad apart again, Bam rested his fisted hands on the tabletop.
“Because I’m not gay!” his voice came out louder then he intended and Ville watched with a smirk as his gaze darted around the lunchtime crowd.
“Okay.” Ville lifted a piece of lettace to his mouth, eying it absently before setting it back down on his plate with a sigh.
“You don’t believe me.” Bam almost sounded hurt. It was strange to be back on a level of comfort with each other where Ville could ask these questions without fear of Bam never coming back, strange but nice. But it was also dangerous; he didn't know where his curiosity would lead him didn’t know if he really wanted to follow it down the path, didn’t really want to know what lay in wait for him at the end of it.
Ever since Bam's minor meltdown and even more so since his midnight swim things had been settling between them, the brick wall which seemed to have been built between them when neither one had been looking now crumbling slowly away. It was exhilarating in a way -Ville hadn't expected to spend time just being them ever again.
“Sure I do.” he stretched his legs out under the table and watched Bam through lowered lashes.
"Good." he murmured as a waitress came to collect their plates, hesitating before picking up Ville's mutilated salad. Bam watched her go bottom lip pinched between teeth and a wary look in his eyes. “Have we ever...?” the words were quite and sounded stifled by the forced nonchalance, Ville finally looked at him head on.
“Shouldn’t you know that answer?” he watched Bam flounder for a moment, feeling a sadness replace the lightness of moments earlier. He guessed his stockpiled memories of lingering kisses and shy touches was his alone, he'd always known really but it still hurt to have it confirmed. So he muttered the truth pretending like it didn’t hurt to voice the thoughts "No Bam, we've been close a few times, but no." he stood up and began making his way through the maze of tables, leaving the crisp coolness of the restraint and into the heat of the mid-afternoon; heading slowly back to the sanctuary of the studio, shying away from the crowds of people who glow under the harsh rays of the LA susn. As he walked past the window he glanced in and saw Bam sitting at the table, staring down at the table top, his head rested on one fisted hand as though deep in thought.
~*~
Bam had sat in the restaurant for a while after Ville left, finally leaving when the waitress pointedly asked if he was going to order anything else. Ville's questions buzzed around his head, a sound like an insect piercing though the noise of the crowded streets. He couldn't shake the dejected look which had flashed across Ville's face from his mind. It played again and again through his mind. Him fucking up again, him failing to keep Ville happy it played out on repeat before his eyes like a live action play for his punishment alone. All Bam wanted was to keep Ville happy, and that used to be so easy, some brewskies or a bottle of Jack, and then the world was there's for the taking, back then they didn't need anyone else, time had slipped by between them carried away by the laughter that used to be so easy to produce.
He leant against the roof of the car and let the hot metal prickle across his skin painfully the sweat on his arms gluing him to the overheated metal. He knew what Ville had been getting at back there, knew he just wanted to know if Bam treated Jussi like he'd always treated Ville. That hurt, Bam had always been devoted to Ville, and the thought that Ville didn't recognise that made him angry and sad and confused. He leant his head on his arms and closed his eyes smelling sweat and dirt and the smell of the heated streets mixing together as the sun beat down on his nape. He silently kicked himself over asking that final question, he spent so much time playing the idiot it shouldn't be a surprise when he fully embodied the part. He'd panicked, there was no other word for it, Ville was looking at him so closely and he swore he could feel each and every one of the diners leaning closer to listen in. momentarily the headlines had flashed before his eyes, the drama and the satire he wasn’t strong enough to take the bullshit that would get heaped on him if people ever found out. So it was easier to play dumb, and Ville should have played along with him, he always had before.
With a fleeting glare to the staring passersby he opened the door with a flurish and closed himself in with a slam the noise of the outside abruptly shut off. He drove into the crowded roads with no clear idea where he was headed until he found himself parked out the back of LA Ink.
There was music playing through the studio, Bam nodded at Kats wave and busied himself looking at the pictures on the wall. He stood before the stereo and flicked through the CDs absently, there wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before; he had duplicates of most of them in his own collection back home an some of them he wrote off entirely as crap. He paused when he came across Deep Shadows and Brilliant Highlights. He traced the outline of Ville’s face letting his finger tips trailing over the blur of his curls and the elegant shape of his tilted body. The cigarette held away from him and Bam could imagine the elegant flick of his wrist that Bam had seen more times than he could count.
“Hey Bam.” He jumped sightly and fumbled the CD cover guiltily as he glanced over his shoulder at Kat’s beaming smile. He smiled back and let himself relax into his usual slouch. “You on the market for some new ink, or just to see me?” she fluttered her long black lashes and Bam’s smile became real.
“Little of both.” He blinked surprised at his own reply. Kat cocked her head and smirked at him flicking her head towards the back room and he followed her silently.
Kat was easy, there was no fuss to her, no mind games or control issues. Bam relaxed into his chair as he watched her talk. She flicked her hair from her face and waved her hands as she spoke and Bam let his mind slow and some of his restlessness ease. Being around Kat was just so easy. In another world Bam could see himself wanting Kat, wanting more and pursuing something else. But he knew in his heart he didn’t want more with her, didn’t need sex or intimacy. He only wished he could have the same comfort he felt with her in his married life, contentment with what there was.
“So what am I going to be doing to you?” Bam studied her for a second before shifting his focus to the assorted trinkets which filled the space.
The CD cover made a plastic clacking sound when he placed it on the table top, it sounded loud in Bam’s ears despite the music which came in through the closed door, ignoring her as he made a sweep down the length of his wrist above his heart and encompassing the clear space which remained. She studied the cover for a moment and Bam observed her face as she frowned delicately, he watched the stars peek through the strands of hair and pretended he wasn't holding his breath. She nodded once and shifted to meet Bam’s eyes. She watched him closely for a moment and Bam swallowed, pretending that he was cool and cocky, that he knew exactly what he was doing and not acting on impulse despite the rightness he felt along with the tingle of something in his gut. She watched him for a second more before nodding once again and smiling wildly. Bam wished he loved her; it would have been so easy to.
An hour later and Bam was leaning back in his chair, the buzz of the gun started up over Kats voice and he braced himself for the first prick of pain and forced himself to relax. The first second of contact made him draw in a breath through his teeth but then it was nothing but the familiar burn across his arm, warm and sharp and everything he always loved about it familiar like a hundred other times, the low buzz helping to lull him even as it chased all thoughts from his mind and replaced it with the unnatural sound.
Kats voice drifted off as she concentrated on the task at hand occasionally murmuring a question but really she focused solely on the job she was so good at. Bam licked his lips as the heat on his arm increased, he envisioned it blooming across his arm, Ville’s face seeping through his skin, burning into his flesh. The buzz filled his ears and droned in the back of his mind. He imagined Ville how he’d always seen him, beautiful and powerful. Moving with his music like it was a part of him, pale elegance and the ever present feeling of comfort and familiarity.
Sometime later the cool wipe across his skin soothed him even as it brought him out of his stupor, he didn’t look down as Kat cleaned his arm off, instead he focused straight ahead, breathing deep and even until Kat turned away to clean her space, then he allowed himself his first look.
It was puffy and red, glistening with the soothing cleanser and Bam new this was his favourite tattoo. Kat had captured that perfect curl of his body, the elegant tilt of his head and the effortless flick of his wrist. Bam smiled and stood up, stretching as he grinned at Kat. He knew it wasn’t a mistake, despite the impulsive move. As he glanced down at it again he knew it was perfect.
Chapter Six
A/N chapter five down! just a few more to go. excited? i am. please comment, they bring me such joy.
Love and Vam for all!