Between fact and breakfast, madness lies, lies, lies

[redscharlach]

My brain feels as dismal as the November drizzle, and I'm in sore need of a creative kick up the rear, so I thought I'd try resurrecting this old meme:
Name two or three fics you think I will never, ever, ever write. In return, I will attempt to write a snippet of one of them.
Feel free to pick any fandom you think I know anything about. And while

Comments

Cracked prompt is cracked

[pheonix_iz_me]

Not so much that I don't think you'd write it, more as a challenge:

Zunz/Scharlach from the Cox version of DatC.

[redscharlach]

Too confusing to write even a snippet of, I'm afraid, seeing as they are the same person. I'm just imagining him sitting alone in a room, happily pulling his wig off and putting it back on again for hours at a stretch...

[pheonix_iz_me]

LOL.

When another LJ'er and I discussed this, we thought of some kind of fractured personality thing.

But nah, we couldn't get it to work. I can totally see chris doing it though, He'd do MPD so well.

[wheeler]

Seven/Nine/Seven of Nine
Phantom of the Opera, the Torchwood remix
Sam Tyler/Edward Heath

[san_valentine]

Sam Tyler/Edward Heath !

Eeeeewwwwwww !!!

You're sick.

[redscharlach]

Seven/Nine/Seven of Nine

"Garish knitwear is irrelevant. Umbrellas are irrelevant. Question marks are irrelevant. All of them must be removed. Black leather is acceptable, however. You may leave that on."

"Fantastic."

Sam Tyler/Edward Heath

If only my 1970s political history was up to it, I'd do Sylar/Denis Healey. Except it's probably incest.

[aardy]

The Top Gear trio / Bumblebee, Jazz, and Starscream from Transformers: The Movie

TopGear/Transformers in general (because I don't know their individual names!)

[redscharlach]

Obviously it would be a challenge episode. Each of them gets a used Autobot and £500 to spend on pimping it up. Then they have to go and start a fight with a Decepticon, and see who gets taken most seriously.

Jeremy builds his Autobot a pair of gigantic feet to stomp on the opposition, but spends most of the episode trying to deliberately trample on Richard and James and cackling with insane laughter as they scuttle for cover.

Richard is delighted that his Autobot resembles a shiny sports car in disguise mode, and but disappointed that after its chassis moves around to transform into giant robot mode, he always ends up stuck upside down with his head in its crotch. Jeremy stops calling him "Hamster" and starts calling him "Roboscrotum" instead.

James spends all his money on wool and knits his Autobot a giant cardigan. When he marches into battle, the Decepticon laughs until it short-circuits itself.

Jeremy claims victory anyway.

Re: TopGear/Transformers in general (because I don't know their individual names!)

[aardy]

ROTFL

How wrong is it that I could actually picture that happening?

[brewsternorth]

Coffee/chocolate anthropomorfic.

The Top Gear Trio, plus the Stig, in Middle Earth.

[redscharlach]

Coffee/chocolate anthropomorfic.

I'm afraid I can't write this, since I am anti-chocolate/coffee shipping: I love them both profoundly, but I do not believe they are meant to go together! Is this shocking opinion worthy of a flame war?

The Top Gear Trio, plus the Stig, in Middle Earth. "Let me get this straight," said Jeremy. "Those little hairy-footed Hammonds over there

[redorchids]

ROTFL!!!

Genious!

[sarahx]

Not a meme response but it was good to meet you last night!

[redscharlach]

Likewise! I think I've just about sobered up from the sherry trifle now...

[sarahx]

It was an impressively non-trifley-looking trifle!