RP LOG with tenderluvnlisa | Almost Date
[Follows THIS]
Lisa had been standing on the stoop of Drew's apartment building chewing on her nail as she tried not to let the panic set in too deep. Only it had set in deeply enough that she'd tracked him down to where he'd been staying in Serena's apartment. They were due for their first date in a little under two hours, and Lisa thought she'd appreciate the distraction. She thought she would actually look forward to this given how much she'd wanted him from the first moment she'd seen him asleep on the chairs waiting for his sister. She'd kissed him for crying out loud! And now she had wanted the chance for a proper goodnight kiss, and to actually get to know him a bit more. She'd understood about waiting while Drew had waited for his sister to be a little more stable; for Chris to be more stable.
Only now Lisa wasn't so stable. She'd found out her brother had testicular cancer and it was eating her up inside. She hadn't spoken to Dave about it. She hadn't even spoken to Bella about it again since the day she'd found the file. She'd kept every conversation Dave-free. She hadn't breathed a word. Just tried to push it all to the back of her mind and act like nothing was wrong. If Dave didn't want his family to know then she'd wait until he told them. Only she couldn't unlearn and of course her brain had chosen tonight of all nights to freak out on her.
When the buzzer for the door sounded, Lisa pulled it open and ran up the stairs rather than take the lift. It was only a couple of floors up. She could make it. She wasn't even in heels yet, still wearing sneakers and sweats from a session at the gym. She knocked on the apartment door when she reached it and went back to chewing on her nail as she waited impatiently.
Drew was half-dressed. He had been in the process of getting dressed for the last hour, but ended up on the phone to Serena, who had called him to offload about Chris being in tears in the chemo clinic while he was waiting for Rick and her not being able to leave MT1 to get to him. Drew had listened, and then tried to reassure her that Chris would be fine and that it was overwhelming having his brother going through this again. Everyone just needed to stick it out a bit longer. She seemed okay when the conversation ended and went back to her job, but Drew knew she wasn't completely okay. She wouldn't be until Chris was 100% in top form again. He had managed to get his jeans on, and his hair was still wet and brushed back from his shower, but now she was here early?
With a small, confused shake of his head, Drew opened the apartment door and raised his eyebrows as soon as he took in her appearance. "You could have just called to pull out, you know. It's cool. You changed your mind, I understand," he told her.
Lisa gave a shake of her head before she held up her hands and then just pointed at herself. "But I don't want to pull out. That's why I'm here. I'm pulling out, but I'm not. I don't know how to explain it. I can't really explain it. I can't tell anyone. And I'm sorry, Drew. I really am. Because I wanted a date, and I want you, and I need a distraction. But my brain... Of all the fucking times." She looked down at herself and sighed. "I was at the gym, and I came straight here. But I like your look. Very sexy. You don't even need a shirt."
Drew was frowning as he stepped aside for her to come in. The apartment was still all Serena. Drew hadn't been assed to make any changes. Most of his time here had been working or hovering in the sidelines of the Chris and Rick drama in case he was needed. Now he was just sceptical. She didn't want the date, but she did, and the reason she didn't, she couldn't tell him about? What the fuck? He was a patient guy, but come on. "Yeah... sure..." he said uncertainly, and then cleared his throat, feeling awkward. "Why are you here again?" he finally asked, not able to connect any dots from what she had just said.
Lisa scratched at her hair before she ran her hand down over her ponytail and looked at him from behind her glasses. She just stared at him before she crossed the threshold into the apartment and tried not to just burst into tears. She was already being the crazy lady. How did that help anything? And this was still supposed to be their date night. She tugged at the hem of her top as she shifted her weight from foot to foot and chewed on her lip nervously. Why was she here? To pre-empt pulling out on the date by showing up early and scaring Drew? "I'm sorry, I know I should have just... I didn't want to cancel. I'm here because I want this to happen. I guess I just wanted to warn you that my head's not in the best place."
Drew was still looking at her uncertainly. "It's fine. We can just make it another night," he offered. He would rather not be strung along anyway. Been there, done that. "I can't promise I wouldn't be interrupted anyway. Serena's having a tough day and she's been calling, so... yeah. It's fine, really. I get it. A phone call would have been fine, I promise."
"No, please. Drew. This isn't me brushing you off. So please don't stand there with that look and make me feel like I'm leading you on. It's just..." Lisa threw up her hands helplessly. "Dave has cancer. Again. He has fucking cancer, Drew. And I can't say anything to anyone, and now I've just told you and it's not even fair that you get lumped with a secret that I'm not supposed to even know. He hasn't told anyone. He doesn't seem like he's about to tell anyone, but this is eating me up and tonight it just all became too much."
Drew's mouth dropped open slightly, and if she hadn't repeated herself, he would have been sure he had heard incorrectly. He knew Dave had cancer before, so it was lucky she actually said 'again'. He blinked, too shocked at first to say anything... wondering why Serena hadn't said anything, only to realise that Serena probably didn't know if Dave hadn't told anyone, despite her working on the same team as him. Which also meant Chris probably didn't know either, and Drew suddenly remembered the confrontation with Dave outside MT1. The surgeon had completely bitten his head off when Drew tried to talk to him, and even though he didn't know the guy well, it seemed out-of-character. "Well, you should be with him, not on a date," Drew finally said, for lack of anything else. If this was Serena, Drew would have gone straight to her, no matter what.
Lisa nodded as her bottom lip started to tremble. "I know, and you have no idea how much I want to, but Dave's not letting anyone in. I tried calling before I came here, and he just didn't pick up. Every time I try and catch him at MT1 he finds a reason not to stop and have coffee, or lunch with me. Dave's never pulled away like this before and I guess I'm just lost with how to actually be with him if he won't let me. I... I'm trying to respect the fact that he doesn't want to say anything about the cancer, but it's hard. I found out by accident. I was in Bella's office and I saw the file, and how do you not read your brother's file? And then you asked me out, and I'd been waiting for it, and hoping and I said yes because it could have also been a distraction, but I just... I don't think I have the head for it, and I'm so sorry. But I don't want you to think I'm not interested! Drew, you have no idea how much I like you."
