Fanfic-Missing What's Gone

[rhia474]

And before I stumble to bed, here;s the latest, angst-ridden chapter in the ongoing saga of Marian Hawke and Fenris. This was...agonizing to write, for more than one reason.

Missing What’s Gone

A Dragon Age 2 fic

A/N: This was… difficult to write. For personal reasons. But it had to happen, so… here it is. I’d recommend listening to these songs

Comments

[marigoldsthorn]

*sniffles* Lovely and... brutal and ... gah!

Your Fenris is such a rich layered character. I just want to give him hugs. And your Hawke. Everyone needs hugs really.

this is beautiful. Just so you know.

[rhia474]

Thank you! Yes, unfortunately hugs wil be rare in the next three years, as we know. Will try eventually to make up for it, of course. ;)
It's quite challenging to get into Fenris' head and figuring out his 'layers' (because gosh, he has them, in spades!) without making him OOC...glad I'm successful so far.

[marigoldsthorn]

You're welcome!

Ohoho I hope so!

Agreed. So far my attempts have been.... sucky. :P
^_^

[arysani]

Your Latin poem, and talking about the feelings it evokes, give rise to my own visceral memories - being in marching band in middle school and high school, we always had to march in the Memorial Day parade. And always we would end in the cemetary, changing to a funerial drumbeat as we crossed the threshold and lining up. And then a member of the rotary would come and recite "In Flander's Field", with one of the trumpet players moving to stand in the distance and play Taps afterward while we all stood perfectly still in perfect silence.

I also love Varric's protectiveness. Deep, deep love for that man.

[rhia474]

That's beautiful...thank you for sharing the memory! I figured Tevinter should have its own traditions, and not everything it totally bleak and ugly. The Quanri war has ben going on for so long, they must have an entire tradition grown up around honoring its dead, hence my invention there.
And Varric is the awesome. He just does these things naturally, I swear, I just write it down as it happens. Does that make sense?

[dancingmanatee]

Okay, so I read this last night, but I was too exhausted to leave a review. I absolutely loved loved loved this story! Your characterization of Hawke as just barely keeping it together was fantastic and her breaking down in front of Fenris was just so much more powerful and deep and realistic than the scene in the game ever showed us. Wonderful pacing, beautiful descriptions, and just the perfect tone (angsty without being contrived). My favorite part was the fact that Fenris was just so selfless in his revenge against Gascard. He could've told Hawke that Gascard was dead, possibly earned himself some brownie points after breaking her heart and definitely convinced himself that he was giving her peace of mind, but he chose to keep it his burden so that she could move on. Also, I'm not a poetry person myself, but that poem was so lovely and fitting.

I don't know why this was difficult for you to write, nor is it my business to ask why, but I'm happy you did. You turned your emotion into a very powerful and beautiful piece.

[rhia474]

Aw, thanks so much for taking the time! It irked me that they cut that scene so short. I mean, it's great, becase it's clear that Fen is awkward and does NOT want to do this, but something makes him... and he kind of grits his teeth and does it anyway, and in the process it's rathe clear that he CARES. Dammit.
And yes, glad you picked up on that selflessness...I wanted to show that Fenris indeed grows and changes with time--it's a start of something, definitely.
Re: the personal stuff. I think one of the greatest gifts of creativity is this: to take something deeply personal and by making something out of it, you transform and transcend it so it hurts less. This is a memory that's more than ten years old now, but still hurts. Now it hurts less, but it probably will never go away. And that's just the way life is...

[brytewolf]

Sad, but so very very pretty.

[rhia474]

Thank you--sometimes sad is what we need.
You icon is breathtaking, by the way... ::clutches at her heart::

[rubberbisquit]

This is so heart wrenching! That poem was perfect for this and for him; desperately trying to comfort. I found it interesting that he had left the area and returned to find her like this. So sad.

I'm glad he killed the shit out of Gascard though. I wish I could have done that more in the game. He died too easily.

[rhia474]

Thank you... it's such a sad poem, really... Originally was written by the poet when his brother died and it just tears me up every time I read it. I'm a total softie. Like Sten. ;)
And yes, I HAD to have him kill Gascard. It just didn't quite satisfy me either way the game did the killing. Figured this way the vengeance is done, poetic justice is served by him killing the 'shit out of' a blood mage (LOVE that phrase, btw), plus he can be super noble by not telling Hawke.