The mirror - Complete
Name: The mirror
Author:
revontulet_iam
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Rating: PG
Summary: Adam has self-esteem problems.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.
Notes: I have flu and and I'm bored and I had nothing better to do today.
Warning: Unbeta-ed. Let's see how many mistakes I've made
He looks in the mirror, studying his reflection with critical eyes. The makeup is done to perfection, his hair is perfectly straight and the clothes he wears compliments his figure perfectly. He half likes what he sees because however much he might try, he’s all smoke and mirrors, a different self each day, so close yet so far from his real self.
For some unknown reason, people look up to him, they even find him beautiful or attractive, but he knows better. He is none of those things.
He’s fat and he has skin problems. He hates his freckles and the fact that no matter how much foundation he uses, he never manages to hide them all.
“Are you ready?” Kris asks.
“Yes,” He merely whispers and turns around. He smiles and his heart warms a little as he sees the look of appreciation on Kris’ face. He can’t understand him sometimes. His mind can’t fathom why his boyfriend looks at him like he is the most beautiful and most precious thing in the world. What is it so special about him, Adam Lambert to be looked at this way? “But it seems that no matter what do, I just can’t cover the dark circles under my eyes.”
Kris laughs, the corners of his eyes crinkling. He walks to Adam and wraps his strong arms around Adam’s. “You always look stunning.” He states simply and even though he has heard this phrase for so many times, it still feels like a revelation and the fact that Kris looks so dead serious whenever he says that, makes Adam think that this might be the biggest of truths.
He walks to Adam and wraps his strong arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “Sometimes I’m afraid that if I look in the wrong direction for too long, someone else will come along and take you away from me.” Kris says and Adam’s breath catches, and something strange settles in the pit of his stomach. He stares at Kris and he sees things he has never seen before. He sees adoration in his boyfriend’s eyes, and happiness, but he also sees fear.
He has never been good at expressing his emotions so he doesn’t know how to reply. For the first time in a long time, he is at a loss for words. He stares at Kris and it feels like he’s seeing him for the first time. There’s a plethora of emotions coursing though his body. He feels elated and oddly at peace with himself.
“You don’t have to be afraid of losing me. I love you so much it scares me.” He says after what fees like an eternity.
Kris’ face lights up. “I love you more.”
He shakes his head and smiles lovingly. “Not possible.”
He bents his head a little and kisses his boyfriend on the lips. It’s a soft kiss and it lacks the characteristic burning desperation he usually kisses Kris, but it feels real and right. Like they have done this for a lifetime, not couple of months.
“Why do you look at me like this, Kris?” He says after breaking their kiss. He knows he shouldn’t ask this kind of things, that he needs to settle for the blissful ignorance, but he just can’t. The question has been haunting him for a very long time. He needs to know. He needs the reassurance that Kris loves him for who he is and not for the person he is trying to project. And he needs to understand what is it so special about him that makes Kris treat him like he’s the most precious thing in his life.
“What do you mean?” Kris asks, a frown creasing his forehead.
“I don’t know.” He replies truthfully, because he really doesn’t. “Like I’m the only man in the world. Like I might vanish into thin air if you close your eyes for a second.”
Kris looks down and blushes. He seems to find the carpet patterns very interesting, because he stares at it for some time. “Because I love you.” He says simply, his voice trembling with fear. “And I’m afraid that one day you will realize that I’m not enough for you. That you will fall out of love with me.”
Adam gasps. “But why?”
“Because you’re beautiful and amazing. Because you’re larger than life. You are so complicated and unique. Sometimes I don’t even know how to act around you because my simple self might not be enough for you.”
“I’m not. Don’t you see? I’m not beautiful. And I’m moody when I don’t get enough sleep. I always steal the remote control when you want to watch football and I’m the messiest person I know. Why do you think I’m special?”
“Because you are. And if you could see yourself with my eyes, you would understand why I feel the way I do. You’re perfect in each and every way. I guess you complete me.” He grins and traces his fingers over Adam’s cheeks. “And it doesn’t matter whether you wear makeup or not, if you have dark circles under your eyes or if your roots are showing because you don’t have time to dye your hair. I don’t give a damn about what the people see when they see you, because I know the real you. I know that you look stunning in the morning and that you and that you steal my desert when you think I’m not looking. I know that behind the mask you wear, there’s an amazing guy, and I’m privileged to know him.”
“Maybe you should be my mirror. I’d feel so good about myself if I could believe all those things.”
Kris laughs and kisses his cheek. “Well, believe them and never doubt my words.”
He wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and looks at him in awe. Kris is wrong about all those things, but he’s so happy that there’s someone in his life who loves him like this, who accepts him for who he is. Perfection, after all, is highly overrated.