glanced at ...*dum -dum-dum* The tall flowers in the clearing being bent by a strong breeze as an unexpected thunderstorm rolled in. *falls over laughing*
Hurry up and get back.. this need as true end. ^-^
I would say the fight itself needs a bit more polish. I can see Makoto getting brave by wanting to help her mother, but after that part it's a little hard to follow. After she grabs the vines...she absorbs the aura? That part is confusing and I'll have to reread this again to be sure about what happens.
I almost thought the woman was a dryad, but making her the spirit of the oaks was a great idea.
She grabs the roots, and the power tries to twist around and grab her, too. Her own internal power is enough to push it away. It tries several more times, and then the forest spirit decides that it has gone far enough. It wants her to waken and accept her power not become a new, powerful enemy.
In re-reading this, I think I need to drastically revise Makoto's acceptance paragraphs. After the build-up of her fear and anger, it seems very odd that she would just willingly accept the power into herself. ^-^ Something to work on when I get home tonight.
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Hurry up and get back.. this need as true end. ^-^
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Needs a bit more polish, I think, but there it is for now. *sigh* I should have been in bed an hour ago...
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I almost thought the woman was a dryad, but making her the spirit of the oaks was a great idea.
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In re-reading this, I think I need to drastically revise Makoto's acceptance paragraphs. After the build-up of her fear and anger, it seems very odd that she would just willingly accept the power into herself. ^-^ Something to work on when I get home tonight.
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