[FIC] Never Again Part 3
Title: Never again
Parts: 3/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Hints of Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: ONE TWO
Part 3
He had gotten a two-bedroom apartment without thinking.
Three days after he’d moved in, he bought a bed, a pair of pillows and sheets. He had already purchased his bathing necessities the first week he found himself on the road. Realizing he hadn’t brought any change of clothing with him, he visited the nearest clothing store he could find. As he looked at his lack luster bedroom, Jaejoong wondered why he even bothered to buy a bed, as he hadn’t slept on it since he bought it.
He often found himself asleep on the cold floor, or at the window seat, or outside in the balcony; having fallen asleep watching the night sky. Sometimes, he found himself dreaming while he was awake. As he watched the apartment’s residents go about their daily business, he would see flashes of his past, of the past three weeks, most of which was still blurry to him. And worst of all, of Yoochun in their old apartment, being an idiot, being wonderful, and alive. At those images, Jaejoong would clutch at his heart, his head, and then dig the heel of his hands to his eyes trying to stop them from stinging.
It was early morning outside, he could hear the kids leaving for school, could hear their mothers call after them. At his place by the window, he leaned his head back, his eyes half-closed so that the scene came vaguely into them. He could spy Yunho, the landlord, in his office. The young man was always moving, working, and welcoming who ever came by. He shifted in his seat. Jaejoong was grateful for the lack of questions from the young man. That first day they had met, perhaps he hadn’t recognized Jaejoong, but once they were inside the office, when Yunho had looked at him again, he saw recognition in those eyes. That no one had yet come to intrude upon his solitude meant no one else knew where he was; Jaejoong appreciated Yunho’s discretion.
He looked away from the window and down at the duffle bag by his side. It was the one Yoochun got him for one of his birthdays. Inside were a few belongings, as well as Yoochun’s clothes, his toothbrush, and their picture.
‘Jaejoong-hyung where are you going?’
‘The apartment. Yoochun would need a change of clothes, maybe his toothbrush. I’ll bring some of his favorite CDs…’
‘Jaejoong-hyung just stay, we can do that later…Jaejoong-hyung!’
Jaejoong gasped and shut his eyes tightly. He could still hear Junsu’s voice calling to him, calling to him until it grew too distant to hear. And then he was in their apartment, going through Yoochun’s drawers and grabbing his toothbrush. He forgot the CDs.
And then he was driving, just kept driving on and on, until all that was in front of him was a stretch of road and limitless skies. He ran away. The next couple of days were a blur of staying in unfamiliar hotels, sleeping in his car, and eating at roadside diners. And then he had found himself in this quiet town. It had been so familiar to the town he and Yoochun grew up in, and the next thing he heard was…
‘May I help you?’
Jaejoong shook his head to rid of the images and then looked around in a daze, “Yoochun-ah, do you like our new apartment?” It was strange to hear his voice. He could not recall the last time he had used it.
He brought his knees to his chest and sighed into his sleeve. The sun filtering into the window was warm and pleasant and he couldn’t fight sleep any longer.
‘Jaejoong-hyung, come on play with me for a bit.’ The sound of a piano key.
‘Not now Yoochun, I have to look this script over first.’
‘You’ve looked at that script for days now! Come on,’ Yoochun wheedled, ‘Just for a little bit?’
‘Stop being such a brat,’ Jaejoong hid his smile behind the bound papers in his hand.
‘I know you wanna. I know you wanna. Look, look, you know this song,” Pom! Ta-ta-
Pom! Ta-ta-tee-ta! The passionately burst of the piano woke him from his dream. He grabbed onto the windowsill to keep from falling off his precarious perch, the world spinning. Jaejoong tried to find the source of the sound in his disoriented state and for a second did not know where he was. He rose from his seat and headed out the door. He followed the notes, walking along the open corridor of the second floor. He passed by closed doors and swerved past flower pots. His bare feet slapped against the sun warmed cement. As he reached the stairs leading down to the ground floor, he found the music’s source. Further into the main office, his landlord sat in front of the piano playing that familiar melody.
