Red Sky Meta: Ragnorak - Where Science Goes to Die
(Thanks to Solutions for the transcript of the episode)
Ultranos: Hello, and welcome to the drunken MST of "Red Sky"'s Bad Science. I'm Ultranos, a senior mechanical and electrical engineering student. I'll be the one yelling "Engineering doesn't work that way!" My poison of choice to get through this is shot glasses of vodka.
Abyssinia4077:And I'm Abyssis, a PhD candidate in environmental science with a background in chemistry and a habit of dabbling in any field that catches my eye. I'll be the one twitching at the desecration of atomic theory and I'm well into my bottle of wine.
Ultranos: As a warning: we are an engineer and a scientist, respectively. Not only that, but we are getting progressively more drunk as the episode continues. This is a warning for swearing, if you care about that sort of thing.
EXT: WORMHOLE
[SG-1 are propelled out of the Gate, tumbling down stairs. Teal'c and Daniel land on the steps of the Stargate, while Carter and O'Neill have fallen further away. The sky is very bright.]
Abyssinia4077: Okay, I'll give them good crazy camera effect with the falling out of the Stargate.
Ultranos: Nice film work
DANIEL: (getting up and taking off his hat) Okay, What was that?
O'NEILL: Carter?
CARTER: (sighs) I don't know, sir. Margin of error in calculating planetary shift used to cause the rough ride, but we fixed it.
Abyssinia4077: "We fixed it" aka: I was sick of throwing up
O'NEILL: (pointedly) Carter?!
CARTER: We did have to override some of the dialing protocols in order to get a lock. I'll check the dialing computer when we get home.
O'NEILL: (looking around, putting on sunglasses) It's bright.
CARTER: Yes, sir! This planet's much closer to its sun than Earth.
Ultranos: Oh man, overriding things we don't know about! This is science!
Abyssinia4077: it's totally science. we do it to our incubators all the time
Abyssinia4077: Planet's closer to it's sun - so the sun HAS to be smaller, right?
Ultranos: Has to be, since...they'd be burning up.
Abyssinia4077: Well, if they have a thicker atmosphere....
Ultranos: And how would they be breathing?
Abyssinia4077: Magical lungs?
Ultranos: So...
Abyssinia4077: Maybe instead of nitrogen it's....argon? um.....
Ultranos: How are they not suffocating then?
Abyssinia4077: I mean, that would cause other problems
Ultranos: Or...Ow.
Ultranos: *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: Smaller sun. *nods thoroughly*
*fast forward*
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[The village is well built and clean, but non-technological. People are moving around, going about their daily business. A blacksmith hammers in the background. The people take note of the visitors as they enter.]
Ultranos: Regarding a smaller sun...Wouldn't that affect the light spectrum?
Abyssinia4077: Well, they are showing us differnet lighting. but it wouldn't affect what our eyes can see as visible. It might affect what metals are inside the porphyrins that drive photosynthesis - might max at a different wavelength than Earth's sun.
Ultranos: That's what I was thinking. But how they'd have similar plants, I'm not quite sure.
Abyssinia4077: Though if the sun has the same elements and stuff....which it should. The spectrum might not be that different.
DANIEL: It's as if Norse culture evolved in to relatively modern times, while continuing to worship the ancient gods.
*fast forward*
[The villagers look up at the sky, which has very suddenly turned from blue to red-hued. Everything outside takes on a reddish cast. The villagers murmur and their voices grow ever louder in concern. Carter takes off her glasses, looks at the sky, then begins checking her hand held instruments.]
Abyssinia4077: WHOA the sun changed fast.
Ultranos: Yeah. I thought that usually takes, oh, millenia?
Abyssinia4077: And why is it sending, um, red things through the sky?
Ultranos: Red shift? No. I'm not sure that phrase means what the writers think it means.
O'NEILL: Carter? What just happened?
[Carter looks up at the sky, confused.]
ELRAD: The Eye of Odin grows dim.
CARTER: Some sort of shift in the light frequency.
Abyssinia4077: "Shift in the light frequency". Hm. I mean, any given atom is going to emit a specific wavelength
Ultranos: Yeah.
Abyssinia4077: Oh god, I'm not drunk enough
Ultranos: So to get a different wavelength THAT fast, how much of the sun's mass had to turn to a different element?
Abyssinia4077: ....most of the surface at the least.
Ultranos: Including propagation delay in distance from the planet to the sun. And...ow
Abyssinia4077: Well, they do have the advantage the heat tends to speed up reactions and stars are hot. And sunlight takes 8 minutes to reach Earth and this planet is closer.
Ultranos: Yeah, but not THAT much.
Abyssinia4077: No, not enough to affect billions and billlions of atoms within a minute or two. (I need to do a back of the envelope calcuation on how many atoms would be in the sun).
Abyssinia4077: Why is the sky sparkling? Is the sun sending crap?
Ultranos: I think the sun is confused.
O'NEILL: Good. I thought I was having a stroke.
*fast forward*
CARTER: (quietly) Somehow, the light-spectrum of the sun has shifted toward infrared. Now, if it continues this way, eventually all the green plants will die. With the plants goes the oxygen supplyó
Abyssinia4077: "Shifted toward infrared" "All the green plants will die". *headdesk*
Ultranos: Ow.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, it's still emitting in the visible if THEY CAN SEE
Ultranos: You know, with green being in the middle of the visible spectrum and all.
Abyssinia4077: Well, they don't absorb green. They reflect it. Chlorophyll absorbs the most around 400 nm and 650 nm
Ultranos: I'm still not following how all the green plants would die if the spectrum shifted.
Abyssinia4077: Well, if you had NO visible light, they'd die.
Ultranos: But they have visible light.
Abyssinia4077: But they actually absorb really strongly in the red end of the spectrum.
Ultranos: And...I'm thinking too hard and should start drinking again.
O'NEILL: (quieting her down with his hands) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CARTER: The MALP should give us more detailed data. It's sensors are more sophisticated.
O'NEILL: Good. You and Teal'c head back to the Annulus see what you can find out Daniel? (walks toward Daniel) See if these folks have got an Asgard phone.
*fast forward*
[Lights activate, and a human Viking hologram appears, similar to that seen in the Hall of Might on Cimmeria, except this one is clean shaven.]
HOLOGRAM: I am Freyr. For what reason have you come before me?
ELRAD: Oh, Lord, Freyr. Forgive us for disturbing you, but we seek your wisdom.
MALCHUS: The arrival of these outsiders has caused the Eye of Odin to grow dim. We fear it is Ragnarok.
DANIEL: (whispers to O'Neill) That's the end of time.
O'NEILL: (whispers back) Thank you.
ELRAD: We beg you to restore Odin's light.
Abyssinia4077: So, yeah, unless they go ACTUALLY ALL infrared, you might have some plants die, but not all of them by any means
Ultranos: Yeah.
HOLOGRAM: You are wise to seek my counsel, but only through faith will you prove worthy of my benevolence.
MALCHUS: Do you desire us to put these outsiders to death? They could be drawn and quartered before nightfall.
O'NEILL: That's a bit harsh, isn't it?
HOLOGRAM: In time, I will sail to the Plain of Vigrid, where my battle will be fought with Surtur the Fire Bringer.
MALCHUS: He fights against Surturóit is the end time!
ELRAD: Patience!
HOLOGRAM: Likewise, you must face your own fears, as you now enter the ultimate conflict. How you deal with fear is will prove your worthiness. I wish you well on your voyage.
Abyssinia4077: "Ultimate conflict" this Asgard is ON CRACK
Ultranos: Well, yes. Ragnarok: when science stops working. DAMMIT.
[The hologram disappears; O'Neill smiles and waves at it.]
DANIEL: (pointing to hole in ceiling) It's a recording.
O'NEILL: (sarcastically) Really?
Abyssinia4077: (I like how we aren't snarking the beaming or anything)
Ultranos: You know what, I can accept the beaming. It's sci-fi.
Abyssinia4077: True
*fast forward*
DANIEL: Miracles?
O'NEILL: (vaguely, unsure) Yeah, that's what it'll look like to them.
DANIEL: That's what what will look like to them?
O'NEILL: Whatever Carter comes up with. I don't know.
Ultranos: "Whatever Carter comes up with"
Ultranos: Sure, no pressure.
Abyssinia4077: JAck, you don't hav ea fucking clue what's going on
Abyssinia4077: Daniel looks so skeptical Carter will come up with anything
EXT: VILLAGE
[O'Neill and Daniel walk through the village toward Carter and Teal'c.]
O'NEILL: (to some villagers) Hey, fellas.
CARTER: I got a theory, sir.
O'NEILL: Is it Miraculous?
Ultranos: ...so, wormhole through sun is bad.
Abyssinia4077: Theory! Like evolution! We can disprove it with stickers on a textbook!
CARTER: Actually, it is. I think the wormhole that we used to travel here passed directly through this planet's sun. That might be why we had a problem dialing here in the first place.
DANIEL:What? We should never have connected with this planet?
