Living Right Is In the Trying

[reticentric]

Chapter Eight

The laughter of children was loud outside of Castiel’s tent several days later. Low giggles and helpless peals from boys and girl which meant that Gabriel was most likely doing something idiotic. He enjoyed the young ones even though they made the biggest mess. They didn’t really understand the mechanics of what Ava and Andy did, but they loved to watch Jake pick up heavy things or Max move things with his mind. Sometimes they even left with a bent spoon as a souvenir.

Castiel only interacted with kids when they came to see him but from what he’d gathered, he liked them and wanted his own some day. He wasn’t sure how that was going to happen but he assumed that one day he would adopt or perhaps get a surrogate and egg donor. It was better than Gabriel’s advice of “knocking some random girl up and keeping the kid.”

He couldn’t help but wonder if Dean liked children. He should ask him. It was good to find out these types of things early.

Sitting on his couch in the Henley Dean had fashioned for him, Castiel took pleasure in the small reprieve he was given between people coming to see him. He yanked a large red pillow into his lap and hugged it, resting his chin on it.

Balthazar drifted from behind his screen and hovered, tapping a bottle of soda against his thigh. “Tired already, dear? We haven’t even been at it that long tonight.”

Castiel smiled at him. “No not tired, just content I suppose.”

He chuckled. “Why are you so content? Is this because that bald headed menace Zachariah is no longer a threat?”

Castiel shifted and tugged absently at the hem of his shirt. “Yes that does play a part. I am happy that he will bother me no longer. I only wish that Anna and the others would see him for the lying snake that he truly is.”

Balthazar hummed. “Maybe one day they will…when they are older and tired of following that ape’s orders. But you know you can’t save everyone, Cassy. Had you tried they would have just dragged you down with them.”

True. “I know. It is just hard not to think of them and my time there. It was not completely horrible. Sometimes I think if I had never grown wings Zachariah would have never become interested in me, and I would have never needed a reason to leave.” Pause. “Of course then I would have probably married whatever woman he chose for me whether I loved her or not.”

“And had a bunch of snot nosed brats.” Balthazar joked. “You’re better off here with us.”

“I agree. I have experienced quite a bit since joining Gabriel.” Castiel whispered thoughtfully. “And yet there is still so much more for me to encounter.”

“Such as?” Balthazar asked harmlessly.

The flap at the front quivered when Dean ducked inside, stealing whatever Castiel was going to say. He grinned and clomped over, falling down beside Castiel with a little grunt. “Hi.”

Castiel smirked. “Hello Dean. Are you hiding from Rufus?”

“Nope!” He said cheerfully. “I’m on a break. Besides technically if I wait until everyone leaves it’ll be easier to clean up.”

Balthazar snorted. “Why not go wait with Andy then? Make sure he doesn’t smoke himself into a stupor.”

Dean shrugged. “I’d rather be here with Cas. And Andy is a lost cause.” He motioned to the next wave of people slowly starting to filter in. “Might as well hang around and make sure they behave.”

Balthazar’s upper lip curled but he didn’t reply. Instead he disappeared behind his divider shade to sit and monitor the proceedings like he usually did.

Two little boys stood in front of their mother with wide eyes; they couldn’t have been more than five years old. They stared at Castiel as most do, tiny mouths hanging open in shock and awe. He stretched his wings open as far as they would go and they both gasped, fixatedly following the movement.

“Wow!” One exclaimed quietly. “Are those real?”

“Yes they are.” Castiel replied. He took the money from the mother and slipped it into his cigar box.

“They’re aaamaazing!” He clapped. “Were you born with ‘em? How can I get some too!”

Dean chuckled to himself. “Eat your peas.”

The little boy made a face like he was just told all of his toys had burned in a fire. “Ew! I hate peas! They’re icky!”

Dean nodded. “I know squirt, I hate them too. But you need them if you wanna grow big and strong, and sprout awesome wings like these here.” He reached over and threaded his fingers through the feathers. “Broccoli helps too.”

