The Revenge of Koron
Title: The Revenge of Koron
Chapter: Oneshot
Author: reeses6826
Genres: Crack, Humor
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha, Koron (just some doggy kissies, don't worry)
Rating: PG - PG13
Warnings: Written from a dog's POV, suggested smut
Summary: Koron has had enough of Uruha's mistreatment. It's time for payback...
Comments: Inspired by xenocia 's Dark Chocolate, which you should all read if you haven't already :)
No, no, no Ruki-sama!! You cannot leave me with these two!
Leave me with Kai... he makes delicious human food and he always gives me hugs, albeit too tightly, but still much better than these two!
Leave me with Reita... his apartment may be covered in a layer of filth and dirty laundry and he may forget to close the bathroom door when he's doing his business, but other than that I don't bother him and he doesn't bother me. Unlike these two!
Don't get me wrong, Ruki-sama, I like Aoi. I'd be more than happy to stay with Aoi... he's basically just a big sexy goof-ball. Like the lovechild of a supermodel and a cartoon character. But he's not too loud and he doesn't dress me up in weird outfits, or ruffle my fur, or kick me clear across the room for his own amusement like the other one. I hate that other one.
That damn Uruha.
"Thanks for taking him guys. It'll only be for the night, okay? Let me know if he's any trouble."
No Ruki-sama, do not put me down! I'll stay with you and lick your face.... mmm, yum yum... have you been eating chocolate, Ruki-sama? You're so delicious... mmm...
"Okay, okay. I really have to go, Koron my little puff'n'stuff. Be good for Uncle Aoi and Uncle Uruha!"
But... no... wait!
"Have a good trip!"
Don't tell him that Aoi. Tell him to come back!
"Yea, we'll take good care of the little critter."
Oh like hell you will, you big blond clown.
~~~~
Ow! I swear if you kick me again...
"Look Aoi, Koron can fly! Wheee!!"
Cut it out! Or at the very least trim those mountain-man toenails, you ape.
Oh, you can laugh now. But the joke is on you, you empty-headed fruitcake. For I have devised a cunning plan... oh yes. If I must be trapped in this poorly decorated hell with the likes of you for an entire night, then I will use it to my advantage. I will have my sweet revenge. Pay you back for all the belittlement and cruelty you found so amusing. You are no match for me, and when I emerge victorious I will raise a glorious paw in the air and finally curse your name. I will shout to the heavens - -
OW!!!! Seriously, cut that out!
Operation Down with the Clown: Plan A
Aoi, I really don't understand what you see in that ignoramus. You, my friend, are a prime show dog... and he is a cat. Bleh!!
We should be closer friends, Aoi. Let me give you a kissy. Mmm... you taste good too! Of course, you're no Ruki-sama and I can totally taste your cigarettes on you which is a little barf-barf. But your skin... your skin is just mouth-watering... yum yum yum...
"Hey, ease up little dude!"
Alright, alright. Backing off. The damage has already been done anyway.
"Uru, I was thinking... since we have a whole free night..."
Ew. Avert eyes from the mushy, suggestive cuddling. Wait for it... wait for it...
"Gross! Aoi, your face smells like dog breath!"
Gotcha!
"I can't kiss you with that slobber all over you! Get away!"
Ah, yes fool. I knew I could count on you to be a high-maintenance diva. Good plan, Koron old boy! Victory is mine. Uruha, consider yourself - -
"It's no problem, baby. I'll just go wash my face for you."
Dammit! Why is he so accommodating of that fretful child? Okay, don't panic... Plan B.
Operation Down with the Clown: Plan B
So Aoi's face is clean of my breath... which doesn't smell at all like my ass, thank you very much! Now, there must be something mischievous I can accomplish while the two of you are busy making strange noises in the other room.
Hmm... I should peek in there and see what's going on...
Oh my eyes!!! That's just filthy! Aoi, don't put that in your mouth... you don't know where its been! Oh thank goodness. Wait, what are you doing now?
Stop that!!! That position is only for me and my kind. We do it better then you anyway. For one thing, Uruha is not wagging his tail enough...
Okay, Koron, focus yourself. There must be something I can... oooh! The blond buffoon's clothes! Good thinking, Koron.
I'll just grab this in my delicate mouth and hide them from... oh, that is the worst taste that has ever graced this tongue. And, I'm including the taste of my own ass. You can't be bothered to wear clean boxers, dunce?
"Oh god, Aoi."
Ignoring, ignoring... and stuffing the clothes under the couch. Muahahaha... now you must walk around cold and naked! How embarrassing for you!
"Ah... harder..."
Well that's one mystery solved. No wonder Aoi puts up with Uruha... he gets to be top dog. And they call ME an animal.
Okay, now what's with the screaming? Aoi are you killing him in there? It's alright with me... I'm just curious. Oh, you're done. Thank god.
"Where are my clothes?"
Wait for the voice to jump up an octave...
"WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES???"
Nice. I've done it now. Uruha, consider yourself - -
"Oh, I know! I'll put on my short-shorts. I know how much you like them, pookie."
Dammit. I forgot you were a prissy schoolgirl who owned short-shorts and has an obsession with your own thighs.
Operation Down with the Clown: Plan C
That's it!!! It's genius... the thighs! Your one positive feature, you nincompoop. That's the target.
Maybe I shouldn't. I am not a violent dog. And Ruki-sama would not be pleased...
"Aoi, wanna see Koron in the really cute bear costume I got him?"
Oh hell no! Screw this... I'm doing it. It's simple: just walk up to him innocently, wait for him to kneel down to pet too roughly, and... BITE!
"AAAH!!! Koron, you little devil!"
That tasted even worse then the boxers. Must rinse mouth out with toilet water.
"Uru? What's wrong?"
It's not important, Aoi. Just go about your sexy business.
"He bit me!! He bit my thigh, my perfect, unmarked thigh! Oh its so dreadful... Aoi, are you laughing? AOI!"
Haha, yes. See Uruha? Your misery is funny to everyone.
"Baby, it's fine. It's not even bleeding..."
I could have bit down harder, but I was afraid of catching something. Has he had his shots?
"But it's gonna leave a mark! I can't wear my shorts for weeks now! My life is ruined!!!"
YES!!! I've done it! This is the greatest victory. It tastes almost as sweet as Ruki-sama's chocolatey lips.
.
.
.
Uruha, consider yourself boned.
Muahahahaha! Bark! Bark!
Now posted - The Revenge of Koron: When Uru-Thighs Attack
A/N: That is the strangest freaking thing I've ever written. Is it funny to anyone else but me?
p.s. I adore Uruha, so the insults come from a place of love <3