CARTER: Well, at least not with the current planetary alignment. The light from the sun suddenly shifted to the red spectrum after we got here. Now, as far as I know, the only way that could happen was if an unstable, super-heavy element, probably plutonium, was introduced to the sun's nuclear reaction. Sort of a subatomic poisoning.
Ultranos: PLUTONIUM?
Abyssinia4077: Wormhole diretly through the sun. do they....travel through real space?
Ultranos: RANDOM PLUTONIUM? How the bloody hell did we pick that up?
DANIEL: Okay how did we do that?
[She shows them a simple diagram of K'Tau's sun between the Earth and K'Tau.]
CARTER: Well, somehow, the plutonium piggybacked onto our wormhole from another starsystem, and bonded with their sun as we passed through it.
O'NEILL: I hope that doesn't mean it's our fault!
Abyssinia4077: Piggy-backed
Ultranos: ...NUCLEAR PHYSICS DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Abyssinia4077: Well....every element on Earth was at some point created in a star.
Ultranos: Sure...
Abyssinia4077: So there is probably plutonium....somewhere in the universe. Which would somehow get stuck through a wormhole that CAN'T travel through real space to work how it does. Why the sunglasses? Infrared would make it less bright!! LOWER ENERGY! AUGH! But it's only time we see them ALL in sunglasses.
Ultranos: So, what are the chances that they not only picked up plutonium, and but it also decided to jump ship when they pass the sun?
Abyssinia4077: I'm not drunk enough to do that calculation
Ultranos: Neither am I. But I'm guessing "unlikely".
TEAL'C: We could not have known, O'Neill.
CARTER: The fact that the gate wouldn't dial here when we first tried leads me to believe that there's some sort of safety protocol built into the gate system designed to prevent exactly this sort of thing.
O'NEILL: SoÖdesign flaw?
CARTER: (somberly) No. Sir, we bypassed some of the normal dialing protocols. The fact is, this planet is dying, and it's probably because of us.
Ultranos: *facepalm* OSHA would like to have a word with you.
O'NEILL: But you can fix it, right?
[Carter bows her head and says nothing.]
*fast forward*
DANIEL: Well, we've either made contact with the Asgard, or we've trapped ourselves deep within a vault of solid rock.
[A real Asgard appears.]
FREYR: Commander Thor is in a distant part of the galaxy and unavailable. You are the one called O'Neill?
O'NEILL: (grinning) I am the one.
FREYR: We named a warship after you. Short-lived as it was.
Abyssinia4077: SAM BROKE IT.
Ultranos: SAM BROKE SCIENCE.
O'NEILL: (interrupts) Nah, don't worry! We haven't blown your cover. However, we do have a small (kneels to get eye to level with the Asgard) little problem that could use some of that Asgard magic.
Abyssinia4077: "Haven't blown your cover" LIAR. You tried.
FREYR: Are you implying that our technology is some kind of trickery?
O'NEILL: You sure Thor's not around somewhere?
CARTER: Sir? If I may?
O'NEILL: Knock yourself out.
CARTER: We may have inadvertently, totally accidentally, cause a foreign element to enter the K'Tau sun.
FREYR: (little black eyes widen) How?
CARTER: Ah, well, actually I was hoping you could help us on that one. Is it possible that our wormhole picked up a super-heavy element and carried it into the sun as we passed through?
FREYR: There are safety protocols in place on the Stargate system to prevent wormhole connections that would result in such events.
CARTER: UhÖyeahÖSee, we have our own dialing computer, and sometimes we bypass a few steps in order to get a lock.
Ultranos: So, how would they KNOW what protocols that exist can be bypassed? I mean, they exist for a reason.
Abyssinia4077: "Inadvertantly totally accidentally caused a foreign element to enter the K'tau sun". WHAT THE FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Oh, the Asgard understand the Stargates. Okay. All elements that exist were created in a sun at some point. so plutonium was created in a star. so it would not destroy a star.
Ultranos: Pretty much.
Abyssinia4077: FOREIGN ELEMENT BULLSHIT
Abyssinia4077: I mean, my astrophysics is weak, maybe plutonium can only be created in supernovas or something.
Ultranos: It...could, if somehow all the other atoms decided that they really wanted to be like the random element. And believed in peer pressure.
Abyssinia4077: And MAGIC
Ultranos:: And...I need a drink
Abyssinia4077: Yes you do. You are trying to make it make sense.
[Freyr cocks his head.]
CARTER: We're still experimenting.
FREYR: (pointedly) I see.
CARTER: We could really use your help here.
FREYR: I'm afraid I cannot assist you.
O'NEILL: Why not?
FREYR: It is not the Asgard's responsibility to undo every error you make with technology is advanced beyond your knowledge.
Abyssinia4077: Huh. Look, the Asgard share Trek's Prime Directive
*fast forward*
O'NEILL: But we also saved your little grey butts from the Replicators, and now we want your help.
Ultranos: So, I'm still confused as HOW A WORMHOLE GOES THROUGH THE SUN.
Abyssinia4077: .....magnets?
Ultranos: Since they...exist outside of 3-dimensional space?
Abyssinia4077: I mean, do the safeguards stop it from going through a planet? Maybe they start slowly coming into normal space before they land, and the sun was close to the planet?
Ultranos: But that makes no sense!
Abyssinia4077: No, it doesn't. *drinks*
Ultranos: Why would they slow? *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: So they can fling you from the wormhole?
Ultranos: I thought they conserve momentum? Except when they don't.
Abyssinia4077: *cough* They didn't until they put in the safeguards. Remember CotG, they got flung out. Silly Ultranos, thinking TV conserves momentum. *cough*
Ultranos: Except nothing happens when the MALP goes through!
Abyssinia4077: ....that is a good point
Ultranos: It stays at the same... Wait.
Abyssinia4077: It went thorugh first and wasn't quite lined up with the sun?
Ultranos: Wouldn't they have noticed the MALP doing something weird? On exiting?
Abyssinia4077: Apparently the suns move fast enough it didn't happen. *cough* *drinks*
Ultranos: So, a stable wormhole connection spontaneously changes course into the sun when SG-1 goes through... OW.
Abyssinia4077: Sounds like you need a sip
*fast forward*
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[Teal'c has rejoined them as they walk through the village.]
CARTER: Sir, I've been thinking.
O'NEILL: I'd be shocked if you ever stopped, Carter.
CARTER: (stopping at a produce shop) Here. Okay.
[She picks up two red apples and holds one in each hand.]
CARTER: Let's say these are the unstable plutonium molecules that are poisoning the sun.
Ultranos: WHY DO YOU THINK PLUTONIUM?
Abyssinia4077: Plutonium....is a word the average person knows to think of as SCARY?
O'NEILL: Okay.
CARTER: (picks up two other fruits) What if these are molecules of a more stable, super-heavy element, say something with an atomic weight above 200.
Ultranos: Atomic weight above 200? Sure, they exist in supercollieders. IF THEY STAY FOR LONGER THAN, OH, ONE SECOND.
O'NEILL: Sure. I can think of a few.
CARTER: (puts fruit down) Actually, they don't occur in nature, at least not on Earth.
[Daniel and O'Neill look at each other, confused.]
CARTER: But I have read about such elements being created in super-colliders, at least in theory.
DANIEL: (pointing at the fruit) You realize you're mixing your apples and your...
[O'Neill looks at Daniel, Daniel glances at him stops pointing.]
CARTER: If we could introduce these stable, super-heavys into the K'Tau sun, they would bind with the unstable plutonium molecules, rendering them inert.
[O'Neill and Daniel look confused.]
CARTER: The sun then could be restored to its normal nuclear reaction.
O'NEILL: (to Daniel) Huh? How bout that?
[Daniel just raises his eyebrows and looks confused.]
CARTER: Well, this is all very theoretical, sir.
O'NEILL: I have great confidence in you, Carter. Go on back to the SGC andÖconfuse Hammond.
CARTER: Yes, sir.
Abyssinia4077: Unstable Plutonium. WTF? Stable super-heavy element. Atomic weight above 200. "They dont' occur in nature". "Created in super colliders".
Ultranos: ...
Abyssinia4077: AUGH AUGH AUGH. I WORkED AT ONE OF THOSE SUPER COLLIDERS.
Ultranos: Shall we pause and rip this apart?
Abyssinia4077: THEY DON'T LIVE FOR MORE THAN A FRACTION OF A SECOND OH GOD. *pause* Sure, okay.
Ultranos: Okay. So, I'm staring at a periodic table.
Abyssinia4077: Right now they're looking at naming the element for atomic weight 112. We have NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER created anything as heavy as 200. The linear accelerator where I worked was excited to push 120. And they were barely existing long enough to freaking detect.
Ultranos: Exactly.
Abyssinia4077: Also, why would a super heavy element FIND THE FREAKING PLUTOMIUM and DO ANYTHING TO IT? OH GOD IT'S BAD. What did Sam specifically say it would do? (oh, man, I had a lot of wine in not a lot of time...)
Ultranos: Okay, IF the plutonium was an unstable isotope, maybe, MAYBE they're hoping that this...magically stable super-heavy element will draw in the wildly roaming electrons and form two stable elements.
