The Coffin's Occupant - Act 3

[realelvish]

Yay! I finished it today, at 10:05. Enjoy! It's hot off the press, so please point out as many errors you can find!

Edited on: 02/17/07

Comments

[zoe_i_am]

Exellent!! *does happy dance*

The details are great! This is good!

Okay, now for the picky bits.

The brambles drew blood from her as she fought to the voice.

This reads a little awkwardly to me.

And the only other nitpick I have is Bagheera. To those of us who don't know much about India, Bagheera will always be the black panther that took care of Mowgli in the Jungle Book Disney cartoon. Is there any other name for the god?

Other than that, I really like it, realelvish. It has improved so much since you posted the first draft. Pat yourself on the back.

Ta!
Zoe

[realelvish]

Thanks a bunch Zoe!

I've changed the name to Deva-Bagira, do you think that works a little better?

What do you think of the latest ending? (Yes, I expanded it again!)

[zoe_i_am]

Yes, the name change works wonders! And I like the ending! This is really good!