Castiel’s body slumped at the feel of Dean’s fingers, his left wing flapping happily at the attention the right was receiving. “Yes I-I ate a lot of peas and broccoli as a small child.”

Everyone laughed when the two children made ick faces again with one boy declaring maybe he didn’t want wings after all. However Castiel noticed that Balthazar didn’t appear amused at all by the conversation. He was half hidden and staring daggers at Dean’s hand still casually touching his wing. Castiel was tempted to ask him what was wrong but he didn’t wish to get into anything major during a show. Perhaps after; Balthazar’s feelings were important to him and he hated to think of him in distress.

The evening progressed with more people filtering in and out of Castiel’s space. A few he recognized while others were honest to God tourists from parts unknown. They wanted pictures but Dean did not think that was a good idea and he threatened anyone who pulled out a camera or a camera phone. One “hipster douche” as Dean called him did not heed the warning and found his phone smashed for his trouble. He yelled about suing and Dean threatened to break his neck, and that was the end of the confrontation.

It was surprising that there were no other photos of him floating around especially in the age of computers. However the locals felt no need for evidence and Castiel wouldn’t be surprised if Gabriel had something in place to stop others from snapping a picture. He had never given much thought to the government catching wind of him and wanting to study him. To dissect him into little pieces to find out how he worked but evidently those who loved him thought about it all the time. He didn’t believe they would have a right to kidnap him and keep him against his will but stranger things happened. As much as he sometimes hated his wings he would not want doctors with gloved hands and sterile instruments touching them or cutting them off to study the nature of their intricate design.

The trickle of awed spectators became fewer and fewer as the hours ticked by with more lulls in-between. Where usually Balthazar would have been entertaining him with funny anecdotes about his life before the Menagerie he was strangely quiet, choosing to stay out of sight except for the occasional scowl. Dean on the other hand continued to be lively and chatty, talking about what he wanted to eat when the show was closed. He was leaning towards a cheeseburger if Gabriel would let him get a hold of the grill. He was still sitting close to Castiel and his fingers were underneath Castiel’s shirt stroking the base of his wing joints from side to side.

And every time Castiel would uncurl his wings or try to fold them against his back, the one closest to Dean would sneak back around his shoulders. Castiel could not deny that he enjoyed the closeness and the feeling of Dean’s warmth against him. Not to mention the way Dean gathered a handful of feathers and played with them.

“Do you think those children will eat more peas?” Castiel inquired. “The ones we saw earlier.”

Dean snickered. “They might. Depends on how bad they want wings of their own I guess. I don’t know if anything could have gotten me to eat my veggies when I was younger though. Well maybe if they were deep fried in butter.”

Castiel laughed. “That would defeat the entire purpose of eating them in the first place. You seem to like fruit much more anyway. There are many different kinds that you have yet to try. Kiwis, limes, mangoes, apricots-and the combination of such are quite varied. I am sure if we tried we could find some you would eat on a weekly basis.”

Dean arched a brow. “Help yourself Cas. I’ll let you ply me with fruit if it’s what you really want.”

Castiel smirked. “And I suppose you receive no pleasure from it at all?”

“Maybe a little.” Dean winked. “So are you bout done here or what? I gotta go check the grounds for crap before I can cook me up something good.”

Castiel usually waited until Balthazar alerted him to the time but things were quieting down outside which meant that people were slowly vacating the area. He did not see any reason why they could not discontinue the viewing for the night. “I think everyone is going home. I will help you clean up and then we can have dinner, if you wish.”

Dean nodded. “Sounds good to me.” He stood and stretched his arms high over his head, making his shirt ride up in the front and flashed a silver of smooth tanned skin.

Castiel would have reached over and touched it had they been alone. As it were a small figure hobbled through the open flaps, one that he recognized immediately.

“Alice.”

The little old woman smiled at him and clutched at her faded pink shawl. “Hello Castiel. Am I too late to see you?”

He shook his head. “Of course not. I did not expect you until next week however. Is everything alright?”

