A grand first result for the most awesome idea ever... The two academics were suited to the place in which Anna left them - they were as dead as their surroundings, with only words and the breath which carried them to sustain the thought that they were still living, breathing human beings. Now, I'm the first to admit that a long, intellectual conversation, pulling apart this or that, is keenly interesting to me, but the world around me is just as interesting, and Meg will attest that I have forgone words more than once, in more than one place, for the beauty that silence and watching can afford. You have a wonderfully deep mind, my friend, and I would love to plumb it with you one day.... *hugs*
Re: I love it!rescuefinsFebruary 4 2010, 22:38:00 UTC
That's pretty much what I was shooting for, so I'm very glad that I apparently got that meaning across better than I thought I did. The whole last half stills feels really rushed (shoddy, hastily slapped together, rough, sketchy, etc.) and I need to go back and re-do it, but it's comforting to know the basic message still came through. Thanks!
Ok, well, i expected the writing to be good, and it was. but the story is a little questionable on characterization: why does Anna leave her companions so readily? Why aren,t the more concerned about where they are? It feels as though we've come across a part of a story (which it is), and missing the earlier bits hurts our understanding a bit. but that's ok, here. the ending does feel rushed, as you mention,ed, but not unrecoverably so. Overall, it's interesting, but i'm not sure i'm attached enough to actually want to continue. Presumably, the first (missing) part would hook me enough to keep reading. Good job, i give it a Thumbs Up. Also, yay for humour!
Anna leaves her company so readily because the whole last chunk of the story is too rushed. She needs to spend more time trying to drag them along and thereby emphasizing their obliviousness and her humanity, but I didn't allow myself time to write that properly. They aren't more concerned because they're so wrapped up in their own ivory-tower trivia that practical matters like "where the hell are we?" sort of escape them... but again, I didn't give myself time to convey that properly. We're not supposed to be very attached to THEM, but we ARE supposed to be attached to Anna, and I need to work on building that in the revisions. In theory I meant it to be able to stand alone, but it needs a lot of re-working to be able to carry itself effectively, I think.
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--dunerat
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