Jaejoong slowly descended the steps, the hem of his pants brushing against the stairs. About half-way, he sank down and found a seat on one of the steps. He leaned against the metal bars, his hand curled around the intricate designs. As every note penetrated the air, Jaejoong’s body began to relax. With eyes half-opened, he watched the piano player; a different back, a different way of playing, a different emotion, but the song was still beautiful.
Occasionally, his lips would move to form the lyrics that came with the tune, but most of the time, he just listened and treasured the time he had felt most at peace all these weeks.
When the song was about to end, another melody began. It was another song that he was also familiar with. Jaejoong didn’t hear the footsteps behind him, until the presence became too strong to ignore. He jumped in his seat for the second time that day at the young man who now sat beside him. He was…young, but couldn’t be that much younger than him. The sunlight cast shadows on his face that made his defined features stand out, his long eyelashes caught the light and almost made him look pretty, except at the next movement, he was more handsome than pretty.
The boy turned from watching the landlord play to look at him. Under the boy’s gaze, that look of seeing into things, of seeing through a thing to something else, was in this boy’s eyes now.
A hand was held out to him, “I’m Shim Changmin. You just moved in right? Nice to meet you.”
When he opened his mouth, no sound came out. He cleared it quickly and tried again, accepting the hand in front of him. The boy’s grip was strong and warm was what Jaejoong noticed first. “I’m Kim Jaejoong. Nice to meet you too.”
He withdrew his hand from the strong grip and they were cold again.
“Yunho-hyung’s been playing the piano since he was little. He thought me how to play and gave me an outlet to dump my troubles upon.”
“Troubles?” Jaejoong was compelled to ask before he had time to think about it.
The boy, Changmin, looked down as if considering, then by some knowledge unknown to Jaejoong, he continued, “I had to move here, when I was six or so, to live with my grandmother when my parents died.”
Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat.
Before he could apologize, Changmin laughed and it was a pleasant sound. “All I did was cry and cry and bugged the neighbors. Yunho-hyung dragged me out one time. See I always found the tiniest corners to cry in. Usually underneath the dining table.” He seemed to recall fondly. “So he dragged me out one time and of course I resisted. Biting his hand and slobbering all over it. He didn’t let go though. He plopped me down on the piano seat and told me to play.” He laughed again.
“I thought he was insane or something.” Changmin paused. “I just sat there that day and cried while he played. But he kept repeating it day after day until I started playing with him. And it’s not that I forgot my parents. It just hurt less, you know?” He whispered finishing.
The boy looked to the direction of the office warmly. Jaejoong followed his gaze and in silence, they just watched and listened to the notes that saturated the air.
Bent metal in the rain, reflecting red dully. Shattered glass and the scent of smoke. Running feet on asphalt, stepping into puddles, and lots of screaming. His knees stung from having tripped and scraped his knees raw on the jagged ground, but he kept running, closer and closer to the red-tinged sky.
Shoulders slammed into his as they passed by, he couldn’t breathe; it was very hard to breathe. A crowd had gathered, he pushed past them. A limp arm under heavy metal. Blood, blood, blood.
‘Yoochun-ah!’
There were fingers on his shoulders, shaking him. His throat hurt; he has to breathe, just breathe.
“Jaejoong-sshi, Jaejoong-shii!”
Jaejoong opened his eyes wide and gasped for air. Cold sweat ran down his spine as his body shook violently.
“Jaejoong-shii, are you alright?” It was Jung Yunho, they were outside his door. He had fallen asleep at a weird place again.
He looked into the man’s concerned eyes, but the hands that held his shoulders still were unfamiliar and his stomach churned. His eyes narrowed and he slapped the hands away.
“Get away from me!” he spat.