“I heard from my eldest son today.” She said with a big smile. “His wife is pregnant with baby number four. I am going to have another grandchild.”

“That is wonderful.” Castiel replied. “I am sure he will be coming to visit you soon.”

She waved a hand. “Perhaps…but he has his own life in New York and the home takes good care of me. Besides my birthday is soon and he always comes on my birthday. All I have to do is live until then.” Her brown eyes shifted to Dean. “You have a new friend.”

“Yes. This is Dean.” He motioned to the man in question. “Dean this is Alice. She has been coming to see me since I first started to present my…talent. She has three children and all of them live in other states. Her husband died many years ago.”

“Um, nice to meet you.” Dean murmured.

“Nice to meet you too.” She responded. “I’m happy that Castiel has another friend. Sometimes he would look so lonely when I would come to see him. That is how we bonded I think. Two lonely souls seeking one another. Well and the fact that nothing will convince me that he’s not an angel.”

Castiel ducked his head. “We have had this conversation many times but she refuses to call me anything else. Even though I do not have any angelic powers.”

Alice tsked him. “You have beautiful white wings and the calmest temperament I have ever seen. And you humor a silly old woman whenever she comes to visit you. That’s an angel.”

Castiel used to argue with her whenever she would say such things but he didn’t anymore; there was really no need. Alice had her own ideals and by right she could chose to believe whatever she wanted. Honestly he did not care if it eased the pain that was obviously simmering underneath the surface of her soft smiles and tired eyes. Her sons barely came to visit her anymore-to busy with their own lives-and the other people in the nursing home were not much better off than she was. She had once told him that she was simply waiting to die and that because she’d laid eyes on a real angel, she knew death couldn’t be so bad.

While he did not like the religious label he was not so callous as to hurt her feelings.

“You are entitled to your opinions.” He unfurled his wings the way she liked. “Next time you come to visit me you should bring that gentlemen friend you mentioned.”

Alice giggled. “Harold doesn’t get out much because of his gout but I have told him all about you. He doesn’t really believe me but he’s certain aliens are real! Says he worked at Area 51. I think he’s full of hot air but I enjoy his stories.” Sighing deeply, she tapped her cane on the ground. “Well I suppose I will be leaving now. Just wanted to see your handsome face.”

“Good-bye Alice.” Castiel stepped forward as if to walk her out but she waved him away. “Be well.”

“I’ll continue to try.” Her voice floated back to them as she disappeared around the corner.

Dean-who had been oddly quiet during the exchange-raked his hand through his hair. “Notice you didn’t charge her.”

Castiel shrugged just barely. “She would gladly pay if asked but I do not think it is appropriate considering our history.” Pause. “I wish there was something I could do to help her.”

Sighing, Dean smiled. “I think just getting to see you and talk to you helps her a lot.”

That made sense. And yet… “It un-nerves me when people think that I am much more than I am. She is not the first to call me an angel or to find comfort in the idea of what I could be. There was a young woman a few years ago named Christina that came to see me. She told me about her life; how she sold herself at a brothel under the name Chastity because her father had abandoned her at a young age. She did not have a very high opinion of herself.” He wrapped his arms around his waist. “At first she was convinced that the only way to be saved was to…lay with me. Her inner turmoil broke my heart and yet I-I could not bring myself to even pray with her. It felt too reminiscent of what Zachariah used to do. For all of the people that simply like the marvel of what I can do, others put faith into it and makes me nervous. I could be like Zachariah.”

Dean frowned. “No way, Cas. No way. That asshole is rotten to the core and all he cares about is himself and money. Even if one day you decided to call yourself Messiah Starfish and grow a hippy beard you’d never be like him because you’re too good. You wanna help people, not dupe them. And ya know I get that some see you and wanna believe in a higher power. Life sucks most of the time so when we find something awesome, we kinda hold onto it as hard as we can. They just wanna know they’re not alone.”

