(Untitled)

[reservedxusrnm]

sellout
frank!gen
written for we_are_cities prompt 14 apr 07
un-betaed; 628 words

Comments

[bestthingaround]

oh, wow. I think I was holding my breath the entire time. First of all it was written beautifully; the sentences were clever and the words were beautiful. I extremely liked the part where it jumps to the future and his funeral, and then back down to present. This broke my heart, but it the best possible way. :) Love ♥

[emilydear]

Absolutely wonderful.

[one900]

oh, man. this was great. extremely detailed without it being too much, and your sentence structure was amazing. and i loved this part: The most he can hope for is a comfortable job and a comfortable home and maybe a comfortable wife if he ever grows out of what his father reminds him daily is a phase and nothing more, with the things unspoken and giving a glimpse of his whole life, despite the fact that the story is concentrated on the present. lovely.

[girlintheband]

oh fuck. way to tear my heart out. there are so many little details here, both explicit and implicit, that i loved; Somewhere down the road there might be screaming - he isn’t too sure because his erratic breath and the steady beat-beat of his heart are playing on maximum volume, and maybe The crimson seeps through his fingers anyway, creating spider patterns in the grooves of his fingernails and the cracks in the pavement. the switch between the present, the funeral and back to the present was really well done, also. ♥