2pm
Title: After
Focus: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Word Count: 1659
Notes: Word vomit to ring in the new year. This is terrible, I have no excuse :| Written for the prompt "Thinking how you left me for dead, California-bound."
Nichkhun glances down the list of casualties, looking for the name he is so scared to find.
"The list isn't complete," Sunye says softly. "There were so many- we're still-"
For the first time since the news had come, it sinks in that he isn't the only one who has been affected, not the only one who has lost people near and dear to him. He hasn't even thought once of how the other JYP operatives must be feeling. "I understand. And..." He tries to think of a way to comfort Sunye. "Kwon, I'm sure he's- I'm sure he's fine. They'll find him."
Of their seven, Nichkhun knows only that Taekyeon is alive for sure. He figures that Jaebum probably is as well, since he'd been sent to Uganda on a mission, and therefore should have been far away when the war broke out. None of the others - Junho and Junsu, Chansung and Wooyoung - have been found yet, though none of them have been confirmed as deceased, either.
His cellphone ringing in the middle of the night startles him awake, only to the realisation that he had been tense even in his sleep, that he had been waiting for this call since the doctors told him two days ago that it was likely Taekyeon would wake from his coma soon.
They agree to meet the next day.
Nichkhun sits, stirring his coffee; he looks bored but is actually acutely aware of his surroundings. His hand goes automatically to his gun when he hears footsteps approaching from behind, and he relaxes only after identifying them as Taekyeon's. The instincts of a soldier and a spy had not come easily to him at first - Nichkhun had always been observant, but he had not been gifted with quick reflexes like some (Jaebum, for example) - though all those years of training had taught him well.
"Khun."
He doesn't look up, not sure how to meet Taekyeon's eye, not when Nichkhun had gotten away unscathed and his partner had been in a coma for four days. He hadn't even visited Taekyeon at the hospital, because he had been too preoccupied with trying to find- He shakes his head, forcing himself to focus and listen.
"I don't blame you," Taekyeon says as he sits down, voice surprisingly gentle. "It was- There was nothing you could do. God, Khun, it was a war. I don't blame you," he repeats.
"Have they found the others?" His voice shakes, and he thinks again how much he hates never knowing anything, always having to go through Taekyeon, because even though he's part of the special task force, he is even more of a foreigner than Jaebum, and there is constantly the fear that he's a double agent, that he will betray them.
"Not Junho or Junsu. Jay contacted me today, he's safe. Jinwoon, Changmin, Yeeun, Sohee, and Sunmi were found. Sohee, Changmin- they didn't make it." Taekyeon speaks slowly, voice carefully devoid of emotion.
"What about-?" Nichkhun can't bring himself to say the name.
He looks unrelentingly across the table at the face, pale and drawn, which seems to beg please don't make me do this. There is a long silence, and when Taekyeon speaks again, his voice is so quiet that Nichkhun has to lean in to hear him.
"There's been no news of... Wooyoung, but they... they found Chansung. He's- He didn't-" Taekyeon breaks off, unable to say more. He looks at Nichkhun, reaches across the table to hug him or something, to try and comfort him somehow, but Nichkhun shrugs him off.
"It's okay," he hears himself saying woodenly, "It's okay. Just because they were partners doesn't mean that Wooyoung- Taek, I have to go."
In the weeks that follow, Nichkhun tries to tell himself that his loss is no more significant than that of anyone else, tries to remind himself that Wooyoung is only missing, whereas Chansung, Sohee, Changmin - as well as Seulong, Kwon, Yoobin, Junho, and Junsu, he learns - are dead. Gone forever. He knows that he should be there with the rest of the operatives, that the team needs him, but everything reminds him of Wooyoung. Everything hurts.
The war is over and he no longer has any obligations to South Korea or to the JYP team. Wooyoung is still listed as missing, but it's been so long that Nichkhun won't let himself hope anymore.
He packs his bags and boards the next flight to California.
