Hmmmm... Before giving my thoughts on how this turned out, I want to know how you feel it turned out. What would you say is the great strength of this piece? Does it hit the level of writing you believe you should always achieve?
I like it but it is not great. My ears were ringing as I wrote it which meant I should have long been asleep. I detested the theme.. so I think it the fact that it used the theme is the strongest point.
No it probably doesn't hit the right level, but I accept that not all of my tales will. Most of the won't. It needs more Beryl aggravation of the spirit's failure, and then a little more maniacal when she heads off to change others. But, I truly don't know what to write. This is a part of her character I have difficulty writing.
And now your sounding like an English teacher ^-^. *thumbs up*
We'll I'm also a English tutor, so I can help with things like this. But I don't want to tell you what to write (I do that sometimes, sorry).
The theme can be interperted in many ways. For example, every kingdom has a symbol that represents itself, so perhaps the thing with wings that symbolizes hope could be the symbol of the kingdom, broken under Beryl's feet as she sees her horde (is it a army yet?) winning a siege (or battle) but not winning well enough for her liking.
You got the right idea too about her being more manical after her first successful mutation (call it what you like). I'd consider making the youma not a full one, but showing changes still. I think as Beryl becomes more and more evil, her youma reflect her growing power.
And I'm really good about ignoring being told what to write. I think I'll let this one broad as is until I can think of what I want to change. I know that I want to leave the air spirit as the thing with wings. Beryl hasn't got to the point where she sees herself as challenging the king etc...
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No it probably doesn't hit the right level, but I accept that not all of my tales will. Most of the won't. It needs more Beryl aggravation of the spirit's failure, and then a little more maniacal when she heads off to change others.
But, I truly don't know what to write. This is a part of her character I have difficulty writing.
And now your sounding like an English teacher ^-^. *thumbs up*
Reply
We'll I'm also a English tutor, so I can help with things like this. But I don't want to tell you what to write (I do that sometimes, sorry).
The theme can be interperted in many ways. For example, every kingdom has a symbol that represents itself, so perhaps the thing with wings that symbolizes hope could be the symbol of the kingdom, broken under Beryl's feet as she sees her horde (is it a army yet?) winning a siege (or battle) but not winning well enough for her liking.
You got the right idea too about her being more manical after her first successful mutation (call it what you like). I'd consider making the youma not a full one, but showing changes still. I think as Beryl becomes more and more evil, her youma reflect her growing power.
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