Abyssinia4077: NO WAY IN HELL IT IS STABLE. I'M SORRY. But.
Ultranos: Except that doesn't work, because a stable element wouldn't do jack to an unstable.
Abyssinia4077: There are equations
Ultranos: Oh, I know.
Abyssinia4077: It CANNOT BE STABLE. I CAN DO THE MATH.
Ultranos: I mean, there are the postulates of the "island of stablility" waaay far down on the periodic table. But there's no proof for that.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. no proof. We've never been able to make them. And if we can't make them or find them, odds are they aren't stable enough to exist.
Ultranos: Exactly. The higher atomic number, the shorter it sticks around. I'm so not following the "science".
Abyssinia4077: ALSO! EVEN IF THE ELEMENTS COULD MAGICALLY FIND THE PLUTONIUM, HOW COULD THEY STOP THE CHAIN REACTION THEY ARE IMPLYING THE PLUTONIUM ALREADY STARTED?
Ultranos: Well, how the HELL did the plutonium START that reaction in the first place?!
Abyssinia4077: And, like you said, how the flying fuck does Sam know it's plutonium? It's FAR from the only radioactive element. MAGNETS FUCKING MAGNETS.
Ultranos: DAMMIT, THIS WOULD GIVE MAGNETS A BAD NAME.
Abyssinia4077: .... .... .... That's terrifying. I mean, even people who study magnets admit they make no sense.
Ultranos: Oh I know. AT LEAST MAGNETS ARE KNOWN TO DO BATSHIT INSANE THINGS. This makes less than no sense. This makes NEGATIVE SENSE.
Abyssinia4077: AH HA HA HA. NEGATIVE SENSE. *loves*
Ultranos: *beams*
Abyssinia4077: Iit's gonna hurt more but...should we press play?
INT: SGC BRIEFING ROOM
[Carter is briefing Hammond.]
HAMMOND: A rocket?
CARTER: With a payload of the super-heavy element I've indicated. We send it in stages through the Stargate to K'Tau, and assemble it there. When it's complete, we launch it into the sun.
HAMMOND: Will it get there in time?
CARTER: We have three months before the plutonium reaction in the K'Tau sun becomes irreversible. If we can launch inside three weeks, we can just make it.
Ultranos: ...a rocket.
Abyssinia4077: Assemble a rocket. Cause that's easy
Ultranos: 3 months.
Abyssinia4077: 3 months bvefore it becomes irreversible. Launch inside 3 weeks. Rocket gives them 50/50 odds. WTF?
Ultranos: Wow, I WISH I HAD THEIR FAB LABS.
Abyssinia4077: TO DO WHAT?
Ultranos: TO MAKE THINGS. LIKE ROCKETS.
HAMMOND: Have you considered other options?
CARTER: The other option we've considered turned out to be a one in a million shot, sir. The rocket gives us better than 50/50 odds.
HAMMOND: Rockets don't exactly grow on trees, Major.
CARTER: I know that, sir. However, as you know, the Air Force is currently preparing a launch from Vandenburg.
HAMMOND: Major, do you realize how much has been invested in that project?
CARTER: I'm aware of that, sir. It's hard to put a price on the K'Tau people.
[Hammond looks thoughtful.]
Three Weeks Later.
EXTó: K'TAU
[Down a valley from the gate, a launching pad is visible. A rocket sits on the pad. Personnel are dispersed around the area.]
Abyssinia4077: Find a tiny handful of atoms inside a sun of billions and billions and billions of atoms?
Ultranos: Wow, that rocket's pretty built for...three weeks.
Abyssinia4077: They stole the Air Force rocket.
Ultranos: Yeah, but assembly?
Abyssinia4077: "It's a rocket" Cause they know what that is?
Ultranos: Assembling a ROCKET in THREE weeks? WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?
Abyssinia4077: well, if it's already ready...it only takes a day to move the space shuttle a mile from VAB to launch pad
Ultranos: Except you can't fit the rocket through the gate.
Abyssinia4077: Assembling. In pieces small enough to fit into the SGC and through the 'gate and to the pad on K'tau
Ultranos: So they had do do assembly here. There.
Abyssinia4077: On the plus side, you know Sam is LOVING THIS
Ultranos: True
INTó: SGC GATE ROOM
[Siler is working on a large component for the rocket as Hammond looks on. The wormhole is active. Carter arrives through the gate, which closes. She takes a clipboard from a female airman.]
CARTER: General, we're ahead of schedule.
HAMMOND: This should be the last shipment of parts.
CARTER: Any word yet on the HU-2340?
HAMMOND: Quite frankly, I never expected it to be easier to get the rocket.
CARTER: Sir, without the super-heavy element, this whole thing would have been a giant waste of time.
HAMMOND: Don't worry, Major.
[Hammond smiles. A door opens to reveal Dr. MacLaren and a suitcase containing the super-heavy element.]
Abyssinia4077: HU-2340
Ultranos: "Super-heavy element"
Abyssinia4077: Super heavy element. Oy! EASY TO GET.
Ultranos: Oy look! It's...MAGICALLY STABLE.
Abyssinia4077: IN A FREAKING METAL BRIEFCASE
CARTER: Doctor MacLaren.
MACLAREN: Very impressive operation you've got here. I hope you consider yourself lucky, Major.
[Carter nods, smiling.]
HAMMOND: Doctor MacLaren finally decided a peek at the SGC was worth the exchange.
[Carter opens the suitcase. In contoured foam is a small cylinder.]
MACLAREN: It took me 5 years to make that much HU-2340.
CARTER: Well, maybe one day, you'll be able to visit the planet your Maclarium is saving.
MACLAREN: Did you say Maclarium?
[Smiling, Carter turns to Hammond.]
HAMMOND: Sounds like a good name to me.
Abyssinia4077: MACLARIN
Ultranos: 5 years.
Abyssinia4077: SHE LOOKS AT IT. 5 years. HA-2340. HA-2340? Maclarian?
Ultranos: WHAT THE FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Seriously, the AIR FORCE CAN NAME IT AFTER HIM?
Ultranos: APPARENTLY.
Abyssinia4077: THERE ARE.....CHEMISTRY SOCIETIES
[MacLaren is smiling from ear to ear.]
MACLAREN: I'll use it in my official report to the Pentagon. (dumbfounded) I don't wanna be in your way. You've obviously got a job to do here. Good luck, Major.
CARTER: (shakes offered hand) Thank you Doctor.
EXT: K'TAU STARGATE
[Carter walks through and meets O'Neill, who is looking towards the completed rocket on its launching pad.]
abyssinia4077: they are getting redder?
CARTER: That's the last of it, sir. We've got everything we need.
O'NEILL: Good.
CARTER: Daniel and Teal'c?
O'NEILL: Aw, they're in the village, still trying to convince the folks we're friendly elves.
[Carter smiles, and looks at the rocket. There appears to be black smoke rising from it.]
O'NEILL: I think the sooner we get out of here, the better.
CARTER: Is that smoke?
[The rocket, launching pad, and surrounding area explode in a huge fireball. O'Neill and Carter begin running toward it immediately, followed by other SGC personnel.]
Ultranos: That's...a big explosion. "Set a fire"
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. and given that rocket probably had fuel.....
Ultranos: A FIRE.
Abyssinia4077: How weren't SG people guarding it?
Ultranos: A FIRE FUCKING BUSTED UP AN ENTIRE ROCKET AND LAUNCH PLATFORM? WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THAT?
Abyssinia4077: Could be. You ignite the fuel tank.
Ultranos: And why the HELL was it fueled already?
Abyssinia4077: The real question is how nobody noticed.
Ultranos: If they weren't ready to launch?
Abyssinia4077: .....Sam said they'd brought over everything.
Ultranos: Magnets? ARGH. MILITARY ENGINEERING DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Abyssinia4077: Solid rocket fuel? Um
Ultranos: ... Okay, maybe if its made of, CHLORINE TRIFLOURIDE.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, aren't SRB's solid and they fuel the main tank on the shuttle?
Ultranos: Ugh.
Abyssinia4077: :P
DANIEL: What happened?
CARTER: Somebody set a fire.
Ultranos: How the hell would that guy know WHERE to send the fire. ...
Abyssinia4077: other good point
Ultranos: Okay, see, they hadn't even loaded the payload. Why the FUCK was it fueled?
Abyssinia4077: .... .... TV logic?
Ultranos: Also, don't rockets usually have, I don't know, FIRE SURPRESSANT? And protection against any fire on the launchpad getting inside the fueltanks?
Abyssinia4077: And it's not like these people have explosive devices, most likely.
Ultranos: And... ARGH.
Abyssinia4077: Also, wouldn't the people working there notice SOMEONE USED WOOD TO LIGHT A FIRE?
Ultranos: Apparently. YOU FAIL ENGINEERING FOREVER. *drinks a shot*
Abyssinia4077: DUH
INT: K'TAU TEMPLE
DANIEL: He's very busy right now, and he sent us to take you our way. If you don't go, you will all die.
ELRAD: Your efforts are noble, but if our destruction is the will of the Gods, we must face our fate bravely.