Drew let out a small breath and then pressed his lips together. This really didn't feel right. It was one thing Lisa finding out about her brother, but Drew wasn't involved at all. "Jesus, I... I don't know what to say, Lisa. I'm sorry, I really don't, and I usually have verbal diarrhoea. I'm a therapist, it's what I do. But this is... I-I- have no idea what to say. I really wish I did. Just, I've had Serena on the phone upset because Chris has been upset about Rick's next chemo round, and this is all just... fucking hell. You're in Chris' shoes, and this is just..." At a loss of what else to do or say, he just put his arms around her and gave her a hug.
Lisa wasn't exactly sure what she'd wanted Drew to say. She did realise how unfair it was expecting him to be able to say anything, or do anything. The hug was nice, though. She relaxed into it as she slid her arms around his waist and buried her face in against his shoulder. He still felt a little damp from the shower, and smelled like citrus and the cologne he must have put on after. She liked the smell. He was also warm and comforting and Lisa knew that someone that gave hugs this good had to be the real deal. "I'm sorry Chris isn't well, either. I really didn't mean to come in and crash in on you, but I just found myself here. You don't need to say anything. I'm liking the hug."
Drew felt faintly sick knowing he knew this and Serena didn't. That Chris didn't. It felt wrong, and there was a tiny part of him wondering if he should go over and try to confront Dave again. "Wait... are you saying he's got cancer, but he's not getting treatment? Are you serious?" he asked in horror. "He can't just ignore it. I would have thought with him having it before he would... I don't know, be aware. I'm not sure. Is he in shock?"
"I don't know!" Lisa choked out, the tone turning a little angry before she took a deep breath. "I don't know what he's doing. Bella wanted to get him in for surgery, but she hasn't said if he did or not. And Dave hasn't taken time off that I know about. This is the part that sucks. I don't know what he is and isn't doing. I just don't know."
"Why haven't you just persisted with him? Look what Dave had to do with Rick? Maybe someone just needs to step up for him now?" Drew suggested and then shrugged helplessly. It wasn't like he was an expert on any of this. He was just a musical therapist and his family had absolutely no history of cancer whatsoever. He really didn't understand all this secret stuff. If he was diagnosed with cancer, he would be a sobbing mess with his sister and parents before the hour was out, but he was a giant wuss. Always had been. It just sounded like Dave wasn't responding well to this and needed help, so everyone was just... steering clear of him? "I'll go over there. I'll go and talk to him right now."
Lisa pressed her hands against Drew's chest gently. "Drew, you can't go there alone. I'll go with you. No, you can come with me. I mean, now that I'm here and I'm actually talking about this I know how stupid I've been. I need to go and see him and talk to him and be the one to make him realise that he can't do this alone, and he can't ignore it. Not with how serious it is. You also need to put a shirt on."
"He's already bitched me out once for trying to help, it's hardly going to bother me a second time. I just thought he was tired or pissed off. I asked him, see. About the whole, uh, downstairs issues. Serena told me when Aimee told her, and I thought he might want a dude to talk to about it, but he bit my head off. I really didn't get the feeling he was hiding something, though, so maybe it was before he found out. Still, I... would those issues have anything to do with the cancer? Serena just said it was a post-chemo thing. I'm not an expert. I have treated chemo patients, but I'm not always privvy to the complete ins and outs of their treatment. I don't need to be. There's just some things in life family are supposed to step in for, no matter how much they're getting pushed away. If you're getting pushed away, all the more reason to keep being a pain in the ass," Drew explained. "It usually means somthing bad is wrong."
Lisa shook her head. "He's got testicular cancer. It's stage four. His downstairs issues are very much what's in focus. No wonder he snapped... I don't know if he knew. He might have just realised how serious it was all getting. Shit, I just can't believe it's been going on for so long and all of us were fooled into thinking it was just about the post-chemo reaction. But it wasn't! He's got a new type of cancer. It's not fair. It's just not fair. All he wants is a chance to be happy."
Drew winced. "You're saying he needs them..." He couldn't say it. He was still a guy, and that was just sacred. He had thought losing a kidney was scary enough, but he was willing to give one to Rick if Chris hadn't been able to step up. It was just the sort of person Drew was, but this... there was no such thing as ball transplants, and it was one's balls! Of all things. "Fuck..."
"Yeah, fuck," Lisa agreed quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself in a tight hug. "And the possible infertility isn't so much possible anymore. There really will be no way he can give Aimee kids after this... He'll be thinking there's probably no way he can give Aimee a lot of things. This isn't what I wanted for him. Dave doesn't deserve this."
Drew sighed a little with a small shake of his head. "You should just be confronting him, Lisa. Or call your family down to do it if you can't do it yourself. Rick over there is prime example of how quick this shit can spread. He started off with one small tumour in one kidney, and now the only kidney he has is his brother's because his own were ridded with tumours. I can understand shock and delusion, but it sounds to me like Dave has been acting strange for days now... weeks, even. And he's still working? I just... fuck. Infertility is the least of his worries right now. He needs to hold onto his life, not his sperm."
Lisa pushed her glasses up onto her head before she rubbed her hands over her face again to try and pull herself together. "He hasn't known all these weeks, but for all I know he had an idea that something was wrong. He just didn't do anything about it. But then he's been with Bella since he moved down here and even she didn't pick anything up. It took Dave being in physical pain when Aimee was trying to grope him for Dave to get checked out. But I know, okay? I know. I know I need to confront him." Lisa rest her hands on her hips for a moment before she reached out to slip her arms around Drew again and kissed him. "I know I fucked up with the date. I didn't want to miss the goodnight kiss. Plus, I really will make this up to you, okay? I promise. One day we're going to get our date because I really like you, Drew."
"Look, Lisa, it's fine, okay? All this stuff going on... really not the right time for a date. I mean, I didn't know about Dave. If I had, I wouldn't have even asked. I don't mean that in a bad way, but it's just about rallying together." Drew pointed behind him with his thumb. "Serena's just floundering and Chris is all over the place. She doesn't really know how to help him, but at the same time, she knows she has to let him do what he needs to to get through it. Rick is okayish on the face of it, but he's not. He's been freaking out big time. No one can do anything but just take things as they come right now. It can all change in a heartbeat. I know Dave's at work right now because Serena mentioned being in a surgery with him, so I doubt he'll be forthcoming, but next time he's off shift, you should try to talk to him, Lisa. My family have been lucky, we've never been touched by anything like this, but I've seen Chris with Rick, and sometimes you really just can't get a hold of shit to have it make sense. You need help, without even realising it."
