My friend's story, I just wrote it.

[redefine_you]

Comments

[nextdrinksonme]

First paragraph needs to be a scene, not a summary. I like that you give the narrator a strong voice up front but 19 year olds are annoying and the voice is kind of strong. It feels manic and out of place. I'd like to see this more than hear it. If I wasn't reading this to critique it for you, I would have stopped reading right away, honestly, due to that paragraph.

I was rebellious and careless, I would do anything to feel more alive.

Again, I want to see this. She can say she is these things all she wants but we won't believe her without a scene showing she is.

. A mind-shattering heart wrenching world of insufflating that white powder that numbs your face and slows down your mind while speeding up the rest.

This line is so accurate it hurts.

s if going to rehab at sixteen hadn't been a big enough tribulatio

She went to rehab at 16 and is still innocent enough about drugs that she didn't know the baggie was coke was right from the start?

It became such a problem that his friend had kidnapped me for two weeks as I got

[mofoburrell]

I actually liked the first paragraph. Because it's in first person, it sets up the narrator/protagonist as being kind of melodramatic in the way they talk about things. I totally agree with wanting to see more about things than hear about them, though. It would add a lot if what the protagonist was saying was backed up. You could even tie it in with the first paragraph at the end to kind of be like "oh maybe you weren't just being melodramatic like it first seemed".

[shiningstar55]

I just was really, really interested in this story. I especially liked this line: "I didn't think he would, I thought he would lie. Drugs lie."