Fic: Take This Sinking Boat (And Point It Home) 1/2
Title: Take This Sinking Boat (and Point It Home)
Author:
remuslives23
Summary: Sent on a mission by Dumbledore, an estranged Remus and Sirius must find a way to push their mistrust and anger aside and work together.
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 13869
Contains: sexual content, language, some drug use, angst, references canon events with an AU twist
Title, Creator and URL of original work: 'Athens' by
archduck
Why you chose to remix this work: As soon as I read this beautifully written piece, I knew it would be the piece I remixed. I wanted to know why they were in Athens and immediately began to plot a story out in my head. In just a few words,
archduck set a glorious scene, and I just hope this fic does the piece justice.
Beta:
dogsunderfoot
Author's Notes: Please excuse any mistranslations. I'm relying on internet translation programs. Sections of
archduck's original drabble used/paraphrased. Title is from 'Falling Slowly' by Hansgard & Irglova.
June, 1981
Sirius Black stumbled as his feet hit the ground and his stomach churned violently. He dropped the cracked leather boot he’d been clutching in his hand and doubled over as he dry heaved. He heard a groan and looked up through the veil of his fringe, watching as Remus Lupin slumped against the dirty white wall of the small arrivals area, his face grey and hands trembling as the shock of the long-distance jump caught up with him.
‘Please use the containers provided if you need to be ill,’ said a bored-sounding voice. Sirius twisted around, staring at the middle-aged man behind a cheap, plywood desk in the corner. The balding man glared at him and tapped the end of his quill on the rim of a wooden box full to the brim of detritus. ‘Please hand in your used Portkey and exit to your right. I hope you have a pleasant stay in Athens. Don’t forget to visit our many magical monuments.’
Sirius scowled at him as he straightened, but Remus moved between them, giving the man a curt nod as he scooped up the boot and tossed it into the indicated box. He caught Sirius’ eye and shook his head, inclining it towards the door. ‘Come on,’ he said in a low, irritated tone. ‘Give it twenty-four hours before you start making your presence felt, yeah?’
Sirius’ mood soured even further, and he petulantly followed Remus out the door. The bright sunlight stung their eyes as they emerged, and Sirius ran into Remus’ back as the other man stopped suddenly. ‘Bit of warning, eh?’ he grumbled then he coughed as Remus planted his elbow in his ribs.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Remus said with vindictive sweetness, glancing over his shoulder. ‘Did I get you?’
He strode away down the street before Sirius could retort, and he was left to scurry after the other man once again, mumbling discontentedly under his breath. ‘Where are we, anyway?’
‘Athens.’
‘Don’t be a prat, Remus.’
‘Thiseio.’ Remus shot him a derisive sideways glance. ‘That help any?’
Sirius bit back his terse reply and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. This was a huge mistake. Dumbledore must have been mad to send him to Athens with Remus. Hadn’t he heard about their break up? How dirty and nasty it had become? He had to have known when he called them both to his office and told them about this mission. Hell, he’d been there at the Order meeting the day after Remus had moved out; the already tense atmosphere thick with resentment and dark silence as the former lovers glared daggers at each other across the table.
Sirius' eyes lingered on Remus’ back as he trailed behind him down the street, and he was unable to stop them from dropping to the gentle curve of Remus' arse. The worst part of their split was that Sirius still loved the bastard. Loved him, wanted him, needed him desperately, and knowing this only made him more bitter. It wasn’t love - love he hadn’t thought he was capable of until Remus - that had failed them. It was trust. It was faith. It was hope.
Everything he thought they’d never have reason to doubt.
Sirius scowled at Remus’ back, wanting to kick (kiss) his perfect fucking arse. He wanted to scream and yell all the accusations that had been frozen on his tongue by their cold silences. He wanted to hurt Remus, to damage him, make him react and prove that he wasn’t as unemotional, as unmoved as he’d appeared when he shifted out of their (Sirius’) flat, but Sirius was too damn scared of finding out Remus had been so stoic because he really didn’t care.
Sirius sighed heavily, his feet dragging along the sun-warmed cobbles. Hating Remus Lupin and loving him at the same time was exhausting.
Remus stopped suddenly again, but this time Sirius avoided running into him. As Remus checked the slip of parchment that held the address of their flat, Sirius leaned back against a light pole and looked around. It was mid-afternoon and balmy, a different kind of warmth to that which they’d left behind in London. It was drier, crisper, and Sirius felt the urge to tear his shirt off and soak up the temperate rays . A couple of scantily-clad teenage girls walked past and, although he didn’t understand a word of their rapid fire conversation, the glimmer of carnal interest in their eyes was a language he definitely had no trouble comprehending.
He smiled winningly at them, his ego boosted when they giggled flirtatiously in response. He subtly shifted his stance to give them a better look at his lean frame and caught Remus watching his antics, an odd mix of longing and pain on his face. When he realised Sirius had seen him, he turned away, the familiar shutters coming down.
The girls had moved on, put out by Sirius’ distraction. He pushed himself away from the light pole with a frustrated exhale, ignoring the ache that had blossomed in his chest at the sight of Remus finally feeling something. ‘This is what you wanted,’ he told himself. ‘You wanted a sign that he cared, that this was hurting him as much as it’s hurting you.’ This was why Lily always told him to be careful what he wished for. Seeing Remus’ pain wasn’t the vindication he thought it would be. It had only made the ache worse.
‘I’m not sure we’re going the right way,’ Remus mused quietly.
Sirius leaned in to peer over Remus' shoulder, feeling the other man stiffen in response. He ignored the fresh surge of hurt at the reaction and squinted down at the parchment in Remus' hands, trying to read Dumbledore’s slanted scrawl. ‘What’s the name of the street?’
‘Nileos Street,’ Remus replied, taking an extraordinarily keen interest in a sign on a nearby building. Sirius stepped back, and Remus' tension eased immediately. Sirius turned away to leave him to it, looking around properly and blinking in surprise at the sight of the Acropolis - far closer than he’d expected. He automatically turned to draw Remus’ attention to it, but stilled his tongue when he remembered they didn’t do those little couple-y things any more. He watched Remus silently mouthing translations to himself, feeling as lonely as if he’d come here by himself, then turned away once again. He stared unseeingly at the striking scenery until Remus said with an air of relief, ‘Number eighteen... It’s up here.’
‘You sure?’ Sirius asked doubtfully.
Remus turned on him, lip curled, and spat,’ Do you want to take your chances alone?’
Sirius crossed his arms sulkily, but didn’t say retort, allowing himself to be pulled along in Remus’ wake. ‘This is stupid,’ he muttered, kicking a stray chocolate wrapper out of his path. ‘Don’t know why Dumbledore thinks we’re both needed here.’
‘I can do this myself if you want to leave,’ Remus said, stride lengthening as his tone sharpened.
‘And have Dumbledore go spare at me for leaving you here alone?’ Sirius huffed. ‘Not likely.’
Remus stopped outside a building with a red door and peeling paint then met Sirius’ gaze without flinching for the first time since their break up two weeks earlier. ‘Then I’m afraid you’re stuck here with me, aren’t you?’ he said, voice rough with an indiscernible emotion. He flushed and cleared his throat then said in a rush as he turned away, ‘Let’s just meet the informant, get whatever information he’s selling, then go home.' He tapped the door with his wand and the lock clicked. Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius. 'Try not to get us killed.’
0o0
The musty Muggle flat was bare apart from a refrigerator, a couple of stools, a grubby couch, and a double-sized mattress on a creaky spring base in the only bedroom. Remus flicked the power switch to turn on the fridge while Sirius opened the windows then they both stared in silence at the stained foam mattress. The air was thick, stifling, between them. Just a few weeks earlier they would have fallen onto that mattress, made a joke about the handy bars on the headboard or playfully fought over who was going to Silence the noisy springs every night, then tested it out thoroughly.
Now, Sirius swallowed hard, eyes fixed on a stain of dubious origins in the middle of the mattress, and Remus shifted uncomfortably before saying in a choked voice, ‘We’ll take it in turns. You can have it tonight.’
He left quickly, and Sirius could breathe again.
0o0
They avoided each other for as long as they could, Remus disappearing into the bathroom and Sirius unpacking the meager supplies they’d managed to grab in the hour Dumbledore had allowed them before they were whisked away. His grumbling stomach made him aware of the distinct lack of edible items in the stash so, when he heard the quiet rumble of the old pipes quiet, he put his head around the corner to call out.
Sirius’ breath caught as Remus came out of the bathroom, his face still dripping and chest bare, the clean scent of soap rising from his skin. Rivulets of water trickled in a meandering path across his shoulders, down his chest, following the topography dictated by his scarred flesh. The sight distracted Sirius, leaving him with a dry throat and no words as he remembered better times, resisting the urge to follow the winding tributaries with his tongue.