He had no time to feel anything for the pain and confusion he put in the man’s eyes as he was already pushing his door open and running to the washroom. He fell to his knees, in front of the toilet bowl and emptied his stomach. He retched and retched until his throat burned and his middle felt hollow. His knees pulsed in pain from hitting the floor too hard, but his aching head drowned it out.
He had no idea how long he sat there, minutes, maybe hours. Jaejoong only got up when he was sure he had thrown up everything there was to throw up. He flushed and then turned the faucet on to rinse his mouth and face. Under the artificial light, his eyes were bloodshot and his face too pale. He grabbed his toothbrush and brushed away the persisting taste of acid and smoke.
Sinking down to the floor, he rested his back against the cool wall. His hands were still shaking. He watched them for a little bit, his nails needed clipping, and his skin was cracked.
‘Jaejoong-hyung has the prettiest fingers I ever saw…’ Tinkling laughter.
Jaejoong covered his face with his hand and stifled a sob.
Eventually, when he felt marginally human again, he stopped by his room to fetch a clean shirt, changed and stepped outside his apartment. He looked over the metal banister and saw that the light in the office was still on. The brightness spilled out of the windows and from the open door. Jaejoong took a moment to gather himself before walking down the corridor, then down the steps, and then stopping in front of the office.
He bit his bottom lip as he peered inside. Yunho sat in his desk, busy folding papers. A tall stack sat near his elbows, teetering at the edge.
His long sleeves covered his fingertips protectively as Jaejoong curled them to a fist. He raised his arm and knocked; the sound tentative.
Yunho looked up at the sound, his eyes round from surprise and then melting into something akin to welcoming.
“I…” Jaejoong placed his arm across his chest and squeezed his other arm in a nervous gesture. “I’m sorry, you startled me.”
Yunho stood from his seat, a kind smile on his lips. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry too…um…for startling you, I guess.” He half-laughed.
Jaejoong nodded, his eyes lowering from the intensity of that smile.
“I guess I should go, I’m sorry I interrupted you--”
“Hey, wait,” Jaejoong looked up from the urgent tone. “If you’re not doing anything,” Yunho rubbed the back of his neck, looking adorably sheepish. “And if it wouldn’t trouble you as much, I could use some help.” He gestured to the stack of paper threatening to eat his table.
Jaejoong eyed the pile and then Yunho.
“See, I have to have them finished before sun up and stuff them into the residents mail slots, but I just got so busy today that…”
Jaejoong blinked.
Yunho laughed. “Never mind, I mean…”
Jaejoong didn’t know what compelled him but, “Sure, I don’t mind.”
“Oh, okay.” Blinding smile. “Great! Um have a seat.” He emptied a nearby chair and placed it near the desk.
Jaejoong stepped into the office fully, leaving his place at the threshold. He sat down and took one of the sheets from the pile. He read the contents. It was a birthday party invite. To celebrate who he assumed to be one of the resident’s birthday.
“It’s grandma Shim’s birthday in a couple of days. We usually throw a party for residents, everyone gets together. They would bring food, music, some games, and we just party all night.” Yunho explained behind him. “Do you want some tea?”
Jaejoong placed the sheet down and nodded, “Please.”
They folded the sheets together, the stack getting shorter each time. The sound of night insects accompanied the sound of folding paper, and the tea warmed his belly. Yunho would talk once in a while, offering bits of history about the apartment complex or some of the tenants that had lived there since he was young. His voice had a pleasant pulse, deep and calming.
When they finished folding, they carried the stack to the mail slots and placed one in each. By the time they had finished, the sun had crawled over and across the main lot and a great part of the buildings. They returned to the main office and Yunho insisted he did not help in cleaning up, even though it was only a few cups and some plates. He didn’t know when his eyes had begun to droop or when his head had touched the surface of the desk.
When he woke, Yunho wasn’t in the office, the sun was bright outside, and Yunho’s coat was around his shoulders.
~TBC
Thank you so much for reading. ^~^/
Parts: 3/?
Rating: PG-13, AU
Pairing: Jaechun (friendship), Hints of Yoosu, Eventual Jaeho.
