I totally want one of THIS PIC IS NSFW. It's the first dildo I've ever seen that makes me actually imagine myself using it on Dean some guy
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IMO, it's not at all hypocritical for a fat person to want a thin partner, or to be simultaneously disappointed that other people don't prefer their body type--it's no different than you having dark eyes but preferring light ones. The ethics are not in how you feel, which I don't think can be forced, but in how you act (part of which is realizing that whatever you demand for yourself, that is respect for your preferences, you have to give to other people too). And I think what you say in an ad is part of how you act, which means you ARE a dick if you make fun of fat women, but are mad because people won't consider you as a fat man (for instance).
I think what I felt was hypocrisy was the guys who were complaining that women only seem to care about the looks of the guys they dated ( the implication being they were not interested in these particular guys because of their size ), and yet those same men were specifically dissing entire categories of potential dates because of *our* size.
One guy actually emailed me, but his profile read, and I *do* quote, "I do not consider women of color attractive, nor do I feel that large women have more to love." Uh, dude-- did you not even LOOK at my picture? Let alone read my profile?
I see your point, though, about preferences, and I hadn't thought of it that way before, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Overall, I think I'm just late to the party of learning all this personals-ad stuff. :)
Clearly you're late to the party, because you haven't learned the very first lesson of personals: Men don't read the text. :) Not all of them, but a sad, sad number
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I wonder if the thing about not reading text really is a gender-linked trait? I wouldn't be surprised to find out that it is... I bet there's a study about it, somewhere.
And you're right, that it seems fatness is considered the one thing no one wants in a mate... unless you go to the opposite extreme and end up with "chubby chasers", and we had that discussion the other night, about feeling fetishized.
I wish you *had* replied to that guy you're talking about... I would have loved to hear his response! As an aside, I have dated more than one guy who, while being slim himself, could still pick me up with ease, so clearly, the problem definitely lay with the poster of that ad. ;)
Hi! Just tuning in (Showed up here from reading your posts in Lucifrix's journal).
Personal ads: I imagine they're a better resource for women than men, but I personally found that the few people I found interesting on there (And how much can you really find out about somebody in a 1024-character text field?) had either been dissuaded/drown by the carpet-bombing types(*), or were sticking with the medium and digging through the waves of pointless response because they didn't have a lot of other options, or much to offer.
(* - Natural side effect of the pay-per-month or free models: Each individual thinks "If I can fish all ponds at once, I can throw back what I catch and don't want."(**), so - collectively - it turns into a tragedy of the commons, where just about every female on the system is so spammed under that they eventually just give up
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Hi and welcome! It's always good to meet new people on LJ!
Personals are one of those things that I sometimes do, and then I remember why I hate to use them! But I freeze up around guys that I find attractive, so personals are kind of a necessary evil. This time around, I'm using match.com, which came highly recommended, but which seems to contain a higher-than-usual percentage of asshats.
Thanks for the tip about Hellblazer... I'm not a comics fan, but I'm always willing to give something a try based on a recommendation!
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One guy actually emailed me, but his profile read, and I *do* quote, "I do not consider women of color attractive, nor do I feel that large women have more to love." Uh, dude-- did you not even LOOK at my picture? Let alone read my profile?
I see your point, though, about preferences, and I hadn't thought of it that way before, so I'm glad you mentioned it. Overall, I think I'm just late to the party of learning all this personals-ad stuff. :)
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And you're right, that it seems fatness is considered the one thing no one wants in a mate... unless you go to the opposite extreme and end up with "chubby chasers", and we had that discussion the other night, about feeling fetishized.
I wish you *had* replied to that guy you're talking about... I would have loved to hear his response! As an aside, I have dated more than one guy who, while being slim himself, could still pick me up with ease, so clearly, the problem definitely lay with the poster of that ad. ;)
Reply
Personal ads: I imagine they're a better resource for women than men, but I personally found that the few people I found interesting on there (And how much can you really find out about somebody in a 1024-character text field?) had either been dissuaded/drown by the carpet-bombing types(*), or were sticking with the medium and digging through the waves of pointless response because they didn't have a lot of other options, or much to offer.
(* - Natural side effect of the pay-per-month or free models: Each individual thinks "If I can fish all ponds at once, I can throw back what I catch and don't want."(**), so - collectively - it turns into a tragedy of the commons, where just about every female on the system is so spammed under that they eventually just give up ( ... )
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Personals are one of those things that I sometimes do, and then I remember why I hate to use them! But I freeze up around guys that I find attractive, so personals are kind of a necessary evil. This time around, I'm using match.com, which came highly recommended, but which seems to contain a higher-than-usual percentage of asshats.
Thanks for the tip about Hellblazer... I'm not a comics fan, but I'm always willing to give something a try based on a recommendation!
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