BYG - Ch 6 part 2
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A week later and Jaejoong stood in the shadows, watching the scene unfold. The Boss stood over the traitor, the man silent and expressionless. Junsu stood behind his father and to the right. Jaejoong could tell, the way his shoulders were tensed….he couldn’t get out of it. His father was looking on, and the man knew no mercy.
Jaejoong had suffered through initiation barely two months ago, spouting lies about how he looked up to his uncle, how he longed to work for him, and showed his eagerness by beating the shit out of a man who had done something or another to the displeasure of the Boss.
He’d been training himself nonstop, but he could only do so much. He’d gotten in, but here he was stuck, useless and unable to do what he’d promised, as Junsu was beckoned forward.
Jaejoong shut his eyes, breathing deeply. The scars being etched into Junsu’s heart were gashed deeper on days like these. Jaejoong hated feeling helpless, he was the one who should take care of things.
The thud of a boot connecting with flesh. Again, and again. Grunts of pain. Jaejoong’s eyes opened slowly, steeling with resolve. Never again. He’d work harder, he’d make sure Junsu never had to do this again.
The Boss watched barely a minute as Junsu beat the man to the ground, turning away with a disinterested, “Make sure to dispose of the body.” Walking leisurely from the room, his personal men following him obediently out.
Once he had exited the room, the remaining men converged on the two figures in the middle, eager for the taste of blood, for the action. But none were as fast as Jaejoong.
He grabbed Junsu’s arm, pulling him back as the boy drew back for another halfhearted kick. Their eyes met, the blank detachment there dissolving into that lost, scared, vulnerable expression that made Jaejoong crazy.
The look he gave Junsu told the other to stand back, to pretend, to let the men ‘play’. He was popular so far due to this small fact. No one knew the real reason, and Jaejoong smoothed it over easily, telling the other men as if it was a secret he was confiding, that Junsu believed giving the men part of the action was important.
He pushed him back a little more, then turned quickly to roughly kick the downed man, his emotions abruptly cutting off. He had to do this for Junsu. No. He liked to do this.
The next day he quit school, resolutely devoting himself to creating a spot for himself, a place from where he could watch over Junsu, could do the dirty work for him instead.
Junsu had come to him numerous times, overflowing with guilt and begging him for various fanciful things, most often of which was the plea to run away. But he had make Junsu promise to stay in school, to eventually graduate and open up his life for bigger possibilities, for a real life once he could figure out how to get them out.
And he was still trying to get them out… three years later…
Until now things had worked out rather smoothly. He’d kept Junsu away from the worst jobs, offering himself up and gaining respect for it. The Boss had slowly taken notice of his enthusiasm, seeing his drive to move up the ranks as the undeniable tie of their blood. Jaejoong did pride himself in his ruthless reserve, in the flawless mask he‘d made.
He was asked to carry out more jobs, and thankfully, the Boss had also assigned him as Junsu’s personal right hand. To consolidate the power, to keep the family together. Or so he had said, but Jaejoong didn’t care.
Since that day, he frequently ordered Junsu away on errands or at least kept him in the background. No one now objected, as Jaejoong stolidly reminded them that that the Boss and his son need not dirty their own hands. No one objected. It was the privilege of position, and Jaejoong made sure he could do it all instead. And he did it well.
Junsu said he’d become cold and heartless. But they both knew that wasn’t true. He just enjoyed the adrenaline and the pursuit in the fight. Junsu said he could kind of understand that, so Jaejoong never went into detail, never told him of the growing emptiness, the disgust in himself.
What started as a small sliver of distaste, a bad taste in the mouth, slowly became a monster. A gut wrenching loathing…like falling into a black void. So he had decided to lock himself up so tightly inside, that now even he didn’t remember how to feel. Didn’t remember where and who he was. To keep the weakness of emotion from drowning and suffocating him. So he threw himself into the work, into each fight, usually the last to finish. He had earned a new level of respect, a new level of power, and he spent it all to shield his cousin.
But to matter how cold Jaejoong became, how well he could carry out orders, how much he pleased the boss, there was no safety. Every success was a failure in another sense, as it brought them up another step, more deeply entwined, more close to the most poisonous, dangerous people in the business.
The night he had been captured had started out the same as all the rest. Junsu coming dejectedly into his apartment, the desperation coming off him in heavy waves. And here they were again, years later, almost in exactly the same position yet again. The words and the actions were so familiar, so overused and worn out, Jaejoong wanted to scream. Wanted to fling them away, beat them into the ground in the way he could do so well. He didn't want to hear it anymore. Didn't want to see them live like this anymore.
Junsu didn’t ever beat about the bush anymore either, just told him straight out the orders. He always avoided Jaejoong’s eyes, but Jaejoong knew what they held: the guilt and the apology. He had made Junsu promise years before to never say sorry, to never feel guilty towards him. But, he wouldn’t be Junsu if he didn’t still do it anyway.
“What did you say?” Jaejoong asked sharply, Junsu’s words had belatedly penetrated his reminiscing.
“There’s someone undercover, and he thinks he’s stationed in Jung’s group.” Junsu repeated solemnly.
“Undercover,” Jaejoong frowned, “as in, police?”
Junsu nodded, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. “Father told me to find him, get his information, and to…get rid of him.” That sorry look was starting to cross his face again, and Jaejoong turned away slightly.
“What the hell, this is way too dangerous…” he looked back at Junsu. “Does he know who it is?”
“No…that’s my job.” Junsu’s face was dejected. “Hyung…How can I get into Jung’s place… its suicide. And even if I did, I can’t do anything to a cop! It’s like Father wants me caught. If I fail I’ll be thrown in jail or killed off and he wont have to worry about his unsuitable son anymore.”
