Fic: Of Streetlamps and Streetwalkers

[a_brighter_dawn]

Title: Of Streetlamps and Streetwalkers
Author: a_brighter_dawn
Rating: R 
Summary: Detective Remus Lupin just wants to do his job. Millionaire Sirius Black just wants to be a Good (if a bit drunk) Samaritan. They both get more than they bargained for. SB/RL slash
Warnings: Non-magic AU, Crossdressing
Word Count: 4,506

Disclaimer: I own nothing that you recognize. This story is being written purely for entertainment and no money is being made. No trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: This is an AU. Remus is an undercover officer for the Metropolitain Police Service. He and Sirius have never met.

Of Streetlamps and Streetwalkers

Remus shifted uncomfortably as he leaned back against a dingy brick building. He repeatedly shifted his eyes between watching the flickering streetlamp above him and the mostly deserted sidewalk around him.

‘How do I let myself get talked into these situations?’ Remus wondered for what seemed like the millionth time that night.

It was his boss’ fault really. The case had sounded exciting enough. A series of kidnappings, the bodies found raped and mutilated days later; a serial killer on the loose. What greater challenge or worthy cause could there be?

What the commissioner failed to tell Remus to begin with was the sort of victims that were being kidnapped.

Remus pulled irritably at his thigh high fishnet stockings. The things scratched like hell, but there was no way he was wearing the full nylons.

Dedication to his job and the drive to bring criminals to justice were the only things keeping Remus on the street that night, parading as a cross-dressing whore, and hopefully drawing the killer’s attention. One of their sources had informed them that the killer was planning strike that part of down town London.

His team was standing by to follow Remus as soon as the kidnapper showed up. He wasn’t wearing a wire, but he did have a tracer in his left shoe heel.

Remus perked up as he saw a pair of headlights coming in his direction. He stood up straight and moved until he was directly under the streetlamp. He tilted out his left hip and put his hand on it, hiking up his atrociously tight leather miniskirt as he did so. He gave a discreet nod in the direction of one of the hidden officers as the mystery vehicle pulled up next to him. Remus sauntered forward as the window wound its way down.

“Looking for some company, sweetie?” Remus batted his fake eyelashes at the man. He couldn’t see all of the man’s face since the stranger was wearing a black hood and what looked like a Halloween mask in the shape of a skull.

Remus felt a thrill of anticipation run through him. The only surviving victim had told the police he did not see the killer’s face because he wore a dark hood. It could just all be a really odd coincidence, but Remus had learned to go with his intuition, it had never led him wrong. Right now his intuition was screaming that this was the man they had been searching for.

“I might be.” The man answered in a slow drawl. A predatory smirk crossed his lips.

Remus’ face was showing none of the nervousness that was running through him. He just needed to be calm. If the killer followed his set pattern then he would take Remus to an upscale hotel. He would then drug him, tie him up, and gag him. After that, well, things would get pretty unpleasant. Remus just needed to make it as far as the hotel room. At that point the reinforcements would come along and arrest the man, confiscating the drugs and the… tools.

“I know how to show a man a pretty good time, if you’re interested.” Remus gave the man a wink, hoping desperately that he wasn’t overplaying his role.

“Oh, I’m interested baby.” The man nodded his head toward the other door. “Hop in. I’ll take you somewhere real nice.”

…………………

“Do you like the room?” the man inquired, pouring two glasses of champagne.

Remus stood nervously in the middle of the room. His team should have been rushing in by now. Where were they? Had something gone wrong? “It’s lovely.” Remus said with awe, staying in role until his team came. The room was quite beautiful, but he would expect no less of The Black Rose, one of the many hotels owned by the rich and powerful Sirius Black.

“You seem on edge baby.” The man said quirking his lips as though he knew something that Remus didn’t. “Have something to drink, it will relax you.”

Remus accepted the drink with a murmur of thanks. Instead of drinking it, he just swirled it a bit, watching the bubbles. He sniffed at it discreetly. He couldn’t tell anything from the smell, he just got some bubbles up his nose for his trouble. He couldn’t drink it. It was surely drugged. Where the hell were his reinforcements?

“What should I call you?” Remus asked, looking for something to give his team more time. “You never told me your name.”

“No, I didn’t.” the man said shortly. He then smiled that predatory smirk that was really starting to annoy Remus. He’d like to punch it off the killer’s slimy face. “You can call me Master.”