[O'Neill watches as everyone leaves. Daniel is disappointed.]
Abyssinia4077: Oh, look, it's all Daniel's fault now. Can we pause a second?
Ultranos: Sure
Abyssinia4077: Okay. we have 1) illogical sun problems 2) illogical fix-it 3) OMG MAGIC ELEMENT 4) how the fuck did they blow the rocket?
Ultranos: Yes
Abyssinia4077: *headdesk*
Ultranos: The rocket really gets me.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. the rocket is special.
Ultranos: There's no logical reason I can see how that thing blew up unless all the engineers and techs and guards at the rocket were, I don't know, sleeping soundly enough to miss someone throwing a burning torch into an open fuel tank that was SOMEHOW FULL OF FUEL. Said person also probably died.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, light a fire in the right place, if it is full of fuel, and yeah. or light it near a fuel tank that's near the rocket, and yeah. But, yeah, well, the evil dude did say 2 of his people died igniting the rocket.
Ultranos: But, see, the shuttle launch pads are DESIGNED to withstand how much heat?
Abyssinia4077: But the idea that people were close enough to die (SGC folk) and not close enough to stop it....WTF? I don't know how much, but yeah. You'd have to...blow a fuel line? And if these people don't know what a rocket freaking is, how would they know what to do?
Ultranos: And so a little piddly fire on the outside of even a fully-fueled rocket should...do what?
Abyssinia4077: Burn out on the wood it was created with
Ultranos: If they some how, magically, had, I don't know, THERMITE, I could believe it.
Ultranos: Wood? No, not so much. ... Oh yes. Rockets made of wood.
Abyssinia4077: THERMITE! THERMITE IS AWESOME.
Ultranos: That makes about as much sense as ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS EPISODE.
Abyssinia4077: Given the village and assuming the level of tech, I'm pretty sure they have wood and maybe charcoal.
Ultranos: Oh. The rocket is made of explodium. Since we're making up elements and all. WHY THE HELL NOT. *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: OKAY
Ultranos: Okay. Shall we continue? We have...8ish minutes to go and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it at this rate.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah
Ultranos: Let's go.
Abyssinia4077: *hits play*
Abyssinia4077: It's less bad from here on
EXT: VILLAGE
DANIEL: Jack, the Asgardó
O'NEILL: Are not Gods!
O'NEILL: (gesturing) I'm not kidding you, folks. This little feller is about three feet tall, got clammy grey skin, big black eyes, and skinny, tiny little arms and legs, like toothpicks.
[The villagers look on in disbelief. Daniel drops his head.]
O'NEILL: They think you need to believe in a god! That you're not developed enough as a culture to think for yourselves.
ELRAD: Enough!
O'NEILL: Elrad, listen to me! These aliens have the power to help youÖthey chose not to!
ELRAD: I am sorry for what happened to your people. I know you think you are trying to help us, but, please, it is time for you leave.
[He looks around.]
O'NEILL: (taken aback for a moment) Okay. Sorry to bother you. Thanks for your time, folks.
Ultranos: Jack's destroying people's long held beliefs! This ALWAYS ends well!
Abyssinia4077: I do wonder, with the whole "the Asgard" "are not gods" what Jack does believe about god
Ultranos: ...how does Jack not sound crazy?
Abyssinia4077: He....does seem crazy. "and not blown up" I do love Jack describing what they Asgard look like.
Ultranos: Yeah.
Abyssinia4077: They think he is crazy. It's all good
Ultranos: Jack kind of strikes me as a bit of an ass here.
Abyssinia4077: He doesn't like people believing in false gods. Given that, it's odd Teal'c doesn't care.
INT: CARTER: 'S LAB
[A simulation is shown on the computer screen. A light goes from Earth through a sun, and stops there, causing a reaction in the sun. Carter, Hammond, and O'Neill are there.]
Ultranos: Oh, look at the cute little computer animation!
Abyssinia4077: OH, SIMULATION. *cracks up*
HAMMOND: I thought the odds of success for this scenario was one in a million, Major.
CARTER: Yes, sir. But I now think that we can increase that estimate to one percent.
Abyssinia4077: "one in a million" "increase that estimate to 1%" AH HA HA HAHA
[Carter looks at Hammond, who looks at O'Neill.]
O'NEILL: It's your call, General. I only understand about one percent of what she says half the time.
[Carter smiles.]
HAMMOND: Run it by me again.
[Carter goes to a whiteboard.]
Abyssinia4077: Sam and whiteboard! OTP FOREVER
Ultranos: YES
Abyssinia4077: WTF? That equation is weird
Ultranos: That...equation means...what?
Abyssinia4077: Why the commas?
Ultranos: That equation means NOTHING. It's not even...It looks like it wants to be dimensional analysis, but is failing badly.
CARTER: (drawing on board) We send the Maclarium through the wormhole to K'Tau. (draws a wormhole coming from Earth to K'Tau) Now, based on the distance from Earth, and the rate of travel...
[O'Neill raises his eyebrows.]
CARTER: I've tried to calculate the exact time we should shut down the gate (draws an X in the middle of the wormhole) so that the Maclarium stops short of reaching the planet (circles the X) and actually ends up in their sun. (draws rays like a picture of a sun)
O'NEILL: I thought when something was in a wormhole, it existed only asÖenergy. That you needed another Stargate to turn it back into solid matter.
CARTER: Actually, you're absolutely correct, sir.
O'NEILL: (seconds later, amazed) I am?
CARTER: Yes! (smiles) You see? It's the Stargate on the other side that actually reintegrates the matter into its pre-organized form.
[O'Neill looks back at Hammond with a huge grin on his face]
CARTER: Without it the energy in the wormhole would rematerialize in its base form. Now, in the case of a person, that would be very bad, but in the case of an element, it shouldn't be a problem.
Abyssinia4077: Wormhole existed only as energy - need another wormhole to turn into real matter - so why could they drag plutonium? They just disproved what happened?
Ultranos: I...
Abyssinia4077: Seriously
Ultranos:: I have no idea.
Abyssinia4077: They just DISPROVED THE CARRYING PLUTONIUM THEORY. GOD THIS EPISODE HURTS
Ultranos: Wow. Why the fuck did they need the rocket in the first place?
Abyssinia4077: The rocket has magents?
O'NEILL: (still smiling, to Hammond, whispering) I was right!
HAMMOND: Okay. You have a go, Major.
[O'Neill gets up, still smiling.]
INT: SGC GATE ROOM
[The wormhole is active. A MALP with the Maclarium on it sits ready.]
CARTER: (over intercom) Sending the MALP through. Payload is en route.
[The MALP has entered the wormhole. Carter watches its progress on the control room monitor. O'Neill and Hammond stand behind her.]
CARTER: Executing controlled shutdown...now! Well, there's only one way to know if it worked.
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[Elrad is leading a group in prayer. Teal'c and Daniel are standing nearby. The air still has a red appearance.]
Abyssinia4077: Controlled shutdown just.....recreates the wormhole wherever it is? It doesn't need a gate?
Ultranos: I guess. It really red-shifted. I mean "red-shifted".
Abyssinia4077: Yeah, it is really red. So reaction is increasing. That at least works. A little.
Ultranos: Why the fuck that works, I don't know.
Abyssinia4077: Teal'c is pretty with the red light
Ultranos: ...
[Daniel turns to walk away. Everyone gasps and begins to murmur as the light begins to return to normal.]
Ultranos: And suddenly the visible spectrum shifts.
Abyssinia4077: It took forever for it to turn red and suddenly it all goes away? BULL SHIT.
Ultranos: YES. ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Yes. IT MAGICALLY GOES AWAY. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Hee. "Without the Goa'uld knowing" cause, yeah, the Goa'uld have the resources to constantly monitor EVERY random planet. Sky still looks red even though they don't.
Ultranos: Yes. Which vaguely supports the theory that their sun is not...a yellow star or is closer. As much as anything else in this bloody episode supports, welly, ANYTHING resembling science.
O'NEILL: Am I having a stroke?
[Carter shakes her head and looks at her instrument. The sun returns to a yellow color.]
ELRAD: Blessed be Freyr! Bow your heads, and thank him for granting our prayers.
CARTER: I'm pretty sure we didn't do this, sir. At least not on our own.
TEAL'C: The Asgard.
CARTER: They said they wouldn't help.
O'NEILL: Overtly.
CARTER: So, you're saying that just by starting the process, we gave them the opportunity to step in without the Goa'uld knowing?
O'NEILL: A way of saving face. Technical loophole?
DANIEL: Or not.
[The others look at Daniel in surprise that he might 'believe'.]
DANIEL: Well, I mean, we'll never really know for sure, will we?
[The villagers lift their heads from prayer and look at their restored sky.]
FADE OUT
Ultranos: Is it over? Tell me it's over?
Abyssinia4077: OVEROH GOD
Ultranos: OH MY GOD. *drinks* IT TOOK ME 6 or 7 VODKA SHOTS TO GET THROUGH THIS EPISODE. (I lost count somewhere around #4)
Abyssinia4077: You should stop perhaps
Ultranos: Hello, and welcome to the drunken MST of "Red Sky"'s Bad Science. I'm Ultranos, a senior mechanical and electrical engineering student. I'll be the one yelling "Engineering doesn't work that way!" My poison of choice to get through this is shot glasses of vodka.