Castiel knew that Dean was speaking from experience. “No one is truly alone as long as they have love in their hearts. But I understand what you mean.”

“I’m gonna go…check out the grounds.” Dean thumbed behind him. He looked a bit shaken by the conversation and Castiel wondered if it were because of his past or simply the topic. “Cheeseburgers after?”

“Yes Dean.” Castiel gave a slow half smile. “I will ask Gabriel if you can use the grill.”

“Sweet.” Dean rubbed his hands together in anticipation before flicking his feathers. “We can eat-”

“You presumptuous little ass!” Balthazar interrupted as he stomped into view. “Just what the fuck do you think you are doing?”

Dean blinked. “Um, making plans to cook.”

Balthazar snorted. “I would ask that you not play dumb but I know it’s not an act. I am referring to your continual mauling of poor Castiel.” He folded his arms over his chest. “It should go without saying but he does not like to have his wings touched.”

Dean licked his lips. “Well if he didn’t like me doing it I’m pretty sure he’d kick my ass for it. We both know he can.”

Balthazar chuckled sardonically. “You think you’re such hot shit, don’t you? That you can just waltz in here and bat your pretty lashes and everyone will fall all over themselves to please you. You’re not special Dean.”

“I never said I was. Look I know it must chap your ass or whatever that you’ve known Cas longer and he’s never let you feel him up, but that’s not my problem. He needed my help with his wings so I helped. End of story.”

“And why would he go to you? Why would he trust you out of everyone else that he knows here?”

Castiel looked between his two friends. “Balthazar, Dean is telling the truth. He-he’s not taking unwanted liberties with me. We discussed matters and I found that I do not mind if he lays hands to my wings.”

Balthazar’s lips twitched unpleasantly. “I don’t understand you anymore, Cassy. Five years we have been friends and not once have I even attempted to touch your wings because I know how you feel about that sort of thing. And then this idiot shows up-does nothing to earn your trust-and yet you give it freely. You don’t really know anything about him. When he leaves he could tell everyone about you and you could end up being followed by news crews or worse.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “I would never do that. And don’t try to make him feel guilty, okay? They are his wings on his body and he can let or not let anyone he wants touch them. Just ‘cause you’re jealous…”

Balthazar stepped into his space. “Don’t tell me what to do or how I feel. I am looking out for my friend; something I am quite sure you know nothing about. When you have crawled back under whatever rock you slithered from I will still be here making sure that he is alright. I would hate to think of him regretting decisions he made just because at the time you seemed shiny and new.”

Of course Dean did not back down. “It must piss you off that he likes me, huh? Well get used to it asshole because I don’t think his feelings are gonna change. And even if they do he’ll never want you. Because you’re a dick.”

Balthazar nodded slowly and without warning, punched Dean in the face. Dean’s head snapped back and he stumbled, his surprise quickly turning to rage. He lunged for Balthazar but Castiel quickly stepped between them, putting both of his hands on Dean’s chest to hold him back. He was not going to have them fighting, especially not over him.

“No Dean.” He said sternly.

Dean balked. “What the fuck! He just fucken sucker punched me! You think I’m gonna let that go?”

Castiel pushed him towards the exit. “Please, Dean. I need to speak with Balthazar alone.”

The look on Dean’s face changed from angry to slightly hurt before he shut down his emotions completely. “Fuck this.” He gritted his teeth and stormed off.

Exhaling deeply, Castiel squeezed his temples and turned to face his friend. “Balthazar you should not have struck Dean. He did not do anything wrong.”

Balthazar busied himself with tidying up or at least the pretense of it. “He pissed me off. I’ve hit others for lesser offences. Honestly Castiel, I do not think he is the man you think he is. And it escapes me why you seem to be so infatuated with him when he is a virtual stranger. What makes him any different than the men who slip you their phone numbers or promise you the world if you run away with them?”

Castiel shoved his hands into his pockets, his wings folding against his back. “I suppose it is hard to understand because you do not know him like I do. We have had quite a few in depth talks about our lives. The persona that he shows is just to divert attention from who he really is. At his very core he is a good if lost young man. More than that I enjoy his company as I think I have mentioned before.”

