(Untitled)

[sheankelor]

I give... I just give. I will write in the Fates universe. But I declare that I have a 1000 years to play in, so... who knows where the tale might fall. This one take up right where the Selenity epic left off. Can someone please let me know if this is understandable, the Fates part that is? Title: The Dawn of an Age

Comments

[seniumboy]

*nods in approval* I like this. It works out well, even the writing the sounds, which normally doesn't work, gave the story a good bit of detail. Only thing I would consider editing is the dialog of the Fate's to Pluto - make it show more of the relationship between them and Pluto, if there's a rank or if they are on equal terms with each other, or protective big sisters/aunts/grandmothers to Pluto. It would give some character definition, mostly because the Fate's all sound like they're sharing one voice in this story.

[sheankelor]

Thank you. Voices...I think I can do that, they are kind of grandmother/mentor of her.

[raya_light]

And so it begins again. Hmmm... I think I missed Pluto's thread shortening the first time I read this.

Atropos' shuttle slipped through the threads of time,... The three Fates had worked together since time had begun, not just this era delete comma I think but since the first thread of time twisted into existence. Their own threads were irrevocably entwined with the threads of time.

As? When? the dark blue thread wrapped itself tightly around the silver one, Atropos shook her head.

She looked slightly sad, fates running through her hands, Pluto's thread flying through the threads of time was quickly shortening. <-- ? Two sentences, maybe?

her stern voiced laced with surprise that Pluto was questioning or had questioned her.

Over the centuries she had developed a soft spot for this? Pluto.

"Emissaries from the planet Venus have arrived and wish to met you, Your Majesty."

shock on the Empress' face slowly fade into curiosity.

Sheltered perhaps, but quick?

[sheankelor]

Domo. And I added that Pluto's thread was shortening, so you couldn't have caught that the first time. ^-^

And this is the first time I told the whole beginning... really it is. I just had to rehash all the Selenity's epic into one story so folks didn't have to go back and reread it. That is the part I'm worried about, is the rehash understandable?

[aserene]

*sneaks out of the mist*

i really really like it!

[sheankelor]

*Grabs at the mists, catches a whisp of red, and gives a squishy hug* It is Aserene!!! She survived the Salinity Labs!!!!

You have made my day. Thank you - thank you- thank you!!!!!! *Bounces up and down clapping hands*

[aserene]

the salinity lab to the freezing point depression lab...oh joy. and physics labs, but hey i'm working on it! i did really like this, i've liked them all so far!

[sheankelor]

make up tests to genetics lab to organelle help wanted ads.... But I am working on it, too.

And I'm glad you are enjoying them.

And since I left the last two on the list at school by accident, I'll make the power point, and see if I can write the library scene.