Abyssinia4077:And I'm Abyssis, a PhD candidate in environmental science with a background in chemistry and a habit of dabbling in any field that catches my eye. I'll be the one twitching at the desecration of atomic theory and I'm well into my bottle of wine.
Ultranos: As a warning: we are an engineer and a scientist, respectively. Not only that, but we are getting progressively more drunk as the episode continues. This is a warning for swearing, if you care about that sort of thing.
EXT: WORMHOLE
[SG-1 are propelled out of the Gate, tumbling down stairs. Teal'c and Daniel land on the steps of the Stargate, while Carter and O'Neill have fallen further away. The sky is very bright.]
Abyssinia4077: Okay, I'll give them good crazy camera effect with the falling out of the Stargate.
Ultranos: Nice film work
DANIEL: (getting up and taking off his hat) Okay, What was that?
O'NEILL: Carter?
CARTER: (sighs) I don't know, sir. Margin of error in calculating planetary shift used to cause the rough ride, but we fixed it.
Abyssinia4077: "We fixed it" aka: I was sick of throwing up
O'NEILL: (pointedly) Carter?!
CARTER: We did have to override some of the dialing protocols in order to get a lock. I'll check the dialing computer when we get home.
O'NEILL: (looking around, putting on sunglasses) It's bright.
CARTER: Yes, sir! This planet's much closer to its sun than Earth.
Ultranos: Oh man, overriding things we don't know about! This is science!
Abyssinia4077: it's totally science. we do it to our incubators all the time
Abyssinia4077: Planet's closer to it's sun - so the sun HAS to be smaller, right?
Ultranos: Has to be, since...they'd be burning up.
Abyssinia4077: Well, if they have a thicker atmosphere....
Ultranos: And how would they be breathing?
Abyssinia4077: Magical lungs?
Ultranos: So...
Abyssinia4077: Maybe instead of nitrogen it's....argon? um.....
Ultranos: How are they not suffocating then?
Abyssinia4077: I mean, that would cause other problems
Ultranos: Or...Ow.
Ultranos: *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: Smaller sun. *nods thoroughly*
*fast forward*
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[The village is well built and clean, but non-technological. People are moving around, going about their daily business. A blacksmith hammers in the background. The people take note of the visitors as they enter.]
Ultranos: Regarding a smaller sun...Wouldn't that affect the light spectrum?
Abyssinia4077: Well, they are showing us differnet lighting. but it wouldn't affect what our eyes can see as visible. It might affect what metals are inside the porphyrins that drive photosynthesis - might max at a different wavelength than Earth's sun.
Ultranos: That's what I was thinking. But how they'd have similar plants, I'm not quite sure.
Abyssinia4077: Though if the sun has the same elements and stuff....which it should. The spectrum might not be that different.
DANIEL: It's as if Norse culture evolved in to relatively modern times, while continuing to worship the ancient gods.
*fast forward*
[The villagers look up at the sky, which has very suddenly turned from blue to red-hued. Everything outside takes on a reddish cast. The villagers murmur and their voices grow ever louder in concern. Carter takes off her glasses, looks at the sky, then begins checking her hand held instruments.]
Abyssinia4077: WHOA the sun changed fast.
Ultranos: Yeah. I thought that usually takes, oh, millenia?
Abyssinia4077: And why is it sending, um, red things through the sky?
Ultranos: Red shift? No. I'm not sure that phrase means what the writers think it means.
O'NEILL: Carter? What just happened?
[Carter looks up at the sky, confused.]
ELRAD: The Eye of Odin grows dim.
CARTER: Some sort of shift in the light frequency.
Abyssinia4077: "Shift in the light frequency". Hm. I mean, any given atom is going to emit a specific wavelength
Ultranos: Yeah.
Abyssinia4077: Oh god, I'm not drunk enough
Ultranos: So to get a different wavelength THAT fast, how much of the sun's mass had to turn to a different element?
Abyssinia4077: ....most of the surface at the least.
Ultranos: Including propagation delay in distance from the planet to the sun. And...ow
Abyssinia4077: Well, they do have the advantage the heat tends to speed up reactions and stars are hot. And sunlight takes 8 minutes to reach Earth and this planet is closer.
Ultranos: Yeah, but not THAT much.
Abyssinia4077: No, not enough to affect billions and billlions of atoms within a minute or two. (I need to do a back of the envelope calcuation on how many atoms would be in the sun).
Abyssinia4077: Why is the sky sparkling? Is the sun sending crap?
Ultranos: I think the sun is confused.
O'NEILL: Good. I thought I was having a stroke.
*fast forward*
CARTER: (quietly) Somehow, the light-spectrum of the sun has shifted toward infrared. Now, if it continues this way, eventually all the green plants will die. With the plants goes the oxygen supplyó
Abyssinia4077: "Shifted toward infrared" "All the green plants will die". *headdesk*
Ultranos: Ow.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, it's still emitting in the visible if THEY CAN SEE
Ultranos: You know, with green being in the middle of the visible spectrum and all.
Abyssinia4077: Well, they don't absorb green. They reflect it. Chlorophyll absorbs the most around 400 nm and 650 nm
Ultranos: I'm still not following how all the green plants would die if the spectrum shifted.
Abyssinia4077: Well, if you had NO visible light, they'd die.
Ultranos: But they have visible light.
Abyssinia4077: But they actually absorb really strongly in the red end of the spectrum.
Ultranos: And...I'm thinking too hard and should start drinking again.
O'NEILL: (quieting her down with his hands) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CARTER: The MALP should give us more detailed data. It's sensors are more sophisticated.
O'NEILL: Good. You and Teal'c head back to the Annulus see what you can find out Daniel? (walks toward Daniel) See if these folks have got an Asgard phone.
*fast forward*
[Lights activate, and a human Viking hologram appears, similar to that seen in the Hall of Might on Cimmeria, except this one is clean shaven.]
HOLOGRAM: I am Freyr. For what reason have you come before me?
ELRAD: Oh, Lord, Freyr. Forgive us for disturbing you, but we seek your wisdom.
MALCHUS: The arrival of these outsiders has caused the Eye of Odin to grow dim. We fear it is Ragnarok.
DANIEL: (whispers to O'Neill) That's the end of time.
O'NEILL: (whispers back) Thank you.
ELRAD: We beg you to restore Odin's light.
Abyssinia4077: So, yeah, unless they go ACTUALLY ALL infrared, you might have some plants die, but not all of them by any means
Ultranos: Yeah.
HOLOGRAM: You are wise to seek my counsel, but only through faith will you prove worthy of my benevolence.
MALCHUS: Do you desire us to put these outsiders to death? They could be drawn and quartered before nightfall.
O'NEILL: That's a bit harsh, isn't it?
HOLOGRAM: In time, I will sail to the Plain of Vigrid, where my battle will be fought with Surtur the Fire Bringer.
MALCHUS: He fights against Surturóit is the end time!
ELRAD: Patience!
HOLOGRAM: Likewise, you must face your own fears, as you now enter the ultimate conflict. How you deal with fear is will prove your worthiness. I wish you well on your voyage.
Abyssinia4077: "Ultimate conflict" this Asgard is ON CRACK
Ultranos: Well, yes. Ragnarok: when science stops working. DAMMIT.
[The hologram disappears; O'Neill smiles and waves at it.]
DANIEL: (pointing to hole in ceiling) It's a recording.
O'NEILL: (sarcastically) Really?
Abyssinia4077: (I like how we aren't snarking the beaming or anything)
Ultranos: You know what, I can accept the beaming. It's sci-fi.
Abyssinia4077: True
*fast forward*
DANIEL: Miracles?
O'NEILL: (vaguely, unsure) Yeah, that's what it'll look like to them.
DANIEL: That's what what will look like to them?
O'NEILL: Whatever Carter comes up with. I don't know.
Ultranos: "Whatever Carter comes up with"
Ultranos: Sure, no pressure.
Abyssinia4077: JAck, you don't hav ea fucking clue what's going on
Abyssinia4077: Daniel looks so skeptical Carter will come up with anything
EXT: VILLAGE
[O'Neill and Daniel walk through the village toward Carter and Teal'c.]
O'NEILL: (to some villagers) Hey, fellas.
CARTER: I got a theory, sir.
O'NEILL: Is it Miraculous?
Ultranos: ...so, wormhole through sun is bad.
Abyssinia4077: Theory! Like evolution! We can disprove it with stickers on a textbook!
CARTER: Actually, it is. I think the wormhole that we used to travel here passed directly through this planet's sun. That might be why we had a problem dialing here in the first place.
DANIEL:What? We should never have connected with this planet?
CARTER: Well, at least not with the current planetary alignment. The light from the sun suddenly shifted to the red spectrum after we got here. Now, as far as I know, the only way that could happen was if an unstable, super-heavy element, probably plutonium, was introduced to the sun's nuclear reaction. Sort of a subatomic poisoning.