Remus’ blue eyes widened when he saw Sirius watching him and he held himself like a spooked animal, tense and wary, as they stood frozen in the tiny hall. ‘Did you want..?’ he finally asked, his voice trailing off as he waved his hand in the direction of the open bathroom door.
Sirius shook himself, glancing into the functional bathroom before clearing his throat. ‘No,’ he answered. ‘No, I was thinking... Food...’
‘Oh,’ Remus breathed then, after another moment of awkwardness that seemed to hang between them, he shuffled past Sirius, careful to avoid any parts of their bodies touching. ‘Yes, I...’
Sirius leaned against the wall, taking a moment to breathe in deeply before stepping out into the living area. Remus was rummaging through a velvet drawstring bag Dumbledore had given him before they left, a soft tinkling coming from within. ‘There should be enough money to get us through the week,’ he said, head down. He pulled out a small purse and threw it to Sirius. ‘Lepta and drachmae,’ he told Sirius. Sirius pulled a handful of the unfamiliar coins out of the purse, examining them without any real interest as Remus continued, rattling off exchange rates and approximating how much money Dumbledore had given them.
‘I’ve got money,’ Sirius interrupted, giving the bag a vigorous shake. ‘If we need more.’
Remus’ jaw tightened in the way it always did whenever money was discussed. ‘We won’t,’ he said, darkly, before heading to the bedroom. He called over his shoulder to Sirius, ‘I can go to the market for some necessities in a minute. Do you need anything?’
Sirius tipped the coins onto the kitchen counter, turning one onto its side then giving it a flick. He watched it spin, eyes glazing as he pretended he was anywhere but here. Remus' question was benign, but so familiar. Remus would always ask the same thing whenever he went out and Sirius would always give a cheeky response, his answers ranging from silly to pornographic. It hurt his heart to hear Remus ask that question as if it was nothing, as if it hadn’t been their ritual, their routine.
As if his time with Sirius had been nothing special.
The coin’s dizzying spin slowed and it wobbled, holding position for a moment before it tipped over and rattled to a halt. ‘Sirius?’
Sirius looked up, glancing at Remus who had emerged from the bedroom with a fresh shirt and quizzical expression. He snatched up the purse and held it open, sweeping the spilled coins back inside before jamming it into the pocket of his jeans.
‘I’ll come with you.’
0o0
Sirius’ mood lifted as he and Remus walked through the bustling market, rich with the scent of ripe produce and freshly made bread. Remus had obviously been taken aback that Sirius had decided to join him on the shopping trip and remained rattled as they explored the various stalls. Sirius had decided during the short walk through the cobblestone streets that any emotion was better than the brick wall of nothing he had been getting so far and had grown steadily more cheerful as Remus’ mood soured.
He smiled at a dark-haired shopkeeper, getting a wink and a unmistakable sales pitch in return. He ran an eye over her wares then approached, dipping his head in greeting as he stuttered out the one phrase he knew. ‘Miláte angliká?’
She hesitated - his accent was truly awful - then shook her head, gesturing to the produce for sale then picking up a vividly red tomato and holding it to her nose. Sirius grinned and nodded, the message that the produce was fresh getting through loud and clear. He was squinting at the price ticket, trying to work out if he was getting a bargain or being taken for a ride, when Remus appeared at his side.
‘When you can barely speak a word of Greek,’ he said in a deceptively calm voice, ‘staying with the person who could stop you creating an international incident is advised.’ He smiled toothily at the middle-aged woman behind the kiosk then said politely, ‘Geia sas.’
The woman replied similarly then pointed to Sirius and said something that made Remus flush and shake his head. ‘What did she say?’ Sirius asked, propping a hand on his hip and glancing from his blushing ex to the shopkeeper with the mischievous smirk on her lined face.
‘Something about you being handsome, I think,’ Remus said, (rather evasively, Sirius thought). ‘I couldn’t really keep up.’ He help up a potato and queried the price. A quick exchange punctuated heavily with hand gestures took place before Remus loaded Sirius’ arms with fresh produce and dragged him away.
‘Stop wandering off,’ Remus admonished, tightening his grip on Sirius’ arm as if he were a recalcitrant child before he seemed to remember the new tenor of their relationship and quickly released him. Flustered, he brushed his hair away from his forehead then jerked his head to the left. ‘Come on. I saw some loaves for sale over here.’
Sirius followed obediently, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smug smile.
0o0
They returned home and, after putting the food away, Remus excused himself. Sirius spent over an hour flicking through out-of-date magazines he'd found in the kitchen. He couldn't read the text but amused himself by making up stories to go along with the pictures before he decided he should look for the other man; Remus’ presence might be oppressive and the conversation stilted, but knowing he was nearby was better than having to skulk around the flat by himself.
He found the other man on the roof, reclining in a beat-up lounger and smoking a joint. When Remus heard the door open, he craned his neck to see who was there, a tentative smile on his face when he realised it was Sirius.
‘You got lonely,’ he said knowingly, relaxing back into his seat and lifting the joint to his lips. ‘Never could stand to be alone for too long, you.’
Irritation itched at Sirius - Remus knew him too well - but he simply hummed as he sank into the spindly chair beside Remus. He held his hand out and wriggled his fingers. ‘My turn.’
Remus took a deep drag before passing the joint over. He gazed out over the city, letting tendrils of sweetly scented smoke drift in a steady stream from between his lips. Sirius watched it curl lazily, twisting against the dark sky before dissipating, as he took his own hit and looked out over the city.
‘Wow,’ he murmured, feeling a little breathless as he stared at the Acropolis. The ruins were all lit up, the lights illuminating the rocky hill atop which they sat. ‘It’s stunning.’
Remus made a noise of agreement, folding his hands over his stomach as he pressed his body back into the faded padding. ‘Always wanted to come here,’ he murmured, eyes half-closed. ‘Wanted to see the temples.’
Sirius rolled the joint between his thumb and forefinger speculatively then raised it to his mouth. He sat back as he breathed in, swinging his legs up to rest on the barrier between the roof and free-fall. ‘You’re here now,’ he said, offering the remaining stub to Remus, but the other man shook his head. ‘You can stop wanting.’
Remus stared unblinkingly at the glowing monument for a long moment then sighed as he hauled himself to his feet. ‘I still want,’ he said softly, eyes lingering on the Acropolis. ‘This isn’t what I thought... This...’ He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and closed his eyes. Sirius held his breath and waited. ‘This isn’t what I wanted,’ he said finally, shooting Sirius a quick glance before heading for the exit. ‘Lock up behind you.’
Sirius took his time finishing the joint, his gaze never once straying from the ancient buildings.
0o0
Sirius rolled onto his stomach and pulled his pillow over his head, trying to block out the noise coming through the open window. It was still indecently early - the sun wasn’t even up yet - but the racket from the streets below made it impossible to get back to sleep.
Sirius sighed and pressed his face into the clean cotton sheets Remus had thought to bring with him from London. He’d recognised them right away; thought about throwing a fit and refusing to sleep on them, but he’d had enough of a kip on the couch yesterday to know he wanted to spend as little time as possible on it. He breathed in deeply. The sheets had been washed since they’d graced the bed in their - his - flat, but he imagined he could still smell them embedded in the threads, could still smell the sweat and come and lube that had been his and Remus’ combined perfume.
His cock swelled between his belly and the bed, and he rocked his hips. How many times had he been spread out over these sheets just like this - his cock hard and throbbing, body tingling with arousal as Remus fucked him slowly? How many times had he creased the fine fabric with clenching fists as Remus pounded into him? How many times had he playfully fought with Remus over who was going to sleep in the wet spot before one of them recalled they were wizards and cleaned up the mess with a wave of his wand?
Sirius pressed his hips into the bed, biting down on his lip as the friction against his cock took him closer and closer to the edge. He pushed a hand underneath his body, gripping his cock hard and closing his eyes as he remembered sinking inside Remus’ body - tight and hot, the muscles clenching and grabbing as the other man gasped through an orgasm - then he was coming all over his fingers, all over the pristine sheets.
There was a knock on the door as he lay there, struggling to breathe through the pleasure of the aftershocks, through the pain of all he’d lost. Sirius lifted his head off the bed and heard Remus’ quiet, ‘We have to go, Sirius’. The other man’s voice caught on his name and Sirius closed his eyes, wondering if Remus had been on the other side of the door scenting Sirius’ arousal and touching himself. Remus used to love the way he smelled when he was turned on.
Sirius let his head fall back onto the mattress, remembering how Remus would stare at him from across the room, his eyes dark with lust and promises.
‘Sirius?’
‘Yeah,’ he called, voice rough from sleep and renewed want. ‘Yeah, I’m coming.’
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and despondently rubbed a hand over his prickly chin. He had been so busy feeling angry and resentful that it hadn’t really dawned on him that this was the way things would be from now on between them - tense, awkward. Oh, things would get easier as the sting of the break up eased, but they’d never be MoonyandPadfoot, RemusandSirius again.
