TVXQ Fic: The Defeat of Lord Voldermin [Chapter 2]
Title: The Defeat of Lord Voldermin a.k.a How Chunglish Saved The World(sort of) a.k.a DUN DUN DUN
Chapter: 2
Genre: Crack, AU, humor
Rating: PG-13 maybe?
Pairing(s)/Character(s): YooMinChun, probably YunJae, Junsu, etc..
Length: Chaptered
Warning: CRACK
Summary: Prince Junsu/Princess Junko has been kidnapped by Lord Voldermin who has plans for world domination! It's up to Prince Yoochun to save the day! DUN DUN DUN
Author's Notes: Dedicated to all the wonderful KISS Couple shippers LOL. And people who enjoy crackfics. This was supposed to be a oneshot that just became... THIS. So much crack. I don't even- X_x
Previous Chapter(s): Chapter 1
~*~
There were a few things one must know about Prince Yoochun.
Firstly, he was the handsome royal prince of Shinki’s neighboring kingdom, DisneyMickyland where words like ‘passionable’ were used in daily conversation.
Secondly, his nose feels shy if you point at it for too long. His ears, however, were complete perverts.
Thirdly… and please forget all the above (except the 1st point because that’s kinda connected to this point) because the third point is the most important:
He was completely and utterly lost.
“Hmm…” Prince Yoochun muttered in his flashy expensive car as he looked at a map. “I’m supposed to take a right turn past the giant golden statue of King Yunho… cross the bridge and past the giant Princess Junko billboard… and… and…” Yoochun trailed off as he looked around trying to spot any familiar landmarks.
Failing to find any other large monuments dedicated to King Yunho or Prince Junsu, he decided to drive randomly off. No one would ever describe Prince Yoochun as a not happy-go-lucky person. Of course, their preferred word would be insane, out of his mind and occasionally sexy as hell.
Yeah, you work that sexiness baby!
…Anyway, Prince Yoochun drove until he reached a clearing where some girls wearing masks seemed to be having a heated debate about something. He figured he should ask them for directions. I mean, what was the harm in that?
He approached them cautiously hoping not to alarm them when suddenly he felt something hard and cold like steel against his back.
“Hands where I can see them, pretty boy!”
Yoochun lifted his hands up slowly and turned around, facing his attacker. Seeing that it was another girl with a mask, he greeted her the way he always greets the ladies.
“Ayyyyy girrlllllll.”
The girl hit him on the head with a frying pan.
~*~
Yoochun woke up in a daze. His head was pounding and he was… tied to a chair? And it seemed like he was surrounded by… masked girls?
“Have you been watching Tangled again, Crazy #9095?” asked one of the girls matter-of-factly.
“Well how the hell was I supposed to respond to that, Crazy #182???”
“Maybe by NOT knocking him unconscious with a frying pan, Crazy #9095?”
“I agree with what Crazy #9095 did, Crazy #182.”
“Of course you would, Crazy #2426. You’re a violent maniac who’s into BDSM.”
Yoochun could hear the matter-of-fact tone in Crazy #182’s voice.
“If I was a ‘violent maniac who’s into BDSM’, then apparently I’d be a perfect match for him, wouldn’t you think so, Crazy #182?”
Crazy #182 scoffed. “Do you actually believe everything you read in the tabloids, Crazy #2426?”
“Don’t be crazy, Crazy #182.” Crazy #2426 snorted and broke out into giggles. “CRAZY, CRAZY #182? GET IT???”
Crazy #182 sighed in her matter-of-fact way but paused suddenly. “Don’t give me that look, Crazy #9095.”
“Awww cmon, Crazy #182. Just one hit…”
“I said no, Crazy #9095. We can’t have any incapacitated members when Crazy #3 comes to inspect us and the prisoner.”
Yoochun could hear Crazy #9095 pouting.
“HAHAHAHA CRAZY CRAZY #182 HAHAHHAHA>”
“…Ok, maybe just one hit, Crazy #9095.”
