(Untitled)

[sheankelor]

*Shaken* I can't believe I just wrote that.... It is not safe for work. Not at all. Of course it is Kenji and Ikuko. They made me do it! Here I was writing a nice safe general "enjoy the night" story, and ... and... Just read, you'll see. I almost stopped at the end of the second big paragraph. This one is for Senium... it was supposed to be his

Comments

[flyboytay]

O-O
....
Uuuummmm.....
WOW!

That's definitely not in the "light and fluffy" direction.
(Sounds like a lot of fun, though.) ^-`

[sheankelor]

*drops head and blushes*

[flyboytay]

There is one correction I noticed.
Fifth paragraph down, fourteenth sentence.
..."he slipped his hand in and cupped one of her breast."
Breast should probably have an "s" on the end, or does Ikuko only have one?
^-^

[sheankelor]

I just noticed that you took the time to count them. *smiles*

[raya_light]

Brava, dear, brava. ^-^ There was a hid that I thought should be a hidden, but that was the only typo that stuck out at me.

Yeah! A nom for Adult! *grins*

[sheankelor]

*smiles shyly* I'm sure, though I admit to not having read all out there yet, that there are other ones out there for this month.

Was it smut, or did I keep the romantic level high enough? Was it romantic?

I know exactly which "hid" that was. I volleyed back and forth to which one to use, and now you have helped answer that question. Thank you!

Was the NSFW really needed, or could have you got away with it? *giggles while knowing better* ^-^

[seniumboy]

*smiles*

An excellent job...one that tempts me to out do it if I could only think how. No Ree, this is most certainly NOT smut. This is romantic as romantic should be. Parents have sex lives too after all. The setting was perfect, the detail was excellent (I noticed from the second sentence that you were taking your time and really showing the reader the story). This is honestly very good writing, and I'm not just saying that because it's a adult theme. You must have been clearly focused on this, cause I am rather surprised by the rich detail here that doesn't always show in your other stories.

Damn...how can I match this now...?

P.s. If your J is your inspiration for this kind of thing then he's clearly doing his job.

P.s.s. I'll take this over fluff any day! :3

[seniumboy]

I meant to mention this, add a page break after the last paragraph. The last two sentences makes it sound as if Kenji finished too early.

Or, fill in the rest of what happens :3

[sheankelor]

Fill in the rest! Didn't you read that I almost stopped at the end of the second big paragraph? I actually erases most of the 5th and 6th paragraphs and had to convince myself to undo and finish. Maybe that is why I let the detail get wordy, I was trying not to think about what I was writing. ^-^

I'll put a page break in. ^-^ Can't have them seem like that went too fast and didn't enjoy themselves.

[sheankelor]

You can match it and even out do it, I know you can. That is why I really needed to hear your opinion, you're good at the genre. I am horrible uncertain when it comes to adult, horror, and heavy drama which you are so much better at.

The detail... I love detail and I tend to leave it out in a lot of stories because people who listen to me tell about a part of my day get glazed eyed becasue of all the details I put in. That is, unless they know me. I was afraid this one was too wordy.

Whew...Not smut. I really didn't think so, but that can be a fine line. Thanks for relieving my mind on that.

*Smiles happily* Yes, my J does his job quite fine. ^-^ And I figured you would take this over fluff. *giggles*