Jaejoong’s anger flared at the bitter tone. “Don’t tell me you want to be ‘suitable’? You want to do all this shit he tells you to? Listen to what you’re saying, Su!”
Junsu hung his head, next words hardly above a whisper. “You don’t understand.” The words struck Jaejoong like a slap. “He is my dad after all…but…” he hesitated. “Everyone says you should have been his son.”
Jaejoong was too surprised to respond. Junsu was now looking at him, almost accusingly. Jaejoong felt like he wanted to laugh…this was absurd.
“Junsu.” He began seriously, reaching out to cup Junsu’s cheeks with his hands. “He only cares how well I can trash things, how quickly I can kill a man…it‘s the only way to get his favor.”
There was a stubborn set to Junsu’s chin. “I don’t believe you.” He was glaring at Jaejoong now. “If you didn’t take all my jobs away then he’d see I wasn’t worthless. He’d be proud of me…”
Jaejoong shook his head, half in disbelief half in denial. “Junsu…” what could he say to make Junsu see the truth. “What are you talking about? I do it all for you, to protect you!”
Junsu pushed Jaejoong’s hands away, he was getting angry. “I never asked for your help! I can take care of myself! Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing, what you’ve always done from the start.” His eyes were flashing, glaring at Jaejoong fiercely.
Jaejoong didn’t want to hear anymore, didn’t want to see that expression on his cousin’s face. What had gotten into him? He had no idea about the truth…how could he talk like this now? It felt like his heart was starting to break…
“Just because you don’t have a family doesn’t mean you can take mine.”
The words hit Jaejoong like a physical blow. He stared at Junsu, who’s red face paled so quickly it looked drained - he had just realized what he’d said.
“H-hyung… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”
Jaejoong stood up abruptly, his chest felt oddly tight. So many different words clamored to break free from his throat, he wanted to yell at Junsu, to shake sense into him, to hold him close and heal the gaping empty hole he hadn’t noticed there before, he wanted to take his hand and run away…just the way Junsu had asked all those years ago…sweet and innocent…
No…this was all wrong. Jaejoong looked down at the boy, the sadness welling up in him too incredibly strong, he couldn’t keep it in…couldn’t let it out.
“Junsu…” His voice wavered dangerously and he promptly shut his mouth. He wanted to tell Junsu he’d never had any family except Junsu, didn’t need anybody but Junsu. But his own voice betrayed him, sounding harsh and unkind. “Fine. I’ll leave you to it, then. I’m not going to do this anymore.”
Junsu’s expression was stricken, there were tears already pooling in his eyes, lips trembling. And Jaejoong forced himself to turn away, to walk towards the door. Junsu had no idea what he was saying…had no idea what Jaejoong had sacrificed. He’d been going through hell for him…would continue to do so forever, no questions asked…but no, the idiot wanted to push him away. He wanted to do the very thing Jaejoong had promised he’d never ever let him do…
Jaejoong’s heart was breaking and he realized he had made it to the door, his hands fumbling with the lock as he couldn’t see clearly through the tears blurring his vision. The stupid idiot. He wanted to end up like Jaejoong? With his very soul shredded and scarred?
Hands were grabbing onto his shirt, arms were twisting around him. His body shook with the force of Junsu’s sobs. He sighed, pushing his own grief down, turning to pull the boy closer. He was a child again, insecure and scared, holding onto Jaejoong for dear life.
This couldn’t tear them apart. Jaejoong would have to try harder.
The all too familiar ring tone suddenly broke the fragile moment like glass. ‘Not now‘…Junsu’s arms had tightened around him, begging him to ignore it. Jaejoong never hesitated this long before… he let it ring again. Then he was reaching for his pocket, drawing the hated device out.
Junsu’s face whipped up to look at him pleadingly, his hand catching Jaejoong’s wrist. But Jaejoong had already pressed the answer button.
They could both clearly hear the man’s angry voice. “Where the fuck are you, you fuck? I told you to be at the location 5 minutes ago. Get your ass out here now!”
Junsu was shaking his head desperately, but Jaejoong pulled his hand away, bringing the phone to his ear. “Yes, sir.”
“And find that brat of the Boss’s son. It’ll be his responsibility if this goes wrong.”
“Yes, sir.” Jaejoong replied emotionlessly. He was already pulling away from Junsu’s grabby hands. Already pushing him towards the inside of the apartment.
His lips brushed over Junsu’s hair, “Wait for me, Su. I’ll be right back.”
And then he was gone, leaving Junsu to fold upon himself, tears streaming down his cheeks. Neither of them knew that Jaejoong wouldn’t be back. Not this time.
So he had gone to the trade alone that night. Had been one of the first to attack as the deal went bad. Had been fighting, half crazy, until the moment he was left alone and beat to unconsciousness.
And here he was, locked helplessly in a dark room. Who knows what the Boss would do when he found out Junsu was more incapable than he knew. What would Junsu do without Jaejoong watching out for him?
The bitterness of their fight, the inadequate make-up wore away at his gut, making him feel sick. What if that had been the last time they saw each other…what if he could never hug him close and apologize for everything. Never tell him how much he loved him.
Jaejoong wrapped his arms around himself tightly, struggling to control the torrent of emotions rocking his body. As much as he had locked them away and forced them down, here in this silent black hole of a room, they were all he could see and they eagerly came clamoring back up. And he felt like he was going to go crazy.
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Chapter 7
whew~~~ so that should sorta explain jaesu! :)
plz ask if u have any questions, and i'll fix it to make sense!! :O
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