Disclaimers and warnings: I don’t own TVXQ. Character death.
Chapter: ONE TWO
Part 3
He had gotten a two-bedroom apartment without thinking.
Three days after he’d moved in, he bought a bed, a pair of pillows and sheets. He had already purchased his bathing necessities the first week he found himself on the road. Realizing he hadn’t brought any change of clothing with him, he visited the nearest clothing store he could find. As he looked at his lack luster bedroom, Jaejoong wondered why he even bothered to buy a bed, as he hadn’t slept on it since he bought it.
He often found himself asleep on the cold floor, or at the window seat, or outside in the balcony; having fallen asleep watching the night sky. Sometimes, he found himself dreaming while he was awake. As he watched the apartment’s residents go about their daily business, he would see flashes of his past, of the past three weeks, most of which was still blurry to him. And worst of all, of Yoochun in their old apartment, being an idiot, being wonderful, and alive. At those images, Jaejoong would clutch at his heart, his head, and then dig the heel of his hands to his eyes trying to stop them from stinging.
It was early morning outside, he could hear the kids leaving for school, could hear their mothers call after them. At his place by the window, he leaned his head back, his eyes half-closed so that the scene came vaguely into them. He could spy Yunho, the landlord, in his office. The young man was always moving, working, and welcoming who ever came by. He shifted in his seat. Jaejoong was grateful for the lack of questions from the young man. That first day they had met, perhaps he hadn’t recognized Jaejoong, but once they were inside the office, when Yunho had looked at him again, he saw recognition in those eyes. That no one had yet come to intrude upon his solitude meant no one else knew where he was; Jaejoong appreciated Yunho’s discretion.
He looked away from the window and down at the duffle bag by his side. It was the one Yoochun got him for one of his birthdays. Inside were a few belongings, as well as Yoochun’s clothes, his toothbrush, and their picture.
‘Jaejoong-hyung where are you going?’
‘The apartment. Yoochun would need a change of clothes, maybe his toothbrush. I’ll bring some of his favorite CDs…’
‘Jaejoong-hyung just stay, we can do that later…Jaejoong-hyung!’
Jaejoong gasped and shut his eyes tightly. He could still hear Junsu’s voice calling to him, calling to him until it grew too distant to hear. And then he was in their apartment, going through Yoochun’s drawers and grabbing his toothbrush. He forgot the CDs.
And then he was driving, just kept driving on and on, until all that was in front of him was a stretch of road and limitless skies. He ran away. The next couple of days were a blur of staying in unfamiliar hotels, sleeping in his car, and eating at roadside diners. And then he had found himself in this quiet town. It had been so familiar to the town he and Yoochun grew up in, and the next thing he heard was…
‘May I help you?’
Jaejoong shook his head to rid of the images and then looked around in a daze, “Yoochun-ah, do you like our new apartment?” It was strange to hear his voice. He could not recall the last time he had used it.
He brought his knees to his chest and sighed into his sleeve. The sun filtering into the window was warm and pleasant and he couldn’t fight sleep any longer.
‘Jaejoong-hyung, come on play with me for a bit.’ The sound of a piano key.
‘Not now Yoochun, I have to look this script over first.’
‘You’ve looked at that script for days now! Come on,’ Yoochun wheedled, ‘Just for a little bit?’
‘Stop being such a brat,’ Jaejoong hid his smile behind the bound papers in his hand.
‘I know you wanna. I know you wanna. Look, look, you know this song,” Pom! Ta-ta-
Pom! Ta-ta-tee-ta! The passionately burst of the piano woke him from his dream. He grabbed onto the windowsill to keep from falling off his precarious perch, the world spinning. Jaejoong tried to find the source of the sound in his disoriented state and for a second did not know where he was. He rose from his seat and headed out the door. He followed the notes, walking along the open corridor of the second floor. He passed by closed doors and swerved past flower pots. His bare feet slapped against the sun warmed cement. As he reached the stairs leading down to the ground floor, he found the music’s source. Further into the main office, his landlord sat in front of the piano playing that familiar melody.