"Thank god you've been helpful then, huh? I really don't know what I would do without you. I'm still sorry for just blurting this all out, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I still don't know how I'm supposed to go home and wait around for his shift to be over. I feel like letting myself into Dave's place and just camping out so he can't avoid me. Although if Aimee's there by any chance then that's just awkward," Lisa decided with a scrunch of her nose. "Not that I don't like her. I do. She's an awesome match for Dave, but I would have to explain the pseudo break-in."
"Sounds like she wouldn't be from what you told me, and sometimes you just gotta go what you gotta do. Like, seriously, sitting and watching them stab needles and tube's into my sisters boyfriend nearly had me passing out, but I was totally cool about it in the end... sort of. I looked cool, at least," Drew said wryly. He took his phone out of his pocket and was already typing in a text message to Serena. "Give me a few, S will be able to tell me when Dave's due to knock off. Maybe you can intercept him at the end of his shift at the hospital. I'll drive you over, and he'll have no choice but to give you a lift home."
Lisa smirked a little as she gave a shake of her head. "Do you even remember when we didn't have cell phones? This would have been so much harder. Are you sure you don't mind dropping me off? I don't want to ruin your evening when I kind of already put the kibosh on our date. I still think you're amazing for being there for Serena when she needed you. Not many brothers would watch the needles thing just for their sister's boyfriend. Thanks again for being so understanding."
Drew shrugged. "He's going to be my brother-in-law one day. I'll get him back at his bachelor party," he resolved with a smirk. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze as his phone beeped with a message. "I don't mind, okay? I don't. The date was just a bad idea to start with. There'll be another time. Dave's due off in around an hour and a half. He's in a surgery right now."
"So... now we just sit around awkwardly and think about the date that isn't going to happen?" Lisa asked with an amused look and gave his hand a squeeze in return.
"Your brother has cancer in the balls, we have no hope of avoiding the awkward. You know if it was me getting a diagnosis like that, I would... I don't know." Drew sat down with a small frown of thought as he tried to contemplate how he would feel. "I mentioned crying to my mom and dad thing, but you know I would probably act a lot like Dave is. The balls are, like, sacred. Plus, he's had it before. He knows how much it hurts his family, what you all went through with it. I bet right now he's just... terrified."
Lisa sat down beside him as she murmured in agreement. "He's probably thinking he doesn't have any energy left in him to fight this round. I would have thought a guy would go out and give his dick a last round, but I guess if it's playing up, he's really not going to want to try that. If there was anything he did want to do though, I'd take him. I'd do it with him. Well, not anything sexual clearly. Because ew... But you know what I mean, right?"
"You did mention he was in pain. Sex is likely the last thing on his mind, and who's to say he's even getting it up? I heard he wasn't, which is why I was going to talk to him to start with. But I walked away with a second asshole instead. I know what you mean, but facing a Bucket List like that is like admitting you're dying. I've had palliative patients. A lot don't want to think about the inevitable. Some just want the end to come without knowing when," Drew told her with a small shrug. "And here I am telling an oncology nurse how to suck eggs. But it's your brother. You probably can't see him like your patients. At the end of the day, though, this is his second time. He has to be thinking the worst. It's human nature. How the hell is he even functioning at work? It's got to be adrenaline floating on denial."
"I don't want him to think it's a Bucket List, but I just... I don't know. He needs something to keep him fighting. Yelling at him... confronting him... It'll only do so much." Lisa rubbed her hands against her thighs as she took a breath. "I honestly don't know how the hell he's still functioning. I really do just want to smack him around for probably pushing himself well past the limit when he should be doing anything else but that."
Drew gestured in the direction of the kitchen. "Do you want a drink or anything? I can offer that much. You've got some time. Did Bella say how Dave was? Did you speak to her about it? I can only go on what I've seen of Rick, and some days, he's just been really crappy. But then, he has had two lots of major surgery and all that. Would Dave even be up to doing anything?"
Lisa nodded. "Yeah, actually that would be really good. Is it too much trouble to ask for maybe some tea, or something? I'd ask for something stronger but then I'd just wind up drunk and not being able to talk to Dave. I tried to. Or at least she tried to. Mostly I was just crying. Which sounds really pathetic, but it was just such a shock. I couldn't believe it. He's trying to do okay. I don't know that he is. She just had to try and explain to me how serious it was, but it was treatable."
"Not at all." Drew got up and went into the kitchen to stick the kettle on, but came back to stand in the doorway while it boiled. "Treatable, sure. That sounds so easy, but he gets a nut cut off and has to go through chemo again. Even if it is treatable, it's still going to be hard. It just really sucks, though. Last I heard, Dave was steering clear because he thought Rick felt awkward talking to him about cancer and chemo, now he's dumped in it all again. I doubt the offer of that counselling will remain open. Still, it could be a key there. Dave and Rick both seeing through it."
Lisa shook her head. "And I still can't believe that Rick just let Dave think that, but I know he was probably lost in his own pain. I mean, you said yourself that he wasn't okay. That he's been freaking out. It's understandable. It's cancer... Even if everyone's telling him he's okay, he's still got to sort through his feelings. Just like Dave has to sort through his. Only it's probably easier for him to just stay in denial right now. Huge, huge denial. At least Rick is someone Dave can talk to that does know how he's feeling."
"Yeah, but think about it. Look how much Dave has been shoved to the outskirts with this whole thing. He's Chris' best mate, but now he has to get past Serena, Rick, and his Mom, all who want to look after him. Dave's just the sort to step back and let at it. He was there as proxy when Chris needed it, but as soon as Chris was awake and okay-ish, Dave stepped right back. It just seems that simultaneous to that, he's gotten sick himself. And I think that right there is the problem. He doesn't want to compound anymore on what they're already going through. Not after how Chris reacted the first time he told him about the cancer. He'll be thinking it's too much burden. I say that's why Dave is pulling away," Drew reasoned. "I don't even think I buy that it's denial. I think he's probably starkly aware how sick he is and what he is facing, he just doesn't want to burden anyone any further. I didn't peg Dave as stupid at all, not with his health. Once I knew he was a cancer survivor, you could blatantly see how much he took care of himself."
Lisa rested her head in her hands before she sniffed and tried to keep back the tears threatening to spill. "Dave still has me, he has his family. I guess I can see what you're saying. And now I just feel even worse for him because he can't even talk to his best friend without feeling like there's a minefield between them. Shit, this just monumentally sucks. I hate this."