“I don’t do that S&M shit.” Remus pointed out quickly, angling himself toward the door. If his team didn’t get there within the next couple of minutes, he was going to have to make the arrest on his own. He did have a gun on him, as uncomfortably placed as it was.

“Wormtail will work then.”

The room seemed to tilt a bit. What was going on? Remus shook his head to clear it.

“You don’t like your champagne… Detective Lupin?” Remus looked at Wormtail in surprise. He felt his glass slip through his numb fingers. The room seemed to tilt once more as Remus dropped to his knees. His vision started to fog over, but he could clearly see the smirk still on the killer’s face. He took his mask off as he leaned into Remus’ face.

“Poor little pretty. Did the bad man put something in your drink? But wait, you were a good little officer and didn’t drink anything! Oh, but that’s right, you took a nice big inhalation of it. Poor baby.” He ran a hand through Remus’ hair. “Don’t worry though, I’ll take good care of you.”

“My… team…” Remus struggled to speak. His throat felt like it was closing off.

“Oh, don’t worry about them, pretty. They don’t even know where we are. I’m sure they’re chasing their tails in a panic about now. Nice try with the tracker, too bad it was scrambled as soon as you got in my car.”

Remus groaned, trying to crawl his way to the door. He had to get away.

“Oh no, no, no,” Wormtail said, grabbing a handful of Remus’ hair, “you’re not going anywhere baby.”

Remus was yanked back to his knees. He couldn’t think straight. He had a weapon, didn’t he? He knew self-defense. He was an accomplished boxer. He could more than take care of himself. So why couldn’t he think straight?

“Just relax beautiful.” Remus felt himself pushed onto his back. “I’m going to take really good care of you.”

The last thing Remus saw before he blacked out was that damn smirk. He really would have to punch the creep eventually.

…………………

When Remus’ eyes fluttered open the first thing he saw was a reflection of himself, tied spread-eagle to the king sized bed. He hadn’t noticed the mirror above the bed when he had first entered the room. Remus was relieved to see that his clothing was still on. At least his virtue was currently safe, even if his life wasn’t.

“Oh, sleeping beauty’s awake, but I didn’t get my kiss.” Remus studied the man. Brown hair, brown eyes, average height, a little overweight; he was completely average and forgettable in everyway. No wonder the survivor had trouble remembering anything about the man, even if he had worn the hood. Remus thought, with a glimpse of recognition, that the man resembled a rat.

“What do you want from me?” Remus asked, his throat still slightly dry. He wondered why he wasn’t gagged.

“You’re the one I’ve been looking for.” Wormtail said with a maniacal gleam in his eyes. “The others were just practice for when I found you. I knew you would come to me eventually.” He paused before answering Remus’ question, “I want you to scream for me.”

Remus noticed the case sitting next to the killer. It was open to reveal a wide array of knives and needles, blades and restraints, of every shape and size. The killer followed Remus’ gaze to the case. He chuckled lowly in his throat. “Don’t jump ahead of me, pretty, those toys are for later.”

He walked up to Remus, trailed his right hand along Remus’ body from ankle to shoulder. He ran his hand up Remus’ neck, caressing his throat before applying a constricting pressure, cutting off Remus’ air supply. “So very pretty, like a doll. But dolls don’t breath. Dolls don’t need to breath.”

It was as Wormtail eased off the pressure and instead leaned in for a kiss, that Remus heard the sound of the lock turning in the other room. His team? Were they finally here? He couldn’t let the killer hear their entrance. Biting down on his disgust, Remus leaned in to the kiss, opening his mouth invitingly. Wormtail smirked into the kiss. Remus could feel it against his lips. Yup, definitely needed to punch the creep. Remus heard soft footsteps walking toward the bedroom door, stopping in the doorway.

Breaking away from the kiss, Remus looked at the person just outside the bedroom. It was a tall, lithe man with dark blue eyes and pitch black hair.

“Call the police!” Remus gasped at him.

Wormtail turned around slowly, looking at the man with an assessing eye. “Lovely.” He said, walking around the bed. “But I don’t like to share.”

Walking away from Remus the killer scooped up one of the many knives from his case. Remus couldn’t understand why the idiot wasn’t running for help. He was about to get both of them killed.

The new man, who had been calmly leaning against the side of the door, straightened to his full height and pulled his arm from where it had been outside the door. He held a gun, pointed steadily between Wormtail’s eyes. “I really wouldn’t try anything if I were you.”

The killer stopped, looking at the other man for a second, before smiling. Without warning he threw his knife, straight at the taller man’s head. The stranger dived out of the way as the knife stuck itself in the door with a solid thunk.