And the knowledge made him want to curl back up in bed and pull the covers over his head.
0o0
When Remus pulled him close as they walked down the street, Sirius’ heart skipped a beat and nearly-dead hope sparked. ‘Let me do all the talking,’ Remus murmured, his breath warm and humid on Sirius’ cheek. ‘I know the language better, after all, and...’
Sirius tuned out when Remus’ cheek brushed against his. He hadn’t bothered to shave - Remus had given him a disapproving look but it was better than the impatient tsking that marked every minute he was making them late - and he could hear the rasp of Remus’ skin against his thick stubble. It reminded him of playful mornings and steamy nights, and a throb of longing pulsed through him.
‘... if he doesn’t know you’re with me.’
Sirius blinked as Remus’ words cut through the wishful fog. ‘What?’ he asked, stopping abruptly. A man walking behind them had to dodge quickly around them and, although Sirius didn’t understand what he snapped at them, the hand gesture was unmistakable. He frowned at Remus. ‘What did you say?’
Remus shuffled them off to the side. ‘I think it’s best he doesn’t know you’re here,’ he said quietly then held up a hand to stay Sirius’ predictable objection. ‘If he thinks he’s being intimidated or bullied, he’ll clam up or might not even show his face. This way, he feels more at ease and I have back up if something goes wrong.’
‘Why can’t I meet with him then, and you keep watch?’ Sirius asked.
Remus shot him a look. ‘I’m perfectly capable...’
‘I know,’ Sirius snapped, ‘but I can’t let you just...’
‘You’re not letting me do anything,’ Remus hissed, his eyes narrowing. ‘I know the language better than you, I know how to be inconspicuous - something you’ve never managed to master, I know how hard to push an informant...’
‘Because of all those secret missions you go on for Dumbledore,’ Sirius taunted, regretting the jab the instant it came out of his mouth.
Remus pressed his lips together, his breath quickening. ‘Yes,’ he ground out, scathingly. ‘Because this is just like those.’ He stepped back, the disgust in his gaze surprising Sirius. ‘Just do what I tell you and maybe this mission will end better than my last.’
Before Sirius could ask what he meant, Remus was striding down the street, leaving Sirius to scurry after him like a disobedient puppy yet again.
0o0
‘He’s so... young,’ Sirius said two hours later, a scowl on his face as he slammed the door of the flat behind them. He didn’t add and fucking hot because he was pretty sure by the way Remus had smiled and flirted that he’d noticed how attractive their informant was. ‘And what do we know about him? He could be setting us up.’
‘Lukas is twenty-six, Dumbledore said, which you’d know if you’d read the dossier he provided,’ Remus replied, dumping his jacket on the kitchen counter then opening the fridge. ‘Older than us.’
‘And what kind of name is Lukas anyway?’ Sirius sneered derisively, glaring at Remus.
Remus rolled his eyes then bent to gather sandwich ingredients from the bottom of the fridge while Sirius paced the living room. ‘We know he’s a good friend of someone Dumbledore trusts implicitly.’ He stood and bumped the fridge door with his hip, letting it swing shut, then looked at Sirius pointedly. ‘And I still believe Dumbledore when he tells me to trust him.’
Sirius took the jab with little grace. His lips tightened and his hands fisted by his sides as his hackles rose. ‘Some of us aren’t willing to blindly trust whatever comes out of Dumbledore’s mouth,’ he snapped. ‘Some of us like to think for ourselves.’
Remus dumped the armful of salad vegetables on the counter, the flaring of his nostrils the only outward sign of anger that this old argument was rearing up once again. ‘You think my trust in Dumbledore is ill-placed?’
‘I think you just go along with whatever he tells you to do, never rocking the boat or considering that he could be wrong.’ The old resentment burst into life again, and Sirius found himself as angry as he had been when their relationship was falling apart in his hands. ‘I understand you felt indebted to him while you were at school, but you’re a fucking adult now, Remus. Grow some goddamn balls!’
Remus stared down at the counter for a long moment before raising his gaze. Sirius tried not to flinch at the burning fury in those usually gentle blue eyes. ‘You think gratitude brought Dumbledore my loyalty? You think I just go wherever he sends me without question? Without knowing what it might cost me to follow his orders? You... Merlin, you really don’t think much of me, do you?’
The expression of bone-deep hurt on Remus’ face cut Sirius to the core, stealing the rest of his diatribe from his lips. Remus shook his head, a blank mask replacing the pain. He snatched up his coat and shrugged it on, seeming to curl in on himself. Sirius hated those hunched shoulders, the way Remus drew inward to protect himself from someone he should never have needed protection from. He opened his mouth to say something - anything - to take away the hurt he’d caused, but Remus brushed past him, heading for the door.
He hesitated with his hand on the door knob then half-turned back. ‘Dumbledore is the only person alive who has never betrayed my trust in him. He’s never given me reason to doubt him, and he has never doubted me or my loyalty.’ He raised his eyes, glistening with some guarded emotion. ‘I’m going for a walk.’
He left quietly as the parting dart hit its mark. As the door closed behind Remus, Sirius spun around and kicked one of the kitchen stools as hard as he could across the room.
0o0
It was nearly twilight and Sirius was on the roof when he saw Remus arrive home. He peered down at the street, watching Remus hesitate outside the block of flats, bracing himself as if preparing for battle then determinedly push open the door. Sirius sighed and threw the butt of his cigarette over the edge, fumbling in his pocket for the carton.
Sometimes he wondered if Black blood came with a curse. No one in his family lived happily ever after. His parents - miserable together. Regulus - dead before he had a proper chance to live. Bellatrix and Narcissa - married to weak-willed men who were attracted to the Black name and money rather than the woman. Even the good ones - Uncle Alphard, Andromeda - had traveled a rocky road.
Maybe he wasn’t meant to have a happy ending? Maybe the end had been written before he and Remus had even begun. Sirius worried his lower lip as he stared out over Thiseio, an unlit cigarette dangling, forgotten, between his fingers. Perhaps blood would always win out, no matter what House he was Sorted into, or what side he took in the battle. He would always be a Black, no matter how hard he tried to deny his legacy, no matter how desperately he wanted to be different.
A breath shuddered from his lungs and he searched for his lighter, finding it and lighting his cigarette with trembling fingers. Remus had always made him feel like a better person, had made him want to be a better person. Sirius rubbed the heel of his free hand hard across his forehead. Now he had no one to believe in him, what was stopping him from turning into a proper Black?
‘I shouldn’t have brought that up again.’
Sirius started, dropping the cigarette as he spun around. ‘Shit, Remus,’ he breathed, his heart pounding. ‘I should put a bell on you.’
Remus smiled weakly and walked slowly across the roof top to stand beside Sirius. ‘You taught me how to be stealthy so I could sneak into the Hogwarts kitchens for you,’ he said, hands in his jeans pockets as he gazed out towards the Acropolis. ‘You’ve only yourself to blame.’
‘Yeah,’ Sirius muttered wryly, bending to pick up the cigarette, giving it a perfunctory wipe over before sticking it between his lips. He took a drag, feeling the smoke fill his lungs then let it out as he said, ‘You told me you’d forgiven me for Snape.’
Remus gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘Doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten,’ he said. ‘But I still shouldn’t have thrown it back in your face.’
Sirius shook his head and spoke around the cigarette. ‘I deserved it.’
‘No, you didn’t.’
They both stood side-by-side as the last of the sun’s rays faded. The sky was a clear blue-grey and the white stone columns of the Parthenon was bright against the darkening horizon. As they watched, the lights flickered on, gleaming off the structure and painting the eroded outcrop with a golden glow.
‘We should go,’ Sirius said, breaking the silence. ‘To the temple, I mean.’ He glanced at Remus, surprised to see the other man looking at him. He smiled a tight, closed-mouth smile. ‘Since we’re here.’
Remus searched his face then gave a short nod. ‘Yeah,’ he said softly. ‘I’d like that.’ He returned the smile then turned away. ‘I’m going to get dinner ready.’
Sirius held up his cigarette, flicking some ash over the edge of the building as he did. ‘I’ll be down to help in a minute.’
Remus raised a hand in response before he set off down the stairs. Sirius watched him until he was swallowed up by the shadowy staircase then turned back to finish his cigarette as he stared thoughtfully down at the lit up city below.
Maybe Remus still believed in him. Maybe his blood hadn’t completely corrupted him just yet.
0o0
‘What are you doing?’
Sirius smiled at Remus who was staring muzzily at him from the kitchen doorway. The other man’s hair was sticking up at odd angles, his eyes still glazed from sleep and face creased with lines from his pillow. A wave of longing washed over Sirius. He’d always thought Remus was at his most adorable in the mornings - so soft from sleep and sweetly pliable. It brought to mind memories of gentle touches, slow thrusting, languid kissing.