Transferring the money from the cigar box to a plastic envelop that zipped, Balthazar tossed it onto a table. “More than you’ve ever enjoyed mine apparently.” A beat. “Five years, Cassy. We have known each other for five years and you have never been as candid with me as you are with Dean. I know that you do not always understand basic human interactions but surely you can see why this might be upsetting for me. I assumed we were close.”

“We are close. After Gabriel you are my only other best friend. I value your opinion and I am so thankful for all that you have done for me since coming here.” Castiel explained genuinely. “The last thing I would ever wish to do is upset you or destroy our friendship but I-I cannot manifest the types of feelings for you that you wish for me to have. There were times in the past that I wished I felt the same way but I never have.” The truth often hurt but it was necessary. “Also the fact that I never requested for you to help me with my wings has no bearing on how I view our friendship. It was just-it was just something I wished to share with Dean.”

Balthazar stared at him. “After one month?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes. He is not the horrible person you perceive him to be. You should give him a chance.”

“Heh yes well I doubt that will ever happen.” He sighed. “Answer me this Cassy. What happens to your affections once Dean leaves?”

“I don’t know.” Castiel responded. “I do think about that but… I will miss him whenever he goes but I will not regret our relationship. Whatever the state of it shall be by then. If you are worried about my heart don’t be. I am stronger than a lot of people give me credit for.”

Balthazar huffed and cupped his cheeks. “I know that Cassy. I just do not want to see you get hurt. You are one of the best people I have ever met and because of that I think you deserve the best. When I look at Dean I don’t see that. However I will concede that I might be a little biased because of my affections for you. First and foremost though I want you to be happy. I can’t pretend to understand how he could possibly make you happy but I will try to trust your judgment.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips across Castiel’s forehead. “But if he hurts you I will eviscerate him.”

Castiel smiled and grasped his hands warmly with his own. “You have my blessing to do so but I do not think it shall be needed. I am sorry if I hurt you.”

Pulling away, Balthazar hummed. “I know you are. Besides you didn’t hurt me you’re just being honest. I actually appreciate it.” He grunted and drifted over to the lanterns. “I should get this money to Gabriel before he thinks we’ve run off with it. And I gather you have a few feathers to soothe-pun not intended.”

“You are a remarkable friend, Balthazar.” Castiel smiled. “I really mean that.”

And he did. Obviously Balthazar was a rare breed of person to be able to put aside their anger and heartache for the sake of someone else. A part of Castiel wished that he could rewind back to the time when Balthazar gave him his first kiss and instead of continuing to blink serenely, return it with the enthusiasm it deserved so that he would not have to see his friend in pain right now. But life did not work that way and Balthazar was strong. He would eventually find someone else to want. The one thing Castiel knew for sure however is that whoever that person may be, they were so very lucky.

~*~

Thunder rumbled so loudly that it shook the windows of the small trailer but Dean didn’t mind. He turned on the moth eaten sofa and looked out at the night sky just in time to see purple lightning cut a sharp swath through the darkness. The light breeze from before quickly started to turn into actual wind that jingled the wind chimes at Ava’s tent and skidded Rufus’ lawn chair across the ground. He was sure had it been daytime he’d probably be able to see the rain roaring from across the field. Instead he could hear the tiny pitter pats of it growing louder the closer the downpour got.

As long as the oncoming storm did not turn into a tornado he would be okay.

His cheek bone ached and he was angry. He was fucken vengeful with the urge to go beat Balthazar until he was black and blue. It wasn’t his fault the guy couldn’t handle the truth. Though he wasn’t sure that was the truth anymore.

Also how fucked up was it that he’d gotten beaten up more out of jail instead of in?

