Query for QUEEN OF SWORDS

[redqueen1]

So I'm sure you've noticed by now that I enjoy writing queries. Mostly. I generally start them around the time I get 1/3 into the book and revise constantly until the end. This is the current copy for QoS. It'll probably change before (if) I send it out, but I'm moderately happy with it now. It's been the single most difficult query so far (out of

Comments

[selestial_owg]

Okay, I love this story, BUT I think the query gives too much of it. For me personally, I want a little LESS here. Maybe it's the pregnancy part? I get that it gives more conflict, but at the same time, from there (especially with the part about bringing down the prince) I feel like I know the whole story.

I'm not sure. This might just be me.

[redqueen1]

No. I think you might be right.

See what I mean, though? This thing is driving me nuts. And I can't leave it alone, which is just plain insane. *headdesk*

[selestial_owg]

Okay, I'm going to try to break this down.

As a Diviner, Ophelia knows the cards don’t lie. So when they tell her to marry the Prince of the planet Hansarda, she reluctantly <> packs up her life and goes. What they neglect to mention is that she’s going to be kidnapped by the Prince’s half-brother, Boone; the same man she fell into bed with during the course of a fabulous <> night out.

Under normal circumstances, Ophelia would have no problem killing her captor and escaping. But the cards, her forum of communication with her goddess <>, keep giving her readings that promise << Maybe just simplify the beginning of this sentence: But the card readings keep promising >> a happily-ever-after, but << second but in this sentence >>, at the same time, warn of a horrible price to be paid. And then there’s Boone himself. He stirs things inside Ophelia, things that go beyond their intense physical attraction << This is a little vague, but since it's a romance, odds are an agent would just read it in a romancey way

[sandy_williams]

I agree with her. I don't think you should put the pregnancy thing in there. The first half of the query is pretty good, I think you just go on a little too long with the 2nd half.

Just a thought: how big an issue is the gun-running business. I remember it being an issue in the beginning, but maybe not so much the end? I think that's a good plot point that might need to be highlighted more, to show the stakes and how Ophelia can influence the outcome of the war?

[selestial_owg]

Er I hope that came through okay, didn't realize the way I formatted it would cause issues.

[redqueen1]

Thanks! I think I have an idea of how to condense it down. Glad to know I'm (at least partially) on the right track. There's something about this book that keeps me second-guessing myself like crazy.