He missed that.
Remus rubbed his eyes, and Sirius chuckled.‘You’re not seeing things,’ he said cheerfully, flipping the pancake and listening to the batter sizzle on the hot pan. ‘I am cooking.’
‘And nothing has caught fire.’
Sirius gave him a baleful glare. ‘That was once,’ he said, pouting as he set two plates and cutlery on the bench beside a bottle of syrup. ‘And that was eggs. Eggs burn easy. I’m good with pancakes.’
Remus arched an eyebrow but said nothing. He scratched at his belly through his plain white t-shirt and leaned against the door frame, watching Sirius add the pancake to the stack on the plate by the stove. ‘Any particular reason you’ve decided to show off your culinary skills this morning?’ he asked.
Sirius turned off the burner and placed the plate of pancakes on the kitchen counter. He pulled up a stool and plunked himself down, gesturing to Remus to join him. ‘I thought we might need our strength today,’ he said then, when he saw the confusion on Remus’ face, he added, ‘The Acropolis? Thought you wanted to see it.’
‘Today?’ Remus sat down opposite Sirius, spearing a pancake with his fork and transferring it to his plate.
He swallowed quickly and nodded. ‘Why not? You don’t have to meet Lukas...’ He put as much disdain into the name as possible, getting another raised eyebrow from Remus, ‘until tomorrow. We can’t just sit here playing with ourselves all day...’
‘I would have thought that would be right up there on your list of favourite activities, actually.’
‘... so why not explore the city?’ Sirius finished. He pointed his fork - complete with piece of pastry - at the other man. ‘And you never used to complain about me playing with myself.’
‘That’s because I got to watch,’ Remus said, dragging a bite of pancake through a pool of syrup.
‘You could still...’
‘Don’t.’
The splintered edge in Remus’ voice dissolved the playful atmosphere instantly. Sirius forced the mouthful of food down his suddenly dry throat. ‘Remus, I... Sorry. I... forget sometimes...’
Remus’ fork clattered onto the plate and his stool scraped along the floor as he stood. ‘Lucky you,’ he said, voice low. Sirius opened his mouth to respond as Remus took his plate to the sink and ran the water, but Remus got in first. ‘If we’re going, we should get a move on. It doesn’t look it, but it’s a decent walk.’
Sirius brought his plate over, dumping it beside the sink. He leaned forward, peering out the tiny kitchen window towards the temple. ‘Why don’t we just Apparate there?’ he whined, giving his plate a little shove in annoyance at the thought of the walk ahead.
‘Because it’s not always about the destination,’ Remus snapped, turning suddenly intense eyes on him. ‘When will you learn that you miss important things when you take the short cut?’
Sirius was baffled by the change in mood, but he could sense an insult in Remus’ cryptic words. He narrowed his eyes. ‘What does that mean?’
Remus shrugged. ‘You just... always preferred doing things the easy way.’
‘That’s bullshit!’ Sirius cried defensively.
‘Is it?’ Remus’ lips tightened. ‘You always looked at my essays because you couldn’t be arsed to do the work. You flip to the last chapter of a book because you’re too impatient to read it all. You skip right to the end of a relationship because it’s too much like hard work when things don’t go as expected.’
Sirius blinked, stunned. ‘So our break up wasn’t to do with you keeping secrets but some pathological inability to follow through on my part?’ Sirius said in disbelief. ‘You’ve got to be fucking joking.’
‘It wasn’t working between us, but instead of staying and fighting for me, for us, you gave up and ended it. You took the easy way out.’
‘You’ve got a short memory,’ Sirius said bitterly. ‘You were packed up when I got home. You’re the one that left!
‘You left our relationship long before I moved out, Sirius. You chose not to trust me. You chose to simply take everyone else’s word that I was a traitor.’
‘What did you want me to do, Remus? You wouldn’t talk to me. I begged you to tell me it wasn’t true, and you still wouldn’t just talk to me...’
‘You shouldn’t have needed to ask!' Remus shouted. 'Out of everyone, you were the one person who never should have needed to ask if I was betraying you. You were the one person who just should have known I would never hurt any of you.’
‘You wouldn’t talk to me!’
‘You should have trusted me!’
They were both breathing heavily, chins jutting, eyes burning, as they stood chest to chest. Sirius felt his heart thumping in his chest. It was like they were taking one step forward just to stumble two steps back and, for the first time, he was forced to consider that this might be it for them. That there was nothing - not the tattered remnants of their relationship, not the threads of what had once been a strong friendship - left to save.
And he couldn’t bear it.
With a low growl, he grabbed the back of Remus’ head and pulled him into a desperate kiss. Remus resisted, shoving at Sirius’ cotton-clad chest and making him stumble back against the wall. He stared at Remus, unable to tear his eyes from the other man’s mouth, red and swollen from Sirius’ kiss. Remus licked his lips, great heaving breaths making his chest rise and fall rapidly then, with a strangled sound of supplication, he launched himself at Sirius.
Their mouths came together in a violent, furious kiss. Remus’ teeth sank into Sirius’ lower lip, pulling on the flesh until Sirius tasted blood, then lashing his tongue over the wound. Sirius fought back, forcing his tongue inside Remus’ mouth and crowing internally when he dragged a guttural groan from the other man’s lips. They were still fighting, just not with words, but Sirius was hard - so hard - already and, even though he knew he’d regret this, knew this was a poor parody of what they used to have together, he couldn’t stop himself because Gods, he wanted this again. So badly.
His hands fumbled from Remus’ shoulders to his arse, pulling him close until their hips clashed. He rocked forward, gasping when Remus’ length pressed against his. His hands slid around to push inside Remus’ pajama pants, closing around Remus’ prick and giving it a rough stroke. Remus moaned into Sirius’ mouth and bucked his hips, his cock squeezing through the tight ring of Sirius’ fingers.
Remus yanked at the drawstring on Sirius’ sweatpants, shoving them down to mid-thigh then rutting urgently into Sirius’ grip as he impatiently pushed his own pants out of the way. They bunched at mid-thigh and he pressed closer, shoving at Sirius’ pumping fist. Sirius took the hint, releasing Remus then biting down hard on Remus’ lip as their naked cocks collided and heated skin rubbed deliciously. Sirius whimpered as the wiry hair at the base of Remus’ shaft teased the head of his cock, his foreskin tugging and sliding as he thrust against Remus’ belly.
They surged and rocked frantically, both holding on to the other as if they were the only thing anchoring them to the earth. Sirius’ head was spinning, his laboured breaths loud, but he didn’t pull back from the deep, fervent kiss because if this was the last time, he wanted to remember how Remus tasted, to keep it on his tongue for as long as he could. He gathered each and every whimper and moan and gasp he drew from Remus and hid it away in his heart, all the while trying to hold back his own because Remus already owned too much of him. He couldn't give him anything more.
‘Sirius,’ Remus hissed, his fingers bruising Sirius’ hips as warmth flooded between them and, as always, watching Remus come apart sent Sirius careening over the edge. He arched into Remus as bitter-sweet pleasure throbbed through him and he wanted to laugh and cry and for this moment to never end because when it did, he’d lose Remus all over again and it would hurt all over again.
Sure enough, before Sirius had even caught his breath, Remus was pulling away with a look of horror that sent pain lancing through Sirius. ‘Oh, fuck,’ Remus mumbled, wiping his soiled hand on his shirt as he tugged his pajama pants back into place. ‘What did we do?’
Sirius leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. He didn’t want to hear recriminations, didn’t want to see regret in Remus’ eyes. He curled his come-slick fingers into a fist and banged the back of his head against the wall once, twice...
‘What did you do that for?’ Remus asked, voice breaking as the volume rose. Sirius just shook his head. ‘Sirius!’
His eyes shot open when he felt Remus’ hands twisting in his shirt and met the other man’s incensed gaze. ‘Why did you kiss me?’ Remus growled, shaking him like a rag doll. ‘You fucking bastard! Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?’
Sirius’ hands came up to bracelet Remus’ wrists, but the other man pulled away like he was burned. ‘Don’t,’ he yelled, face contorting in anger and frustration. ‘Why the hell did he send me here with you, of all people!’ He spun around, storming to the other side of the room before turning sharply and stalking back to poke his finger into Sirius’ chest. ‘I was doing fine! I was trying, and I thought that I might be alright, and then he sent me here with you...’
His breath juddered from between his lips and he raked a hand through his hair as he turned away. ‘I can’t do this,’ he said, almost to himself, but Sirius heard the quiet words. ‘I can’t lose you again.’
Sirius closed his eyes again, his whole body aching as the softly-spoken words sliced through him. He heard the sound of Remus’ footsteps as he retreated then slid down the wall, pulling his legs in tight to his chest then burying his face in his hands.
And he cried.
