Great story. Dig it. Put this in your submission packet, dude. In some form or another. Hey, submission packet? Freudian slip there maybe? Hmm.
I started to type that I'd love to hear more about this Spanish beauty you were so instantly smitten with, but then I began to think about how that would ruin the mood of this post. And erase some of that mystery for you. And completely short-circuit the whole point of the poem. So tell us no more.
No, no, don't speak! Don't speak. (<----Shameless Bullets over Broadway reference)
I'll think on it eh...I think the poem is too formal and can't really stand alone, so maybe I put some more work into it. The truth is I hate rhyme and meter, I think my work sounds trite with it. But the idea of this poem I like...I had to try.
I know what you mean, rhyme and meter can be a bit much. You have used it sparingly to good effect, though, in some of your recent work.
But yeah, with the lead-in story written mainly for your LJ readers, and then jumping right into the poem, I'd agree -- you could work on this a bit and make it stand better on its own before including it in any greater body of work. But the sentiment of it is just great. The mysterious longing, the regret, the assertion that she's too good for you in a way -- I just love how you tie all of that together here.
Anyway, keep the poetry coming, regardless of your feelings on the matter. Your faithful readers demand it! ;-D
It'll take some time on this, especially since I've set the meter precedent, but alas that's the fun part about deconstructing poetic devices and paradigms.
I'm sure they have...so much shit just gets left unsaid you know? I am probably one of the worst at not saying whats on my mind in those moments, or really any moment that I'm caught off guard in an encounter.
I seem to always be caught off gaurd. I'm sure alot of the time in person I sound like a complete moron because I just can't articulate what I'm thinking, so it comes out almost as gibberish as I stumble over my thoughts. As much as I hate to say it, I think that Bridget Jones Diary's coined the phrase quite well, as "verbal diarrhea". It spills out, small words, confused language, just very ditzy. Must go with being blonde...but I'm really not like that in my head. (by the way...I'm realizing that I'm a bit of a comment whore...I need to stop)
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I started to type that I'd love to hear more about this Spanish beauty you were so instantly smitten with, but then I began to think about how that would ruin the mood of this post. And erase some of that mystery for you. And completely short-circuit the whole point of the poem. So tell us no more.
No, no, don't speak! Don't speak. (<----Shameless Bullets over Broadway reference)
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But yeah, with the lead-in story written mainly for your LJ readers, and then jumping right into the poem, I'd agree -- you could work on this a bit and make it stand better on its own before including it in any greater body of work. But the sentiment of it is just great. The mysterious longing, the regret, the assertion that she's too good for you in a way -- I just love how you tie all of that together here.
Anyway, keep the poetry coming, regardless of your feelings on the matter. Your faithful readers demand it! ;-D
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I can be a nervous wreck around people at times...comfort type issues I guess, fuck who knows?
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