Whatever. Fuck it all. Maybe he should just leave in the morning and not look back. Not like anyone would miss him. Besides if he wanted to be passed over for someone else-someone better-he could get that anywhere. He could get that with Sam but at least Sam would be ditching him for a hot chick and not some asshole with an annoying accent. At least Sam would then fall all over himself to include Dean the next time he and Jessica went antiquing or whatever the hell it was they did.

The lights twitched and he got up, moving into the kitchen to look underneath the sink for a candle or something. He had a flash light on the coffee table but he figured Uriel seemed like the type of guy to at least have one oil lamp sitting around somewhere. Unless he liked to sit in the dark until the power came back on. Thankfully it wasn’t too hot so he didn’t have to worry about needing the air conditioner and baking in the meantime. He wasn’t sure if the electricity was going to conk out but he believed in being better safe than sorry.

He found a lot of matches and old plates with mold which he promptly threw into the trash. Most likely harder than necessary when he heard one shatter from the force; a piece for each screwed up moment of his fractured life.

He washed his hands with liquid dish detergent and dried them on a ratty towel, jumping when a heavy knock sounded at the front door. He crossed the room and opened it not really surprised to see a soaking wet Castiel standing on the other side. The rain had already drenched him from head to toe; his hair black and shiny and sticking to his forehead, his skin glistening with rolling droplets that fell from his eyelashes and nose. His t-shirt stuck to his chest and stomach and he was shivering, holding tightly to a plastic bag.

Dean wanted to turn him away. He wanted to tell him to go back to Balthazar and just leave him alone. He wanted to leave him out in the pouring rain and slam the door in his face. Stupid Cas would probably let him too. He hadn’t even asked to come in yet he was basically in danger of being struck by lightning or catching pneumonia.

Sighing deeply, Dean stepped to the side and let him in. Stupid gorgeous when wet Cas.

Castiel stood at the beginning of the kitchen tiles, his sneakers squishing with water and causing a puddle. He glanced at the lights when they flickered but said nothing. His wings were nowhere to be seen.

“Did you want something?” Dean asked petulantly. He couldn’t help himself; maybe it was all the brain damage from getting punched in the head too many times.”

“I brought you some candles.” Castiel gestured to the bag. “In case the power goes out. It occurred to me that you most likely did not have any.”

Grumpily Dean took the bag from him and removed the plain votive candles, sitting one in the middle of the small table and lightning it just in case. He combed his fingers through his hair and cursed, grabbing Castiel’s wrist and dragging him into the small bathroom. Castiel of course went without complaint. Dean stripped off his shirt and hung it up on the shower rod. He yanked down a large towel and wrapped it around Castiel’s shoulders, refusing to meet the bright blue eyes that were boring holes into his head.

“I’ll get you something dry to put on.” He fetched his duffle from the floor and rummaged inside, pulling out a dry shirt, a pair of boxers that were too small for him and a pair of drawstring pajama pants. He then shoved them into Castiel’s arms and shut the door to give him some privacy.

He busied himself by pulling out the sofa bed and smoothing down the sheets before flopping down onto the foot of it.

“Dean.”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“Whatever.”

Castiel clicked off the bathroom light and shuffled in the doorway a moment before joining him. “I am sorry if I hurt your feelings earlier. That was not my intention. That will never be my intention.”

Dean snorted. “Yeah that’s usually what they all say. Whatever. I’m fine. I’m not some prissy princess or something and you’re free to do whatever the hell you want.”

Castiel looked at him. “Balthazar has been a good friend to me for a long time. I wanted to explain the situation to him so that he would not continue to think ill of you. I owed him that much.” He slowly put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “He understands now about my feelings for you. I am sorry if my choosing him appeared to be a slight against you. It wasn’t. I would never do that to you, Dean. I never wish to cause you distress.”

Another clap of thunder sounded and Dean smoothed a hand across his face wearily. “Yeah.”

“I can return to my home if you wish to be alone.” Castiel suggested as if it weren’t storming outside.

“And have you catch bird flu or something? Nah you’re good.” He dug his heels into the carpet a little annoyed that he didn’t want Castiel to go, not really anyway.