Part Two
Author:
remuslives23
Summary: Sent on a mission by Dumbledore, an estranged Remus and Sirius must find a way to push their mistrust and anger aside and work together.
Rating: NC17
Word Count: 13869
Contains: sexual content, language, some drug use, angst, references canon events with an AU twist
Title, Creator and URL of original work: 'Athens' by
archduck
Why you chose to remix this work: As soon as I read this beautifully written piece, I knew it would be the piece I remixed. I wanted to know why they were in Athens and immediately began to plot a story out in my head. In just a few words,
archduck set a glorious scene, and I just hope this fic does the piece justice.
Beta:
dogsunderfoot
Author's Notes: Please excuse any mistranslations. I'm relying on internet translation programs. Sections of
archduck's original drabble used/paraphrased. Title is from 'Falling Slowly' by Hansgard & Irglova.
June, 1981
Sirius Black stumbled as his feet hit the ground and his stomach churned violently. He dropped the cracked leather boot he’d been clutching in his hand and doubled over as he dry heaved. He heard a groan and looked up through the veil of his fringe, watching as Remus Lupin slumped against the dirty white wall of the small arrivals area, his face grey and hands trembling as the shock of the long-distance jump caught up with him.
‘Please use the containers provided if you need to be ill,’ said a bored-sounding voice. Sirius twisted around, staring at the middle-aged man behind a cheap, plywood desk in the corner. The balding man glared at him and tapped the end of his quill on the rim of a wooden box full to the brim of detritus. ‘Please hand in your used Portkey and exit to your right. I hope you have a pleasant stay in Athens. Don’t forget to visit our many magical monuments.’
Sirius scowled at him as he straightened, but Remus moved between them, giving the man a curt nod as he scooped up the boot and tossed it into the indicated box. He caught Sirius’ eye and shook his head, inclining it towards the door. ‘Come on,’ he said in a low, irritated tone. ‘Give it twenty-four hours before you start making your presence felt, yeah?’
Sirius’ mood soured even further, and he petulantly followed Remus out the door. The bright sunlight stung their eyes as they emerged, and Sirius ran into Remus’ back as the other man stopped suddenly. ‘Bit of warning, eh?’ he grumbled then he coughed as Remus planted his elbow in his ribs.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Remus said with vindictive sweetness, glancing over his shoulder. ‘Did I get you?’
He strode away down the street before Sirius could retort, and he was left to scurry after the other man once again, mumbling discontentedly under his breath. ‘Where are we, anyway?’
‘Athens.’
‘Don’t be a prat, Remus.’
‘Thiseio.’ Remus shot him a derisive sideways glance. ‘That help any?’
Sirius bit back his terse reply and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. This was a huge mistake. Dumbledore must have been mad to send him to Athens with Remus. Hadn’t he heard about their break up? How dirty and nasty it had become? He had to have known when he called them both to his office and told them about this mission. Hell, he’d been there at the Order meeting the day after Remus had moved out; the already tense atmosphere thick with resentment and dark silence as the former lovers glared daggers at each other across the table.
Sirius' eyes lingered on Remus’ back as he trailed behind him down the street, and he was unable to stop them from dropping to the gentle curve of Remus' arse. The worst part of their split was that Sirius still loved the bastard. Loved him, wanted him, needed him desperately, and knowing this only made him more bitter. It wasn’t love - love he hadn’t thought he was capable of until Remus - that had failed them. It was trust. It was faith. It was hope.
Everything he thought they’d never have reason to doubt.
Sirius scowled at Remus’ back, wanting to kick (kiss) his perfect fucking arse. He wanted to scream and yell all the accusations that had been frozen on his tongue by their cold silences. He wanted to hurt Remus, to damage him, make him react and prove that he wasn’t as unemotional, as unmoved as he’d appeared when he shifted out of their (Sirius’) flat, but Sirius was too damn scared of finding out Remus had been so stoic because he really didn’t care.
Sirius sighed heavily, his feet dragging along the sun-warmed cobbles. Hating Remus Lupin and loving him at the same time was exhausting.
Remus stopped suddenly again, but this time Sirius avoided running into him. As Remus checked the slip of parchment that held the address of their flat, Sirius leaned back against a light pole and looked around. It was mid-afternoon and balmy, a different kind of warmth to that which they’d left behind in London. It was drier, crisper, and Sirius felt the urge to tear his shirt off and soak up the temperate rays . A couple of scantily-clad teenage girls walked past and, although he didn’t understand a word of their rapid fire conversation, the glimmer of carnal interest in their eyes was a language he definitely had no trouble comprehending.
He smiled winningly at them, his ego boosted when they giggled flirtatiously in response. He subtly shifted his stance to give them a better look at his lean frame and caught Remus watching his antics, an odd mix of longing and pain on his face. When he realised Sirius had seen him, he turned away, the familiar shutters coming down.
The girls had moved on, put out by Sirius’ distraction. He pushed himself away from the light pole with a frustrated exhale, ignoring the ache that had blossomed in his chest at the sight of Remus finally feeling something. ‘This is what you wanted,’ he told himself. ‘You wanted a sign that he cared, that this was hurting him as much as it’s hurting you.’ This was why Lily always told him to be careful what he wished for. Seeing Remus’ pain wasn’t the vindication he thought it would be. It had only made the ache worse.
‘I’m not sure we’re going the right way,’ Remus mused quietly.
Sirius leaned in to peer over Remus' shoulder, feeling the other man stiffen in response. He ignored the fresh surge of hurt at the reaction and squinted down at the parchment in Remus' hands, trying to read Dumbledore’s slanted scrawl. ‘What’s the name of the street?’
‘Nileos Street,’ Remus replied, taking an extraordinarily keen interest in a sign on a nearby building. Sirius stepped back, and Remus' tension eased immediately. Sirius turned away to leave him to it, looking around properly and blinking in surprise at the sight of the Acropolis - far closer than he’d expected. He automatically turned to draw Remus’ attention to it, but stilled his tongue when he remembered they didn’t do those little couple-y things any more. He watched Remus silently mouthing translations to himself, feeling as lonely as if he’d come here by himself, then turned away once again. He stared unseeingly at the striking scenery until Remus said with an air of relief, ‘Number eighteen... It’s up here.’
‘You sure?’ Sirius asked doubtfully.
Remus turned on him, lip curled, and spat,’ Do you want to take your chances alone?’
Sirius crossed his arms sulkily, but didn’t say retort, allowing himself to be pulled along in Remus’ wake. ‘This is stupid,’ he muttered, kicking a stray chocolate wrapper out of his path. ‘Don’t know why Dumbledore thinks we’re both needed here.’
‘I can do this myself if you want to leave,’ Remus said, stride lengthening as his tone sharpened.
‘And have Dumbledore go spare at me for leaving you here alone?’ Sirius huffed. ‘Not likely.’
Remus stopped outside a building with a red door and peeling paint then met Sirius’ gaze without flinching for the first time since their break up two weeks earlier. ‘Then I’m afraid you’re stuck here with me, aren’t you?’ he said, voice rough with an indiscernible emotion. He flushed and cleared his throat then said in a rush as he turned away, ‘Let’s just meet the informant, get whatever information he’s selling, then go home.' He tapped the door with his wand and the lock clicked. Remus glanced over his shoulder at Sirius. 'Try not to get us killed.’
0o0
The musty Muggle flat was bare apart from a refrigerator, a couple of stools, a grubby couch, and a double-sized mattress on a creaky spring base in the only bedroom. Remus flicked the power switch to turn on the fridge while Sirius opened the windows then they both stared in silence at the stained foam mattress. The air was thick, stifling, between them. Just a few weeks earlier they would have fallen onto that mattress, made a joke about the handy bars on the headboard or playfully fought over who was going to Silence the noisy springs every night, then tested it out thoroughly.
Now, Sirius swallowed hard, eyes fixed on a stain of dubious origins in the middle of the mattress, and Remus shifted uncomfortably before saying in a choked voice, ‘We’ll take it in turns. You can have it tonight.’
He left quickly, and Sirius could breathe again.
0o0
They avoided each other for as long as they could, Remus disappearing into the bathroom and Sirius unpacking the meager supplies they’d managed to grab in the hour Dumbledore had allowed them before they were whisked away. His grumbling stomach made him aware of the distinct lack of edible items in the stash so, when he heard the quiet rumble of the old pipes quiet, he put his head around the corner to call out.
Sirius’ breath caught as Remus came out of the bathroom, his face still dripping and chest bare, the clean scent of soap rising from his skin. Rivulets of water trickled in a meandering path across his shoulders, down his chest, following the topography dictated by his scarred flesh. The sight distracted Sirius, leaving him with a dry throat and no words as he remembered better times, resisting the urge to follow the winding tributaries with his tongue.
Remus’ blue eyes widened when he saw Sirius watching him and he held himself like a spooked animal, tense and wary, as they stood frozen in the tiny hall. ‘Did you want..?’ he finally asked, his voice trailing off as he waved his hand in the direction of the open bathroom door.