Drew nodded slowly. "I know. It's why I tried to talk to him. Serena accidentally let slip that Dave and Aimee were having issues in the bedroom, but I could connect the dots that maybe Dave had tried to talk to Chris about it, but Chris took a bad turn and it didn't happen. Only thing was, Dave totally bit my head off and I think I got him at a bad time. I don't know exactly what he has been going through, but you're his sister, anger like that just seemed uncharacteristc from what Chris and Serena had told me about him. Bella's hands are also tied. She can only treat him with his consent, so she can't stalk him and force him into it without getting her licence taken off her."
"Shame, because I think she'd actually be a really good stalker doctor," Lisa joked quietly. "Bella's been great, and I know as soon as Dave decides he wants treatment then she'll kick into action. She's a great boss, just since I got here everything's been so intense. Crazy. I just wish Dave could talk to Chris, and that I don't feel like I need to be planning this intense scenario to railroad my brother into talking to me about the cancer."
"You're not. I thought we agreed you were just going to try and help him. I think railroading him into trying to talk about it would be a huge mistake," Drew admitted. "He just needs to know he has help. I don't know about the cancer he has. Maybe he just has a sore ball and nothing else. Which would make it a lot easier for him, but that doesn't mean it's less of an impact. If he barely made it through last time, he's not going to think he'll get through this time. Bella would have it all in hand, sure, but Dave needs to give the greenlight."
Lisa held up her hands. "We agreed. We agreed! It just feels like it's still going to take some kinda Black Ops stealth thing. See? I still need you to talk sense into me. This is helping. You're helping. It's still a very serious ball hurt. It's stage four. That's... intense. It's some really, really serious ball pain."
Drew gave her a small smirk and then went in to quickly make a couple of mugs of tea. When he came back, he handed her one and then sat down beside her. "Lisa, he's your brother," he reminded her quietly. "He's the same person he has been your whole life. And he's hurting and he needs help. It's not Black Ops stealth, it's your big brother. Doesn't Stage Four mean it's spread elsewhere?"
Lisa gave a nod before she she smiled sheepishly. "I know. In my head, I know. Yet my mouth is just still not getting it. I just hate myself for not being able to stop this from happening. To not being able to protect him from this. It has the potential to spread elsewhere. It's just developed quickly, or it's been that long that it's gone unnoticed. Either way, it's serious."
Drew took his iPhone out and brought Google up. He couldn't help if he was an academic at heart. He always liked to research illnesses and ailments before he met with his clients. Dave wasn't a client, but there was still a desire to know. It might help Lisa on some level, and she was an oncology nurse. He didn't want to be running up at the back of the field and feeling stupid about her brother's condition. "Metastisis to the retroperitoneal and paraaortic lymph nodes. They're in the gut, right? He's got to have more than a sore ball, surely. It's only stage one localised to the balls." he handed the phone over to her to see the Wiki page he had brought up. "If he keeps working, he's going to kill himself."
Lisa's expression sobered as she looked down at the iPhone. A coldness settled in the pit of her stomach despite holding the mug of tea with her other hand. "I know," she answered in a whisper. "And I can't lose him. I need him to get help. He's my big brother, and I love him, but I just need him to stay alive."
"Well, we'll wait a bit and then we'll go over there. It'll give me a chance to see how Serena is, too. Call your family in for back up if you have to. Sometimes people just need to stage interventions. Frig, I just don't know how Chris will take this when he finds out. I hope he understands, I really do," Drew murmured and pressed his lips together.
Lisa nodded and then set the phone down so she could take Drew's hand. She was already planning a call to her other sister. She couldn't not tell her. If she thought there was anyway her sister would get here in time, she'd call her now but instead Lisa was going to wait until she spoke to Dave. She gave Drew's hand a squeeze before shifting to rest her head against his shoulder. "I'm still sorry for dragging the evening down, but the truth is I'm glad it's you I'm waiting around with."
"Please, don't apologise. You'll start to piss me off," Drew warned with a small smirk. He couldn't help it if girls apologising to painful extent was a turn-off. It made him feel like he couldn't say anything right. He couldn't profess to have all the answers, but he needed to know he was helping on some level. If not, there was no point in even trying, really. He had a sense right now that the shit was about to hit the fan again. Even with Serena, he knew she was going to be shocked as all hell to hear Dave had cancer again.
"Okay, no more apologising. Although, you know, if you were into spanking then I'm sure you could find some way to make me pay for it." Lisa tried to smile, but it fell flat. She shifted to look up at Drew, but her thoughts were very much on her brother. She still couldn't believe that they were about to get ready to help him fight cancer again. Now it suddenly felt like no time at all since his last fight with cancer. Maybe she and Drew weren't on the date they were supposed to be, but he was still willing to sit with her and drive her to the hospital and that said a lot to her.
Drew held up his hand, the mug still in one of them. "Really not into spanking. If I pass out from a blood test, you can see I'm not a huge fan of pain in general. Probably why I'm the one always trying to give advice rather than receive it..." He paused for a moment. "You know what, we should just go to the hospital now. We can make ourselves scarce while we wait. You'll go crazy sitting here waiting it out."
Lisa let go of Drew's hand. "Oh, oh sure. Yeah. We should go. I won't try and force you into any kind of spanking just out of boredom though. In case you were wondering. And for the record, I didn't do so well trying to take my first blood test. I did it all wrong, and got sprayed in the face... I freaked out and showered for hours. That was after I threw up."
Drew couldn't help but laugh. "Fucking hell. I would have been hysterical if I was your patient. What did you pierce them with, a spork? I knew there was a reason I didn't want anything to do with getting an MD. Blood would be that," he said and downed his tea as quickly as he could without scalding himself.
Lisa laughed softly. "No, not quite. It was just a really bad, really terrible first experience. But I'm now the best at drawing blood. I don't even leave bruises. I know exactly when to stop jabbing someone with a needle, too. And you still don't have anything to do with getting an MD. I'm a nurse, not a doctor."
"Cancer patients, you would have to be pretty spectucular. Most of them need their blood tested with painful regularity." Drew set his mug down with a small smile. "I'll just go finished getting dressed. I won't be long, promise."
"I'd ask if I could watch, but I'm guessing it's too soon. That should probably be saved for the cancellation of the third date at least," Lisa replied with a smile. She raised her mug to show she would have something to do. "I'll be fine. Take your time, really. I promise I won't just become some hysterical mess on your sofa without you to distract me."
