What It (might sometimes) Feel Like For a Girl...

[badboy_fangirl]

When you open up your mouth to speak
Could you be a little weak?
...
When you're trying hard to be your best
Could you be a little less?
~from "What It Feels Like For a Girl" by Madonna

Let me start by saying I'm not a feminist or man-hater.

Comments

[rosie_spleen]

Honest, interesting discussion, Candy. Lots to think about.

Firstly, when you describe yourself as traditionalist, and not necessarily, feminist, does that mean you shun the basics of feminism all together? Like the equal footing of females, the importance of gender equality?

No judgement if you do, just really interesting. I have very strong feminist tendencies, but I don't hate men at all. However, I would (perhaps) describe myself as non-traditionalist, even though my current lifestyle indicates a very traditional set up at the moment.

Anyhoo, enough about me.

Yes. I think that SOME people are intimidated by opinionated, intelligent, self-assured 'others'. I have seen women intimidated by highly intelligent, verbose men. Women intimidated by socially manipulative women. And yeah, I know that there are men that find intelligent women threatening.

From where I stand, a bloke who's not emasculated by a successful, smart, savvy, interesting woman is pretty damn sexy. They do exist. Often they are guys with great depth

[badboy_fangirl]

you shun the basics of feminism all together? Like the equal footing of females, the importance of gender equality?

No, of course not. As I said to Viva below, I just identify that ideology as originating from my religious beliefs as opposed to the feminist movement. But I do also believe the fundamental differences between men and women are important; we aren't meant to be able to do all the same things. Being equal, in my mind, doesn't mean being exactly alike, or capable of all the same things.

Life is interesting in that we don't always get what we want, or what we think is best for us. Learning that has been a great faith-builder for me.

But I am really glad I didn't get married when I was 19 or 20. It would have been a very bad idea for me, even though I thought it was the greatest idea in the world. (Thank goodness for prayer.)

[wrldpossibility]

See, I believe that your right to embrace traditionalism is in fact an act of feminism...because feminism is all about choice. Opportunity. And you can choose whatever you believe. So go burn your bra, girl! ;)

My first instinct on the subject of your conversation with your friend is along the lines of: any man intimidated by a smart woman is not worth our time. Honestly, I don't think I've ever stroked a man's ego just to stroke it, or ever made myself 'less than' for his sake. I think I tend to be over-confident and probably intimidating too.

But I am attracted to strength in males (whether that be mental strength, strength of character, what have you), and if they crumple to me, I'm not interested. That said, I will TRY to crumple them. lol

I don't think any of this answers your questions. /fail

[rosie_spleen]

See, I believe that your right to embrace traditionalism is in fact an act of feminism...because feminism is all about choice

Yep. Great point. I'm all about the choice of bra burning too, although not the freaking expensive ones! I'm not made of cuppage coin, ffs.

[becca_radcgg]

I kinda love my bras too much to do that to them! I'd pick another symbol to burn... like tampons.

Though, they might burn too fast. Hmmmm....

[rosie_spleen]

That might work out very impractical, too.

Perhaps washclothes and ironing boards? *prepares to burn*

[becca_radcgg]

I am the queen of marinating in the lemons and letting myself wallow

[badboy_fangirl]

I love what you say here about only changing who you are for yourself. Mark, the guy I so wanted to date at the time, and I later did date, and he was ALWAYS trying to change me. It was very strange, and I remember finally getting to the point where I learned that self-improvement only matters when you're doing it for the right reasons. Not that you can't be influenced by others, or that even a particular person or event can be a catalyst for change, because of course, that's what life is all about, but the bottom line is if you only do it for someone else, it most likely won't be a permanent change.

And I don't think it's selfish, I think it's the only truthful way to be.

I think I suffer from low self-esteem.
Because you aren't entirely happy with yourself all of the time? Neither am I. But I love myself, and I know I'm of value, and most importantly, I won't let others treat me badly because of it. Self-love is the greatest love of all, you know. Whitney Houston sang about it.

[chapter_stork]

First, I feel compelled to comment on your opening remark. I don't want to get bogged down in semantics, but I need to get this off my chest--it saddens me to see you differentiate between being a feminist and a traditionalist. From everything I know about you, personally, as a strong, independent woman, who takes care of herself and those around you, loves herself and knows what she wants, and won't settle for less than that, I consider that to be the very definition of "feminist". Obviously I'm not going to label you with a term you are not comfortable with, but dang! We have totally different takes on the meaning of the word

[badboy_fangirl]

I guess it is semantics, because what you describe about me and consider "feminist" I consider "Christian." The ideology I adhere too that promotes all of that is my religion. So I guess if you want to view me as a feminist, it won't bother me. It's just that I don't view myself that way. And I don't agree with many of the more "liberal" points of feminism, so that's where that comes from.

I like what you said about the men you know exposing themselves to you because of your femininity. I think this is the whole reason we need each other as men and women, because of those fundamental differences. Not to stereotype the human condition, because you can't, but in general women are the softer, sensitive ones, and that's why men need us

[sunnydust]

Hey Candy.

Great post! And neat choice of Gleetitle. That song used to be a fave of mine some high school years ago.

When you feel like you have to change something of yourself when you're with someone, then it's not right. I was doing that with a couple of (oh funnily! high school) friends...it took me 10 years to realized who I was and wasn't and that the way I was acting with them wasn't me. When I started to be really me, they didn't understand and just left.

Despite my recent epiphany, and the fact that I'm not completely confident (with my brain), I know I'm well educated and not dumb. I used to act a bit dumb on some stuff because I didn't want to look like a freak that remember everything. Dumber huh ? well...I know that now.

Although, I do feel, like you said, that that well-educatedness seem to scare men away.

It was an insightful one Candy.