Sirius shook himself, glancing into the functional bathroom before clearing his throat. ‘No,’ he answered. ‘No, I was thinking... Food...’
‘Oh,’ Remus breathed then, after another moment of awkwardness that seemed to hang between them, he shuffled past Sirius, careful to avoid any parts of their bodies touching. ‘Yes, I...’
Sirius leaned against the wall, taking a moment to breathe in deeply before stepping out into the living area. Remus was rummaging through a velvet drawstring bag Dumbledore had given him before they left, a soft tinkling coming from within. ‘There should be enough money to get us through the week,’ he said, head down. He pulled out a small purse and threw it to Sirius. ‘Lepta and drachmae,’ he told Sirius. Sirius pulled a handful of the unfamiliar coins out of the purse, examining them without any real interest as Remus continued, rattling off exchange rates and approximating how much money Dumbledore had given them.
‘I’ve got money,’ Sirius interrupted, giving the bag a vigorous shake. ‘If we need more.’
Remus’ jaw tightened in the way it always did whenever money was discussed. ‘We won’t,’ he said, darkly, before heading to the bedroom. He called over his shoulder to Sirius, ‘I can go to the market for some necessities in a minute. Do you need anything?’
Sirius tipped the coins onto the kitchen counter, turning one onto its side then giving it a flick. He watched it spin, eyes glazing as he pretended he was anywhere but here. Remus' question was benign, but so familiar. Remus would always ask the same thing whenever he went out and Sirius would always give a cheeky response, his answers ranging from silly to pornographic. It hurt his heart to hear Remus ask that question as if it was nothing, as if it hadn’t been their ritual, their routine.
As if his time with Sirius had been nothing special.
The coin’s dizzying spin slowed and it wobbled, holding position for a moment before it tipped over and rattled to a halt. ‘Sirius?’
Sirius looked up, glancing at Remus who had emerged from the bedroom with a fresh shirt and quizzical expression. He snatched up the purse and held it open, sweeping the spilled coins back inside before jamming it into the pocket of his jeans.
‘I’ll come with you.’
0o0
Sirius’ mood lifted as he and Remus walked through the bustling market, rich with the scent of ripe produce and freshly made bread. Remus had obviously been taken aback that Sirius had decided to join him on the shopping trip and remained rattled as they explored the various stalls. Sirius had decided during the short walk through the cobblestone streets that any emotion was better than the brick wall of nothing he had been getting so far and had grown steadily more cheerful as Remus’ mood soured.
He smiled at a dark-haired shopkeeper, getting a wink and a unmistakable sales pitch in return. He ran an eye over her wares then approached, dipping his head in greeting as he stuttered out the one phrase he knew. ‘Miláte angliká?’
She hesitated - his accent was truly awful - then shook her head, gesturing to the produce for sale then picking up a vividly red tomato and holding it to her nose. Sirius grinned and nodded, the message that the produce was fresh getting through loud and clear. He was squinting at the price ticket, trying to work out if he was getting a bargain or being taken for a ride, when Remus appeared at his side.
‘When you can barely speak a word of Greek,’ he said in a deceptively calm voice, ‘staying with the person who could stop you creating an international incident is advised.’ He smiled toothily at the middle-aged woman behind the kiosk then said politely, ‘Geia sas.’
The woman replied similarly then pointed to Sirius and said something that made Remus flush and shake his head. ‘What did she say?’ Sirius asked, propping a hand on his hip and glancing from his blushing ex to the shopkeeper with the mischievous smirk on her lined face.
‘Something about you being handsome, I think,’ Remus said, (rather evasively, Sirius thought). ‘I couldn’t really keep up.’ He help up a potato and queried the price. A quick exchange punctuated heavily with hand gestures took place before Remus loaded Sirius’ arms with fresh produce and dragged him away.
‘Stop wandering off,’ Remus admonished, tightening his grip on Sirius’ arm as if he were a recalcitrant child before he seemed to remember the new tenor of their relationship and quickly released him. Flustered, he brushed his hair away from his forehead then jerked his head to the left. ‘Come on. I saw some loaves for sale over here.’
Sirius followed obediently, the corners of his mouth quirking up in a smug smile.
0o0
They returned home and, after putting the food away, Remus excused himself. Sirius spent over an hour flicking through out-of-date magazines he'd found in the kitchen. He couldn't read the text but amused himself by making up stories to go along with the pictures before he decided he should look for the other man; Remus’ presence might be oppressive and the conversation stilted, but knowing he was nearby was better than having to skulk around the flat by himself.
He found the other man on the roof, reclining in a beat-up lounger and smoking a joint. When Remus heard the door open, he craned his neck to see who was there, a tentative smile on his face when he realised it was Sirius.
‘You got lonely,’ he said knowingly, relaxing back into his seat and lifting the joint to his lips. ‘Never could stand to be alone for too long, you.’
Irritation itched at Sirius - Remus knew him too well - but he simply hummed as he sank into the spindly chair beside Remus. He held his hand out and wriggled his fingers. ‘My turn.’
Remus took a deep drag before passing the joint over. He gazed out over the city, letting tendrils of sweetly scented smoke drift in a steady stream from between his lips. Sirius watched it curl lazily, twisting against the dark sky before dissipating, as he took his own hit and looked out over the city.
‘Wow,’ he murmured, feeling a little breathless as he stared at the Acropolis. The ruins were all lit up, the lights illuminating the rocky hill atop which they sat. ‘It’s stunning.’
Remus made a noise of agreement, folding his hands over his stomach as he pressed his body back into the faded padding. ‘Always wanted to come here,’ he murmured, eyes half-closed. ‘Wanted to see the temples.’
Sirius rolled the joint between his thumb and forefinger speculatively then raised it to his mouth. He sat back as he breathed in, swinging his legs up to rest on the barrier between the roof and free-fall. ‘You’re here now,’ he said, offering the remaining stub to Remus, but the other man shook his head. ‘You can stop wanting.’
Remus stared unblinkingly at the glowing monument for a long moment then sighed as he hauled himself to his feet. ‘I still want,’ he said softly, eyes lingering on the Acropolis. ‘This isn’t what I thought... This...’ He sucked his lower lip into his mouth and closed his eyes. Sirius held his breath and waited. ‘This isn’t what I wanted,’ he said finally, shooting Sirius a quick glance before heading for the exit. ‘Lock up behind you.’
Sirius took his time finishing the joint, his gaze never once straying from the ancient buildings.
0o0
Sirius rolled onto his stomach and pulled his pillow over his head, trying to block out the noise coming through the open window. It was still indecently early - the sun wasn’t even up yet - but the racket from the streets below made it impossible to get back to sleep.
Sirius sighed and pressed his face into the clean cotton sheets Remus had thought to bring with him from London. He’d recognised them right away; thought about throwing a fit and refusing to sleep on them, but he’d had enough of a kip on the couch yesterday to know he wanted to spend as little time as possible on it. He breathed in deeply. The sheets had been washed since they’d graced the bed in their - his - flat, but he imagined he could still smell them embedded in the threads, could still smell the sweat and come and lube that had been his and Remus’ combined perfume.
His cock swelled between his belly and the bed, and he rocked his hips. How many times had he been spread out over these sheets just like this - his cock hard and throbbing, body tingling with arousal as Remus fucked him slowly? How many times had he creased the fine fabric with clenching fists as Remus pounded into him? How many times had he playfully fought with Remus over who was going to sleep in the wet spot before one of them recalled they were wizards and cleaned up the mess with a wave of his wand?
Sirius pressed his hips into the bed, biting down on his lip as the friction against his cock took him closer and closer to the edge. He pushed a hand underneath his body, gripping his cock hard and closing his eyes as he remembered sinking inside Remus’ body - tight and hot, the muscles clenching and grabbing as the other man gasped through an orgasm - then he was coming all over his fingers, all over the pristine sheets.
There was a knock on the door as he lay there, struggling to breathe through the pleasure of the aftershocks, through the pain of all he’d lost. Sirius lifted his head off the bed and heard Remus’ quiet, ‘We have to go, Sirius’. The other man’s voice caught on his name and Sirius closed his eyes, wondering if Remus had been on the other side of the door scenting Sirius’ arousal and touching himself. Remus used to love the way he smelled when he was turned on.
Sirius let his head fall back onto the mattress, remembering how Remus would stare at him from across the room, his eyes dark with lust and promises.
‘Sirius?’
‘Yeah,’ he called, voice rough from sleep and renewed want. ‘Yeah, I’m coming.’
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and despondently rubbed a hand over his prickly chin. He had been so busy feeling angry and resentful that it hadn’t really dawned on him that this was the way things would be from now on between them - tense, awkward. Oh, things would get easier as the sting of the break up eased, but they’d never be MoonyandPadfoot, RemusandSirius again.
