Here be puns. SO MANY PUNS.
Unlike certain people, my fics that I can never finish are only like 600 words long! I'm not sure if that's actually better or worse >.>
Anyhow! Another short story! Even if there are bits which are not quite in character.
After I left the apartment, I proceeded on my way, bounding over rooftops, swinging off lamp posts, dashing over power lines. I'd been held up too long though, so Ray and the guys were there ahead of me, so I lost our contest. I paid Ray his prize (it was lunch) then hung out with the guys for, like, an hour, got some money from the bank then headed back to the apartment where, even now, that strange old smoker lady was making me delicious food.
Seeing the window I'd come in through earlier had been taped up, I scuttled up the fire escape and took a peek through the kitchen windows. On the table I could see a half empty pack of cigarettes, while off to the left I could see the lady working at the stove, a cigarette in hand. She'd changed out of her work clothes and was now wearing a red flannel top, a pair of unremarkable jeans and some seriously heavy looking boots.
Since she was busy cooking, I started checking the windows to see if one was unlocked to let myself in; the second window, the one next to the fridge, was, so I opened it and let myself in. At that moment the lady turned to get something from the fridge and noticed me climbing through the window. She sighed and continued towards the fridge, grumbling, “I still have a door ya know.”
“And I'm sure it's adoorable,” I quipped back, “But windows are the only way to travel for me.”
Opening the fridge and getting something, she replied, “Well at least this time you had the decency not to break it on the way in.”
“There's still time, if, you know, it'd make you feel better,” while she busied herself about the kitchen, I took a seat at the table.
“No thanks, I like my remaining windows the way they are; unbroken. So, did you bring the money?” she asked.
“I brought what I could today, you'll have to wait till I get paid tomorrow to get the rest though,” I said. Much more eagerly, I asked, “So, what are you making me for dinner?”
She replied, “Well I'm having a piece o' sirloin steak, lightly seared on both sides then dipped in a peanut and herb sauce and accompanied by an assortment o' in season vegetables dusted with butter. As for you, hmm. How do ya feel about toast?”
“Toast?! Toast is for breakfast, for dinner you should have something meatier,” I replied.
“Hmph,” she responds, “shows what you know.” With that said, she turned back to her cooking, letting me simmer with the thought of only toast for dinner. After sitting in silence for a minute or two, stewing. I finally boiled over, exclaiming, “What kind of a host are you, anyhow. I come over to pay you back, in good faith, and you say all I get is TOAST?!”
“Nothin wrong with toast, Hunter, what's your beef with it?”
“My beef is you're being completely unreasonable! I shoulda done what the guys said, and just not come back; it was a 'steak coming here!”
She fiddles around in the kitchen more, getting a plate out of a cupboard then continuing to work around the stove, “So that's the sauce of yer discontent is it? Ya think 't was unseasonable of me to git ya to meat me round here. Need I remind you, Hunter, that it was your meat-headed antics that tenderised my window with yer parking 'round the city tops without any thought of how ta steer.”
“Pfft,” I replied, “I'd given plenty of thought to how to steer, it was the wind that I didn't think about!”
“Right.” She follows up, muttering under her breath, “Jeezum crow. So annoying. Flippin' kids; chargin' round like a bull in a china shop, givin not a thought as to where they's goin'.”
"The only thing i do that involves bulls is devour them, not resemble em!" I growled back as my empty stomach reminded me i had no money for food until tomorrow.
"Didn't figure ya for a cannibal. You learn somethin' new every day." She turned off the stove and picked up some plates off the counter. "Lucky you are though, I done went and made a bit extra, so i guess you can have some steak after all."
"Oh sure, " I replied, figuring she was teasing me some more," and for desert you'll give me moist, tender cake, its flesh firm but yielding under my fingers. As I lift it from its plate, a little drop of cream leaks out from beneath its quivering layers, hinting at the sensual pleasures that await my tongue's passionate embrace."
"Hmph, I'd sooner roast you, i wouldn't even need ta' add whine; but yer far to sour for a dessert, bub." It was at that moment I saw she had 3 plates, 2 of steak 1 of toast. I almost considered apologising, but teasing her was far more fun.
"That's just my gruff exterior, once you get past that, I'm sweet like a pineapple, unlike some people I know who are walking tobacco plants," I replied.
As she laid the plate out on the table she responded, "you, a pineapple. Ha. More likeban onion: no matter how deep you go, the only result is more tears."
The food had been laid out by now and oh my gosh it smelt even better up close. Not being one to let anything get between me and food, as you well know, I took a tentative bite, and ohmygosh, after that the only thing I can recall is the taste and a mild case of indigestion.
I did get a new semi-portable tablet pc thing so I may have the other story I wanted to write up in a reasonable timeframe. No promises though! (I was gonna make it longer but that ending, man!)