Jaejoong slowly descended the steps, the hem of his pants brushing against the stairs. About half-way, he sank down and found a seat on one of the steps. He leaned against the metal bars, his hand curled around the intricate designs. As every note penetrated the air, Jaejoong’s body began to relax. With eyes half-opened, he watched the piano player; a different back, a different way of playing, a different emotion, but the song was still beautiful.
Occasionally, his lips would move to form the lyrics that came with the tune, but most of the time, he just listened and treasured the time he had felt most at peace all these weeks.
When the song was about to end, another melody began. It was another song that he was also familiar with. Jaejoong didn’t hear the footsteps behind him, until the presence became too strong to ignore. He jumped in his seat for the second time that day at the young man who now sat beside him. He was…young, but couldn’t be that much younger than him. The sunlight cast shadows on his face that made his defined features stand out, his long eyelashes caught the light and almost made him look pretty, except at the next movement, he was more handsome than pretty.
The boy turned from watching the landlord play to look at him. Under the boy’s gaze, that look of seeing into things, of seeing through a thing to something else, was in this boy’s eyes now.
A hand was held out to him, “I’m Shim Changmin. You just moved in right? Nice to meet you.”
When he opened his mouth, no sound came out. He cleared it quickly and tried again, accepting the hand in front of him. The boy’s grip was strong and warm was what Jaejoong noticed first. “I’m Kim Jaejoong. Nice to meet you too.”
He withdrew his hand from the strong grip and they were cold again.
“Yunho-hyung’s been playing the piano since he was little. He thought me how to play and gave me an outlet to dump my troubles upon.”
“Troubles?” Jaejoong was compelled to ask before he had time to think about it.
The boy, Changmin, looked down as if considering, then by some knowledge unknown to Jaejoong, he continued, “I had to move here, when I was six or so, to live with my grandmother when my parents died.”
Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat.
Before he could apologize, Changmin laughed and it was a pleasant sound. “All I did was cry and cry and bugged the neighbors. Yunho-hyung dragged me out one time. See I always found the tiniest corners to cry in. Usually underneath the dining table.” He seemed to recall fondly. “So he dragged me out one time and of course I resisted. Biting his hand and slobbering all over it. He didn’t let go though. He plopped me down on the piano seat and told me to play.” He laughed again.
“I thought he was insane or something.” Changmin paused. “I just sat there that day and cried while he played. But he kept repeating it day after day until I started playing with him. And it’s not that I forgot my parents. It just hurt less, you know?” He whispered finishing.
The boy looked to the direction of the office warmly. Jaejoong followed his gaze and in silence, they just watched and listened to the notes that saturated the air.
Bent metal in the rain, reflecting red dully. Shattered glass and the scent of smoke. Running feet on asphalt, stepping into puddles, and lots of screaming. His knees stung from having tripped and scraped his knees raw on the jagged ground, but he kept running, closer and closer to the red-tinged sky.
Shoulders slammed into his as they passed by, he couldn’t breathe; it was very hard to breathe. A crowd had gathered, he pushed past them. A limp arm under heavy metal. Blood, blood, blood.
‘Yoochun-ah!’
There were fingers on his shoulders, shaking him. His throat hurt; he has to breathe, just breathe.
“Jaejoong-sshi, Jaejoong-shii!”
Jaejoong opened his eyes wide and gasped for air. Cold sweat ran down his spine as his body shook violently.
“Jaejoong-shii, are you alright?” It was Jung Yunho, they were outside his door. He had fallen asleep at a weird place again.
He looked into the man’s concerned eyes, but the hands that held his shoulders still were unfamiliar and his stomach churned. His eyes narrowed and he slapped the hands away.
“Get away from me!” he spat.