Ultranos: PLUTONIUM?
Abyssinia4077: Wormhole diretly through the sun. do they....travel through real space?
Ultranos: RANDOM PLUTONIUM? How the bloody hell did we pick that up?
DANIEL: Okay how did we do that?
[She shows them a simple diagram of K'Tau's sun between the Earth and K'Tau.]
CARTER: Well, somehow, the plutonium piggybacked onto our wormhole from another starsystem, and bonded with their sun as we passed through it.
O'NEILL: I hope that doesn't mean it's our fault!
Abyssinia4077: Piggy-backed
Ultranos: ...NUCLEAR PHYSICS DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Abyssinia4077: Well....every element on Earth was at some point created in a star.
Ultranos: Sure...
Abyssinia4077: So there is probably plutonium....somewhere in the universe. Which would somehow get stuck through a wormhole that CAN'T travel through real space to work how it does. Why the sunglasses? Infrared would make it less bright!! LOWER ENERGY! AUGH! But it's only time we see them ALL in sunglasses.
Ultranos: So, what are the chances that they not only picked up plutonium, and but it also decided to jump ship when they pass the sun?
Abyssinia4077: I'm not drunk enough to do that calculation
Ultranos: Neither am I. But I'm guessing "unlikely".
TEAL'C: We could not have known, O'Neill.
CARTER: The fact that the gate wouldn't dial here when we first tried leads me to believe that there's some sort of safety protocol built into the gate system designed to prevent exactly this sort of thing.
O'NEILL: SoÖdesign flaw?
CARTER: (somberly) No. Sir, we bypassed some of the normal dialing protocols. The fact is, this planet is dying, and it's probably because of us.
Ultranos: *facepalm* OSHA would like to have a word with you.
O'NEILL: But you can fix it, right?
[Carter bows her head and says nothing.]
*fast forward*
DANIEL: Well, we've either made contact with the Asgard, or we've trapped ourselves deep within a vault of solid rock.
[A real Asgard appears.]
FREYR: Commander Thor is in a distant part of the galaxy and unavailable. You are the one called O'Neill?
O'NEILL: (grinning) I am the one.
FREYR: We named a warship after you. Short-lived as it was.
Abyssinia4077: SAM BROKE IT.
Ultranos: SAM BROKE SCIENCE.
O'NEILL: (interrupts) Nah, don't worry! We haven't blown your cover. However, we do have a small (kneels to get eye to level with the Asgard) little problem that could use some of that Asgard magic.
Abyssinia4077: "Haven't blown your cover" LIAR. You tried.
FREYR: Are you implying that our technology is some kind of trickery?
O'NEILL: You sure Thor's not around somewhere?
CARTER: Sir? If I may?
O'NEILL: Knock yourself out.
CARTER: We may have inadvertently, totally accidentally, cause a foreign element to enter the K'Tau sun.
FREYR: (little black eyes widen) How?
CARTER: Ah, well, actually I was hoping you could help us on that one. Is it possible that our wormhole picked up a super-heavy element and carried it into the sun as we passed through?
FREYR: There are safety protocols in place on the Stargate system to prevent wormhole connections that would result in such events.
CARTER: UhÖyeahÖSee, we have our own dialing computer, and sometimes we bypass a few steps in order to get a lock.
Ultranos: So, how would they KNOW what protocols that exist can be bypassed? I mean, they exist for a reason.
Abyssinia4077: "Inadvertantly totally accidentally caused a foreign element to enter the K'tau sun". WHAT THE FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Oh, the Asgard understand the Stargates. Okay. All elements that exist were created in a sun at some point. so plutonium was created in a star. so it would not destroy a star.
Ultranos: Pretty much.
Abyssinia4077: FOREIGN ELEMENT BULLSHIT
Abyssinia4077: I mean, my astrophysics is weak, maybe plutonium can only be created in supernovas or something.
Ultranos: It...could, if somehow all the other atoms decided that they really wanted to be like the random element. And believed in peer pressure.
Abyssinia4077: And MAGIC
Ultranos:: And...I need a drink
Abyssinia4077: Yes you do. You are trying to make it make sense.
[Freyr cocks his head.]
CARTER: We're still experimenting.
FREYR: (pointedly) I see.
CARTER: We could really use your help here.
FREYR: I'm afraid I cannot assist you.
O'NEILL: Why not?
FREYR: It is not the Asgard's responsibility to undo every error you make with technology is advanced beyond your knowledge.
Abyssinia4077: Huh. Look, the Asgard share Trek's Prime Directive
*fast forward*
O'NEILL: But we also saved your little grey butts from the Replicators, and now we want your help.
Ultranos: So, I'm still confused as HOW A WORMHOLE GOES THROUGH THE SUN.
Abyssinia4077: .....magnets?
Ultranos: Since they...exist outside of 3-dimensional space?
Abyssinia4077: I mean, do the safeguards stop it from going through a planet? Maybe they start slowly coming into normal space before they land, and the sun was close to the planet?
Ultranos: But that makes no sense!
Abyssinia4077: No, it doesn't. *drinks*
Ultranos: Why would they slow? *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: So they can fling you from the wormhole?
Ultranos: I thought they conserve momentum? Except when they don't.
Abyssinia4077: *cough* They didn't until they put in the safeguards. Remember CotG, they got flung out. Silly Ultranos, thinking TV conserves momentum. *cough*
Ultranos: Except nothing happens when the MALP goes through!
Abyssinia4077: ....that is a good point
Ultranos: It stays at the same... Wait.
Abyssinia4077: It went thorugh first and wasn't quite lined up with the sun?
Ultranos: Wouldn't they have noticed the MALP doing something weird? On exiting?
Abyssinia4077: Apparently the suns move fast enough it didn't happen. *cough* *drinks*
Ultranos: So, a stable wormhole connection spontaneously changes course into the sun when SG-1 goes through... OW.
Abyssinia4077: Sounds like you need a sip
*fast forward*
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[Teal'c has rejoined them as they walk through the village.]
CARTER: Sir, I've been thinking.
O'NEILL: I'd be shocked if you ever stopped, Carter.
CARTER: (stopping at a produce shop) Here. Okay.
[She picks up two red apples and holds one in each hand.]
CARTER: Let's say these are the unstable plutonium molecules that are poisoning the sun.
Ultranos: WHY DO YOU THINK PLUTONIUM?
Abyssinia4077: Plutonium....is a word the average person knows to think of as SCARY?
O'NEILL: Okay.
CARTER: (picks up two other fruits) What if these are molecules of a more stable, super-heavy element, say something with an atomic weight above 200.
Ultranos: Atomic weight above 200? Sure, they exist in supercollieders. IF THEY STAY FOR LONGER THAN, OH, ONE SECOND.
O'NEILL: Sure. I can think of a few.
CARTER: (puts fruit down) Actually, they don't occur in nature, at least not on Earth.
[Daniel and O'Neill look at each other, confused.]
CARTER: But I have read about such elements being created in super-colliders, at least in theory.
DANIEL: (pointing at the fruit) You realize you're mixing your apples and your...
[O'Neill looks at Daniel, Daniel glances at him stops pointing.]
CARTER: If we could introduce these stable, super-heavys into the K'Tau sun, they would bind with the unstable plutonium molecules, rendering them inert.
[O'Neill and Daniel look confused.]
CARTER: The sun then could be restored to its normal nuclear reaction.
O'NEILL: (to Daniel) Huh? How bout that?
[Daniel just raises his eyebrows and looks confused.]
CARTER: Well, this is all very theoretical, sir.
O'NEILL: I have great confidence in you, Carter. Go on back to the SGC andÖconfuse Hammond.
CARTER: Yes, sir.
Abyssinia4077: Unstable Plutonium. WTF? Stable super-heavy element. Atomic weight above 200. "They dont' occur in nature". "Created in super colliders".
Ultranos: ...
Abyssinia4077: AUGH AUGH AUGH. I WORkED AT ONE OF THOSE SUPER COLLIDERS.
Ultranos: Shall we pause and rip this apart?
Abyssinia4077: THEY DON'T LIVE FOR MORE THAN A FRACTION OF A SECOND OH GOD. *pause* Sure, okay.
Ultranos: Okay. So, I'm staring at a periodic table.
Abyssinia4077: Right now they're looking at naming the element for atomic weight 112. We have NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER created anything as heavy as 200. The linear accelerator where I worked was excited to push 120. And they were barely existing long enough to freaking detect.
Ultranos: Exactly.
Abyssinia4077: Also, why would a super heavy element FIND THE FREAKING PLUTOMIUM and DO ANYTHING TO IT? OH GOD IT'S BAD. What did Sam specifically say it would do? (oh, man, I had a lot of wine in not a lot of time...)
Ultranos: Okay, IF the plutonium was an unstable isotope, maybe, MAYBE they're hoping that this...magically stable super-heavy element will draw in the wildly roaming electrons and form two stable elements.
Abyssinia4077: NO WAY IN HELL IT IS STABLE. I'M SORRY. But.
Ultranos: Except that doesn't work, because a stable element wouldn't do jack to an unstable.