Castiel slipped closer and kissed his cheek. “Hopefully this is the last time someone tries to beat you.”

Dean snickered lightly. “That would be nice but somehow I doubt it. So ass hat is gonna cut me some slack from now on?”

Castiel tilted his head to the side. “That I cannot be sure of but I do know he will not hit you again.”

“Not that I’m not thrilled because of how it’s worked out for me, but why didn’t you ever go for him? His dickishness aside he does seem to really care about you.”

“Balthazar is a good friend but I never saw him as anything else. He has a pleasant personality and is quite funny, but romantic feelings never developed on my end. I suppose that is just how these things go sometimes.”

Dean totally got that. “Yeah.” The lights blinked off and Dean held his breath waiting for them to come back on. When they didn’t he got up and lit a few of the other candles, putting them away from anything flammable but where they’d give off the most light. “You okay?”

Castiel nodded. “Yes Dean, the dark does not bother me. However it will be hard getting back to my trailer. There is a good chance I will walk into something and injure myself.”

Dean chuckled; made sure the front door was locked and crawled onto the bed. “Or you could just stay here for the night?” He shrugged. “The bed’s not huge but it’s comfortable.”

Castiel nibbled on his bottom lip and then slowly climbed up beside him, resting his head on Dean’s chest. Dean smiled and threaded his fingers into Castiel’s soft damp hair. “Don’t worry. I promise not to molest you in your sleep. Much.”

Castiel snorted. “I don’t know if I believe you. You were in jail after all.”

Laughing, Dean shimmed down until they were face to face. “Oh yeah and now I’m practically unable to function in the real world.” He pulled on Castiel’s hair until he tipped his head back, baring his long neck so that Dean could bury his face against it. “A total menace to society.”

“Yes.” Castiel said swallowing hard as Dean started to nip at his skin. “As you have shown many times.”

Dean smirked and closed soft lips over Castiel’s skin and sucked at his neck until the beginnings of a mark started to appear. Castiel breathed deeply and clutched at Dean’s shoulders, twisting his t-shirt into a knot so that it rode up his back. His hands were hesitant when they tripped lower to touch bare skin as if he wasn’t sure the touch was welcomed. Dean rose onto his elbows and grabbed at the collar, yanking it off easily and tossing it to the floor.

“Better?”

Castiel’s eyes were wide and his face was flushed and he looked so beautiful in the flickering candlelight that Dean wanted to scream. He wasn’t even going to let himself think about the fact that Castiel was wearing his clothes because if he did he might sprout an erection that would punch a hole through the mattress. But it was sexy as hell; like Cas belonged to him or something equally as sappy and possessive.

“I-may I look at you?” Castiel asked. “Up close.”

“God you are so hot.” Dean sat up and made a show of flexing his muscles. “Help yourself though.”

Only Castiel could manage to look amused and impassive at the same time. He wet his lips slowly and smoothed his fingers up Dean’s arm and across his shoulders, down the center of his chest and over to his tattoo. He traced the dark designs and Dean tried not to shiver or let on how much it tickled. Next he was scraping his blunt nails along Dean’s ribs and around his bellybutton.

“I think you would have looked beautiful with wings.” He said, big blue eyes following the path his fingers took. “Black ones though perhaps. Or gold.”

Dean shrugged. “More likely they would have been bat wings.”

Castiel frowned. “Why would you say that?”

Dean met his questioning gaze but ignored it, instead moving between his legs and closing the space between them again. Who wanted to talk about self loathing when you could be making out? He slipped an arm under Castiel’s back and pulled them flush together, swallowing the soft gasp Castiel made when their groins touched. Dean was hard and he was pleased to discover Castiel was as well though he’d gladly back off again if he wanted him to.

He focused on kissing him, on sliding his tongue past Castiel’s smooth lips and tracing the ridge of his teeth. On sucking on his bottom lip until Castiel was squirming and pressing, very slowly, up against him. Dean slid his hands beneath Castiel’s shirt and his muscles jumped but he didn’t pull away so that made Dean a bit bolder. He brushed a finger over Castiel’s nipple, felt it draw up and harden with his touch. Castiel shuddered and broke their kiss, pressing his head back into the pillows.

