Fic: Taking Turns Holding This World

[rev02a]

Sort of the sequel to The Children's Crusade.

"We're only taking turns holding this world,
It's how it's always been,
When you're older you will understand,
Then again maybe you don't,
Then again, maybe you won't."
        -"Trust Me" by The Fray

-----
The Battle of Hogsmead Run happened three weeks ago, on an ordinary Wednesday afternoon. He had

Comments

[comestodecember]

I have to say that I hardly ever leave comments on fan-fic, although I read it pretty consistently. I also have to say that I clicked on your user-name a few weeks ago and realized that EVERY SINGLE fic that I have enjoyed over the past few weeks on remusxsirius came from you!

I'm sure that you've got an excellent grasp on the English language, but perhaps you might get a beta-reader - just to follow up mistypings etc. I really look forward to whatever you write... and I am an English major, if you ever wanted a second look? aimerlesinner@gmail.com

[rev02a]

Aww... thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

O.K., I'm claiming you! Just so I can fix it (due to my own embarrassment) what did I miss?

[comestodecember]

Honestly, just little things.
The Potter’s clung to James with a tenacious fear: Should be "The Potters" without an apostrophe because the phrase is referring to multiple people and not a possession.

Lily is unpacking eggs from a grocery sack, he stares at them uncomprendingly. : I think you mean uncomprehendingly.

And then there was a the conversation between Lily and Sirius that I felt just had spacing issues - sometimes Sirius' reaction would be listed on the same line with Lily's sentence and that can (at least for me) make it seem like Sirius was the one who said it (Like this:
“You didn’t have anything to eat.” He pouts..

But all in all, really, you make so few mistakes that you probably don't even need a beta. But I check my email daily and would love to help out a writer with your talent.

[comestodecember]

Ha ha I even made mistakes in this reply! I meant to italicize the quotes. Sorry!

[brighty18]

This was great! And I would be very, very happy to beta! Brighty18@hotmail.com.

I felt so sorry for Sirius here, the loneliness at the beginning was really well portrayed and the image of him sitting with his forehead pressed to the glass was simply haunting. I just wanted to hug him, but was glad that Lily was there to help him through some of the worst of it.

And the Hogsmeade scenes were terrible, but also well rendered. I love the thought of him saving the owls - it seemed very in character.

This was great!

[rev02a]

Haha! Two betas! Thank you so much for your help.
Thanks for reading too.

[myworldmytrue]

This was just AMAZING. Your writing has an effortless, controlled quality that makes it a joy to read. The way you describe the horrors of war made the story seem so REAL.

I loved the interaction between Sirius and Lily. It was nice to see them get along so well, to care for each other, because very often they are written as two people who did not particularly like each other (at least that's the dynamic I've come across most often).

Anyway, thanks for this! Excellent stuff. :)

[rev02a]

I like Lily and Sirius as friends... I mean by the time we meet him in PoA he talks about Lily like she's his sister. I figure it had to start somewhere.
Thanks for reading and your kind comments!

[forest_rose]

Oh, Becca, thank you so much! This was beyond wonderful - your writing is fantastic as always, and you're so kind to write this for me. I love your imagery - you always write so descriptively, and the images of the fountain and Mrs. Lemon's dead grin were especially striking. I loved the way Sirius had such confused, irrelevant thoughts running through his mind when he was wrapping her body - that's just the sort of thing I imagine would happen in such a surreal situation.

You really are an incredible writer, thank you so much for this! *snuggles you* xx

[rev02a]

I'm sorry it didn't end up happy... it just sounded off each time I tried to turn it that way. I hope things are better on your end!

[forest_rose]

It's okay, it was lovely, really! Things are pretty much okay here now - I've had a lovely weekend with friends which always helps! Thank you again, this was really beautiful xx

[rev02a]

Thank you so much, I've got the next part of this arc coming, and I hope you like that part as well.