“Next time, pretty.” Wormtail called as he raced out of the room via fire escape. Remus just watched, helpless to stop him, tied down to the bed. In seconds the killer was out of sight, escaping police custody once more.

Moments later the other man jumped back into the doorway, gun outstretched in a move obviously taken from one too many action movies. He looked around the room, and when he didn’t see the killer he rushed to the window. He stuck his head out for a few seconds before coming back inside.

The man turned to Remus slowly, raising his hands in a gesture of peace. It would have been a lot more reassuring if he hadn’t still been holding the gun in one of his hands. “It’s OK madam. He’s gone.”

Remus just looked at the man for a minute. Was he nuts? Remus knew that his outfit was hardly good enough for him to be mistaken for an actual woman.

“My name is Sirius Black,” the words were said with just the slightest slur. “You’re safe now.” Sirius struck what he must have thought was a very heroic pose - hands on his hips and chest pushed out - but Remus just thought it made him look a bit constipated.

“Do you even know what you’ve done?” Remus asked, bemused, “You really should have just called the police like I said.” He really didn’t mean to sound ungrateful, but damn it, if Sirius had just called police then Remus’ back up would have come right away. They could have caught the psychopath, but instead he was on the run once more.

“I couldn’t do that!” Sirius said, approaching the bed, “He would have hurt you for sure!” Sirius looked at him sadly. “You really should get a different job. You’re a nice enough girl, I’m sure there are a lot of other jobs out there that you’re suited for.”

Remus felt his eye twitch at being mistaken for a woman again. He had to assume that Sirius Black was drunk. It was the only explanation. “Why don’t you just untie me?”

“Oh, right! Sure, sure.” Sirius leaned over the bed to untie Remus’ ankles. “I just want you to know that stuff like this doesn’t usually take place at my hotels. I mean, when the front desk rang my room to say that some john had brought his whore here - no offense - I went straight to security to find out what was going on. Left a great party to do it too!”

Remus guessed that explained the slurring. Who knew what Sirius had been getting up to at whatever party he was attending? “Why didn’t you just send the security to the room?”

Sirius let out a triumphant yell after he finally got one of Remus’ ankles free. He gave the Stiletto covered foot a friendly pat before going to work on the other one. “It’s my place.” Sirius said, like that explained everything. “I just borrowed one of the guards guns, incase I had any trouble.” At Remus’ alarmed look Sirius assured him, “Oh, it wasn’t loaded or anything. The damn guards to all the bullets.” The last was said in a mumble, followed by a pout.

It took another eight minutes for Sirius to work out the knot on Remus’ right ankle. Remus was more than a little disconcerted that his team still hadn’t found him yet. That was probably a good thing though. What would they say if they found him tied down to a bed with an inebriated hotel mogul? Remus would never hear the end of it.

“Has anyone ever told you, you have really strong biceps for a girl?”

Remus let out an exasperated breath as Sirius started working on his right wrist. “I’m not a girl.” He finally said.

“Sorry, I meant: has anyone ever told you, you have really strong biceps for a woman?”

“I’m a man.”

Sirius got the wrist free just as Remus delivered his news. Sirius froze with his hand still on Remus’ arm. “Really now?” Sirius asked, seeming to truly look at Remus for the first time. His eyes ran up and down Remus’ body, finally noting the lack of breasts beneath the sheer tank top and the subtle bulge in the leather miniskirt.

Seeing that Sirius was occupied with staring at him, Remus decided to untie his other hand himself. It went a lot faster than Sirius’ fumbling anyway. In seconds Remus was free. He rubbed at his wrists where they had been irritated by the scratching rope that Wormtail had used. He had rope burns around both wrists, but at least his stockings had helped protect his ankles a bit.

“How much you charge?”

Remus just stared at Sirius for a second. “Excuse me?” There was no way he could have heard him right.

“You know, for a couple hours maybe, I’ll take the whole night if you’re available.”

“You have got to be kidding me.”

Sirius just let his eyes wander Remus’ body again. “I’ve got the cash, if that’s what you’re worried about. I won’t even turn you in. That’s usually what I do when prostitutes come here.”

“I was almost killed just a few minutes ago.” Remus pointed out, trying to be reasonable. This man had just saved his life. It would be a shame to have to arrest him after that.

“And what better way to celebrate that you’re still alive!” Sirius said happily, undoing the buttons on his light blue dress shirt.

