(Untitled)

[rednfiery]

what if someone you loved and respected described you (often) as relentless? would you consider that an insult or a compliment?

similarly, if you were described as tenacious, how would you take it? praise or insult

Comments

[morty_baby]

I am pretty close to that age as well :) and fuck that - tenacious and relentless are good qualities, my dear. I am both, in spades (you might have noticed:). In fact my family has a long line of relentless, tenacious people. I interpret that to mean I know what I want and I will get it / I am right, fuck you, you asshole / don't cross me you bastard / if you are waking down the road I WILL run over you with my car.

The latter was said to 2 of my brothers about 20 years ago (no lie) and I haven't talked to them since. Don't worry about it, you are looking out for you and you look out for the ones that count in your world and that is a good trait.

[thewindrose]

I'm with Morty here. I think they are both great qualities. I think the only time someone uses them negatively is when they want you to stop being so strong, smart, and knowledgeable about what you need.

[rednfiery]

a few of my old bosses used to describe me that way, and they meant it positively...they saw those qualities as strengths. even when i used my powers on them!

but, yes, in my experience when a partner has called me relentless, they've often done so as a way to deflect, to get me to stop asking questions they don't want to answer, or to make me feel like i'm somehow behaving inappropriately by holding them accountable. that kind of "defense" has always been a tough one for me, because i can't help but be disappointed that their way of dealing with me is to, basically, denigrate me.

[rednfiery]

hah! morty, you crack me up!

ooo, the not talking to your brothers thing is kinda serious and harsh. reminds me of my relationship with my older brother -- i think i've talked to him only a handful of times in the last 20+ years (and mostly only when i've felt pressure to please my mum or sister). never threatened him with my car though! :)

you're so right on about tenacious and relentless being good qualities. by the next morning (after the alcohol had worn off!), i was rolling my eyes at myself for having doubted it. there are downsides, though, like in the case(s) where i'm not getting what i want, but i don't know when to quit trying and trying and trying to make what i want happen, y'know?

i guess i was mostly thinking about that when i wrote this post.

[rednfiery]

For what it's worth, I used to self-describe as relentless, and I consider it to be a very good quality, except in a stalker!

heheh. but if they weren't relentless, they couldn't be a stalker, could they? :)

i do have less energy than i used to, but as far as relationships are concerned it's likely i can use some additional mellowing, especially because i've been known to make people feel uncomfortable if i'm (relentlessly) trying to get to the bottom of something and they feel put on the spot.

as far as career-oriented activities go, i have no problem being relentless and tenacious. they're must-have qualities for success! i am a very passionate person, so as long as i can maintain my energy level and my focus (hard for me), i'm still capable of relentless tenaciosity.

your observation about being called intense just before being dumped is very similar to what thewindrose said above. it really sucks that people have the power to make us doubt (and eventually dislike) the very qualities we once liked about ourselves