(Untitled)

[sheankelor]

An Ami one out of my head. Not fates, not any story line at all. Enjoy!

Title: A strong desire
Author: Ree
Theme: Ami - translucent
Genre: General
Version: Anime/ Manga - Post series, Crystal Tokyo way in the future.
Rating: G

Most of these characters belong to Takeuchi Naoko. The ones that don't are my creations.

Comments

[raya_light]

Oooo! Oooo! Oooo!!! I wondered at the connection to the linked story, and then got lost and amazed. Great twist, Ree-chan!!

Typos (because this beautiful story should not be interrupted by such)

If it doesn't work comma then we'll figure out something new (else?).

nor do I have the Silver Crystal (because it's a proper name).

four main points belonged to Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus, <-- You like doing that, don't ya? ^-^

the ones on the in-between marks were Saturn,

report if they could sense it. <-- Can sense it? I'm not sure which... Could works fine, but...

the way she used to hold the Silver Crystal.

As her fingers tightened around the crystal,

She doesn't have the Silver Crystal anymore. <--Um, post R? If so, maybe say that Princess Usagi has the crystal now instead.

solidifying into a fuku.

Turning to face the Senshi of Wisdom, Serenity smiled happily.

Ooo, maybe I should claim Cosmos. *goes to bed to sleep on the thought*

need ami icon...

[sheankelor]

I don't know if you can. Usagi is Casmos, and she has already been claimed.

I'm glad you liked it, did you finally get the connections? Do you think it is needed, or just helpful, or doesn't really need to be mentioned at all?

*smiles shyly* It was beautiful? Thanks.

You could always use this one. ^-^

[raya_light]

Ummm... If I claim her as ChibiChibi/Cosmos and never write her as Usagi? Maybe?

Oh yes. When she saw the ribbons streaming from her heart to theirs I figured out the connection. I don't really think it is needed, but it's not much of a distraction/detraction either.

I think so. ^-^ You're welcome.

Re: You could always use this one. ^-^

[sheankelor]

Ask and see what she says. Can't hurt.

[seniumboy]

Wow, this was very good. Raya caught the corrections already and I didn't notice any while I was reading it, but this is really good. Better than anything I could have thought up, and the prequel to this was sweet. The only thing I would consider changing is having Serenity already know the name she has, as if the words were already in her heart after the transformation.

[sheankelor]

*blushes slightly* Thank you. Both of you really liked it, and I wasn't sure about it. I was tired when I wrote it.

I wanted Serenity to know the name, but Serenity said she was so focused on what she was thinking that she didn't even notice that she had transformed. To which my reply was "Huh?", but that was that. I think she did know in her heart, but had to look at he mirror to make sure she had really changed.

Did you notice that the prequel is over a year old? ^-^ You would think they should be closer together than that.

[seniumboy]

I went back and re-read the last paragraphs. I can see that she did know who she was, but didn't believe it herself. It's funny because that seems so much like Usagi, not like Cosmos, which gives the overall impression that she is still the same person at heart, despite the changes she goes through. I was thinking that as Cosmos she would have a bit of everyone's hearts inside her, knowing different things and acting different, but the way you have her look and be sure is much better.

So scratch my suggestion about her not going to check, its more powerful to show that side of her real character rather than who she becomes.