Fortunately for Crazy #2426, Crazy #9095 was interrupted by the door slamming open and someone walking in. The girls in the room saluted to the masked figure who had just entered. They still hadn’t noticed that Yoochun was already awake until the figure walked up to him.
“I assume this is our prisoner, Crazies.”
“Yes, Crazy #3,” the rest of the girls answered in unison.
Crazy #3 looked him over. “Well, well, now what’s a handsome prince like you doing in our fandomain?”
Fandomain? Yoochun gasped, realizing that these weren’t just any ordinary girls.
They were FANGIRLS.
DUN DUN DUN
“You’re fangirls,” Yoochun said with wide eyes.
“That’s right,” Crazy #3 nodded as she started pacing in front of him, only pausing to face him when addressing him directly. “We are the… Crazy Fangirls!”
“DUN DUN DUN,” said Crazy #2426.
Yoochun could hear the capital letters in all those words. “Crazy Fangirls?”
“You haven’t heard of us?” asked Crazy #3, “Have you heard about the… Blue Potato Incident?” she asked conspiratorially.
“The what?”
“Hmm… no? Well, then how about the Diabolical Dandelion Debacle?”
“…Is that a tongue twister?”
At Yoochun’s still confused face, Crazy #3 frowned contemplatively. “Crazies, I think we have to give our prisoner a little history lesson... Don’t you agree, Crazy #9095?”
“I suppose, Crazy #3. Crazy #182, what do you think?”
Crazy #182 looked bored as usual. “Don’t care. Just get on with it and tell him.”
“I think it’s a stupid idea.”
“No one asked what you think, Crazy #2426,” snapped Crazy #3 ignoring the threatening mutters coming from Crazy #2426.
Crazy #3 cleared her throat and stared off dreamily into the wall.
“Once upon a time, perfection came to this land and to our attention…”
“He was hot!” interrupted Crazy #9095.
“And evil,” continued Crazy #182.
“…He was brilliant of mind and strong of body. Handsome with a powerful voice. Perfect in every single way. Why, how could we resist such a vision?”
All of the Crazies sighed and stared off dreamily into more walls.
Yoochun was kinda feeling awkward. And the ropes were starting to strain his arms. He coughed.
“We followed this beauty around, like a moth to flame, trying to get close to him. But alas…”
“Oh alas!” cried Crazy #9095.
“Alas indeed!” cried Crazy #2426, joining in the reminiscing.
Crazy #182 wiped an imaginary teardrop.
“…alas he would not pay heed to us. His brilliant mind too busy plotting and planning like the evil sexy genius he was…”
“How evil…” sighed Crazy #9095.
“How sexy…” swooned Crazy #2426.
“What an IQ…” said Crazy #182.
“-But one day, on this beautiful day, he finally acknowledged us!” Crazy #3 had fire in her eyes.
“It was a beautiful day!”
“The day we all waited for!”
“Finally…”
Crazy #3 started up again. “Yes, finally! As we followed him, worshipping the ground he walked on, calling out his name… he finally turned to us and he said those words which sealed our fates to him forever…”
“Our creed,” said Crazy #9095 with pride.
“Our motto,” agreed Crazy #2426.
“Our fansite,” said Crazy #182.
“Stop stalking me you crazy fangirls,” they said in unison.
Yoochun’s eyes widened at those words.
“DUN DUN DUN,” he whispered to himself.
~*~
Changmin was trying very hard to focus on his evil genius plans. Trying.
“Will you stop glaring at me?” he finally snapped, glaring back at Junsu who was hovering in his bubble, still unable to move around much.
“NO!” Junsu cried back defiantly.
Changmin’s frown deepened. “Stop that or I’ll tie you up.” He paused. “Oh wait, I forgot you enjoy that.”
“I DO NOT HAVE A ROPE FETISH!”