Word Count | 5,957
Lisa had been standing on the stoop of Drew's apartment building chewing on her nail as she tried not to let the panic set in too deep. Only it had set in deeply enough that she'd tracked him down to where he'd been staying in Serena's apartment. They were due for their first date in a little under two hours, and Lisa thought she'd appreciate the distraction. She thought she would actually look forward to this given how much she'd wanted him from the first moment she'd seen him asleep on the chairs waiting for his sister. She'd kissed him for crying out loud! And now she had wanted the chance for a proper goodnight kiss, and to actually get to know him a bit more. She'd understood about waiting while Drew had waited for his sister to be a little more stable; for Chris to be more stable.
Only now Lisa wasn't so stable. She'd found out her brother had testicular cancer and it was eating her up inside. She hadn't spoken to Dave about it. She hadn't even spoken to Bella about it again since the day she'd found the file. She'd kept every conversation Dave-free. She hadn't breathed a word. Just tried to push it all to the back of her mind and act like nothing was wrong. If Dave didn't want his family to know then she'd wait until he told them. Only she couldn't unlearn and of course her brain had chosen tonight of all nights to freak out on her.
When the buzzer for the door sounded, Lisa pulled it open and ran up the stairs rather than take the lift. It was only a couple of floors up. She could make it. She wasn't even in heels yet, still wearing sneakers and sweats from a session at the gym. She knocked on the apartment door when she reached it and went back to chewing on her nail as she waited impatiently.
Drew was half-dressed. He had been in the process of getting dressed for the last hour, but ended up on the phone to Serena, who had called him to offload about Chris being in tears in the chemo clinic while he was waiting for Rick and her not being able to leave MT1 to get to him. Drew had listened, and then tried to reassure her that Chris would be fine and that it was overwhelming having his brother going through this again. Everyone just needed to stick it out a bit longer. She seemed okay when the conversation ended and went back to her job, but Drew knew she wasn't completely okay. She wouldn't be until Chris was 100% in top form again. He had managed to get his jeans on, and his hair was still wet and brushed back from his shower, but now she was here early?
With a small, confused shake of his head, Drew opened the apartment door and raised his eyebrows as soon as he took in her appearance. "You could have just called to pull out, you know. It's cool. You changed your mind, I understand," he told her.
Lisa gave a shake of her head before she held up her hands and then just pointed at herself. "But I don't want to pull out. That's why I'm here. I'm pulling out, but I'm not. I don't know how to explain it. I can't really explain it. I can't tell anyone. And I'm sorry, Drew. I really am. Because I wanted a date, and I want you, and I need a distraction. But my brain... Of all the fucking times." She looked down at herself and sighed. "I was at the gym, and I came straight here. But I like your look. Very sexy. You don't even need a shirt."
Drew was frowning as he stepped aside for her to come in. The apartment was still all Serena. Drew hadn't been assed to make any changes. Most of his time here had been working or hovering in the sidelines of the Chris and Rick drama in case he was needed. Now he was just sceptical. She didn't want the date, but she did, and the reason she didn't, she couldn't tell him about? What the fuck? He was a patient guy, but come on. "Yeah... sure..." he said uncertainly, and then cleared his throat, feeling awkward. "Why are you here again?" he finally asked, not able to connect any dots from what she had just said.
Lisa scratched at her hair before she ran her hand down over her ponytail and looked at him from behind her glasses. She just stared at him before she crossed the threshold into the apartment and tried not to just burst into tears. She was already being the crazy lady. How did that help anything? And this was still supposed to be their date night. She tugged at the hem of her top as she shifted her weight from foot to foot and chewed on her lip nervously. Why was she here? To pre-empt pulling out on the date by showing up early and scaring Drew? "I'm sorry, I know I should have just... I didn't want to cancel. I'm here because I want this to happen. I guess I just wanted to warn you that my head's not in the best place."
Drew was still looking at her uncertainly. "It's fine. We can just make it another night," he offered. He would rather not be strung along anyway. Been there, done that. "I can't promise I wouldn't be interrupted anyway. Serena's having a tough day and she's been calling, so... yeah. It's fine, really. I get it. A phone call would have been fine, I promise."
"No, please. Drew. This isn't me brushing you off. So please don't stand there with that look and make me feel like I'm leading you on. It's just..." Lisa threw up her hands helplessly. "Dave has cancer. Again. He has fucking cancer, Drew. And I can't say anything to anyone, and now I've just told you and it's not even fair that you get lumped with a secret that I'm not supposed to even know. He hasn't told anyone. He doesn't seem like he's about to tell anyone, but this is eating me up and tonight it just all became too much."
Drew's mouth dropped open slightly, and if she hadn't repeated herself, he would have been sure he had heard incorrectly. He knew Dave had cancer before, so it was lucky she actually said 'again'. He blinked, too shocked at first to say anything... wondering why Serena hadn't said anything, only to realise that Serena probably didn't know if Dave hadn't told anyone, despite her working on the same team as him. Which also meant Chris probably didn't know either, and Drew suddenly remembered the confrontation with Dave outside MT1. The surgeon had completely bitten his head off when Drew tried to talk to him, and even though he didn't know the guy well, it seemed out-of-character. "Well, you should be with him, not on a date," Drew finally said, for lack of anything else. If this was Serena, Drew would have gone straight to her, no matter what.
Lisa nodded as her bottom lip started to tremble. "I know, and you have no idea how much I want to, but Dave's not letting anyone in. I tried calling before I came here, and he just didn't pick up. Every time I try and catch him at MT1 he finds a reason not to stop and have coffee, or lunch with me. Dave's never pulled away like this before and I guess I'm just lost with how to actually be with him if he won't let me. I... I'm trying to respect the fact that he doesn't want to say anything about the cancer, but it's hard. I found out by accident. I was in Bella's office and I saw the file, and how do you not read your brother's file? And then you asked me out, and I'd been waiting for it, and hoping and I said yes because it could have also been a distraction, but I just... I don't think I have the head for it, and I'm so sorry. But I don't want you to think I'm not interested! Drew, you have no idea how much I like you."
Drew let out a small breath and then pressed his lips together. This really didn't feel right. It was one thing Lisa finding out about her brother, but Drew wasn't involved at all. "Jesus, I... I don't know what to say, Lisa. I'm sorry, I really don't, and I usually have verbal diarrhoea. I'm a therapist, it's what I do. But this is... I-I- have no idea what to say. I really wish I did. Just, I've had Serena on the phone upset because Chris has been upset about Rick's next chemo round, and this is all just... fucking hell. You're in Chris' shoes, and this is just..." At a loss of what else to do or say, he just put his arms around her and gave her a hug.
