[artes] Fanfiction . In Place of Modesty (3/3)

[maqui]

In Place of Modesty
Author: Josie (artes)
Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Hikaru/Kaoru
Genre: Well, it was supposed to be PwP... I guess you could say that romance slipped on in, as well.
Warnings: Aside from heavy doses of twincest and sex...?
Spoilers: If you haven't read from... oh, I think about chapter 45 through to chapter 69 of the manga, this'll ruin

Comments

[xxkyoismydrugxx]

Wow. That's about all I can say. This is some really great work you've done here. ^^

I haven't read a good, really long fic in quite a while, so this was very refreshing. I thought it was paced really well, and actually rather liked the fact that it was more than just a sex scene and then done. I also loved your word choice, and felt your characterization was spot-on.

One tiny thing, though. At the very beginning, you tended to come off as a little wordy. Not rambling, per se, more like...too formal. It read more like an essay than a piece of fiction. But once it really went into the narrative that all smoothed out. I hope you know I mean this is the nicest possible way, a bit of constructive criticism, ne? ^^;

Awesome job here. ♥

[maqui]

Hehe, thank you.♥

Regarding that, it's actually a problem I always have; I'm bad with beginnings, but wanted to give some sort of overview without just getting into things immediately. And then it comes off... detached-ish. Thank you for the honesty there, though, it's greatly appreciated. I'll try working on it for... anything in the future, I guess? hehe

[serenia]

...

... I'd write a more coherent comment, but I've fainted.

Seriously, though, reading that first kiss scene, I felt like I was one of their fangirly customers! And it just got better from there! This is what I love in a story - something that takes it from the first get-together, all the way to a nice conclusion. :)

[maqui]

Hehe. Thank you♥ I'm glad that you enjoyed it!

[amooz]

That was amazing.Its been a while since i read anything that good.I had tingles in my spine literally.The interaction between the two was spot on and the development of their relationship was quite realistic and in keeping with their personalities.Loved it!

[maqui]

Thank you!♥ Hehe, I'm glad you feel that I got the personalities right; I'm always worried about that.

[herm_nefer]

That was very well written and I think in character for everyone. I loved it, and was that really that many pages? Didn't feel like it at all

good job!

and like said above, I do believe you got the fangirls right, I totally see the audience in the music room react exactly how you wrote them.

[maqui]

Yeah, I was kind of surprised when I checked the page count and saw what it'd gotten to, because it honestly hadn't felt that long when writing, either.

Thank you for the comment, and I'm glad I was able to write something you enjoyed.♥

[paolaadara]

i love that this is very directional and well thought-out. the beginning comes off as a little too verbose, and for someone wanting to go straight to the meat of the story, it becomes kind of a chore because the writing is wonderfully descriptive that it's a sin to skip but it's so long that sometimes it makes you wonder what you're really reading about. despite that, it's still a treat that it kind of paints for a reader what goes on in the minds of the twins.

the kissing scenes are intense, both hot and cute, and they perfectly lead to what is eventually going to be committed. and i love how everything is about them, meaning about what they think of their situation, almost purposely oblivious of what the outside would think if they are ever found out, and all this after just a few run-ins with uncertainty.

all in all, this story is quite the read. very enjoyable indeed, and i hope to see more from you. kudos!

[maqui]

Thank you very much.♥

You know, it's kind of funny that you mentioned that they were almost purposely oblivious to what others would think; as I was writing it, I started to edge towards them putting a lot of thought into that aspect, but something felt almost off about it. Maybe because, aside from the fact that they had their own set of rules and values that they lived by, the twins really come off as the sort who wouldn't care as much about what others would think of what they do and have the kind of confidence in themselves to believe that they'd be able to keep things under wraps well enough on their own. They'd probably only worry about it if real suspicions started cropping up, and then do something about it.