dated 19 November - Shari

[rhymingdevil]

I waited until after the speeches were over and we were both back at home to say anything. I knew Shari had been on the island for a long time and I didn't really expect her to have put her life on hold for three years not knowing when or even if I'd show up, but that still didn't really prepare me for the shock of hearing she'd been married. How

Comments

[broken_brushes]

Naturally, I'd known this was coming; I'd put it in motion, after all. Make no mistake: I felt like crap for the way I'd handled it. There were no two ways about it, it was straight-up unfair to have dropped the fact that I had been married in the middle of an impersonal speech given to the whole island rather than tell Peter one-on-one. I'd intended to handle it better, but the truth was that when it came to George, I was still a coward, afraid of myself.

Standing in the kitchen, I leaned back against the oven, subconsciously fingering the dish towel hooked over its handle, eyes fixed on my feet.

"I should have told you," I said, seeing no reason to demur. "I'm sorry."

[rhymingdevil]

"It's okay, I guess," I offered graciously. I didn't really want to fight with Shari, not about something that was clearly painful for her to talk about. Still, the devil on my shoulder pointed out that if it was so painful, she shouldn't be able to mention it in public like that.

I didn't necessarily like thinking about it that way and tried to put it out of my mind and focus on the now.

"I know it now, anyway. I would have preferred to not have the bomb dropped on me in public, but at least I know. That's all I can ask for."

[broken_brushes]

"No, it's not," I insisted, finally looking up at him, unbound hair sliding back over my cheeks. "The least you can ask for is respect, and I didn't give you that. I should have told you, and Peter, I've got…" I sighed. "A laundry list of excuses, but it doesn't matter. Of all people, I should have been able to tell you. It's been a year and- I don't know what I thought. I just kept putting it off and putting it off."

[rhymingdevil]

"I haven't exactly been here for you to be close to," I said, shrugging a little. It hurt, knowing there were other people she probably could find it easier to confide in, if only because she didn't have to explain every little thing about the island to them.

"I'm trying to get used to the fact that we're not going to be able to just pick up where we left off. I thought I was doing decently at that, giving you space, giving it time, but this is kind of like getting hit by a truck."

I winced; really bad metaphor, considering.