Lisa wasn't exactly sure what she'd wanted Drew to say. She did realise how unfair it was expecting him to be able to say anything, or do anything. The hug was nice, though. She relaxed into it as she slid her arms around his waist and buried her face in against his shoulder. He still felt a little damp from the shower, and smelled like citrus and the cologne he must have put on after. She liked the smell. He was also warm and comforting and Lisa knew that someone that gave hugs this good had to be the real deal. "I'm sorry Chris isn't well, either. I really didn't mean to come in and crash in on you, but I just found myself here. You don't need to say anything. I'm liking the hug."
Drew felt faintly sick knowing he knew this and Serena didn't. That Chris didn't. It felt wrong, and there was a tiny part of him wondering if he should go over and try to confront Dave again. "Wait... are you saying he's got cancer, but he's not getting treatment? Are you serious?" he asked in horror. "He can't just ignore it. I would have thought with him having it before he would... I don't know, be aware. I'm not sure. Is he in shock?"
"I don't know!" Lisa choked out, the tone turning a little angry before she took a deep breath. "I don't know what he's doing. Bella wanted to get him in for surgery, but she hasn't said if he did or not. And Dave hasn't taken time off that I know about. This is the part that sucks. I don't know what he is and isn't doing. I just don't know."
"Why haven't you just persisted with him? Look what Dave had to do with Rick? Maybe someone just needs to step up for him now?" Drew suggested and then shrugged helplessly. It wasn't like he was an expert on any of this. He was just a musical therapist and his family had absolutely no history of cancer whatsoever. He really didn't understand all this secret stuff. If he was diagnosed with cancer, he would be a sobbing mess with his sister and parents before the hour was out, but he was a giant wuss. Always had been. It just sounded like Dave wasn't responding well to this and needed help, so everyone was just... steering clear of him? "I'll go over there. I'll go and talk to him right now."
Lisa pressed her hands against Drew's chest gently. "Drew, you can't go there alone. I'll go with you. No, you can come with me. I mean, now that I'm here and I'm actually talking about this I know how stupid I've been. I need to go and see him and talk to him and be the one to make him realise that he can't do this alone, and he can't ignore it. Not with how serious it is. You also need to put a shirt on."
"He's already bitched me out once for trying to help, it's hardly going to bother me a second time. I just thought he was tired or pissed off. I asked him, see. About the whole, uh, downstairs issues. Serena told me when Aimee told her, and I thought he might want a dude to talk to about it, but he bit my head off. I really didn't get the feeling he was hiding something, though, so maybe it was before he found out. Still, I... would those issues have anything to do with the cancer? Serena just said it was a post-chemo thing. I'm not an expert. I have treated chemo patients, but I'm not always privvy to the complete ins and outs of their treatment. I don't need to be. There's just some things in life family are supposed to step in for, no matter how much they're getting pushed away. If you're getting pushed away, all the more reason to keep being a pain in the ass," Drew explained. "It usually means somthing bad is wrong."
Lisa shook her head. "He's got testicular cancer. It's stage four. His downstairs issues are very much what's in focus. No wonder he snapped... I don't know if he knew. He might have just realised how serious it was all getting. Shit, I just can't believe it's been going on for so long and all of us were fooled into thinking it was just about the post-chemo reaction. But it wasn't! He's got a new type of cancer. It's not fair. It's just not fair. All he wants is a chance to be happy."
Drew winced. "You're saying he needs them..." He couldn't say it. He was still a guy, and that was just sacred. He had thought losing a kidney was scary enough, but he was willing to give one to Rick if Chris hadn't been able to step up. It was just the sort of person Drew was, but this... there was no such thing as ball transplants, and it was one's balls! Of all things. "Fuck..."
"Yeah, fuck," Lisa agreed quietly as she wrapped her arms around herself in a tight hug. "And the possible infertility isn't so much possible anymore. There really will be no way he can give Aimee kids after this... He'll be thinking there's probably no way he can give Aimee a lot of things. This isn't what I wanted for him. Dave doesn't deserve this."
Drew sighed a little with a small shake of his head. "You should just be confronting him, Lisa. Or call your family down to do it if you can't do it yourself. Rick over there is prime example of how quick this shit can spread. He started off with one small tumour in one kidney, and now the only kidney he has is his brother's because his own were ridded with tumours. I can understand shock and delusion, but it sounds to me like Dave has been acting strange for days now... weeks, even. And he's still working? I just... fuck. Infertility is the least of his worries right now. He needs to hold onto his life, not his sperm."
Lisa pushed her glasses up onto her head before she rubbed her hands over her face again to try and pull herself together. "He hasn't known all these weeks, but for all I know he had an idea that something was wrong. He just didn't do anything about it. But then he's been with Bella since he moved down here and even she didn't pick anything up. It took Dave being in physical pain when Aimee was trying to grope him for Dave to get checked out. But I know, okay? I know. I know I need to confront him." Lisa rest her hands on her hips for a moment before she reached out to slip her arms around Drew again and kissed him. "I know I fucked up with the date. I didn't want to miss the goodnight kiss. Plus, I really will make this up to you, okay? I promise. One day we're going to get our date because I really like you, Drew."
"Look, Lisa, it's fine, okay? All this stuff going on... really not the right time for a date. I mean, I didn't know about Dave. If I had, I wouldn't have even asked. I don't mean that in a bad way, but it's just about rallying together." Drew pointed behind him with his thumb. "Serena's just floundering and Chris is all over the place. She doesn't really know how to help him, but at the same time, she knows she has to let him do what he needs to to get through it. Rick is okayish on the face of it, but he's not. He's been freaking out big time. No one can do anything but just take things as they come right now. It can all change in a heartbeat. I know Dave's at work right now because Serena mentioned being in a surgery with him, so I doubt he'll be forthcoming, but next time he's off shift, you should try to talk to him, Lisa. My family have been lucky, we've never been touched by anything like this, but I've seen Chris with Rick, and sometimes you really just can't get a hold of shit to have it make sense. You need help, without even realising it."