And the knowledge made him want to curl back up in bed and pull the covers over his head.
0o0
When Remus pulled him close as they walked down the street, Sirius’ heart skipped a beat and nearly-dead hope sparked. ‘Let me do all the talking,’ Remus murmured, his breath warm and humid on Sirius’ cheek. ‘I know the language better, after all, and...’
Sirius tuned out when Remus’ cheek brushed against his. He hadn’t bothered to shave - Remus had given him a disapproving look but it was better than the impatient tsking that marked every minute he was making them late - and he could hear the rasp of Remus’ skin against his thick stubble. It reminded him of playful mornings and steamy nights, and a throb of longing pulsed through him.
‘... if he doesn’t know you’re with me.’
Sirius blinked as Remus’ words cut through the wishful fog. ‘What?’ he asked, stopping abruptly. A man walking behind them had to dodge quickly around them and, although Sirius didn’t understand what he snapped at them, the hand gesture was unmistakable. He frowned at Remus. ‘What did you say?’
Remus shuffled them off to the side. ‘I think it’s best he doesn’t know you’re here,’ he said quietly then held up a hand to stay Sirius’ predictable objection. ‘If he thinks he’s being intimidated or bullied, he’ll clam up or might not even show his face. This way, he feels more at ease and I have back up if something goes wrong.’
‘Why can’t I meet with him then, and you keep watch?’ Sirius asked.
Remus shot him a look. ‘I’m perfectly capable...’
‘I know,’ Sirius snapped, ‘but I can’t let you just...’
‘You’re not letting me do anything,’ Remus hissed, his eyes narrowing. ‘I know the language better than you, I know how to be inconspicuous - something you’ve never managed to master, I know how hard to push an informant...’
‘Because of all those secret missions you go on for Dumbledore,’ Sirius taunted, regretting the jab the instant it came out of his mouth.
Remus pressed his lips together, his breath quickening. ‘Yes,’ he ground out, scathingly. ‘Because this is just like those.’ He stepped back, the disgust in his gaze surprising Sirius. ‘Just do what I tell you and maybe this mission will end better than my last.’
Before Sirius could ask what he meant, Remus was striding down the street, leaving Sirius to scurry after him like a disobedient puppy yet again.
0o0
‘He’s so... young,’ Sirius said two hours later, a scowl on his face as he slammed the door of the flat behind them. He didn’t add and fucking hot because he was pretty sure by the way Remus had smiled and flirted that he’d noticed how attractive their informant was. ‘And what do we know about him? He could be setting us up.’
‘Lukas is twenty-six, Dumbledore said, which you’d know if you’d read the dossier he provided,’ Remus replied, dumping his jacket on the kitchen counter then opening the fridge. ‘Older than us.’
‘And what kind of name is Lukas anyway?’ Sirius sneered derisively, glaring at Remus.
Remus rolled his eyes then bent to gather sandwich ingredients from the bottom of the fridge while Sirius paced the living room. ‘We know he’s a good friend of someone Dumbledore trusts implicitly.’ He stood and bumped the fridge door with his hip, letting it swing shut, then looked at Sirius pointedly. ‘And I still believe Dumbledore when he tells me to trust him.’
Sirius took the jab with little grace. His lips tightened and his hands fisted by his sides as his hackles rose. ‘Some of us aren’t willing to blindly trust whatever comes out of Dumbledore’s mouth,’ he snapped. ‘Some of us like to think for ourselves.’
Remus dumped the armful of salad vegetables on the counter, the flaring of his nostrils the only outward sign of anger that this old argument was rearing up once again. ‘You think my trust in Dumbledore is ill-placed?’
‘I think you just go along with whatever he tells you to do, never rocking the boat or considering that he could be wrong.’ The old resentment burst into life again, and Sirius found himself as angry as he had been when their relationship was falling apart in his hands. ‘I understand you felt indebted to him while you were at school, but you’re a fucking adult now, Remus. Grow some goddamn balls!’
Remus stared down at the counter for a long moment before raising his gaze. Sirius tried not to flinch at the burning fury in those usually gentle blue eyes. ‘You think gratitude brought Dumbledore my loyalty? You think I just go wherever he sends me without question? Without knowing what it might cost me to follow his orders? You... Merlin, you really don’t think much of me, do you?’
The expression of bone-deep hurt on Remus’ face cut Sirius to the core, stealing the rest of his diatribe from his lips. Remus shook his head, a blank mask replacing the pain. He snatched up his coat and shrugged it on, seeming to curl in on himself. Sirius hated those hunched shoulders, the way Remus drew inward to protect himself from someone he should never have needed protection from. He opened his mouth to say something - anything - to take away the hurt he’d caused, but Remus brushed past him, heading for the door.
He hesitated with his hand on the door knob then half-turned back. ‘Dumbledore is the only person alive who has never betrayed my trust in him. He’s never given me reason to doubt him, and he has never doubted me or my loyalty.’ He raised his eyes, glistening with some guarded emotion. ‘I’m going for a walk.’
He left quietly as the parting dart hit its mark. As the door closed behind Remus, Sirius spun around and kicked one of the kitchen stools as hard as he could across the room.
0o0
It was nearly twilight and Sirius was on the roof when he saw Remus arrive home. He peered down at the street, watching Remus hesitate outside the block of flats, bracing himself as if preparing for battle then determinedly push open the door. Sirius sighed and threw the butt of his cigarette over the edge, fumbling in his pocket for the carton.
Sometimes he wondered if Black blood came with a curse. No one in his family lived happily ever after. His parents - miserable together. Regulus - dead before he had a proper chance to live. Bellatrix and Narcissa - married to weak-willed men who were attracted to the Black name and money rather than the woman. Even the good ones - Uncle Alphard, Andromeda - had traveled a rocky road.
Maybe he wasn’t meant to have a happy ending? Maybe the end had been written before he and Remus had even begun. Sirius worried his lower lip as he stared out over Thiseio, an unlit cigarette dangling, forgotten, between his fingers. Perhaps blood would always win out, no matter what House he was Sorted into, or what side he took in the battle. He would always be a Black, no matter how hard he tried to deny his legacy, no matter how desperately he wanted to be different.
A breath shuddered from his lungs and he searched for his lighter, finding it and lighting his cigarette with trembling fingers. Remus had always made him feel like a better person, had made him want to be a better person. Sirius rubbed the heel of his free hand hard across his forehead. Now he had no one to believe in him, what was stopping him from turning into a proper Black?
‘I shouldn’t have brought that up again.’
Sirius started, dropping the cigarette as he spun around. ‘Shit, Remus,’ he breathed, his heart pounding. ‘I should put a bell on you.’
Remus smiled weakly and walked slowly across the roof top to stand beside Sirius. ‘You taught me how to be stealthy so I could sneak into the Hogwarts kitchens for you,’ he said, hands in his jeans pockets as he gazed out towards the Acropolis. ‘You’ve only yourself to blame.’
‘Yeah,’ Sirius muttered wryly, bending to pick up the cigarette, giving it a perfunctory wipe over before sticking it between his lips. He took a drag, feeling the smoke fill his lungs then let it out as he said, ‘You told me you’d forgiven me for Snape.’
Remus gave a one-shouldered shrug. ‘Doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten,’ he said. ‘But I still shouldn’t have thrown it back in your face.’
Sirius shook his head and spoke around the cigarette. ‘I deserved it.’
‘No, you didn’t.’
They both stood side-by-side as the last of the sun’s rays faded. The sky was a clear blue-grey and the white stone columns of the Parthenon was bright against the darkening horizon. As they watched, the lights flickered on, gleaming off the structure and painting the eroded outcrop with a golden glow.
‘We should go,’ Sirius said, breaking the silence. ‘To the temple, I mean.’ He glanced at Remus, surprised to see the other man looking at him. He smiled a tight, closed-mouth smile. ‘Since we’re here.’
Remus searched his face then gave a short nod. ‘Yeah,’ he said softly. ‘I’d like that.’ He returned the smile then turned away. ‘I’m going to get dinner ready.’
Sirius held up his cigarette, flicking some ash over the edge of the building as he did. ‘I’ll be down to help in a minute.’
Remus raised a hand in response before he set off down the stairs. Sirius watched him until he was swallowed up by the shadowy staircase then turned back to finish his cigarette as he stared thoughtfully down at the lit up city below.
Maybe Remus still believed in him. Maybe his blood hadn’t completely corrupted him just yet.
0o0
‘What are you doing?’
Sirius smiled at Remus who was staring muzzily at him from the kitchen doorway. The other man’s hair was sticking up at odd angles, his eyes still glazed from sleep and face creased with lines from his pillow. A wave of longing washed over Sirius. He’d always thought Remus was at his most adorable in the mornings - so soft from sleep and sweetly pliable. It brought to mind memories of gentle touches, slow thrusting, languid kissing.
