Blog Action Day - The Environment - now with Ficlet
According to LJ: This Monday, October 15th, is Blog Action Day, an initiative for bloggers to unite and put a single important issue on people's minds. This year's issue: The Environment. Participating is simple: Just write in your journal as your normally would, but with the environment theme in mind.
Sounds good, right? Right! Somehow, I'm certain this isn't what LJ had in mind.
Title: None yet
Fandom: Naruto
Characters: Genma, Raido
Genre: Crack fluffish PWP, only w/o the P, or the other P
Rating: R
Warnings: language, off-screen smexing, and condoms
Disclaimer: I don’t own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does, along with whatever other people/entities are along for the ride.
Summary: Genma and Raido, hanging around, discussing condoms. And the environment.
"How many times have you had sex?"
Raido lifted his head from its pillow of Genma's legs and stared up at the man lounging against a tree. "Definition, please."
Genma rolled his eyes. "Sex, moron. You do remember sex, right? Oh yes, don't stop, harder, faster, more?"
Gritting down hard on the urge to pinch Genma's thigh until he left a bruise, Raido lay back down. "Yeah, I remember sex, asshole." He caught Genma's eye and they both grinned because it was funny, and they both knew what the other was thinking as soon as the words left Raido's mouth. "Okay, why?"
"Just answer the question." Genma squirmed a little because Raido's head was heavy against his shins.
"Why?"
"Because."
"Because why?"
Genma kicked his legs up, hard, bouncing Raido from his not-so-comfortable pillow. "Just answer the fucking question!"
Rolling over onto his stomach, Raido stared at the grass. "On average, 200 times a year. That's including everything - blow jobs, hand jobs..."
"Nah, I meant just fucking."
Raido closed his eyes, determined he wouldn't punch Genma in the head. "About 100."
Genma sat up, surprised. "Really? That's it?"
"Yeah, that's it. I've had a lot of long-term missions, and not a lot of opportunity as a bodyguard. Usually if someone's offering in that situation..."
"They're trying to distract you. Makes sense."
Cracking his neck, Genma stared up at the sky. "So how many condoms did you use?"
The sun was warm, and Raido was comfortable, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered answering. "Hmmm, maybe 50? 60? Is there a point to this or are you just blithering for no reason?"
"Just thinking. In your life you've used nearly a thousand condoms. What do you do with them?"
"Toss 'em in the trash."
"And then what?"
Raido shrugged. "They go wherever trash goes."
"A landfill, Raido. That's where they go."
"So? They're made of rubber, right? They'll break down eventually."
"Maybe, maybe not. Nobody really knows."
Pushing up on his hands and knees, Raido gave his friend a hard look. "So, what are you saying? I should quit using condoms because it's bad for the environment?"
"I'm just saying maybe we need to rethink how many we're using, you know."
"Look, I'm not going to stop having sex. I'm just not."
"Pretty selfish there, aren't you?"
"Well, what about you, pretty boy? Don't tell me you've quit using condoms? Bastard, you're gonna catch something and die, and kill me in the process!"
Genma snorted and tossed a pinecone at Raido's head. "Relax. I haven't stopped using condoms."
"Then why are you busting my balls about this?"
With a shrug, Genma leaned back against the tree again. "Just thinking out loud."
Raido sat back on his heels, rubbing the mark on his cheek. Genma's aim was off by several inches today. "I'll stop using them if you will."
"What? No! Rai, I didn't mean stop using them completely. I just meant, maybe we should be thinking more about..." He broke off when he noticed the look on Raido's face. Serious. The man was completely serious.
"I will if you will," Raido said again, inching closer to Genma, his eyes on Genma's face. "But you know what that means, right?"
Genma's heart stopped beating for a second as he choked down a moan. Fuck, when Raido got that look in his face, it was all Genma could do not to pull his pants down and scream 'Now!'.
"Is that what you want, Genma? Are you ready for that? No more fucking around on missions? No more parties?" Raido closed the distance between them so suddenly Genma nearly squeaked. His nose grazed Genma's cheek. "Just you... and me. Is that what you want?"
Six beats. Genma knew because he counted them, counted them while Raido stared at him, fingers curled around his neck, tracing the pulsing vein in his throat. Six beats. Is that what he wanted? Was he ready for that? Was Raido ready?
"Yeah, that's what I want." Genma didn't recognize his own voice, and nearly took it back immediately because no way did he just say that.
"Genma." Raido's voice was low and thick, and his lips were pressed against Genma's throat now, teeth grazing along tender flesh.
Raido's breath shuddered against his skin and he was pulled closer, a hand twisting in his hair until he cried out. Then Raido kissed him, really kissed him, so hard and so long Genma thought he was going to die because he couldn't breathe, didn't want to if it meant Raido would stop kissing him like this.
---
"You know what this means, right?"
Genma looked up from the bed, eyes still unfocused. How they made it back to Raido's place, he wasn't sure. He shook his head because he really had no idea what Raido was talking about.
"It means we have to change the sheets more often. It means we have to shower after sex instead of just wiping down with a rag." Raido's voice dipped again, and Genma nearly screamed because his body was trying to respond. "No more quick fucks before you leave on a mission. Don't want to be dribbling jizz for the next day. People might get the wrong idea."
"12."
"Huh? 12 what?"
Genma licked his lips, trying to get his mouth to work again. "12 condoms. A year. For the both of us. One box."
Raido bent his head, tracing a bite with his tongue. "One box it is."
[END]
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A/N: Nobody knows how long condoms take to degrade in a landfill. That's not even counting the plastic wrappers they come in. However, when balanced against the environmental impact of adding another human life to the world, or the sheer amount of physical stuff involved in treating an STD (gloves for the exam, bottle for pills, etc.), it seems a little silly to quibble about one condom, or even one thousand. Just putting it out there for people to think about.