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[sheankelor]

Please Please please... Senium or Raya read this and edit. I really need to know how it was.

Title: The first attempt - excerpts from The Journal of HeliosAuthor: Ree

Comments

[seniumboy]

Just letting you know I just saw this and will read it as soon as I get home and that I'm sorry I didn't notice it sooner. I need to catch up on all of these.

[sheankelor]

*hugs* You've been busy, and I understand that. I'm just worried about this one because it is different from my normal format. Thanks you!

[seniumboy]

Okay I've read this finally. I really like the approach you used here. Part of me thinks journal entries should be written in italics but there is no rule on that. Again you come up with something very original, but why didn't everyone have names?

I'm curious now as to where you will take this story, if it's going to be the start of a new little series by you. Like I said it's an original opening, with good detail provided as well (like the crowns and clans). Good job on trying something new like this, I look forward to reading the rest of these as soon as I can.

[sheankelor]

I was wondering about the italics. I think I will change them into that.

Name.... ummm that is the hard part about writing. So... I was taking the easy way out and leaving them off. *hangs head* Do I really need to go add names. They die anyway.

Was the fight scene okay? That was my other concern, and you are the person to tell me what I need to fix. ^-^

Thanks for reading. How is your Grandfather and the rest of the family?

[seniumboy]

The fight scene was okay *nods* Being a pull for power it wasn't like they could be crossing swords or anything like that, and with the huge power explosion going on around them, that of course has to cut a fight short.

As for names, I would still name them but then again that's me. The story does work well even if you don't give them names.

As for my family, they're the same. I'm the one that's sick now with a stomach virus.

[sheankelor]

I hope you feel better soon! *offers a carbonated beverage to help calm the stomach*

And thanks! I'll go back and name at least the King and Queen.

[alizep]

Wonderful entry. I like the journal style writing - it almost makes this ficlet feel like it's something that really happened. Helios' guilt really shines through in this piece. You can get a feel for his 'survivors guilt.'

Interesting use of the image and the introduction of the chalice as well.

[sheankelor]

Thanks! I'm glad that you liked this one. I was worried about the journal style, but Senium kind of relieved me a little bit, but your comment helped put it paid. ^-^