What is becoming really scary is how plausible this is becoming. If I wanted to try really hard, I could make this almost cannon, except for my slight *laughs* twist and the location
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Hmmm... She's still called ChibiUsa? Because at some point Serena learns that she was once called Usagi? And the North American dub name is Rini, not Reni. Silly, I know. ^-^ And more typos for your treasure hunt! Though... not as many as the last (sequential) one, I think.
Serena...hmmm, are you writing PGSM or anime/manga? It feels like PGSM, all because she said "Are you okay, little one" which sounds old to me, or like something a older person would say. Hmmm...not sure. Like I said, it depends on what version you are basing Serena on.
And I can sorta see a connection between Rini and Renity (se-renity). But I noticed she said she'd hypnotize them, and then doesn't do it.
She is .... a blend? Since I dubbed this AU, I think I started to blend the two. But I think I will drop the "Little one" that was the part I was worrying about. And Rini does, when they reach Serena's house.
Maritza inherited old money. Yeah, that's it....because nothing else is coming to mind.
Sounds better. *nods* this line strikes me as odd, and I think it's because I missed something in Serena's mood: 'I don't want her alone with him. No way.'
It just sounded kind of bad, that she would feel this strongly about leaving her boyfriend alone with a seven-year-old stranger.
This is not a suggestion for the story, just my own wondering, how Maritza plans to help provide extra money without them knowing?
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*sigh* This typo treasure hunt is getting long.
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And I can sorta see a connection between Rini and Renity (se-renity). But I noticed she said she'd hypnotize them, and then doesn't do it.
Might mention too how Maritza makes her money.
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Maritza inherited old money. Yeah, that's it....because nothing else is coming to mind.
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It just sounded kind of bad, that she would feel this strongly about leaving her boyfriend alone with a seven-year-old stranger.
This is not a suggestion for the story, just my own wondering, how Maritza plans to help provide extra money without them knowing?
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