He had no time to feel anything for the pain and confusion he put in the man’s eyes as he was already pushing his door open and running to the washroom. He fell to his knees, in front of the toilet bowl and emptied his stomach. He retched and retched until his throat burned and his middle felt hollow. His knees pulsed in pain from hitting the floor too hard, but his aching head drowned it out.
He had no idea how long he sat there, minutes, maybe hours. Jaejoong only got up when he was sure he had thrown up everything there was to throw up. He flushed and then turned the faucet on to rinse his mouth and face. Under the artificial light, his eyes were bloodshot and his face too pale. He grabbed his toothbrush and brushed away the persisting taste of acid and smoke.
Sinking down to the floor, he rested his back against the cool wall. His hands were still shaking. He watched them for a little bit, his nails needed clipping, and his skin was cracked.
‘Jaejoong-hyung has the prettiest fingers I ever saw…’ Tinkling laughter.
Jaejoong covered his face with his hand and stifled a sob.
Eventually, when he felt marginally human again, he stopped by his room to fetch a clean shirt, changed and stepped outside his apartment. He looked over the metal banister and saw that the light in the office was still on. The brightness spilled out of the windows and from the open door. Jaejoong took a moment to gather himself before walking down the corridor, then down the steps, and then stopping in front of the office.
He bit his bottom lip as he peered inside. Yunho sat in his desk, busy folding papers. A tall stack sat near his elbows, teetering at the edge.
His long sleeves covered his fingertips protectively as Jaejoong curled them to a fist. He raised his arm and knocked; the sound tentative.
Yunho looked up at the sound, his eyes round from surprise and then melting into something akin to welcoming.
“I…” Jaejoong placed his arm across his chest and squeezed his other arm in a nervous gesture. “I’m sorry, you startled me.”
Yunho stood from his seat, a kind smile on his lips. “Hey, don’t worry about it. I’m sorry too…um…for startling you, I guess.” He half-laughed.
Jaejoong nodded, his eyes lowering from the intensity of that smile.
“I guess I should go, I’m sorry I interrupted you--”
“Hey, wait,” Jaejoong looked up from the urgent tone. “If you’re not doing anything,” Yunho rubbed the back of his neck, looking adorably sheepish. “And if it wouldn’t trouble you as much, I could use some help.” He gestured to the stack of paper threatening to eat his table.
Jaejoong eyed the pile and then Yunho.
“See, I have to have them finished before sun up and stuff them into the residents mail slots, but I just got so busy today that…”
Jaejoong blinked.
Yunho laughed. “Never mind, I mean…”
Jaejoong didn’t know what compelled him but, “Sure, I don’t mind.”
“Oh, okay.” Blinding smile. “Great! Um have a seat.” He emptied a nearby chair and placed it near the desk.
Jaejoong stepped into the office fully, leaving his place at the threshold. He sat down and took one of the sheets from the pile. He read the contents. It was a birthday party invite. To celebrate who he assumed to be one of the resident’s birthday.
“It’s grandma Shim’s birthday in a couple of days. We usually throw a party for residents, everyone gets together. They would bring food, music, some games, and we just party all night.” Yunho explained behind him. “Do you want some tea?”
Jaejoong placed the sheet down and nodded, “Please.”
They folded the sheets together, the stack getting shorter each time. The sound of night insects accompanied the sound of folding paper, and the tea warmed his belly. Yunho would talk once in a while, offering bits of history about the apartment complex or some of the tenants that had lived there since he was young. His voice had a pleasant pulse, deep and calming.
When they finished folding, they carried the stack to the mail slots and placed one in each. By the time they had finished, the sun had crawled over and across the main lot and a great part of the buildings. They returned to the main office and Yunho insisted he did not help in cleaning up, even though it was only a few cups and some plates. He didn’t know when his eyes had begun to droop or when his head had touched the surface of the desk.
When he woke, Yunho wasn’t in the office, the sun was bright outside, and Yunho’s coat was around his shoulders.
~TBC
Thank you so much for reading. ^~^/