“Right…” Changmin said patronizingly. “And I’m not an evil genius bent on world domination.”
Junsu gasped, “You kidnapped me for your world domination plans?!”
“No, I kidnapped you because I don’t like you.”
“Now that’s not nice,” came a voice from the shadows.
“OMG YOU HAVE GHOSTS HERE!”
Changmin rolled his eyes. “Relax, it’s only Jaejoong.”
A beautiful man sauntered out of the shadows with a raised eyebrow. “Only Jaejoong? ONLY Jaejoong?” He scoffed. “My name should never be preceded with the word only.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. Again. “Fine, this is-“
Jaejoong continued, ignoring Changmin’s words and Junsu’s stare. “Unless if it’s an answer to a question like Who do you love? or Who is perfect in this world? or WHO IS YOUR GOD?…”
He suddenly turned to Junsu. “Hey you, WHO IS YOUR GOD?” he asked.
Junsu blinked. “Ummm…”
“No,” Jaejoong shook his head. “The correct answer you’re looking for is Only Jaejoong.”
“Jaejoong-” Changmin started.
“GOD,” Jaejoong emphasized.
“…I am not calling you god,” Changmin said stubbornly.
Jaejoong sighed. “Fine, you can call me hyung.”
“What??? Don’t say it like it’s a damn privilege!”
Jaejoong ignored Changmin and turned to Junsu again. “You can call me hyung too.”
“Thanks, hyung!” Junsu said brightly.
Changmin groaned in defeat, wishing a distraction would come and free him from this madness.
~*~
Yoochun assessed the situation he was in.
Number one, he was being kept prisoner by Lord Voldermin’s fangirls.
Number two, he was outnumbered by Lord Voldermin’s fangirls.
Number three, he really really needed to pee.
Desperate time calls for desperate measures.
“Ayy girl,” he started.
“Don’t make me make Crazy #9095 hit you with a frying pan again,” said Crazy #182.
Yoochun just smiled innocently and the Crazies suddenly felt a thump in their hearts.
“Oh my,” said Crazy #3, “This feeling, it can’t be…”
Yoochun took a deep breath, and rapped…
"You know there’s like a moment that
Fading fight between you and I
And I’d rather hope than make you sad and cry
What I just wanna say is
Keep the faith, the faith never is born in us
It can’t take us, there is many different cases
So turn the light out
Interact with a little piece of dream
Sound brighter, we all want the same sound
And I can’t help the tears
I told you I’m your freedom like a bird going through the sky
What are we, just a big christmas tree at night?"
The Crazies took a step back away from Yoochun, covering their ears but Yoochun’s voice still managed to get through and echo around in their heads.
“What is this?!” cried out Crazy #9095 in awe.
“I have no idea what he’s saying but it sounds so beautiful,” Crazy #2426 practically wept.
“Such a sexy voice…” Crazy #182 swooned in a bored tone.
Crazy #3 looked around the room in a panic. She had to do something. As the highest rank in the room, it was her DUTY. Cmon think think! Desperately, she jumped towards Crazy #9095 and grabbed the frying pan from her. With all her strength she swung…
and knocked out Crazy #182, Crazy #2426 and Crazy #9095. The three of them fell to the floor in a heap. She looked at Yoochun with tears in her eyes.
“We’ll… we’ll always… keep the faith.”
And then she knocked herself out with the frying pan.
Yoochun stopped his soulful rap with a frown.
He looked around the silent room. “Umm guys? …Can one of you help untie the ropes? …Crazies?”
Unfortunately, they were knocked out cold. Yoochun sighed to himself and started wiggling his butt around trying to free himself from the ropes.
“I obviously did not think this through.”
~*~
TO BE CONTINUED
So... good crack? Bad crack? XD
Sorry for the late update. Life's been hectic what with the earthquake and everything, sigh~
COMMENTS ARE LOVE AND MOTIVATE ME EVEN MORE♥
Cookies if you know where the rap is from!