Three years later
Nichkhun works a desk job, 9 to 5 one day and 9 to 5 the next. He doesn't do anything for leisure, he doesn't go out on weekends. He has no friends, only acquaintances; people he could have a drink with after work (not that he chooses to) but could never have over for dinner, or even for drinks, wings, and a game. His Korean deteriorates surprisingly quickly, though his English improves painfully slowly. He tells his colleagues that he was a soldier during the war - not really the truth, but not exactly a lie, either.
He doesn't keep in touch with anyone from his old life, not even Taekyeon and Jaebum. He doesn't know if they're still JYP operatives, if they've retired from field work and switched to desk jobs, if they're even still alive. He doesn't know if Wooyoung's body was ever found. Recovered.
Nichkhun keeps a photograph of Wooyoung on his bookshelf, hidden between two thick volumes because he can't bear to look at that face, that smile, those eyes, still familiar in his mind but fading and rounding out with time. The knowledge that the photograph is there is enough to get him by.
It first happens in mid-February: he returns home from work to find a bouquet of flowers and a fresh pot of tea on the table. The door was still locked when he got home, and the windows are closed. No-one has a key to his apartment. A few days later, Nichkhun finds a plate of samgyupsal, obviously just grilled, in the kitchen. He is startled, he hasn't had Korean food since he left.
At first, he entertains the thought that it could be his landlady, but a chat with her quickly displaces that notion, leaving him confused and a little scared. He has the locks changed.
There is nothing for two weeks, and then it happens again and again with increasing frequency. No matter how many times he changes his locks, Nichkhun always returns home to find that something in his apartment has changed - food or drink left on the table, on the kitchen counter, in the fridge; books moved around on the shelf; CDs he hasn't listened to for months in the stereo. It's never anything big, but something is always different.
He briefly considers that it could be a ghost (Wooyoung's ghost, his mind whispers) before he firmly reminds himself that ghosts don't exist. He has no explanation for it, then, but he realises that he doesn't much care. Whoever (whatever) it is, they're not doing any harm, and Nichkhun finds himself happier than he has been in a long time.
Two months later, in early April, Nichkhun enters his apartment one day to find everything exactly the way he left it. He looks in the oven, in the cupboards, even under his bed, but there is nothing. He is confused, and a little scared. Suddenly, he recalls something his superstitious aunt once said: Ghosts reincarnate after three years. He forces himself to remember that he doesn't believe in ghosts.
He pretends that it doesn't bother him, that he wasn't halfway convinced it just might be Wooyoung's ghost. He pretends not to be searching for something, anything, pretends that he isn't falling apart just a little because it felt so good to hope - to believe that the presents were Wooyoung's way of letting him know it's okay now. He tells himself that everyone goes a little crazy sometimes, that he'll be okay.
Nichkhun goes back to life before, only it's life after before (but before after). He's not a spy anymore. The war has long been over. He makes himself forget that there was ever anything other than his 9 to 5 desk job.
April 30th comes and goes. He doesn't take out the photograph.
Nichkhun lets himself in one day after work and hangs up his coat before heading to the kitchen. He stops and stares when he realises that there is a card propped up in the middle of the table. He blinks. It's been three months, maybe he's imagining things - the card is still there when he opens his eyes. He picks it up and finds only three words and a date.
Do you remember - and of course he does, he remembers what happened three years ago (the screams flames collapsing buildings destroyed streets, panic that turned into relief when he got away that turned into cold, cold fear when he realised the others hadn't, Taekyeon hadn't - and Wooyoung-) in terrifying detail.
He tries to think of happier times, of training (they smiled then because they didn't know it would be real) and realises that he doesn't remember after all. He can no longer recall Wooyoung's face clearly. Those are Jaebum's eyes, aren't they? That's Taekyeon's mouth, isn't it? Desperation twists his stomach and and then Nichkhun is in front of the bookshelf, searching between volumes for what he knows is there. His fingers graze the familiar photo paper and he breathes again. Safe. He pulls out the photograph and instead of Wooyoung's face, finds himself looking at an envelope taped to the back.
Inside is a ticket to Seoul and a slip of paper. Secret agents don't need keys, it says. Ghosts don't make samgyupsal. It's signed (but Nichkhun doesn't need to look, his heart is beating in his ears and he knows what it says), Jang Wooyoung.