“I’m sorry,” Remus said slowly, “But no.”

Sirius just kept unbuttoning his shirt. “What, I’m not your type?” He opened his shirt, revealing a skin tight tee underneath. The dress shirt was tossed onto the floor, soon to be followed by the undershirt. As Sirius slid the tee shirt over his head Remus couldn’t honestly say that Sirius was unattractive. Smooth, tan skin covered tightly packed muscle. Perfect abs stretched and contracted as Sirius lifted his arms above his head.

“You just told me a second ago that I should find a new job.” Remus reminded him, trying not to watch as Sirius’ hands went to the zipper of his tailored trousers.

“Well, yeah,” Sirius paused in confusion, his alcohol soaked brain trying to find a reason for him to continue stripping, “But that was before I wanted to fuck you.” Reason found, Sirius happily shucked his trousers.

Remus decided it was time to go. “Thanks for saving me, but I really need to go find my team.”

Sirius pounced, “Team, huh? I’m sure the other prostitutes have customers by now anyway. Stay, I know how to show a guy a good time.”

Remus choked on a chuckle at the line he had used earlier being thrown back at him. Less than a second later, Remus found himself on his back with Sirius straddling him. “I really need to leave.” Remus ventured again, trying to push Sirius off him. He was incredibly aggravated with the fact that a half drunken man was somehow able to overpower him. Then again, he wasn’t really struggling as hard as he should have been. Damn, but Sirius was attractive!

Sirius pushed his hips down against Remus’ and felt something hard answer him. He smiled broadly as he leaned down to whisper in Remus’ ear, “Is that a gun in your skirt, or are you just happy to see me?”

Eyes lighting up, Remus reached under his shirt, pulling out a semiautomatic, “It’s a gun.” He stated plainly.

“Right then, I’ll just be getting off then, shall I?”

As soon as Sirius leaped off of Remus the door to their hotel room burst open. “Everyone freeze!”

Well, it was about time that Remus’ backup arrived. They were only over an hour late. Three of the officers raced to Sirius, bringing him to the ground. Two others secured the gun that was on the nightstand, where Sirius had set it, and went to the still open case of tools that Wormtail had left behind.

Finally, the leader of the group, Kinsley Shacklebolt, approached Remus. “Are you alright Moony?” Remus rolled his eyes at the nickname.

“I’m fine,” the words had barely left Remus’ mouth before Kinsley was across the room, pulling Sirius to his feet with a hand around his throat.

“So you’re the nasty little fucker we’ve been looking for? You don’t look so tough now, do you big man. You better pray that Remus really is alright. If you did anything to him, I’ll cut your dick off.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Sirius coughed, grabbing at the hand around his throat. He turned wide eyes to Remus, “is this your pimp?”

Remus closed his eyes and prayed for patience, “Officer Shacklebolt, are you planning to kill the man who rescued me?”

“Officer?”

“Rescued?”

Both men gave Remus their undivided attention. Remus pulled self-consciously at his skirt. This would have been a lot more comfortable if he was wearing a good pair of trousers.

“Mr. Black here saved my life. The suspect knew who I really was, and was able to prevent you from tracking me. I’m sure I’d have been dead by now if Mr. Black had not bravely come to my rescue.”

“No need for the Mr. Black, love. Just call me Daddy.”

Remus decided that Sirius really shouldn’t be allowed out when he was drunk.

Kingsley raised an eyebrow at Remus, pointedly turning his eyes to the man in custody that happened to be wearing nothing but a pair of gold and red briefs. Remus cleared his throat, breaking eye contact. “The killer got away, but it won’t do him any good. I recognized his face. It was definitely Peter Pettigrew.”

“The narcotics dealer?” Kingsley questioned, “Are you sure?”

Remus nodded. “I was the one that brought him in the first time. I can only assume that prison was unkind to him. He was more than a bit unstable. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was running with Riddle’s crowd now.”

Kingsley winced. “If that’s true, then there has to be a lot more to the case than we originally figured. Do you have any proof that Riddle’s involved?”

Remus shrugged, “Pettigrew couldn’t have scrambled that tracker on his own. That’s some pretty sophisticated equipment, not the type of thing he would be able to easily get his hands on. But mostly… it’s just a feeling.”

Kingsley swore violently, all too aware of how often Remus feelings ended up being right, “Well, we might as well assume he’s involved then. Damn it, we’re going to need more men for this, and if you’ve already been targeted once…” Kinsley trailed off, a look of worry overtaking his features.

