(Untitled)

[sheankelor]

Title: All of this is for Her
Author: Ree
Theme: Outer Senshi - Surgery
Genre: general
Version: PGSM - S
Rating: G

These complex ladies and their friends belong to Takeuchi Naoko. I just asked if they could play for a while.

Comments

[seniumboy]

Excellent. The dialogue needs work because it sounds a little choppy and fake, but everything else was really good. Maybe add a little more imagery, like if Hotaru can see the seams of where her body ends and the fake limbs begin. But I really liked this, and I didn't expect you to include her mom. In fact I don't think any stories I've read with Hotaru and her dad have included her mom post-series.

I wonder how much of this story is coming from the teacher part of you. There's a feeling of authenticity in this story about how the limbs work and stem cells, which I smiled at because it makes the story even more believable. Good job here!!

[sheankelor]

I figured since this was PGSM I could get away with it. I was hoping I wasn't getting to technical, but yes, my back ground came out. ^-^