Comments | rayas_and_rees: (без темы)

sheankelor in rayas_and_rees

(Untitled)

Jan 29, 2008 22:38

Here is the start... soon you will all know why she is the Empress of Sol. ^-^ ed: Pluto and Selenity refused to tell the story here. No-o-o-o. They had to explain how they got such a good relationship. So, Empress of Sol is next chapter ( Read more... )

silver millenium, jan'08, selenity

Comments 5

seniumboy February 2 2008, 04:49:22 UTC

I read this on my phone during my break at work a couple of days ago, and I had meant to post on this sooner. I thought this story turned out very well, and it doesn't have to be for the community too. It's good just to write stories for the sake of writing them. I can't think off the top of my head what theme this could have been used for, but like I said it's nothing to worry about it. The cook book caught me off guard because I remember Serenity questioning the idea that there were even people left on Venus, so why would there be a cooking book for Venusians, and in the language that is common on Serenity's kingdom? Maybe it should be a really old book??

sheankelor February 2 2008, 15:27:46 UTC

^-^ It was in the Moon Kingdom library... and they have only been there for about a year. I decided that the Moon kingdom and the Sihde had the same language to keep things simple. And Pluto had to discover the book because it was really buried. ^-^

There is actually going to be more to this one, and it will then be linked to a theme... or if they keep fighting me, it will be an optional theme story.

And I'm glad it turned out well, I hope that I don't mess it up.

sheankelor February 2 2008, 17:48:59 UTC

Okay... I added an awful lot, and possible changed the entire tone of the story. What do you think now?

seniumboy February 2 2008, 23:30:00 UTC

I like it, it feels like you fleshed out the story more. Only thing I caught that you should change is mentioning Serenity waking up from her nap; you forgot a word in that sentence.

I don't know if you need to include Pluto's thoughts. I kind of like the third person view focused just on this unsure queen. It's not a big thing of course and it could stay as is, I just got the impression that seeing into Pluto's head and heart was distracting.

And when I saw Chocolate in the tight, I thought for sure it was going to be part of the food made for the Venusians considering chocolate is one of the first aphrodisiacs. *grins*

Thread 5