“I’ll be fine. You worry too much.” Remus assured him.

“Yeah, no one’s going to hurt my whore!” Sirius piped in unhelpfully.

“My hero.” Remus muttered.

…………………

It was almost five hours later, just coming up on seven in the morning, when Remus finished filing the paper work for the Pettigrew case. At least he was wearing one of Kingsley’s spare uniforms. He still had some eyeliner on that just wouldn’t come off though. What on earth had possessed Tonks to use waterproof?

Remus looked up from his desk to see Kingsley leading a now sober Sirius Black to his desk. As happy as Remus was to be alive he still couldn’t help but feel a little aggravated at Sirius for not calling the police. OK, so Peter might have done all sorts of nasty things to Remus in the time that it took for his team to realize what the call meant, but at least they would have captured the killer.

“Black here said he had something he wanted to tell you.” Kinsley eyed Sirius distrustfully. For some reason, all the men on his team always seemed a bit overprotective of Remus. Even though he was one of the best detectives on the force, and the best undercover agent in all of England, his fellow officers always seemed to take it upon themselves to be his keepers. It might have had something to do with the fact that Remus’ job was one of the most dangerous, so he was in and out of the hospital regularly.

Sirius cleared his throat. “Some privacy, if you would?”

Kingsley opened his mouth to object, but Remus just waved him off. The sooner he heard what Sirius had to say, the sooner Sirius would leave and Remus could get back to work. Kingsley looked at Sirius for a long moment before relenting. He nodded to Remus then left the small office, pointedly leaving the door open.

Sirius rolled his eyes and kicked the door shut. Remus assumed the action was done more to piss Kingsley off then for any true desire for privacy.

“What can I do for you Mr. Black?” Remus inquired politely. Now that Remus was dressed as a proper officer, and Sirius was sober, perhaps they could completely forget about last night.

“Didn’t I tell you, love? Call me Daddy.” Sirius said with a leering grin.

Remus groaned, putting his head in his hands. Somehow, he had assumed that Sirius had only acted the way he had because he was drunk. No man could really be that… sleazy.

Sirius laughed, “kidding, kidding,” he paused, “well, maybe not, you can call me Daddy if your really want to, but I’d rather you call me Sirius. My friends call me Padfoot, so that might not be bad either.”

Remus didn’t understand it, but for some reason he couldn’t help but smile at Sirius. He was just so different from the people Remus was use to being around. “Well, what is it I can do for you then Sirius?”

Sirius leaned down to whisper in Remus’ ear, “You could scream my name in ecstasy, but I’ll settle for a date.”

Remus blushed but leaned back, pretending to rearrange the papers on his desk. “I don’t mix my personal life with my work.”

“Oh, didn’t you know? I’ve been decreed an unreliable witness by tall, dark, and balding. Since I’m not a suspect either - Thanks so much for clearing that up by the way - I have officially nothing to do with this case.”

Remus floundered for a bit, trying to think up another excuse. He hadn’t been on a date since university. He wouldn’t even know how to act. It didn’t matter that Sirius made him want to laugh. Or that Sirius was drop dead gorgeous. Or that Sirius had saved his life. Or that Sirius was currently kissing him breathless.

Remus’ thought pattern completely shut down when Sirius covered Remus’ lips with his own. But that was OK, because thinking was overrated anyway, and Sirius’ lips were soft and pliant, and very talented. And then Sirius was nibbling on Remus’ bottom lip, so it was impossible for him to resist opening his mouth.

Their tongues had only just begun to duel when Kingsley opened the door without warning. They broke apart to look at the officer’s shocked face.

“Er… I’ll just come back for that report then Remus.”

Remus saw the sly look on Sirius’ face and knew that he would pounce as soon as Kingsley left. “No, wait!” Remus yelled to Kingsley. Remus really didn’t have time to be fucked over his desktop right now, an action that was clearly promised in Sirius’ eyes. “You can walk Siri… Mr. Black out, he was just leaving.”

“No, I was just coming.” Sirius whispered in Remus’ ear with a quick lick, but Remus ignored him.

Kingsley gave Remus a look of disbelief, but turned to Sirius anyway. “Alright then Black, let’s go.”

Sirius nodded, but pulled Remus into one more breathtaking kiss. “I’ll pick you up tonight at seven.” He winked at Remus before brushing past Kingsley and strutting his way out of the police station.

Remus couldn’t help but think that his life was about to get a lot more exciting.

The End
The Sequel: Of Stalls and Strip Clubs