"Thank god you've been helpful then, huh? I really don't know what I would do without you. I'm still sorry for just blurting this all out, but I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I still don't know how I'm supposed to go home and wait around for his shift to be over. I feel like letting myself into Dave's place and just camping out so he can't avoid me. Although if Aimee's there by any chance then that's just awkward," Lisa decided with a scrunch of her nose. "Not that I don't like her. I do. She's an awesome match for Dave, but I would have to explain the pseudo break-in."
"Sounds like she wouldn't be from what you told me, and sometimes you just gotta go what you gotta do. Like, seriously, sitting and watching them stab needles and tube's into my sisters boyfriend nearly had me passing out, but I was totally cool about it in the end... sort of. I looked cool, at least," Drew said wryly. He took his phone out of his pocket and was already typing in a text message to Serena. "Give me a few, S will be able to tell me when Dave's due to knock off. Maybe you can intercept him at the end of his shift at the hospital. I'll drive you over, and he'll have no choice but to give you a lift home."
Lisa smirked a little as she gave a shake of her head. "Do you even remember when we didn't have cell phones? This would have been so much harder. Are you sure you don't mind dropping me off? I don't want to ruin your evening when I kind of already put the kibosh on our date. I still think you're amazing for being there for Serena when she needed you. Not many brothers would watch the needles thing just for their sister's boyfriend. Thanks again for being so understanding."
Drew shrugged. "He's going to be my brother-in-law one day. I'll get him back at his bachelor party," he resolved with a smirk. He took her hand and gave it a small squeeze as his phone beeped with a message. "I don't mind, okay? I don't. The date was just a bad idea to start with. There'll be another time. Dave's due off in around an hour and a half. He's in a surgery right now."
"So... now we just sit around awkwardly and think about the date that isn't going to happen?" Lisa asked with an amused look and gave his hand a squeeze in return.
"Your brother has cancer in the balls, we have no hope of avoiding the awkward. You know if it was me getting a diagnosis like that, I would... I don't know." Drew sat down with a small frown of thought as he tried to contemplate how he would feel. "I mentioned crying to my mom and dad thing, but you know I would probably act a lot like Dave is. The balls are, like, sacred. Plus, he's had it before. He knows how much it hurts his family, what you all went through with it. I bet right now he's just... terrified."
Lisa sat down beside him as she murmured in agreement. "He's probably thinking he doesn't have any energy left in him to fight this round. I would have thought a guy would go out and give his dick a last round, but I guess if it's playing up, he's really not going to want to try that. If there was anything he did want to do though, I'd take him. I'd do it with him. Well, not anything sexual clearly. Because ew... But you know what I mean, right?"
"You did mention he was in pain. Sex is likely the last thing on his mind, and who's to say he's even getting it up? I heard he wasn't, which is why I was going to talk to him to start with. But I walked away with a second asshole instead. I know what you mean, but facing a Bucket List like that is like admitting you're dying. I've had palliative patients. A lot don't want to think about the inevitable. Some just want the end to come without knowing when," Drew told her with a small shrug. "And here I am telling an oncology nurse how to suck eggs. But it's your brother. You probably can't see him like your patients. At the end of the day, though, this is his second time. He has to be thinking the worst. It's human nature. How the hell is he even functioning at work? It's got to be adrenaline floating on denial."
"I don't want him to think it's a Bucket List, but I just... I don't know. He needs something to keep him fighting. Yelling at him... confronting him... It'll only do so much." Lisa rubbed her hands against her thighs as she took a breath. "I honestly don't know how the hell he's still functioning. I really do just want to smack him around for probably pushing himself well past the limit when he should be doing anything else but that."
Drew gestured in the direction of the kitchen. "Do you want a drink or anything? I can offer that much. You've got some time. Did Bella say how Dave was? Did you speak to her about it? I can only go on what I've seen of Rick, and some days, he's just been really crappy. But then, he has had two lots of major surgery and all that. Would Dave even be up to doing anything?"
Lisa nodded. "Yeah, actually that would be really good. Is it too much trouble to ask for maybe some tea, or something? I'd ask for something stronger but then I'd just wind up drunk and not being able to talk to Dave. I tried to. Or at least she tried to. Mostly I was just crying. Which sounds really pathetic, but it was just such a shock. I couldn't believe it. He's trying to do okay. I don't know that he is. She just had to try and explain to me how serious it was, but it was treatable."
"Not at all." Drew got up and went into the kitchen to stick the kettle on, but came back to stand in the doorway while it boiled. "Treatable, sure. That sounds so easy, but he gets a nut cut off and has to go through chemo again. Even if it is treatable, it's still going to be hard. It just really sucks, though. Last I heard, Dave was steering clear because he thought Rick felt awkward talking to him about cancer and chemo, now he's dumped in it all again. I doubt the offer of that counselling will remain open. Still, it could be a key there. Dave and Rick both seeing through it."
Lisa shook her head. "And I still can't believe that Rick just let Dave think that, but I know he was probably lost in his own pain. I mean, you said yourself that he wasn't okay. That he's been freaking out. It's understandable. It's cancer... Even if everyone's telling him he's okay, he's still got to sort through his feelings. Just like Dave has to sort through his. Only it's probably easier for him to just stay in denial right now. Huge, huge denial. At least Rick is someone Dave can talk to that does know how he's feeling."
"Yeah, but think about it. Look how much Dave has been shoved to the outskirts with this whole thing. He's Chris' best mate, but now he has to get past Serena, Rick, and his Mom, all who want to look after him. Dave's just the sort to step back and let at it. He was there as proxy when Chris needed it, but as soon as Chris was awake and okay-ish, Dave stepped right back. It just seems that simultaneous to that, he's gotten sick himself. And I think that right there is the problem. He doesn't want to compound anymore on what they're already going through. Not after how Chris reacted the first time he told him about the cancer. He'll be thinking it's too much burden. I say that's why Dave is pulling away," Drew reasoned. "I don't even think I buy that it's denial. I think he's probably starkly aware how sick he is and what he is facing, he just doesn't want to burden anyone any further. I didn't peg Dave as stupid at all, not with his health. Once I knew he was a cancer survivor, you could blatantly see how much he took care of himself."
Lisa rested her head in her hands before she sniffed and tried to keep back the tears threatening to spill. "Dave still has me, he has his family. I guess I can see what you're saying. And now I just feel even worse for him because he can't even talk to his best friend without feeling like there's a minefield between them. Shit, this just monumentally sucks. I hate this."