Anyhow! Another short story! Even if there are bits which are not quite in character.
After I left the apartment, I proceeded on my way, bounding over rooftops, swinging off lamp posts, dashing over power lines. I'd been held up too long though, so Ray and the guys were there ahead of me, so I lost our contest. I paid Ray his prize (it was lunch) then hung out with the guys for, like, an hour, got some money from the bank then headed back to the apartment where, even now, that strange old smoker lady was making me delicious food.
Seeing the window I'd come in through earlier had been taped up, I scuttled up the fire escape and took a peek through the kitchen windows. On the table I could see a half empty pack of cigarettes, while off to the left I could see the lady working at the stove, a cigarette in hand. She'd changed out of her work clothes and was now wearing a red flannel top, a pair of unremarkable jeans and some seriously heavy looking boots.
Since she was busy cooking, I started checking the windows to see if one was unlocked to let myself in; the second window, the one next to the fridge, was, so I opened it and let myself in. At that moment the lady turned to get something from the fridge and noticed me climbing through the window. She sighed and continued towards the fridge, grumbling, “I still have a door ya know.”
“And I'm sure it's adoorable,” I quipped back, “But windows are the only way to travel for me.”
Opening the fridge and getting something, she replied, “Well at least this time you had the decency not to break it on the way in.”
“There's still time, if, you know, it'd make you feel better,” while she busied herself about the kitchen, I took a seat at the table.
“No thanks, I like my remaining windows the way they are; unbroken. So, did you bring the money?” she asked.
“I brought what I could today, you'll have to wait till I get paid tomorrow to get the rest though,” I said. Much more eagerly, I asked, “So, what are you making me for dinner?”
She replied, “Well I'm having a piece o' sirloin steak, lightly seared on both sides then dipped in a peanut and herb sauce and accompanied by an assortment o' in season vegetables dusted with butter. As for you, hmm. How do ya feel about toast?”
“Toast?! Toast is for breakfast, for dinner you should have something meatier,” I replied.
“Hmph,” she responds, “shows what you know.” With that said, she turned back to her cooking, letting me simmer with the thought of only toast for dinner. After sitting in silence for a minute or two, stewing. I finally boiled over, exclaiming, “What kind of a host are you, anyhow. I come over to pay you back, in good faith, and you say all I get is TOAST?!”
“Nothin wrong with toast, Hunter, what's your beef with it?”
“My beef is you're being completely unreasonable! I shoulda done what the guys said, and just not come back; it was a 'steak coming here!”
She fiddles around in the kitchen more, getting a plate out of a cupboard then continuing to work around the stove, “So that's the sauce of yer discontent is it? Ya think 't was unseasonable of me to git ya to meat me round here. Need I remind you, Hunter, that it was your meat-headed antics that tenderised my window with yer parking 'round the city tops without any thought of how ta steer.”
“Pfft,” I replied, “I'd given plenty of thought to how to steer, it was the wind that I didn't think about!”
“Right.” She follows up, muttering under her breath, “Jeezum crow. So annoying. Flippin' kids; chargin' round like a bull in a china shop, givin not a thought as to where they's goin'.”
"The only thing i do that involves bulls is devour them, not resemble em!" I growled back as my empty stomach reminded me i had no money for food until tomorrow.
"Didn't figure ya for a cannibal. You learn somethin' new every day." She turned off the stove and picked up some plates off the counter. "Lucky you are though, I done went and made a bit extra, so i guess you can have some steak after all."
"Oh sure, " I replied, figuring she was teasing me some more," and for desert you'll give me moist, tender cake, its flesh firm but yielding under my fingers. As I lift it from its plate, a little drop of cream leaks out from beneath its quivering layers, hinting at the sensual pleasures that await my tongue's passionate embrace."
"Hmph, I'd sooner roast you, i wouldn't even need ta' add whine; but yer far to sour for a dessert, bub." It was at that moment I saw she had 3 plates, 2 of steak 1 of toast. I almost considered apologising, but teasing her was far more fun.
"That's just my gruff exterior, once you get past that, I'm sweet like a pineapple, unlike some people I know who are walking tobacco plants," I replied.
As she laid the plate out on the table she responded, "you, a pineapple. Ha. More likeban onion: no matter how deep you go, the only result is more tears."
The food had been laid out by now and oh my gosh it smelt even better up close. Not being one to let anything get between me and food, as you well know, I took a tentative bite, and ohmygosh, after that the only thing I can recall is the taste and a mild case of indigestion.
I did get a new semi-portable tablet pc thing so I may have the other story I wanted to write up in a reasonable timeframe. No promises though! (I was gonna make it longer but that ending, man!)