Abyssinia4077: There are equations
Ultranos: Oh, I know.
Abyssinia4077: It CANNOT BE STABLE. I CAN DO THE MATH.
Ultranos: I mean, there are the postulates of the "island of stablility" waaay far down on the periodic table. But there's no proof for that.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. no proof. We've never been able to make them. And if we can't make them or find them, odds are they aren't stable enough to exist.
Ultranos: Exactly. The higher atomic number, the shorter it sticks around. I'm so not following the "science".
Abyssinia4077: ALSO! EVEN IF THE ELEMENTS COULD MAGICALLY FIND THE PLUTONIUM, HOW COULD THEY STOP THE CHAIN REACTION THEY ARE IMPLYING THE PLUTONIUM ALREADY STARTED?
Ultranos: Well, how the HELL did the plutonium START that reaction in the first place?!
Abyssinia4077: And, like you said, how the flying fuck does Sam know it's plutonium? It's FAR from the only radioactive element. MAGNETS FUCKING MAGNETS.
Ultranos: DAMMIT, THIS WOULD GIVE MAGNETS A BAD NAME.
Abyssinia4077: .... .... .... That's terrifying. I mean, even people who study magnets admit they make no sense.
Ultranos: Oh I know. AT LEAST MAGNETS ARE KNOWN TO DO BATSHIT INSANE THINGS. This makes less than no sense. This makes NEGATIVE SENSE.
Abyssinia4077: AH HA HA HA. NEGATIVE SENSE. *loves*
Ultranos: *beams*
Abyssinia4077: Iit's gonna hurt more but...should we press play?
INT: SGC BRIEFING ROOM
[Carter is briefing Hammond.]
HAMMOND: A rocket?
CARTER: With a payload of the super-heavy element I've indicated. We send it in stages through the Stargate to K'Tau, and assemble it there. When it's complete, we launch it into the sun.
HAMMOND: Will it get there in time?
CARTER: We have three months before the plutonium reaction in the K'Tau sun becomes irreversible. If we can launch inside three weeks, we can just make it.
Ultranos: ...a rocket.
Abyssinia4077: Assemble a rocket. Cause that's easy
Ultranos: 3 months.
Abyssinia4077: 3 months bvefore it becomes irreversible. Launch inside 3 weeks. Rocket gives them 50/50 odds. WTF?
Ultranos: Wow, I WISH I HAD THEIR FAB LABS.
Abyssinia4077: TO DO WHAT?
Ultranos: TO MAKE THINGS. LIKE ROCKETS.
HAMMOND: Have you considered other options?
CARTER: The other option we've considered turned out to be a one in a million shot, sir. The rocket gives us better than 50/50 odds.
HAMMOND: Rockets don't exactly grow on trees, Major.
CARTER: I know that, sir. However, as you know, the Air Force is currently preparing a launch from Vandenburg.
HAMMOND: Major, do you realize how much has been invested in that project?
CARTER: I'm aware of that, sir. It's hard to put a price on the K'Tau people.
[Hammond looks thoughtful.]
Three Weeks Later.
EXTó: K'TAU
[Down a valley from the gate, a launching pad is visible. A rocket sits on the pad. Personnel are dispersed around the area.]
Abyssinia4077: Find a tiny handful of atoms inside a sun of billions and billions and billions of atoms?
Ultranos: Wow, that rocket's pretty built for...three weeks.
Abyssinia4077: They stole the Air Force rocket.
Ultranos: Yeah, but assembly?
Abyssinia4077: "It's a rocket" Cause they know what that is?
Ultranos: Assembling a ROCKET in THREE weeks? WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?
Abyssinia4077: well, if it's already ready...it only takes a day to move the space shuttle a mile from VAB to launch pad
Ultranos: Except you can't fit the rocket through the gate.
Abyssinia4077: Assembling. In pieces small enough to fit into the SGC and through the 'gate and to the pad on K'tau
Ultranos: So they had do do assembly here. There.
Abyssinia4077: On the plus side, you know Sam is LOVING THIS
Ultranos: True
INTó: SGC GATE ROOM
[Siler is working on a large component for the rocket as Hammond looks on. The wormhole is active. Carter arrives through the gate, which closes. She takes a clipboard from a female airman.]
CARTER: General, we're ahead of schedule.
HAMMOND: This should be the last shipment of parts.
CARTER: Any word yet on the HU-2340?
HAMMOND: Quite frankly, I never expected it to be easier to get the rocket.
CARTER: Sir, without the super-heavy element, this whole thing would have been a giant waste of time.
HAMMOND: Don't worry, Major.
[Hammond smiles. A door opens to reveal Dr. MacLaren and a suitcase containing the super-heavy element.]
Abyssinia4077: HU-2340
Ultranos: "Super-heavy element"
Abyssinia4077: Super heavy element. Oy! EASY TO GET.
Ultranos: Oy look! It's...MAGICALLY STABLE.
Abyssinia4077: IN A FREAKING METAL BRIEFCASE
CARTER: Doctor MacLaren.
MACLAREN: Very impressive operation you've got here. I hope you consider yourself lucky, Major.
[Carter nods, smiling.]
HAMMOND: Doctor MacLaren finally decided a peek at the SGC was worth the exchange.
[Carter opens the suitcase. In contoured foam is a small cylinder.]
MACLAREN: It took me 5 years to make that much HU-2340.
CARTER: Well, maybe one day, you'll be able to visit the planet your Maclarium is saving.
MACLAREN: Did you say Maclarium?
[Smiling, Carter turns to Hammond.]
HAMMOND: Sounds like a good name to me.
Abyssinia4077: MACLARIN
Ultranos: 5 years.
Abyssinia4077: SHE LOOKS AT IT. 5 years. HA-2340. HA-2340? Maclarian?
Ultranos: WHAT THE FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Seriously, the AIR FORCE CAN NAME IT AFTER HIM?
Ultranos: APPARENTLY.
Abyssinia4077: THERE ARE.....CHEMISTRY SOCIETIES
[MacLaren is smiling from ear to ear.]
MACLAREN: I'll use it in my official report to the Pentagon. (dumbfounded) I don't wanna be in your way. You've obviously got a job to do here. Good luck, Major.
CARTER: (shakes offered hand) Thank you Doctor.
EXT: K'TAU STARGATE
[Carter walks through and meets O'Neill, who is looking towards the completed rocket on its launching pad.]
abyssinia4077: they are getting redder?
CARTER: That's the last of it, sir. We've got everything we need.
O'NEILL: Good.
CARTER: Daniel and Teal'c?
O'NEILL: Aw, they're in the village, still trying to convince the folks we're friendly elves.
[Carter smiles, and looks at the rocket. There appears to be black smoke rising from it.]
O'NEILL: I think the sooner we get out of here, the better.
CARTER: Is that smoke?
[The rocket, launching pad, and surrounding area explode in a huge fireball. O'Neill and Carter begin running toward it immediately, followed by other SGC personnel.]
Ultranos: That's...a big explosion. "Set a fire"
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. and given that rocket probably had fuel.....
Ultranos: A FIRE.
Abyssinia4077: How weren't SG people guarding it?
Ultranos: A FIRE FUCKING BUSTED UP AN ENTIRE ROCKET AND LAUNCH PLATFORM? WHO THE FUCK DESIGNED THAT?
Abyssinia4077: Could be. You ignite the fuel tank.
Ultranos: And why the HELL was it fueled already?
Abyssinia4077: The real question is how nobody noticed.
Ultranos: If they weren't ready to launch?
Abyssinia4077: .....Sam said they'd brought over everything.
Ultranos: Magnets? ARGH. MILITARY ENGINEERING DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.
Abyssinia4077: Solid rocket fuel? Um
Ultranos: ... Okay, maybe if its made of, CHLORINE TRIFLOURIDE.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, aren't SRB's solid and they fuel the main tank on the shuttle?
Ultranos: Ugh.
Abyssinia4077: :P
DANIEL: What happened?
CARTER: Somebody set a fire.
Ultranos: How the hell would that guy know WHERE to send the fire. ...
Abyssinia4077: other good point
Ultranos: Okay, see, they hadn't even loaded the payload. Why the FUCK was it fueled?
Abyssinia4077: .... .... TV logic?
Ultranos: Also, don't rockets usually have, I don't know, FIRE SURPRESSANT? And protection against any fire on the launchpad getting inside the fueltanks?
Abyssinia4077: And it's not like these people have explosive devices, most likely.
Ultranos: And... ARGH.
Abyssinia4077: Also, wouldn't the people working there notice SOMEONE USED WOOD TO LIGHT A FIRE?
Ultranos: Apparently. YOU FAIL ENGINEERING FOREVER. *drinks a shot*
Abyssinia4077: DUH
INT: K'TAU TEMPLE
DANIEL: He's very busy right now, and he sent us to take you our way. If you don't go, you will all die.
ELRAD: Your efforts are noble, but if our destruction is the will of the Gods, we must face our fate bravely.
[O'Neill watches as everyone leaves. Daniel is disappointed.]
Abyssinia4077: Oh, look, it's all Daniel's fault now. Can we pause a second?