Drew nodded slowly. "I know. It's why I tried to talk to him. Serena accidentally let slip that Dave and Aimee were having issues in the bedroom, but I could connect the dots that maybe Dave had tried to talk to Chris about it, but Chris took a bad turn and it didn't happen. Only thing was, Dave totally bit my head off and I think I got him at a bad time. I don't know exactly what he has been going through, but you're his sister, anger like that just seemed uncharacteristc from what Chris and Serena had told me about him. Bella's hands are also tied. She can only treat him with his consent, so she can't stalk him and force him into it without getting her licence taken off her."
"Shame, because I think she'd actually be a really good stalker doctor," Lisa joked quietly. "Bella's been great, and I know as soon as Dave decides he wants treatment then she'll kick into action. She's a great boss, just since I got here everything's been so intense. Crazy. I just wish Dave could talk to Chris, and that I don't feel like I need to be planning this intense scenario to railroad my brother into talking to me about the cancer."
"You're not. I thought we agreed you were just going to try and help him. I think railroading him into trying to talk about it would be a huge mistake," Drew admitted. "He just needs to know he has help. I don't know about the cancer he has. Maybe he just has a sore ball and nothing else. Which would make it a lot easier for him, but that doesn't mean it's less of an impact. If he barely made it through last time, he's not going to think he'll get through this time. Bella would have it all in hand, sure, but Dave needs to give the greenlight."
Lisa held up her hands. "We agreed. We agreed! It just feels like it's still going to take some kinda Black Ops stealth thing. See? I still need you to talk sense into me. This is helping. You're helping. It's still a very serious ball hurt. It's stage four. That's... intense. It's some really, really serious ball pain."
Drew gave her a small smirk and then went in to quickly make a couple of mugs of tea. When he came back, he handed her one and then sat down beside her. "Lisa, he's your brother," he reminded her quietly. "He's the same person he has been your whole life. And he's hurting and he needs help. It's not Black Ops stealth, it's your big brother. Doesn't Stage Four mean it's spread elsewhere?"
Lisa gave a nod before she she smiled sheepishly. "I know. In my head, I know. Yet my mouth is just still not getting it. I just hate myself for not being able to stop this from happening. To not being able to protect him from this. It has the potential to spread elsewhere. It's just developed quickly, or it's been that long that it's gone unnoticed. Either way, it's serious."
Drew took his iPhone out and brought Google up. He couldn't help if he was an academic at heart. He always liked to research illnesses and ailments before he met with his clients. Dave wasn't a client, but there was still a desire to know. It might help Lisa on some level, and she was an oncology nurse. He didn't want to be running up at the back of the field and feeling stupid about her brother's condition. "Metastisis to the retroperitoneal and paraaortic lymph nodes. They're in the gut, right? He's got to have more than a sore ball, surely. It's only stage one localised to the balls." he handed the phone over to her to see the Wiki page he had brought up. "If he keeps working, he's going to kill himself."
Lisa's expression sobered as she looked down at the iPhone. A coldness settled in the pit of her stomach despite holding the mug of tea with her other hand. "I know," she answered in a whisper. "And I can't lose him. I need him to get help. He's my big brother, and I love him, but I just need him to stay alive."
"Well, we'll wait a bit and then we'll go over there. It'll give me a chance to see how Serena is, too. Call your family in for back up if you have to. Sometimes people just need to stage interventions. Frig, I just don't know how Chris will take this when he finds out. I hope he understands, I really do," Drew murmured and pressed his lips together.
Lisa nodded and then set the phone down so she could take Drew's hand. She was already planning a call to her other sister. She couldn't not tell her. If she thought there was anyway her sister would get here in time, she'd call her now but instead Lisa was going to wait until she spoke to Dave. She gave Drew's hand a squeeze before shifting to rest her head against his shoulder. "I'm still sorry for dragging the evening down, but the truth is I'm glad it's you I'm waiting around with."
"Please, don't apologise. You'll start to piss me off," Drew warned with a small smirk. He couldn't help it if girls apologising to painful extent was a turn-off. It made him feel like he couldn't say anything right. He couldn't profess to have all the answers, but he needed to know he was helping on some level. If not, there was no point in even trying, really. He had a sense right now that the shit was about to hit the fan again. Even with Serena, he knew she was going to be shocked as all hell to hear Dave had cancer again.
"Okay, no more apologising. Although, you know, if you were into spanking then I'm sure you could find some way to make me pay for it." Lisa tried to smile, but it fell flat. She shifted to look up at Drew, but her thoughts were very much on her brother. She still couldn't believe that they were about to get ready to help him fight cancer again. Now it suddenly felt like no time at all since his last fight with cancer. Maybe she and Drew weren't on the date they were supposed to be, but he was still willing to sit with her and drive her to the hospital and that said a lot to her.
Drew held up his hand, the mug still in one of them. "Really not into spanking. If I pass out from a blood test, you can see I'm not a huge fan of pain in general. Probably why I'm the one always trying to give advice rather than receive it..." He paused for a moment. "You know what, we should just go to the hospital now. We can make ourselves scarce while we wait. You'll go crazy sitting here waiting it out."
Lisa let go of Drew's hand. "Oh, oh sure. Yeah. We should go. I won't try and force you into any kind of spanking just out of boredom though. In case you were wondering. And for the record, I didn't do so well trying to take my first blood test. I did it all wrong, and got sprayed in the face... I freaked out and showered for hours. That was after I threw up."
Drew couldn't help but laugh. "Fucking hell. I would have been hysterical if I was your patient. What did you pierce them with, a spork? I knew there was a reason I didn't want anything to do with getting an MD. Blood would be that," he said and downed his tea as quickly as he could without scalding himself.
Lisa laughed softly. "No, not quite. It was just a really bad, really terrible first experience. But I'm now the best at drawing blood. I don't even leave bruises. I know exactly when to stop jabbing someone with a needle, too. And you still don't have anything to do with getting an MD. I'm a nurse, not a doctor."
"Cancer patients, you would have to be pretty spectucular. Most of them need their blood tested with painful regularity." Drew set his mug down with a small smile. "I'll just go finished getting dressed. I won't be long, promise."
"I'd ask if I could watch, but I'm guessing it's too soon. That should probably be saved for the cancellation of the third date at least," Lisa replied with a smile. She raised her mug to show she would have something to do. "I'll be fine. Take your time, really. I promise I won't just become some hysterical mess on your sofa without you to distract me."
Word Count | 5,957