To say that Dean didn’t get off on knowing he was basically the first person to ever touch Castiel like this would have been a giant lie. He didn’t wanna be that guy and had usually enjoyed his partners being more experienced but there was something to say for eager and inexperienced as well. Not that he expected to fuck Cas or anything but it was awesome seeing his reactions and knowing they were because of him.

Unwinding the arm around Castiel’s back, he squeezed the toned tight swell of his ass and helped him match Dean’s slow grinding rhythm. Castiel said oh all breathless and deep, and his legs stiffened before tangling with Dean’s on the bed. Their clothed cocks pressed together; their bodies rubbing with delicious friction that blocked out everything in Dean’s mind that wasn’t about this moment. He wanted to close his eyes and just bask in the pleasure but he couldn’t stop staring at Castiel’s face. His lashes were fluttering and his lips were parted-there was a pretty flush running down both sides of his neck. And his sounds, gaspy little ahs that shook his chest and curled his body up as if trying to get more of the sensations he was feeling.

If he wanted them Dean wasn’t about to deny him anything. He hadn’t dry humped like this in a long time but seeing Castiel shake apart underneath him-feeling him dig his nails into the back of his shoulders and whimper his name-made it all worth it. Made it wonderful and glorious and something he would do time and time again if Castiel wanted. In the past it had never really been enough but now it was sort of just right. Now it was hotter and sexier and Castiel’s shirt had ridden up so that their stomachs could touch, and Dean wanted to bite at his happy trail before moving much lower.

When Castiel came his eyes flew open and he gripped Dean’s lower back, his hips rocking with Dean’s name a strangled shameless sound escaping his mouth. He seemed shocked by it almost but pleased; panting with kiss swollen lips that Dean couldn’t resist and kissed again. He was close himself with fire rolling through his veins and his pants tighter than they’d ever been before. He dropped his head to Cas’ chest and licked at the sweat collected in the hollow of his throat, drifting over to bite his nipple through his shirt. Castiel arched up with a moan, there was a loud ripping of fabric and his wings shot out apparently of their own volition, destroying the back of his thin t-shirt.

The sight of him-wings trembling, still struggling to catch his breath-made Dean shoot off like a firecracker in his boxers, wetness quickly spreading to his skin and to his jeans but he didn’t care. He grunted his way through his orgasm, clutching Castiels’ ass so hard that he was worried there might be a hand shaped bruise left behind; worried and maybe a little pleased as long as didn’t hurt him. The trailer shook but he honestly wasn’t sure if it was because of the storm or if it was the effect Castiel had on him. All he knew was that he felt dizzyingly good, warm and sated and peaceful.

“Jesus, Cas…” He nuzzled his neck and sluggishly moved to the side to press his face into his feathers.

“That-that was highly pleasurable.” Castiel murmured with limbs loose like jelly.

Dean chuckled and rolled off him, settling gently onto his right wing near the end. “You okay? Too heavy?”

Castiel shook his head. “No they-they’re-you feel good.” He sounded a little dazed; Dean was just cocky enough to get off on that.

Grinning, Dean wrapped his arm around his back and flipped him close so that he nearly sprawled over him. He kissed Castiel’s forehead and sighed deeply, content to ignore the mess in his jeans for a few. From the way Castiel went boneless against him apparently he was content ignoring it as well.

Minutes ticked by quietly with only the sounds of the rain coming down outside before Castiel said, “May I sleep here tonight?”

Dean nodded. “Duh. That was always the plan, dude.” Pause. “I’ll get you some more pjs too in a second.”

Castiel looked down to the wet spot on the front of his (Dean’s) sweats. “Oh yes. Thank you Dean.”

Dean smiled and closed his eyes. “You’re welcome, Cas.”

Chapter Nine