Ultranos: Sure
Abyssinia4077: Okay. we have 1) illogical sun problems 2) illogical fix-it 3) OMG MAGIC ELEMENT 4) how the fuck did they blow the rocket?
Ultranos: Yes
Abyssinia4077: *headdesk*
Ultranos: The rocket really gets me.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah. the rocket is special.
Ultranos: There's no logical reason I can see how that thing blew up unless all the engineers and techs and guards at the rocket were, I don't know, sleeping soundly enough to miss someone throwing a burning torch into an open fuel tank that was SOMEHOW FULL OF FUEL. Said person also probably died.
Abyssinia4077: I mean, light a fire in the right place, if it is full of fuel, and yeah. or light it near a fuel tank that's near the rocket, and yeah. But, yeah, well, the evil dude did say 2 of his people died igniting the rocket.
Ultranos: But, see, the shuttle launch pads are DESIGNED to withstand how much heat?
Abyssinia4077: But the idea that people were close enough to die (SGC folk) and not close enough to stop it....WTF? I don't know how much, but yeah. You'd have to...blow a fuel line? And if these people don't know what a rocket freaking is, how would they know what to do?
Ultranos: And so a little piddly fire on the outside of even a fully-fueled rocket should...do what?
Abyssinia4077: Burn out on the wood it was created with
Ultranos: If they some how, magically, had, I don't know, THERMITE, I could believe it.
Ultranos: Wood? No, not so much. ... Oh yes. Rockets made of wood.
Abyssinia4077: THERMITE! THERMITE IS AWESOME.
Ultranos: That makes about as much sense as ANYTHING ELSE IN THIS EPISODE.
Abyssinia4077: Given the village and assuming the level of tech, I'm pretty sure they have wood and maybe charcoal.
Ultranos: Oh. The rocket is made of explodium. Since we're making up elements and all. WHY THE HELL NOT. *drinks*
Abyssinia4077: OKAY
Ultranos: Okay. Shall we continue? We have...8ish minutes to go and I'm not sure if I'm going to make it at this rate.
Abyssinia4077: Yeah
Ultranos: Let's go.
Abyssinia4077: *hits play*
Abyssinia4077: It's less bad from here on
EXT: VILLAGE
DANIEL: Jack, the Asgardó
O'NEILL: Are not Gods!
O'NEILL: (gesturing) I'm not kidding you, folks. This little feller is about three feet tall, got clammy grey skin, big black eyes, and skinny, tiny little arms and legs, like toothpicks.
[The villagers look on in disbelief. Daniel drops his head.]
O'NEILL: They think you need to believe in a god! That you're not developed enough as a culture to think for yourselves.
ELRAD: Enough!
O'NEILL: Elrad, listen to me! These aliens have the power to help youÖthey chose not to!
ELRAD: I am sorry for what happened to your people. I know you think you are trying to help us, but, please, it is time for you leave.
[He looks around.]
O'NEILL: (taken aback for a moment) Okay. Sorry to bother you. Thanks for your time, folks.
Ultranos: Jack's destroying people's long held beliefs! This ALWAYS ends well!
Abyssinia4077: I do wonder, with the whole "the Asgard" "are not gods" what Jack does believe about god
Ultranos: ...how does Jack not sound crazy?
Abyssinia4077: He....does seem crazy. "and not blown up" I do love Jack describing what they Asgard look like.
Ultranos: Yeah.
Abyssinia4077: They think he is crazy. It's all good
Ultranos: Jack kind of strikes me as a bit of an ass here.
Abyssinia4077: He doesn't like people believing in false gods. Given that, it's odd Teal'c doesn't care.
INT: CARTER: 'S LAB
[A simulation is shown on the computer screen. A light goes from Earth through a sun, and stops there, causing a reaction in the sun. Carter, Hammond, and O'Neill are there.]
Ultranos: Oh, look at the cute little computer animation!
Abyssinia4077: OH, SIMULATION. *cracks up*
HAMMOND: I thought the odds of success for this scenario was one in a million, Major.
CARTER: Yes, sir. But I now think that we can increase that estimate to one percent.
Abyssinia4077: "one in a million" "increase that estimate to 1%" AH HA HA HAHA
[Carter looks at Hammond, who looks at O'Neill.]
O'NEILL: It's your call, General. I only understand about one percent of what she says half the time.
[Carter smiles.]
HAMMOND: Run it by me again.
[Carter goes to a whiteboard.]
Abyssinia4077: Sam and whiteboard! OTP FOREVER
Ultranos: YES
Abyssinia4077: WTF? That equation is weird
Ultranos: That...equation means...what?
Abyssinia4077: Why the commas?
Ultranos: That equation means NOTHING. It's not even...It looks like it wants to be dimensional analysis, but is failing badly.
CARTER: (drawing on board) We send the Maclarium through the wormhole to K'Tau. (draws a wormhole coming from Earth to K'Tau) Now, based on the distance from Earth, and the rate of travel...
[O'Neill raises his eyebrows.]
CARTER: I've tried to calculate the exact time we should shut down the gate (draws an X in the middle of the wormhole) so that the Maclarium stops short of reaching the planet (circles the X) and actually ends up in their sun. (draws rays like a picture of a sun)
O'NEILL: I thought when something was in a wormhole, it existed only asÖenergy. That you needed another Stargate to turn it back into solid matter.
CARTER: Actually, you're absolutely correct, sir.
O'NEILL: (seconds later, amazed) I am?
CARTER: Yes! (smiles) You see? It's the Stargate on the other side that actually reintegrates the matter into its pre-organized form.
[O'Neill looks back at Hammond with a huge grin on his face]
CARTER: Without it the energy in the wormhole would rematerialize in its base form. Now, in the case of a person, that would be very bad, but in the case of an element, it shouldn't be a problem.
Abyssinia4077: Wormhole existed only as energy - need another wormhole to turn into real matter - so why could they drag plutonium? They just disproved what happened?
Ultranos: I...
Abyssinia4077: Seriously
Ultranos:: I have no idea.
Abyssinia4077: They just DISPROVED THE CARRYING PLUTONIUM THEORY. GOD THIS EPISODE HURTS
Ultranos: Wow. Why the fuck did they need the rocket in the first place?
Abyssinia4077: The rocket has magents?
O'NEILL: (still smiling, to Hammond, whispering) I was right!
HAMMOND: Okay. You have a go, Major.
[O'Neill gets up, still smiling.]
INT: SGC GATE ROOM
[The wormhole is active. A MALP with the Maclarium on it sits ready.]
CARTER: (over intercom) Sending the MALP through. Payload is en route.
[The MALP has entered the wormhole. Carter watches its progress on the control room monitor. O'Neill and Hammond stand behind her.]
CARTER: Executing controlled shutdown...now! Well, there's only one way to know if it worked.
EXT: K'TAU VILLAGE
[Elrad is leading a group in prayer. Teal'c and Daniel are standing nearby. The air still has a red appearance.]
Abyssinia4077: Controlled shutdown just.....recreates the wormhole wherever it is? It doesn't need a gate?
Ultranos: I guess. It really red-shifted. I mean "red-shifted".
Abyssinia4077: Yeah, it is really red. So reaction is increasing. That at least works. A little.
Ultranos: Why the fuck that works, I don't know.
Abyssinia4077: Teal'c is pretty with the red light
Ultranos: ...
[Daniel turns to walk away. Everyone gasps and begins to murmur as the light begins to return to normal.]
Ultranos: And suddenly the visible spectrum shifts.
Abyssinia4077: It took forever for it to turn red and suddenly it all goes away? BULL SHIT.
Ultranos: YES. ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT. Yes. IT MAGICALLY GOES AWAY. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Abyssinia4077: Hee. "Without the Goa'uld knowing" cause, yeah, the Goa'uld have the resources to constantly monitor EVERY random planet. Sky still looks red even though they don't.
Ultranos: Yes. Which vaguely supports the theory that their sun is not...a yellow star or is closer. As much as anything else in this bloody episode supports, welly, ANYTHING resembling science.
O'NEILL: Am I having a stroke?
[Carter shakes her head and looks at her instrument. The sun returns to a yellow color.]
ELRAD: Blessed be Freyr! Bow your heads, and thank him for granting our prayers.
CARTER: I'm pretty sure we didn't do this, sir. At least not on our own.
TEAL'C: The Asgard.
CARTER: They said they wouldn't help.
O'NEILL: Overtly.
CARTER: So, you're saying that just by starting the process, we gave them the opportunity to step in without the Goa'uld knowing?
O'NEILL: A way of saving face. Technical loophole?
DANIEL: Or not.
[The others look at Daniel in surprise that he might 'believe'.]
DANIEL: Well, I mean, we'll never really know for sure, will we?
[The villagers lift their heads from prayer and look at their restored sky.]
FADE OUT
Ultranos: Is it over? Tell me it's over?
Abyssinia4077: OVEROH GOD
Ultranos: OH MY GOD. *drinks* IT TOOK ME 6 or 7 VODKA SHOTS TO GET THROUGH THIS EPISODE. (I lost count somewhere around #4)
Abyssinia4077: You should stop perhaps