He missed that.
Remus rubbed his eyes, and Sirius chuckled.‘You’re not seeing things,’ he said cheerfully, flipping the pancake and listening to the batter sizzle on the hot pan. ‘I am cooking.’
‘And nothing has caught fire.’
Sirius gave him a baleful glare. ‘That was once,’ he said, pouting as he set two plates and cutlery on the bench beside a bottle of syrup. ‘And that was eggs. Eggs burn easy. I’m good with pancakes.’
Remus arched an eyebrow but said nothing. He scratched at his belly through his plain white t-shirt and leaned against the door frame, watching Sirius add the pancake to the stack on the plate by the stove. ‘Any particular reason you’ve decided to show off your culinary skills this morning?’ he asked.
Sirius turned off the burner and placed the plate of pancakes on the kitchen counter. He pulled up a stool and plunked himself down, gesturing to Remus to join him. ‘I thought we might need our strength today,’ he said then, when he saw the confusion on Remus’ face, he added, ‘The Acropolis? Thought you wanted to see it.’
‘Today?’ Remus sat down opposite Sirius, spearing a pancake with his fork and transferring it to his plate.
He swallowed quickly and nodded. ‘Why not? You don’t have to meet Lukas...’ He put as much disdain into the name as possible, getting another raised eyebrow from Remus, ‘until tomorrow. We can’t just sit here playing with ourselves all day...’
‘I would have thought that would be right up there on your list of favourite activities, actually.’
‘... so why not explore the city?’ Sirius finished. He pointed his fork - complete with piece of pastry - at the other man. ‘And you never used to complain about me playing with myself.’
‘That’s because I got to watch,’ Remus said, dragging a bite of pancake through a pool of syrup.
‘You could still...’
‘Don’t.’
The splintered edge in Remus’ voice dissolved the playful atmosphere instantly. Sirius forced the mouthful of food down his suddenly dry throat. ‘Remus, I... Sorry. I... forget sometimes...’
Remus’ fork clattered onto the plate and his stool scraped along the floor as he stood. ‘Lucky you,’ he said, voice low. Sirius opened his mouth to respond as Remus took his plate to the sink and ran the water, but Remus got in first. ‘If we’re going, we should get a move on. It doesn’t look it, but it’s a decent walk.’
Sirius brought his plate over, dumping it beside the sink. He leaned forward, peering out the tiny kitchen window towards the temple. ‘Why don’t we just Apparate there?’ he whined, giving his plate a little shove in annoyance at the thought of the walk ahead.
‘Because it’s not always about the destination,’ Remus snapped, turning suddenly intense eyes on him. ‘When will you learn that you miss important things when you take the short cut?’
Sirius was baffled by the change in mood, but he could sense an insult in Remus’ cryptic words. He narrowed his eyes. ‘What does that mean?’
Remus shrugged. ‘You just... always preferred doing things the easy way.’
‘That’s bullshit!’ Sirius cried defensively.
‘Is it?’ Remus’ lips tightened. ‘You always looked at my essays because you couldn’t be arsed to do the work. You flip to the last chapter of a book because you’re too impatient to read it all. You skip right to the end of a relationship because it’s too much like hard work when things don’t go as expected.’
Sirius blinked, stunned. ‘So our break up wasn’t to do with you keeping secrets but some pathological inability to follow through on my part?’ Sirius said in disbelief. ‘You’ve got to be fucking joking.’
‘It wasn’t working between us, but instead of staying and fighting for me, for us, you gave up and ended it. You took the easy way out.’
‘You’ve got a short memory,’ Sirius said bitterly. ‘You were packed up when I got home. You’re the one that left!
‘You left our relationship long before I moved out, Sirius. You chose not to trust me. You chose to simply take everyone else’s word that I was a traitor.’
‘What did you want me to do, Remus? You wouldn’t talk to me. I begged you to tell me it wasn’t true, and you still wouldn’t just talk to me...’
‘You shouldn’t have needed to ask!' Remus shouted. 'Out of everyone, you were the one person who never should have needed to ask if I was betraying you. You were the one person who just should have known I would never hurt any of you.’
‘You wouldn’t talk to me!’
‘You should have trusted me!’
They were both breathing heavily, chins jutting, eyes burning, as they stood chest to chest. Sirius felt his heart thumping in his chest. It was like they were taking one step forward just to stumble two steps back and, for the first time, he was forced to consider that this might be it for them. That there was nothing - not the tattered remnants of their relationship, not the threads of what had once been a strong friendship - left to save.
And he couldn’t bear it.
With a low growl, he grabbed the back of Remus’ head and pulled him into a desperate kiss. Remus resisted, shoving at Sirius’ cotton-clad chest and making him stumble back against the wall. He stared at Remus, unable to tear his eyes from the other man’s mouth, red and swollen from Sirius’ kiss. Remus licked his lips, great heaving breaths making his chest rise and fall rapidly then, with a strangled sound of supplication, he launched himself at Sirius.
Their mouths came together in a violent, furious kiss. Remus’ teeth sank into Sirius’ lower lip, pulling on the flesh until Sirius tasted blood, then lashing his tongue over the wound. Sirius fought back, forcing his tongue inside Remus’ mouth and crowing internally when he dragged a guttural groan from the other man’s lips. They were still fighting, just not with words, but Sirius was hard - so hard - already and, even though he knew he’d regret this, knew this was a poor parody of what they used to have together, he couldn’t stop himself because Gods, he wanted this again. So badly.
His hands fumbled from Remus’ shoulders to his arse, pulling him close until their hips clashed. He rocked forward, gasping when Remus’ length pressed against his. His hands slid around to push inside Remus’ pajama pants, closing around Remus’ prick and giving it a rough stroke. Remus moaned into Sirius’ mouth and bucked his hips, his cock squeezing through the tight ring of Sirius’ fingers.
Remus yanked at the drawstring on Sirius’ sweatpants, shoving them down to mid-thigh then rutting urgently into Sirius’ grip as he impatiently pushed his own pants out of the way. They bunched at mid-thigh and he pressed closer, shoving at Sirius’ pumping fist. Sirius took the hint, releasing Remus then biting down hard on Remus’ lip as their naked cocks collided and heated skin rubbed deliciously. Sirius whimpered as the wiry hair at the base of Remus’ shaft teased the head of his cock, his foreskin tugging and sliding as he thrust against Remus’ belly.
They surged and rocked frantically, both holding on to the other as if they were the only thing anchoring them to the earth. Sirius’ head was spinning, his laboured breaths loud, but he didn’t pull back from the deep, fervent kiss because if this was the last time, he wanted to remember how Remus tasted, to keep it on his tongue for as long as he could. He gathered each and every whimper and moan and gasp he drew from Remus and hid it away in his heart, all the while trying to hold back his own because Remus already owned too much of him. He couldn't give him anything more.
‘Sirius,’ Remus hissed, his fingers bruising Sirius’ hips as warmth flooded between them and, as always, watching Remus come apart sent Sirius careening over the edge. He arched into Remus as bitter-sweet pleasure throbbed through him and he wanted to laugh and cry and for this moment to never end because when it did, he’d lose Remus all over again and it would hurt all over again.
Sure enough, before Sirius had even caught his breath, Remus was pulling away with a look of horror that sent pain lancing through Sirius. ‘Oh, fuck,’ Remus mumbled, wiping his soiled hand on his shirt as he tugged his pajama pants back into place. ‘What did we do?’
Sirius leaned back against the wall, his eyes closed. He didn’t want to hear recriminations, didn’t want to see regret in Remus’ eyes. He curled his come-slick fingers into a fist and banged the back of his head against the wall once, twice...
‘What did you do that for?’ Remus asked, voice breaking as the volume rose. Sirius just shook his head. ‘Sirius!’
His eyes shot open when he felt Remus’ hands twisting in his shirt and met the other man’s incensed gaze. ‘Why did you kiss me?’ Remus growled, shaking him like a rag doll. ‘You fucking bastard! Why couldn’t you just leave me alone?’
Sirius’ hands came up to bracelet Remus’ wrists, but the other man pulled away like he was burned. ‘Don’t,’ he yelled, face contorting in anger and frustration. ‘Why the hell did he send me here with you, of all people!’ He spun around, storming to the other side of the room before turning sharply and stalking back to poke his finger into Sirius’ chest. ‘I was doing fine! I was trying, and I thought that I might be alright, and then he sent me here with you...’
His breath juddered from between his lips and he raked a hand through his hair as he turned away. ‘I can’t do this,’ he said, almost to himself, but Sirius heard the quiet words. ‘I can’t lose you again.’
Sirius closed his eyes again, his whole body aching as the softly-spoken words sliced through him. He heard the sound of Remus’ footsteps as he retreated then slid down the wall, pulling his legs in tight to his chest then burying his face in his hands.
And he cried.
Part Two