Focus: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Word Count: 1659
Notes: Word vomit to ring in the new year. This is terrible, I have no excuse :| Written for the prompt "Thinking how you left me for dead, California-bound."
Nichkhun glances down the list of casualties, looking for the name he is so scared to find.
"The list isn't complete," Sunye says softly. "There were so many- we're still-"
For the first time since the news had come, it sinks in that he isn't the only one who has been affected, not the only one who has lost people near and dear to him. He hasn't even thought once of how the other JYP operatives must be feeling. "I understand. And..." He tries to think of a way to comfort Sunye. "Kwon, I'm sure he's- I'm sure he's fine. They'll find him."
Of their seven, Nichkhun knows only that Taekyeon is alive for sure. He figures that Jaebum probably is as well, since he'd been sent to Uganda on a mission, and therefore should have been far away when the war broke out. None of the others - Junho and Junsu, Chansung and Wooyoung - have been found yet, though none of them have been confirmed as deceased, either.
His cellphone ringing in the middle of the night startles him awake, only to the realisation that he had been tense even in his sleep, that he had been waiting for this call since the doctors told him two days ago that it was likely Taekyeon would wake from his coma soon.
They agree to meet the next day.
Nichkhun sits, stirring his coffee; he looks bored but is actually acutely aware of his surroundings. His hand goes automatically to his gun when he hears footsteps approaching from behind, and he relaxes only after identifying them as Taekyeon's. The instincts of a soldier and a spy had not come easily to him at first - Nichkhun had always been observant, but he had not been gifted with quick reflexes like some (Jaebum, for example) - though all those years of training had taught him well.
"Khun."
He doesn't look up, not sure how to meet Taekyeon's eye, not when Nichkhun had gotten away unscathed and his partner had been in a coma for four days. He hadn't even visited Taekyeon at the hospital, because he had been too preoccupied with trying to find- He shakes his head, forcing himself to focus and listen.
"I don't blame you," Taekyeon says as he sits down, voice surprisingly gentle. "It was- There was nothing you could do. God, Khun, it was a war. I don't blame you," he repeats.
"Have they found the others?" His voice shakes, and he thinks again how much he hates never knowing anything, always having to go through Taekyeon, because even though he's part of the special task force, he is even more of a foreigner than Jaebum, and there is constantly the fear that he's a double agent, that he will betray them.
"Not Junho or Junsu. Jay contacted me today, he's safe. Jinwoon, Changmin, Yeeun, Sohee, and Sunmi were found. Sohee, Changmin- they didn't make it." Taekyeon speaks slowly, voice carefully devoid of emotion.
"What about-?" Nichkhun can't bring himself to say the name.
He looks unrelentingly across the table at the face, pale and drawn, which seems to beg please don't make me do this. There is a long silence, and when Taekyeon speaks again, his voice is so quiet that Nichkhun has to lean in to hear him.
"There's been no news of... Wooyoung, but they... they found Chansung. He's- He didn't-" Taekyeon breaks off, unable to say more. He looks at Nichkhun, reaches across the table to hug him or something, to try and comfort him somehow, but Nichkhun shrugs him off.
"It's okay," he hears himself saying woodenly, "It's okay. Just because they were partners doesn't mean that Wooyoung- Taek, I have to go."
In the weeks that follow, Nichkhun tries to tell himself that his loss is no more significant than that of anyone else, tries to remind himself that Wooyoung is only missing, whereas Chansung, Sohee, Changmin - as well as Seulong, Kwon, Yoobin, Junho, and Junsu, he learns - are dead. Gone forever. He knows that he should be there with the rest of the operatives, that the team needs him, but everything reminds him of Wooyoung. Everything hurts.
The war is over and he no longer has any obligations to South Korea or to the JYP team. Wooyoung is still listed as missing, but it's been so long that Nichkhun won't let himself hope anymore.
He packs his bags and boards the next flight to California.
Three years later
Nichkhun works a desk job, 9 to 5 one day and 9 to 5 the next. He doesn't do anything for leisure, he doesn't go out on weekends. He has no friends, only acquaintances; people he could have a drink with after work (not that he chooses to) but could never have over for dinner, or even for drinks, wings, and a game. His Korean deteriorates surprisingly quickly, though his English improves painfully slowly. He tells his colleagues that he was a soldier during the war - not really the truth, but not exactly a lie, either.
He doesn't keep in touch with anyone from his old life, not even Taekyeon and Jaebum. He doesn't know if they're still JYP operatives, if they've retired from field work and switched to desk jobs, if they're even still alive. He doesn't know if Wooyoung's body was ever found. Recovered.
Nichkhun keeps a photograph of Wooyoung on his bookshelf, hidden between two thick volumes because he can't bear to look at that face, that smile, those eyes, still familiar in his mind but fading and rounding out with time. The knowledge that the photograph is there is enough to get him by.
It first happens in mid-February: he returns home from work to find a bouquet of flowers and a fresh pot of tea on the table. The door was still locked when he got home, and the windows are closed. No-one has a key to his apartment. A few days later, Nichkhun finds a plate of samgyupsal, obviously just grilled, in the kitchen. He is startled, he hasn't had Korean food since he left.
At first, he entertains the thought that it could be his landlady, but a chat with her quickly displaces that notion, leaving him confused and a little scared. He has the locks changed.
There is nothing for two weeks, and then it happens again and again with increasing frequency. No matter how many times he changes his locks, Nichkhun always returns home to find that something in his apartment has changed - food or drink left on the table, on the kitchen counter, in the fridge; books moved around on the shelf; CDs he hasn't listened to for months in the stereo. It's never anything big, but something is always different.
He briefly considers that it could be a ghost (Wooyoung's ghost, his mind whispers) before he firmly reminds himself that ghosts don't exist. He has no explanation for it, then, but he realises that he doesn't much care. Whoever (whatever) it is, they're not doing any harm, and Nichkhun finds himself happier than he has been in a long time.
Two months later, in early April, Nichkhun enters his apartment one day to find everything exactly the way he left it. He looks in the oven, in the cupboards, even under his bed, but there is nothing. He is confused, and a little scared. Suddenly, he recalls something his superstitious aunt once said: Ghosts reincarnate after three years. He forces himself to remember that he doesn't believe in ghosts.
He pretends that it doesn't bother him, that he wasn't halfway convinced it just might be Wooyoung's ghost. He pretends not to be searching for something, anything, pretends that he isn't falling apart just a little because it felt so good to hope - to believe that the presents were Wooyoung's way of letting him know it's okay now. He tells himself that everyone goes a little crazy sometimes, that he'll be okay.
Nichkhun goes back to life before, only it's life after before (but before after). He's not a spy anymore. The war has long been over. He makes himself forget that there was ever anything other than his 9 to 5 desk job.
April 30th comes and goes. He doesn't take out the photograph.
Nichkhun lets himself in one day after work and hangs up his coat before heading to the kitchen. He stops and stares when he realises that there is a card propped up in the middle of the table. He blinks. It's been three months, maybe he's imagining things - the card is still there when he opens his eyes. He picks it up and finds only three words and a date.
Do you remember - and of course he does, he remembers what happened three years ago (the screams flames collapsing buildings destroyed streets, panic that turned into relief when he got away that turned into cold, cold fear when he realised the others hadn't, Taekyeon hadn't - and Wooyoung-) in terrifying detail.
He tries to think of happier times, of training (they smiled then because they didn't know it would be real) and realises that he doesn't remember after all. He can no longer recall Wooyoung's face clearly. Those are Jaebum's eyes, aren't they? That's Taekyeon's mouth, isn't it? Desperation twists his stomach and and then Nichkhun is in front of the bookshelf, searching between volumes for what he knows is there. His fingers graze the familiar photo paper and he breathes again. Safe. He pulls out the photograph and instead of Wooyoung's face, finds himself looking at an envelope taped to the back.
Inside is a ticket to Seoul and a slip of paper. Secret agents don't need keys, it says. Ghosts don't make samgyupsal. It's signed (but Nichkhun doesn't need to look, his heart is beating in his ears and he knows what it says), Jang Wooyoung.